Derrick Rose

  • News

    July 3, 2014
  • Blogs

    June 25, 2014

    Stop Panicking, Heat Fans: Five Reasons LeBron Will Stay in Miami

    The news broke yesterday and brought with it a tsunami of speculation and sizzling hot takes: LeBron James was opting out of the remainder of his Miami Heat contract. What will his next move be? LeBron is available to every team in the league come July 1, and every NBA GM in America will look far ... More >>

  • Blogs

    June 18, 2014

    Where's LeBron Playing Next Year? Not For These Five Teams

    Here we go again. Welcome to Lebronapalooza 2014! LeBron James, Dwyane Wade, and Chris Bosh all have until June 29th to decide whether or not they will trigger the opt-in years in their contracts, and give this Big Three thing another go at it, and Heat Nation anxiously awaits their decisions. The s ... More >>

  • Blogs

    May 2, 2014

    David Rivera, Disgraced Rep Under Federal Investigation, Is Running For Congress

    Miami-Dade County is the NBA for corrupt politicians: With a deep talent pool, incredibly rich history, and always blossoming crop of new stars, it's the top of the game for shady politicos. And David Rivera is the Derrick Rose of the league, a multitalented scandal machine who's been sidelined the ... More >>

  • Calendar

    February 20, 2014
  • Blogs

    October 30, 2013

    Heat Celebrate Championship, Beat Chicago Bulls 107-95 in Derrick Rose's Return

    Meet your new Miami Heat, much like your old Miami Heat. On the night the Miami Heat received their championship rings and raised the third championship banner, they also managed to fit in a basketball game, taking the season opener against the Chicago Bulls 107-95. Seven players scored in double fi ... More >>

  • Blogs

    October 29, 2013

    Miami Heat Season Preview: Five Questions About the Defending Champs

    Tonight, the Miami Heat, for the second consecutive year, will raise some fancy fabric and accept some gaudy jewelry in celebration of its second consecutive NBA championship. The journey to a three-peat kicks off with the Chicago Bulls, one of only three franchises to have successfully pulled off t ... More >>

  • Calendar

    October 24, 2013
  • Blogs

    June 19, 2013

    Ray Allen's Three-Pointer, LeBron's Fourth Quarter Keep the Heat's Hopes Alive

    See you Thursday night. With less than three seconds left and the Heat down three, the ball found Ray Allen in the corner, and he buried it, sending the game into overtime and sending fans' hearts into their esophaguses. Miami went on to win in overtime 103-100 in what might be the greatest game in ... More >>

  • Blogs

    June 17, 2013

    Heat Pushed To the Brink of Elimination After 114-104 Game Five Loss To the Spurs

    Olympus is now one game away from falling. The Miami Heat stuck to the script and followed their Game Four win with a loss, dropping Game Five to the Spurs 114-104. We had a game mid-way through the third quarter, then San Antonio candy crushed the Miami Heat's entire life with an epic 19-1 run that ... More >>

  • Blogs

    May 16, 2013

    Heat Rally Past Bulls In Fourth, Advance to East Finals With 94-91 Win

    Big offense early and tough defense late helped the Heat close out the Bulls 94-91 Wednesday night to advance to the Eastern Conference Finals. LeBron finished with 23 points, seven rebounds, and eight assists, leading the Heat who will face the winner of the Knicks-Pacers series that Indiana curren ... More >>

  • Blogs

    May 9, 2013

    Heat Stomp Bulls 115-78, Even Series

    Back up in your ass with the resurrection, Chicago. The Miami Heat got some sweet revenge Wednesday night beating the Bulls 115-78 -- their worst ever playoff defeat, and at the same time the Heat's all-time biggest playoff win -- so that went well. Miami shot 50 percent from three point land and 60 ... More >>

  • Blogs

    April 15, 2013

    Heat Breaks Franchise Record for Home Wins, Beats Bulls 105-93

    LeBron James scored 24 points and Dwyane Wade had 22, leading the Heat to a 105-93 victory over the Chicago Bulls Sunday. The win moved Miami to 36-4, breaking the prior record of 35-6 set by the 2004-05 Heat.Chalmers and Birdman Andersen both scored 15 in the win, while Carlos Boozer finished with ... More >>

  • Calendar

    January 3, 2013
  • Blogs

    November 28, 2012

    LeBron James Tops NBA's Best Selling Jersey List Once Again

    Is LeBron James' image rehabilitation complete? After claiming the MVP award and his first ring last season, the King is back atop the NBA's list of best-selling jerseys. The list is released twice a year, and James hasn't been on top since April 2011. In fact, he had dropped to fifth in the list re ... More >>

  • Blogs

    September 27, 2012

    ESPN: Miami Heat Have Both NBA's Best and Worst Player

    I guess it's only fair that since the Miami Heat have the undisputed best basketball player in the world that they should also have the worst player in the entire league.To no one's surprise, ESPN's experts today put LeBron James atop their #NBARank listicle, which is kind of hilarious because ... More >>

  • Calendar

    April 19, 2012
  • Blogs

    April 13, 2012

    Heat Get Nothing From Bench, Lose to Bulls in OT

    Holy shit bananas, that was rough.The Miami Heat dropped a gut-wrenching loss to the Chicago Bulls 96-86 in overtime last night.And while the game is meaningless in terms of overall playoff importance, it still feels like Heat fans got their collective cocks slammed in a Metrobus door. WILL SOMEONE ... More >>

  • Blogs

    March 15, 2012

    Dwyane Wade's Dad Ejected From Bulls Game For Dirty Mouth

    ​Apparently LeBron James isn't the only Heat star with a sometimes embarrassing parent. Dwyane Wade's father, Dwyane Wade Sr., was ejected from the United Arena last night during the Bulls-Heat game, reportedly for yelling obscenities. Jeez, what a big fucking bag of dicks. Updated. 

  • Blogs

    March 12, 2012

    Big Four? Dwight Howard Interested in Miami Heat, Reportedly

    ​It's not a secret that Magic Center Dwight Howard won't be staying in Orlando much longer, and the saga of where he ends up may be the NBA's most dramatic decision since, well, LeBron landed in Miami. Could Howard's tale have the same ending? A Sports Illustrated reporter says that Howard has rea ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 20, 2012

    LeBron James Ain't Care: Battling the Flu, LBJ Dominates Lakers

    ​LeBron James told the flu to go fuck itself, and then promptly became a righteous wrecker of ass, as he led the Miami Heat to their 98-87 beatdown of the L.A. Lakers last night. James, who dropped 31 points, 8 rebounds and 8 assists, killed a baseball team owner, and made Kobe Bryant his own ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 17, 2012

    NBA GM Survey: Heat Will Win Championship, LeBron Has Good Shot at MVP

    ​It's tough to find a group of people who know the NBA more than the league's own group of general managers. For the tenth year in a row, surveyed all 30 GMs to get their take on the state of the league, and 74.1 percent think the Miami Heat will win the NBA Championship. They also think L ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 20, 2011

    Castro Death Meter: Fidel More Dead Than Kim Jong Il's Dead Body, Say Medical Experts

    ​Pobre Fidelito. Being a dying dictator was his idea. But now Hugo Chavez has fat cancer, and Kim Jong Il went to ride his giant rabbits in the sky. Nobody's paying attention to the totally dead antics of Fidel Castro. He's like the fourth-grade girl who wore Silly Bandz before it was kewl. ... More >>

  • Blogs

    October 20, 2011

    James, Wade, and Bosh to Take Their Talents Overseas

    ​The Miami Heat's big three are reportedly ready to pack their bags and head on a six-city international tour with a host of other NBA superstars during what would have been the first two weeks of the NBA season. Plans are still being worked out, but between October 30 and November the 9, the ... More >>

  • Blogs

    June 16, 2011

    A Controversy Involving NFL Players and Porn Stars Makes For The Best Press Release Of All Time

    ​We told you yesterday about the brouhaha over a flyer for what appeared to be an Exxxotica after-party featuring five not-very-famous NFL players at Club Play. The league is "investigating" a possible copyright infringement in the fact that the flyer used photos of the players in their team j ... More >>

  • Blogs

    May 27, 2011

    Eastern Conference Champions! F%$# Yea!

    ​Every single person that has ever uttered or written or tweeted or thought the word "LeBrick" can help themselves to a dick chipotle. Because with 3:12 remaining in the game, and the Heat down by 12, LeBron James obliterated the Chicago Bulls' vaunted defense like an ass-kicking machine with the ... More >>

  • Blogs

    May 24, 2011

    Heat-Bulls Game 4/Election-Results Live Blog-a-palooza

    ​Big night in Miami tonight. On one side, the Miami Heat hosting the Chicago Bulls in Game 4 of the Eastern Conference Finals. On the other, the Miami-Dade elections. What's a good Miamian to do? Watch the game? Check on the election results?Well, don't fret, good citizen. Just stay with us t ... More >>

  • Blogs

    May 23, 2011

    Don't Make Chris Bosh Angry

    ​The Miami Heat took down the tough Chicago Bulls 96-85 in an Eastern Conference Finals Game 3 that featured tough defense, gay slurs, Miami fans berating Charles Barkley, LeBron James obliterating Kyle Korver, and Chris Bosh exploding all over Chicago's face. The Heat now have a 2-1 lead in the b ... More >>

  • Blogs

    May 19, 2011

    Udonis Haslem and His Amazing Feats of Awesome

    ​In Game 1 of the Eastern Conference finals, the Miami Heat had zero answers for the Chicago Bulls and their insane rebounding prowess, sharp shooting, monster dunks and screamy faces. But in last night's Game 2, the Heat answered with the one-two punch of LeBron James and the ball obliterating re ... More >>

  • Blogs

    May 16, 2011

    Did LeBron James Spend $171,000 at a Las Vegas Nightclub?

    ​Hot on the hells of an alleged $189,000 receipt racked up during a Cinco de Mayo party at the Tryst nightclub in the Wynn resort in Las Vegas comes rumors that LeBron James once racked up an even bigger bill at XS, one of the Wynn's other nightclub. $171,973 to be exact, and that's before a tip, ... More >>

  • Blogs

    May 5, 2011

    Sporting News Names Pat Riley Executive of the Year

    ​In news that you probably already knew was coming, Sporting News has named Miami Heat president Pat Riley NBA 2010-11 Executive of the Year after he put together the biggest free-agent signings pretty much ever. Know who else saw this coming? Nearly everyone else on Earth.The NBA's official ... More >>

  • Blogs

    May 4, 2011

    Heat Playoffs: LeBron & D-Wade Take Over, Heat Take 2-0 Lead Over Celtics

    ​Dwyane Wade did a vicious Euro-step crossover on Kevin Garnett that transcended all time and space, and left KG a smoking heap of charred douche. Moments later, Wade crossed over Ray Allen so badly, Allen simply crumpled onto the court like his spine was removed from his body.Later on, LeBron Jam ... More >>

  • Calendar

    April 28, 2011
  • Blogs

    March 7, 2011

    Miami Heat Have Yet Another Late-Game Meltdown, Get Swept By Bulls

    ​The Miami Heat had yet another late-game collapse, losing yet another game at the buzzer and going down to yet another playoff-caliber team when they lost 87-86 to the Chicago Bulls yesterday. And while the Heat are now 0-6 against the Celtics and Bulls, and 1-9 against the NBA's top five teams, ... More >>

  • Blogs

    February 25, 2011

    Chris Bosh Goes 1-for-18 as Heat fall to Derrick Rose and the Bulls

    ​Chris Bosh and the Miami Heat's bench decided to turn in the absolute worst performance ever in the history of everything in a game that will undoubtedly have playoff seeding implications down the stretch.The Heat held a 9-point lead at the half against the Chicago Bulls last night, only to see i ... More >>

  • Calendar

    February 24, 2011
  • Blogs

    January 15, 2011

    Heat Fall Short Against Bulls, Lose Third Straight

    ​LeBron James was forced to sit out his second-straight game with his karma-fucked ankle, forcing Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh to once again play with Mario Chalmers longer than they should be able to.Wade missed a three-point attempt as regulation expired, as the Heat fell to the Bulls 99-96, givin ... More >>

  • Blogs

    July 5, 2010

    Heat Send Fans to Greet Dwyane Wade at Airport, Fans Go to the Wrong Terminal

    ​With Dwyane Wade set to return to Miami from Chicago this morning, the Miami Heat sent out a call via Twitter to all fans, gas stations, residences, warehouses, farmhouses, henhouses, outhouses and doghouses in the area to meet D-Wade at Miami International Airport and show him some love. It was ... More >>

  • News

    February 11, 2010
  • Blogs

    June 26, 2009

    Heat Draft Pick Maybe Cheated on the SATs, but Who Cares?

    The Miami Heat made minimal moves in the NBA draft, but did pick up a few players, including Robert Dozier out of the University of Memphis. Earlier this month, ESPN reported that the organization that administers the SATs invalidated his score. Dozier score of 1260 didn't m ... More >>

  • Blogs

    May 5, 2009

    From the Desk of Patrick James Riley

    Dear Chicago, please trade us Derrick Rose for Michael Beasley...Dear Memphis, please trade us O.J. Mayo for Michael Beasley...Dear New Jersey, please trade us Brook Lopez for Michael Beasley...Dear Minnesota, please trade us Kevin Love for Michael Beasley...Dear L.A. (no, the other L.A.), please tr ... More >>

  • Calendar

    December 25, 2008

    Let’s Start the Debate

    Number one pick Derrick Rose versus number two pick Michael Beasley.

  • Blogs

    June 25, 2008

    Thanks to Shawn Marion, the Heat Now Have More Options

    Shawn Marion If the rumors are true that Pat Riley is lukewarm about drafting Michael Beasley, then perhaps Shawn Marion can help sort things out. Thanks to Marion’s choosing not to opt out of his contract last night, Riley suddenly has two major trade chips tucked in his $3,000 Armani suit pocke ... More >>

  • Blogs

    June 24, 2008
  • Blogs

    June 13, 2008

    Heat and Mayo Together Doesn’t Sound Very Delicious

    ESPN NBA draft analyst Chad Ford reports that the Miami Heat had a workout with former USC guard O.J. Mayo and that Mayo could very well be the Heat’s first pick in this month’s NBA draft. And to that we give our own NBA draft analysis rebuttal by saying, “Whaaa?!” This, of course, is all ... More >>