Eddie House

  • Blogs

    June 13, 2011

    The Murderous Miami Heat Drinking Game

    ​Note: This log, apparently describing an NBA Finals-themed drinking game played by a group of Miami Heat fans, was discovered late Sunday night. The fate of the heartbroken revelers is not known.FIRST QUARTER12:00 -- All right, time for tip-off! Super excited to have all this booze. Keeping ... More >>

  • Blogs

    June 10, 2011

    Miami Heat vs. Dallas Mavericks NBA Finals Game 5: On The Brink

    ​After the giant mound of ostrich shit that was LeBron James' 8-point performance from Game 4, he called Game 5 the biggest of his career. The world then waited for LeBron to come out in Game 5 and serve the Mavericks a can filled with ass whoopin'. Instead, Heat fans got served a can filled with ... More >>

  • Blogs

    June 1, 2011

    Heat vs. Mavs: Joe's Stone Crab Better Than Cholesterol-Filled Beef

    Stone crab at Joe's.​The Miami Heat obliterated the Dallas Mavericks last night, busting Dirk Nowitzki's finger and pretty much ending the series in the first game. But even more important: A bet between Joe's Stone Crab and the Dallas Chop House. A hundred pounds of fatty disgusting ribeye steak ... More >>

  • Blogs

    May 19, 2011

    Chicago Bulls Have A Hollering Advantage Over the Miami Heat

    Because this is the NBA and we do a lot of screaming around here!​Which team will win the Eastern Conference Finals won't come down to how great the Miami Heat's big three perform or how wonderfully efficient the Chicago Bulls' bench mob execute their tenacious defensive and rebounding skills. No ... More >>

  • Blogs

    March 24, 2011

    Defense Helps Heat Rally Past Pistons

    ​There are nights when the Miami Heat completely annihilate an inferior opponent and leave them buried in their wake of awesomeness by twenty or thirty points. Last night was not one of those nights.The Heat had to rally hard and overcome an eleven-point deficit in last night's 100-94 win over the ... More >>

  • Blogs

    February 25, 2011

    Chris Bosh Goes 1-for-18 as Heat fall to Derrick Rose and the Bulls

    ​Chris Bosh and the Miami Heat's bench decided to turn in the absolute worst performance ever in the history of everything in a game that will undoubtedly have playoff seeding implications down the stretch.The Heat held a 9-point lead at the half against the Chicago Bulls last night, only to see i ... More >>

  • Blogs

    February 13, 2011

    Despite Late-Game Rally, Heat Lose to Boston for Third-Straight Time

    ​The Miami Heat entered today's game against the Boston Celtics with a chance to take sole possession of first place in the East. They also entered the game riding a pretty nifty eight game-winning streak. But those things quickly turned to the proverbial mound of cat turd as the C's held off ... More >>

  • Blogs

    February 3, 2011

    Eddie House's "Big Balls" Dance: The Origins

    ​It's pretty fun watching South Florida's daily newspapers try to describe the "crotch-related gesture" that got Miami Heat guard Eddie House fined this week. Or, more specifically, not try-- because the Herald can't get away with saying "testicles" unless it's a cancer-related story, and eve ... More >>

  • Blogs

    February 1, 2011

    Heat's Eddie House Fined $25,000 for "Crotch-Related Gesture"

    ​The NBA doesn't want you to think about their players' crotches. As far as they are concerned their players don't even have crotches, and any player caught in any way pointing to their crotch apparently gets fined $25,000. That's what happened to the Heat's Eddie House for his "obscene" "crotch-r ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 27, 2011

    Cold Fourth Quarter Sinks Heat

    ​Dwyane Wade's magic goggles seemed to run out of awesome juice in the fourth quarter of Thursday night's 93-88 loss to the New York Knicks.Because after Wade started the game hitting pretty much every shot he threw up (except his free throws... hit those goddamn free throws, D-Wade!!), he missed ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 22, 2011

    Sans Wade or Bosh, LeBron James and Mike Miller Lead Heat, Snap Losing Streak

    ​Dwayne Wade was forced to sit out thanks to a migraine, while Chris Bosh sat out his second-straight game with a bum left ankle. And so LeBron James was left to the mercy of having to rely on Mario Chalmers and Carlos Arroyo for support if the Miami Heat was going to snap their longest losing str ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 19, 2011

    Miami Heat Fall to Atlanta in OT, Suffer Fourth-Straight Loss

    ​And Karmapocalypse 2011 continues.While LeBron James was all healed up from his ankle injury and back on the court, it was Chris Bosh who was forced to sit out with a bum ankle. So we all got a glimpse into a Miami Heat team sans Bosh. And the result was a 93-89 loss at home to the Atlanta Hawks ... More >>

  • News

    December 2, 2010
  • Blogs

    November 23, 2010

    Pat Riley, It's Time to Get Back in the Game

    ​Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness once made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke recommends Pat Riley pull a Stan Van Gundy on Erik Spoelstra.Pat Riley needs to stop wasting time writing love poems to h ... More >>

  • Blogs

    October 11, 2010

    Mayor Carlos Alvarez Pens Love Letter to the Heat for ESPN

    ​If you're the Mayor of Miami-Dade County and you're facing a well-funded recall effort, how do you drum up some good will? With all eyes on the Miami Heat, writing an open love letter to the 305 dream team for isn't a bad idea. That's what Carlos Alvarez has done.

  • Calendar

    January 20, 2006

    Still Blazin’

    The Heat try to outshine the Suns