Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke addresses the future of the Miami Heat's biggest star.Whether the Heat wins or loses the NBA Finals, everybody should stop talkin ... More >>
Game 1 of the 2012 NBA Finals was a tale of two halves.The Miami Heat shot out of the gate strong, hitting shots, making threes and getting a huge game from *record scratch* Shane Battier!But the second half was a whole other bag of salted cock n' balls as Kevin Durant and Russell Westbrook did to t ... More >>
This is a silly, stupid little post to be writing. The Heat will of course stage a magnificent comeback tonight and go on to emerge victorious in the finals, because whatever powers that rule the universe will decide to give Miami, this muggy land of hurricanes, poverty, foreclosures and zombie atta ... More >>
On Sunday, The New York Times Magazine published a Q&A and photo spread with Dwyane Wade entitled, "Dwyane Wade Loves His Jordans and His Body Lotion". That title tells you everything you need to know about this story, in which Wade speaks on his love for baby wipes, "the powders for my feet", ... More >>
The Miami Heat aren't going to make this easy. Assholes. The Heat overcame a sluggish start, a dickload of missed free throws, a motivated undead Celtics team, and an All-World epic playoff performance from Rajon Rondo to get their 115-111 overtime win over Boston and take a 2-0 lead in th ... More >>
The Miami Heat are three wins away from their second consecutive trip to the NBA Finals after taking down the Boston Celtics 93-79 last night.And while the rest of the world seethes in furious anger in their unbridled and irrational hatred at this news, perhaps even blaming LeBron James for that guy ... More >>
Remember when Dwyane Wade crapped the bed last week and we all wrote him off, like a bunch of assholes? Pffft.Wade dropped 41 points in Miami's 105-93 beatdown of the Indiana Pacers. MV3 scored 20 of his 41 in the second quarter, going 8-for-11 from the floor, and leading the Heat past what had bec ... More >>
What's better than having one face-cleaving rim wrecking badass mother cow on your basketball team? TWO face-cleaving rim wrecking badass mother cows.In front of a capacity crowd of Indiana fans waving a golden shower of yellow towels, and a Pacers team that had gotten a little too cocky for its own ... More >>
Up until last night, the story of this Eastern Conference semi-final was Chris Bosh's abdominal strain and how much the Heat would miss him. But after last night's 94-75 blowout loss to the Pacers, the story is now how Dwyane Wade magically transformed into an amorphous blob of basketball shittiness ... More >>
Here's a stat that you can print out, crumble into a ball, and shove up your ass: No team has ever won an NBA playoff game when their third-leading scorer dropped five or fewer points. Last night, Mario Chalmers scored five points on 2-of-10 shooting, Shane Battier scored five points on 1-of-2 shoot ... More >>
Last night's playoff game between the Heat and Pacers was more tense than a Basketball Wives reunion episode, and Dwyane Wade exhibited some very un-Wade like sportsmanship when he got called on a flagrant foul for colliding with the Pacers' Darren Collison. Some are calling for a suspension, but an ... More >>
After losing Game 4 in New York, and after the Knicks celebrated with streamers and threw a parade down the Canyon of Heroes after winning their first playoff game in 4,024 days, the Miami Heat reminded everyone that they, in fact, are the better team and finally extinguished the Knicks from the pla ... More >>
Was there really any question that the Miami Heat are the most "GQ motherfucker" team in sports history? GQ itself seems to confirm this, because their recent "Most Stylish NBA Players Ever" list is dominated by Miami Heat players. And yes, the big three dominates the top five.
Last night's game between the Miami Heat and Chicago Bulls at the American Airlines Arena was as close to a playoff atmosphere as you're going to get in a game that was mostly meaningless, but also mostly amazeballs.Spurred by LeBron James and Dwyane Wade, Miami took down the Bulls 83-72 in a game t ... More >>
Dwyane Wade was recently in New York, where he defeated the Knicks, hung out with Tim Tebow at a Yankees game, and, as we're just learning, dropped in a street ball game being played by some NYC kids in SoHo. There's video.
So what was Dwyane Wade up to during his lockout free time? Apparently penning a memoir about his experiences as a child and as a father to his children. The book, A Father First: How My Life Became Bigger than Basketball, is expected to be released in September.
Apparently LeBron James isn't the only Heat star with a sometimes embarrassing parent. Dwyane Wade's father, Dwyane Wade Sr., was ejected from the United Arena last night during the Bulls-Heat game, reportedly for yelling obscenities. Jeez, what a big fucking bag of dicks. Updated.
After struggling for most of last night's game against the Atlanta Hawks, the Miami Heat finally decided to stop dicking around and began to hit their shots and play their anaconda-style defense just in time to comeback from as much as 10 points and beat Atlanta 89-86.More importantly however, be ... More >>
Sure, it was the Nets. And sure, they're amongst the worst defenses in the NBA. But holy shitsnacks, it was awesome seeing Chris Bosh back in the Heat fold, dropping his silky smooth jumpers in honor of his dearly departed GloJean and turning Kris Humphries into a human-sized lump of coal in the ... More >>
Kobe Bryant and his broken face scored 33 points, as he and the Lakers took down the Miami Heat 93-83 yesterday, handing Miami their second consecutive loss.It was the first meeting between L.A. and Miami since Dwyane Wade inadvertently broke Kobe's nose during a hard foul in the All Star game la ... More >>
Laura CandeauDwyane Wade celebrates with cake and a car.Dwyane Wade turns 30 today, and the Heat guard celebrated over the weekend with a red-hot party at the Setai in South Beach. The event included hundreds of his closest friends, such as Gabrielle Union, Kelly Rowland, and Rick Ross.Also on ha ... More >>
It's tough to find a group of people who know the NBA more than the league's own group of general managers. For the tenth year in a row, NBA.com surveyed all 30 GMs to get their take on the state of the league, and 74.1 percent think the Miami Heat will win the NBA Championship. They also think L ... More >>
The Heat may not have a celebration quite like last year's infamous pre-season pep rally planned to kick off the season -- but maybe that's because they want you to relive that welcoming party all over again. The Heat are about to unleash a documentary film, Into the Fire, and lucky fans will get ... More >>
Miami Heat star Dwyane Wade has filmed a dancing cameo in an upcoming ensemble comedy based on What To Expect When You're Expecting. Yes, an NBA star is dancing in a Love Actually-style ensemble movie based on a popular non-fiction pregnancy guide because Hollywood is horrible and out of ideas.
The Heat's LeBron James and Dwyane Wade are about to embark on a "homecoming tour" of charity games with several other NBA stars. Unfortunately for us, "homecoming" does not mean another charity game in Florida. Instead, the four-city tour will include James's and Wade's actual hometowns of Akron ... More >>
It's not exactly a secret that last season the Miami Heat were playing with a chip on their shoulder almost as big as LeBron's ego (we kid because we love). Now, Dwyane Wade is saying that the team's failure against Dallas in the NBA Championships can be chalked up to embracing the dark side.
Is there Twitter trouble in basketball paradise? Dwyane Wade and LeBron James took to Twitter to insult each other. Actually it was in good fun, because, as we're beginning to notice, these guys are so totally bored during the NBA lockout.
Dwyane Wade has spent a good chunk of his lockout time hobnobbing with the fashion elite. First he was spotted at the men's shows in Milan and Paris before introducing his own designer watch. Then he played model for VMan, and just last week, he was in New York for Fashion's Night Out, ... More >>
Lets say you're the biggest Miami Heat fan ever. You own every Heat star's signature shoe in every available color. You have signed memorabilia dating back to '88. You even have Chris Bosh's jersey in all three shades. But do you possess a $27,500 limited-edition watch designed by Dwyane Wade? Pr ... More >>
Could Dwyane Wade be taking his talents to the Middle Kingdom? Reports suggest that MV3 has been offered an appealing $2 million-a-month salary to play for a Chinese team during the NBA lockout. It doesn't appear Wade is ready to take the offer, which should make Heat fans sigh in relief, conside ... More >>
Perhaps when Dwyane Wade and LeBron James agreed to take a pay cut to work together, they figured they'd more than make up for that salary loss in endorsements. Maybe not according to a new list of the NBA's most marketable players. Both have plummeted out of the top ten. The new number one: Dirk ... More >>
courtesy of Millennium Laser Eye CentersMiami Heat guard Dwyane Wade with Dr. Cory Lessner, the self-proclaimed "eye surgeon to the stars."The NBA lockout is making people do strange things: Heat players are beating on little kids at basketball camps, Chris Bosh went and got himself MARRIED, and ... More >>
Dwyane Wade has a message for all his hackers out there: He's going to sue you. He just has to figure out who you are first. In a lawsuit filed in Texas last Friday, Wade claims hackers have routinely logged into his personal email and social media accounts since 2007. But the suit was filed agai ... More >>
In journalism three is a trend, so we're declaring it here first: There is now an epidemic of Miami Heat child abuse going on at basketball camps around the country.
Dwyane Wade is available for bar mitzvahs and parties.Dwyane Wade is looking for a new line of work. Because of the NBA lockouts, the Miami Heat star has been tweeting he's looking for gainful employment. His list of accomplishments include making balloon animals (who knew he was so ta ... More >>
Happy first anniversary, LeBron James! It was exactly one year ago today when you got down on one knee sat on one seriously uncomfortable-looking wooden chair and announced before God and the entire ESPN-watching world your intention to enter an unholy union with Miami and our professional b ... More >>
Dwyane Wade could be taking his talents across the ocean. The Miami Heat guard was in suburban Chicago with Chicago Bears (and former Miami Hurricanes) player David Hester while the two were hosting camps for kids. Wade told the AP he'd be open to playing for the foreign league if the NBA lock out d ... More >>
via TwitterWade outside the Versace fashion show. The Dallas Mavericks may have snatched another NBA championship away from Dwyane Wade, but they will never take away his reign as the league's leading style MVP. The fashion-forward guard is in Italy for Milan Fashion Week, taking in the men's sho ... More >>
Nothing screams "I Am A Righteous Ass Kicking Machine" quite like overcoming one of the NBA Finals worst collapses, an officiating crew that absolutely refused to call any fouls for you but insisted on blowing the whistle if you so much as breathed on the giant German, and having one of your team ... More >>
Every single person that has ever uttered or written or tweeted or thought the word "LeBrick" can help themselves to a dick chipotle. Because with 3:12 remaining in the game, and the Heat down by 12, LeBron James obliterated the Chicago Bulls' vaunted defense like an ass-kicking machine with the ... More >>
First off: Is there any better evidence that the Miami Heat's Big Three is really a two-headed beast than the fact that Dwyane Wade and LeBron James always hold a tandem press conference with Chris Bosh later speaking to reporters alone? If this team is a circus, Wade and LeBron are the tight ... More >>
Want to play basketball against Dwyane Wade? Well, an average guy has a pretty good shot at getting on the roster of the Minnesota Timberwolves at this point, but if you don't want to commit to a full NBA season, you can shell out $12,500 to sign up for Dwyane Wade's fantasy basketball camp to be ... More >>
Dwyane Wade did a vicious Euro-step crossover on Kevin Garnett that transcended all time and space, and left KG a smoking heap of charred douche. Moments later, Wade crossed over Ray Allen so badly, Allen simply crumpled onto the court like his spine was removed from his body.Later on, LeBron Jam ... More >>
And in other news.... Dwyane Wade is still pretty amazing.The Miami Heat took the 99-90 Game 1 win over the Boston Celtics in their Eastern Conference Semi-final hoedown.D-Wade dropped 38 points, James Jones added a career playoff high 25 off the bench, and Paul Pierce was ejected with seven minu ... More >>
The Miami Heat shot 39 percent from the floor, went 5-for-23 from the three-point line, got only 16 total points from their bench, zero points from their starting point guard, and 1 point from their starting center.But all everyone is going to remember from their 86-82 Game 4 loss to the Philadel ... More >>
After a sluggish start that undoubtedly had everyone jumping through plate glass windows and setting their pants on fire, the Miami Heat managed to get their shit together to beat the Philadelphia 76ers 97-89 and take Game One of their first-round series.The 76ers proved to be a scrappy bunch, mount ... More >>
For the past two years, Dwyane Wade has been just about the only NBA superstar not to have his own signature sneaker. He traded his own line of Converse kicks and apparel to take the historic honor of being the first basketball-player spokesman for Nike's Air Jordan brand sinc ... More >>
With the NBA playoffs just a few weeks away, it's that time of year when we get a whole lotta Dwayne Wade and his towering deeds of heroic awesomeness all up in our faces. And even though D-Wade has made his name around these parts as a pretty righteous ass-kicker, it's comforting to know he's go ... More >>