Dick Cheney

  • Blogs

    November 14, 2013

    Dick Cheney To Appear at Miami Book Fair

    Think literary events are for snobs? Such an assessment would make you an awful person, although this year's Miami International Book Fair did just get decidedly more dickish. Former Vice President and current cowboy hat enthusiast Dick Cheney's imminent appearance was announced yesterday in a press ... More >>

  • Blogs

    June 13, 2013

    Father's Day Gifts: Sriracha, Aphrodisiac Cookbook, Rum, and More

    Father's Day is this Sunday, and it's an obligatory holiday. One exception: If you're a fetus whose dad has dubbed himself "Yeezus," you have our permission to ignore the holiday from now until forever. But for the rest of us, it's time to start the mad scramble for a last-minute gift. This isn't l ... More >>

  • Music

    December 27, 2012
  • Blogs

    November 28, 2012

    Leftover Crack Rocks the 32 oz. at Churchill's Pub in Miami on December 28

    Drug smokin', Lower East Side squattin', dumpster divin' crust-metal pop-punk crew Leftover Crack is a band that's mastered the art of branding. For 14 years, these dudes have made themselves synonymous with unwashed, disgruntled vagabond youth culture, playing left-field ska-punk laced with death ... More >>

  • News

    September 20, 2012
  • Blogs

    August 10, 2012

    Before Marco Rubio: A History of Florida Politicians Who Almost Were Vice Presidential Candidates

    Given Florida's swing state importance, large population and Southern-but-not-quite status, you'd think that someone from this state would have been on a national presidential ticket by now, at least as a running mate.The media is currently rife with speculation that Senator Marco Rubio could be Mit ... More >>

  • Blogs

    May 9, 2011

    Lex One and the Ex-Vice Prez Get Pimp for "Dick Cheney" Music Video

    Cheney: Locked, loaded, and ready to pop off.​Everybody knows that former Vice President Dick Cheney is old, sick, and possibly evil. But is he a pimp? Yes, indeed. And despite the fact that Cheney is a 70-year-old end-stage heart failure case who's contemplating a transplant while being kept ali ... More >>

  • Calendar

    November 11, 2010
  • Calendar

    November 4, 2010
  • Blogs

    October 12, 2010

    The U.S. Military Ready to Wage War on Outerspace Terrorists

    ​Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness once made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke dissects the worldwide UFO conspiracy.A propaganda campaign to prepare us for the next big war is underway. But this time ... More >>

  • Blogs

    April 22, 2010

    Dick Cheney's Apocalyptic Endorsement of Marco Rubio

    ​To hear former Vice President Dick Cheney tell it, if Florida voters don't elect Marco Rubio as our next senator, we'll soon live in a socialistic hellhole where terrorist attacks are scheduled every hour on the hour. Yes, the scariest vice president in history officially endorsed Rubio ... More >>

  • Blogs

    March 26, 2010

    Miami Men Don't Measure Up in Penis Size Rankings

    via BBJ​The flashy cars, the speedboats, the trendy clothes, the bling-bling. Yeah, maybe dudes in Miami are trying to compensate for something.Online love glove store Condomania sells rubbers in 76 sizes that keep you covered no matter if you're packing a plantain or a beer can. The product has b ... More >>

  • Blogs

    February 22, 2010

    Marlins Pitcher Jose Ceda Shot His Friend, Dick Cheney Style

    Eventually, we're all going to end up unwittingly shooting one of our friends. It happens. It happened to Dick Cheney and his hunting buddy. It happened to Charlie Sheen when he inadvertently capped then-fiancée Kelly Preston. It happened to Plaxico Burress and his thigh. Now the Marlins' Jose ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 10, 2009

    Alan Grayson Tells Dick Cheney to STFU, Literally

    We know Alan Grayson only has a tenious connection to our local readership, but important news on our favorite hot liberal mess has just come to our intention: He has told former Vice President Dick Cheney to, and we quote, "STFU."Dick Cheney occasionally pops out of his underground torture dungeon ... More >>

  • Blogs

    November 2, 2009

    NYT: Florida Crazy-Man Alan Grayson Is the Very First Liberal Wing Nut

    Let's just get this out of the way: Riptide is the last place you'll read any criticism of Alan Grayson, the U.S. representative from Orlando, for his raging political Tourette's syndrome.​We wish more politicians would jump on the Grayson crazy train. What's better than hearing your local rep of ... More >>

  • Blogs

    October 22, 2009

    Musicians Demand Classified Gitmo Memos On How Their Tunes Were Used As Torture

    Of all the outrages perpetrated at Guantanamo Bay -- which New Times explored in depth earlier this year on our visit to the prison camp in southern Cuba -- one of the strangest has to be the military's music-based "futility technique."via Wikimedia Commons​In case you've succeeded in washing the ... More >>

  • Blogs

    August 28, 2009

    LeMieux Is the New Darling of the Homosexual Extremists

    I didn't want to put up another pix of LeMieux's face, so in its place is the greatest picture of all time. ​Remember when Mel Martinez deemed his primary opponent Bill McCollum as the "new darling of the homosexual extremists?" Well, now he's being replaced by the new new darling of the homosexua ... More >>

  • Blogs

    June 2, 2009

    Guantanamo Bay Becomes a Video Game

    Sorry to be so GitMo heavy today, but ehgads there is a Guantanamo Bay video game in development. Yeah, we thought the idea of escaping from GitMo was and idea best reserved for fiction, and apparently we were right.  T-Enterprises, the British software company developing the game, says Ren ... More >>

  • Blogs

    May 22, 2009

    Crist Doesn't Want to Deal in Cheney Hypotheticals, Thank You Very Much

    The Herald's Marc Caputo was wondering if Dick Cheney ever crawled out of the hyperbolic chamber that keeps him alive in the torture dungeon basement of his demon castle, located somewhere southwest of Hell, and decided to campaign on Charlie Crist's behalf in the Senate race, would Charli ... More >>

  • Music

    May 7, 2009

    The Blues Brothers of Miami Band Juke

    Local up-and-coming band Juke lays down soulful grooves on its informal new disc.

  • Blogs

    March 5, 2009

    Least Powerful VP Since Quayle in Miami For Two Days

    When Barack Obama announced Joe Biden as his running mate, America responded with a resounding, "oh, ok." He's an experience, competent guy, don't get us wrong. And by all accounts he made some serious contributions to getting the cabinet together, but it seems that Mr. Biden has returned the Vice P ... More >>

  • Blogs

    February 6, 2009

    Sometimes Vampire Love Really Sucks

    So you're a 16-year-old girl, and you desperately want to break off the illicit internet romance you've sparked with a 44-year-old vampire. What do you do? The only logical thing you can do: tell him that you're secretly a member of an elite vampire-hunting unit and that staying together would ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 26, 2009

    Karl Rove Reduced to Arguing with UM Kids

    Karl Rove used to have this gig scaring people into voting Republican and running whatever parts of the government Dick Cheney didn't. Now he's reduced to Twittering and arguing with college students.

  • Blogs

    January 20, 2009

    News Roundup

    The hunger-strike moms ended their strike over the proposed education cuts. [CBS4]The Coral Ridge megachurch will have a new pastor, and he promises to keep politics away from the pulpit. [Herald]Your racist uncle was right! Hell did freeze over! But it's a nice change of pace, really. [CBS4]Dick Ch ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 15, 2008

    News Roundup

    Dodging this shoe was like the most awesome thing President Bush has done in years. It kind of makes you remember why so many Americans wanted to have a beer with him in the first place. [AFP]Myriam Marquez wrote this horribly mean thing about Charlie Crist's wedding, and failed to make even one gay ... More >>

  • Calendar

    October 23, 2008

    Somewhere over the Causeway

    Ruby-red slippers will click at the Arsht.

  • Blogs

    March 7, 2008

    Weekly News Wrapup - Getting Paid For Good Grades, Skyrocketing Gas Prices and Warrants for Bush and Cheney

    Gas Prices Continue To Rise – As the price per barrel of gasoline rises to record levels, over $104 a barrel, the price at the pump has also been setting records. In Miami-Dade and Palm Beach counties the price per gallon are the highest ever recorded. Students Getting Paid – At several schools ... More >>

  • News

    December 13, 2007

    And the Band Played On

    South Florida Impeachment Coaliton stages a sit-in at U.S. Rep. Kendrick Meek's office.

  • Dining

    November 22, 2007

    Go to Hell

    Moonchine is worth braving Biscayne Boulevard.

  • Music

    October 4, 2007


    I Predict a Riot (Rawkus/Soul Spazm)

  • Blogs

    September 14, 2007

    The Impeachment Gang Gets Together Tomorrow

    Ultimately, Diane Lawrence, a 67-year-old Kendall grandmother, wants to go to jail. She plans to plant herself at the offices of Florida's Democratic Reps. Kendrick Meek and Debbie Wasserman Schultz and demand their support in impeaching President George W. Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney. But, ... More >>

  • Music

    September 6, 2007


    Future Future Future Perfect (Cordless)

  • Blogs

    November 10, 2006

    Strange News

    Now he'll have some time to find those WMDs himself Bush sat down to lunch with the San Francisco woman who'll have his nuts in a legislative vise for the next two years. Donald Rumsfeld waved a pouty goodbye. Dick Cheney was described as "glum" in the New York Times. Reading good news in th ... More >>

  • Home Entertainment

    October 19, 2006

    Took a Shot

    DVD releases for the week of October 17, 2006

  • Home Entertainment

    October 5, 2006

    Lewis Blows His Top

    DVD releases for the week of October 3, 2006

  • Culture

    August 3, 2006

    Fear and Loafing in Wynwood

    Spaces practicing the art of staying cool during the summer

  • Home Entertainment

    June 22, 2006

    Shark Bites

    Jaws Unleashed is as sloppy as it is gory

  • Dining

    June 8, 2006
  • Home Entertainment

    April 27, 2006

    Wild Pitch

    MLB 2K6 throws more chin music than strikes.

  • Dining

    January 26, 2006

    Minimally Max

    Not even a great gimmick can tenderize this taco joint

  • Dining

    February 3, 2005
  • Calendar

    October 7, 2004
  • News

    September 23, 2004

    Contra Campaign

    John Kerry once took a shot at Miami's Felix Rodriguez for his part in the Iran-contra scandal. Now the Bush family friend is shooting back.

  • Calendar

    July 15, 2004

    Hammer Time

    Funnyman Gallagher gets ambitious

  • News

    April 3, 2003
  • News

    October 17, 2002

    Thompson of Arabia

    The case for an American Al-Jazeera

  • Dining

    August 8, 2002

    Meatballs For a Bear Market

    Tightening your belt ain't too hard at a gourmet café with $1 meatballs

  • More >>