Erik Spoelstra

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Blogs
April 29, 2012
LeBron James Leads Heat in Blowout Over Knicks In Game 1 of Eastern Conference Quarterfinals
For all the regular season ups and downs, accolades and drama, people celebrating in the streets with pots and pans when the Miami Heat won, people setting themselves on fire when they lost, the real NBA games that count finally got kicked off yesterday. And with everyone saying that the season will ... More >>
Blogs
April 23, 2012
"Stuff Miami Heat Fans Say" Video Finally Exists
Apparently, the "Shit ____ Say" video meme is still trudging along. Which means at this point in a meme's lifespan we wouldn't be drawing attention to any new entries unless they were pretty good. And this "Stuff Miami Heat Fans Say" video is pretty good.
Blogs
April 13, 2012
Heat Get Nothing From Bench, Lose to Bulls in OT
Holy shit bananas, that was rough.The Miami Heat dropped a gut-wrenching loss to the Chicago Bulls 96-86 in overtime last night.And while the game is meaningless in terms of overall playoff importance, it still feels like Heat fans got their collective cocks slammed in a Metrobus door. WILL SOMEONE ... More >>
Blogs
April 11, 2012
Heat Loses to the Celtics at Home, Falls Three Games Behind Number One Seed
LeBron James scored a game-high 36 points last night, while the rest of the Miami Heat stood and watched as the Boston Celtics shot 60 percent from the floor in yet another listless-shit-the-bed-let's-all-go-outside-and-punt-a-litter-of-kittens-loss by the Heat.Rajon Rondo once again had his way aga ... More >>
Blogs
April 4, 2012
Heat Clinch Playoff Berth With 16th Consecutive Home Win
Weirdly enough, the Miami Heat only play like a bag of shit on the road, because they remain as dominant as ever at home. LeBron James dropped a season-high 41 points -- 15 in the fourth quarter -- as the Heat took down the Philadelphia 76ers 99-93 last night, winning their 16th straight home g ... More >>
Blogs
April 2, 2012
Heat Turns In Worst Offensive Performance of Year, Loses to Celtics
The Miami Heat has been unstoppable at home since the All-Star break. On the road, however, the team has been a big, heaping pile of ass. And that was certainly the case yesterday during their 91-72 gag reflex of a loss to the Boston Celtics.Rajon Rondo recorded a triple-double against Miami's de ... More >>
Blogs
January 12, 2012
Heat Miss Roughly A Billion Free Throws, Lose Battle of Lob Cities
In a game that was billed as Lob City East vs. Lob City West, the Heat lost mostly thanks to their inability to hit free throws, as well as some pretty shitty officiating, giving them their second overtime loss in two nights as they fell to the LA Clippers 95-89. It was also the second straight n ... More >>
Blogs
December 16, 2011
Erik Spoelstra Gets Contract Extension
Remember last year around this time? You know, when the Heat were actually playing basketball. Not very good basketball mind you, and fans thought that coach Erik Spoelstra was sure to get a pink slip? Well, he managed to turn things around and get the team to the Finals, and thanks to a new cont ... More >>
Blogs
December 12, 2011
Get Free Tickets to the Premiere of Miami Heat's Into the Fire Documentary
The Heat may not have a celebration quite like last year's infamous pre-season pep rally planned to kick off the season -- but maybe that's because they want you to relive that welcoming party all over again. The Heat are about to unleash a documentary film, Into the Fire, and lucky fans will get ... More >>
Culture
August 18, 2011
Downtown Full Moon Party does spirituality, Miami style
The Heat may not have a celebration quite like last year's infamous pre-season pep rally planned to kick off the season -- but maybe that's because they want you to relive that welcoming party all over again. The Heat are about to unleash a documentary film, Into the Fire, and lucky fans will get ... More >>
Culture
June 16, 2011
People & Places Readers' Poll Winners
The Heat may not have a celebration quite like last year's infamous pre-season pep rally planned to kick off the season -- but maybe that's because they want you to relive that welcoming party all over again. The Heat are about to unleash a documentary film, Into the Fire, and lucky fans will get ... More >>
Blogs
June 14, 2011
Report: Erik Spoelstra's Job is Safe
via The OnionOh, no, Spo' won't go. According to reports from The Boston Globe (of all papers), Miami Heat coach Erik Spoelstra's job is safe for next year. Its sources also claim that at no point in the season was Spoelstra's job ever in danger.
Blogs
June 13, 2011
Miami Heat vs. Dallas Mavericks NBA Finals Game 6: Kaput
After winning Game six 105-95, the Dallas Mavericks are NBA champions. Meanwhile, the Miami Heat are left with a shitload of questions, LeBron James will continue to be haunted by his Finals failure, and Heat fans everywhere are walking around feeling like their favorite uncle just placed his wie ... More >>
Blogs
June 1, 2011
The Philippines' Vice President is Praying the Heat Win
The NBA Finals feels like Miami versus the World, but there's at least an entire other nation rooting wildly for the Heat: The Philippines. Yes, Coach Erik Spoelstra's mother is a native of the Pacific nation, and Spoelstra is the first Filipino-American head coach of any major North American pro ... More >>
Blogs
May 8, 2011
Heat Playoffs: Celtics Strike Back
The Douche Strikes Back!After roughly 5,836 days in between games, the Miami Heat finally resumed their Eastern Conference semi-final series against the Celtics in Boston. The end result wasn't as awesome as Games 1 and 2, in that the Heat got creamed pretty badly.But the good news is Erik Spoels ... More >>
Blogs
March 15, 2011
Heat Avenge 30-Point Loss to the Spurs With 30-Point Win
Just ten days ago, the Miami Heat were in the midst of a five-game losing streak that included a season sweep at the hands of the Chicago Bulls and a press conference where head coach Erik Spoelstra told everyone that his players were crying after a loss. In the mix was also a 30-point loss to th ... More >>
Blogs
March 10, 2011
Pat Riley Says Erik Spoelstra's Job is Safe
Who do you blame when a team with unparalleled marquee talent finds themselves lost in a string of embarrassing losses? Increasingly, fans and haters alike have begun to call for the firing of Miami Heat head coach Erik Spoelstra, with many theorizing it's only a matter of time until Heat president ... More >>
Blogs
March 9, 2011
Give Chris Bosh The Damn Rock!
Alex IzaguirreUncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness once made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. In this special online edition, Luke says the Miami Heat will start winning again when Chris Bosh starts getting the bal ... More >>
Blogs
March 7, 2011
Miami Heat Crying Controversy: Erik Spoelstra Needs to Shut His Damn Mouth
The Heat racked up their fourth loss in a row last night, a sorry streak made all the more troubling that they came against other likely playoff bound teams. You'd think the shame factor from the losses alone would be enough, but, oh no, here comes Erik Spoelstra, a goofy-faced 12-year-old Muppet ... More >>
Blogs
January 27, 2011
Cold Fourth Quarter Sinks Heat
Dwyane Wade's magic goggles seemed to run out of awesome juice in the fourth quarter of Thursday night's 93-88 loss to the New York Knicks.Because after Wade started the game hitting pretty much every shot he threw up (except his free throws... hit those goddamn free throws, D-Wade!!), he missed ... More >>
Blogs
January 26, 2011
LeBron James Pokes Fun at Dwyane Wade's Migraine Glasses
Apparently, LeBron James sometimes forgets he's part of the Miami Heat's big three and acts like a member of another famous trio: Larry, Curly, and Moe. Dwyane Wade is dealing with serious migraine headaches and has been wearing special, slightly funny-looking glasses to deal with light sensitivi ... More >>
Blogs
January 5, 2011
LeBron James Can't Even Praise His Coach Without Being Criticized
Look at the way he holds up his jersey. DISGUSTING!It's well known that the majority of the mainstream media (re: all of them, pretty much) hate LeBron James and the Miami Heat. But mostly, they hate LeBron James. So much so that they've gone to great lengths to tell us all what a quitter, fraud, ... More >>
Blogs
December 30, 2010
Miami Heat Had the Best Month Ever
Back in October (when NBA championships are totally decided), ESPN columnist and consummate Heat Dick-Biter, Bill Simmons, wrote that the Big Three's biggest problem will be when they hit the road, because everyone hates them and that makes them all sad: I could see the Heat running the slate [ ... More >>
News
December 9, 2010
Letters from the issue of December 9, 2010
Back in October (when NBA championships are totally decided), ESPN columnist and consummate Heat Dick-Biter, Bill Simmons, wrote that the Big Three's biggest problem will be when they hit the road, because everyone hates them and that makes them all sad: I could see the Heat running the slate [ ... More >>
News
December 2, 2010
Erik Spoelstra must go
Back in October (when NBA championships are totally decided), ESPN columnist and consummate Heat Dick-Biter, Bill Simmons, wrote that the Big Three's biggest problem will be when they hit the road, because everyone hates them and that makes them all sad: I could see the Heat running the slate [ ... More >>
Calendar
December 2, 2010
Cavlier Attitude
Back in October (when NBA championships are totally decided), ESPN columnist and consummate Heat Dick-Biter, Bill Simmons, wrote that the Big Three's biggest problem will be when they hit the road, because everyone hates them and that makes them all sad: I could see the Heat running the slate [ ... More >>
Blogs
November 29, 2010
Report: Heat Players Fed Up With Erik Spoelstra
Miami Heat Coach Erik Spoelstra's days be numbered. Fans and sports commentators are already eager to see him gone and the Miami Heat players themselves may be about to join that bandwagon. ESPN reports that the players are growing increasingly frustrated with Spoelstra.
Blogs
November 24, 2010
Pat Riley Should Fire Erik Spoelstra, Say Exactly 8,841 People on the Internet
Put him out of his misery.With the supposed-to-be-bigger-than-God Miami Heat looking ugly on the court and sputtering to an 8-6 record, the calls for doofy coach Erik Spoelstra's professional head have reached a fever pitch.
Blogs
November 23, 2010
Pat Riley, It's Time to Get Back in the Game
Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness once made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke recommends Pat Riley pull a Stan Van Gundy on Erik Spoelstra.Pat Riley needs to stop wasting time writing love poems to h ... More >>
Blogs
October 26, 2010
Live Blog: Heat vs. Celtics
Have no one to watch tonight's Heat-Celtics NBA season debut with? You do have someone to watch it with but they don't provide the same award-winning rapier wit-like banter you find here on your friendly neighborhood Miami New Times blog?Well have no fear! Because the Riptide 2.0 Heat vs. Celtics ... More >>
Blogs
October 22, 2010
USA Today Runs Front Page Anti-Heat Propaganda
USA Today sure had a big scoop splashed across its front page today. Apparently, everyone in America outside of Miami hates the Miami Heat. That's real breaking news there. Someone notify the Pulitzers.At least we did learn a few things. Like the fact that apparently people view the Miami Heat as ... More >>
Blogs
August 11, 2010
Five Miami Heat Reality Shows That Need to Be Made
We here at Riptide like the sordid side of things. And while we're hoping that, come the end of the 2010-11 NBA season, Dwyane Wade, LeBron James, and Chris Bosh are lobbing a championship trophy to each other as they ride dolphins through Biscayne Bay, we're also hoping for a bit of off-the- ... More >>
Blogs
July 12, 2010
In Miami, Greed Is Good Again, and It's All Thanks to Evil Genius Pat Riley
Terez OwensFor a city that made a mound of cocaine a must-have desktop accessory and likes its Brittos to match its Lamborghinis, this level of glossy athletic excess is only appropriate: Dwyane Wade, Chris Bosh, and LeBron James, three of the best ballers in the NBA, all descending on Miami to b ... More >>
Blogs
May 3, 2010
Pat Riley Wants to Coach Again? Watch Your Back, Spoelstra
It might be a while before we get complete confirmation that Dwyane Wade will again sign on the dotted line for the Heat, but president Pat Riley has extended his own contract. No big surprise there, but he's also open to extending his career as a coach. Watch your back, Erik Spoelstra. "I'l ... More >>
Blogs
April 21, 2010
Game Two of the NBA Playoffs: Miami Heat vs. Boston Celtics: Epic Fail
In a game that could only described as "refried ass, " the Miami Heat were walloped by the Boston Celtics 106-77 in last night's game two of the first round NBA Playoffs. The Heat managed to keep things close in the first quarter, rebounding after a slow start and even managing to take the lead f ... More >>
Blogs
April 8, 2010
Miami Heat vs. Philadelphia 76ers: That's Nine Wins, Baby
The Miami Heat squeezed past an awful Philadelphia 76ers team last night in a win that can only be described as "Eleanor Rooseveltian." But as unsightly as it may have been, a win is a win. Last night's 99-95 victory was Miami's ninth in a row. That makes nine straight wins and 10 games over .500 ... More >>
Blogs
March 19, 2010
Miami Heat vs. Orlando Magic: Ten Points
Last night, the Miami Heat lost 108-102 to the Orlando Magic in overtime, inspiring the following ten observations about the state of our b-ball team.1. Outside of Michael Beasley (on the nights Erik Spoelstra actually lets the kid play), Dwyane Wade is all alone.2. The Magic out-rebounded Miami ... More >>
News
February 25, 2010
Fire Heat coach Erik Spoelstra
Last night, the Miami Heat lost 108-102 to the Orlando Magic in overtime, inspiring the following ten observations about the state of our b-ball team.1. Outside of Michael Beasley (on the nights Erik Spoelstra actually lets the kid play), Dwyane Wade is all alone.2. The Magic out-rebounded Miami ... More >>
Blogs
February 22, 2010
Luke's Gospel: Fire Erik Spoelstra
Image via Miami Heat/NBAEMiami Heat head coach Erik Spoelstra.Luther Campbell, AKA Uncle Luke, has never been shy about sharing his opinion. The former frontman for Miami's wonderfully raunchy rap act, 2 Live Crew, made history in 1992 when the U.S. Supreme Court confirmed his right to be as horn ... More >>
Blogs
February 9, 2010
News Roundup: Deadly Crash Kills Driver and Dozens of Animals
Jesse Jackson was in town for the Super Bowl and decided to engage in his number one hobby: protesting. He marched against high rates of foreclosure and unemployment. [NBCMiami]A truck pulling a livestock trailer jackknifed in Weston. The driver and about 100 of the animals were killed, bu ... More >>
Calendar
January 21, 2010
Continued Heat
Jesse Jackson was in town for the Super Bowl and decided to engage in his number one hobby: protesting. He marched against high rates of foreclosure and unemployment. [NBCMiami]A truck pulling a livestock trailer jackknifed in Weston. The driver and about 100 of the animals were killed, bu ... More >>
Calendar
January 7, 2010
All Aboard the Energy Bus
Jesse Jackson was in town for the Super Bowl and decided to engage in his number one hobby: protesting. He marched against high rates of foreclosure and unemployment. [NBCMiami]A truck pulling a livestock trailer jackknifed in Weston. The driver and about 100 of the animals were killed, bu ... More >>
Calendar
December 24, 2009
The Other O’Neal
Jesse Jackson was in town for the Super Bowl and decided to engage in his number one hobby: protesting. He marched against high rates of foreclosure and unemployment. [NBCMiami]A truck pulling a livestock trailer jackknifed in Weston. The driver and about 100 of the animals were killed, bu ... More >>
Calendar
November 5, 2009
Off to See the Wizards
Jesse Jackson was in town for the Super Bowl and decided to engage in his number one hobby: protesting. He marched against high rates of foreclosure and unemployment. [NBCMiami]A truck pulling a livestock trailer jackknifed in Weston. The driver and about 100 of the animals were killed, bu ... More >>
Blogs
October 31, 2009
Former Heat Coach Stan Van Gundy Says F-You, Disembodied Voice!
It's the weekend, so the best you're getting from the ole' Riptide sports desk is a repost of a repost.Check out this video of former Miami Heat coach Stan Van Gundy, a.k.a. The Master of Panic, showing complete disdain for his over-hyped, NBA-style introduction at the Orlando Magic's home opener. I ... More >>
Blogs
August 7, 2009
Waiter War Stories: Sex, Blood, and Money
Cleveland Steamer Front of the house restaurant workers have to deal with so many people and their personalities that they've usually got great stories about their experiences. All you gotta do is ask.Short Order met a veteran restaurant worker who declined to give his real name for this intervie ... More >>
Calendar
March 12, 2009
His Blood Is Like Gatorade
Cleveland Steamer Front of the house restaurant workers have to deal with so many people and their personalities that they've usually got great stories about their experiences. All you gotta do is ask.Short Order met a veteran restaurant worker who declined to give his real name for this intervie ... More >>
Calendar
January 22, 2009
Streak Busters
The Heat hosts the red-hot Orlando Magic.
Calendar
October 30, 2008
Trick or Heat
A new-look Miami Heat kicks off its season on All Hallows Eve.
More >>

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