David Samson

  • News

    April 3, 2014
  • Blogs

    March 31, 2014

    Marlins Opening Day: Meet Your New, Mildly Less Crappy 2014 Fish

    Meet your new and improved 2014 Miami Marlins! Now with 100 percent less Logan Morrison but with the same great taste! As Marlins fans get ready for tonight's home opener against the Rockies, they really should be used to the drill. The Ponzi scheme that was owner Jeffry Loria's 2012 spending spre ... More >>

  • Blogs

    August 2, 2013

    Miami Marlins Now Have the Worst Attendance in MLB

    If you build it, they will come. That was the message from Miami Marlins owner Jeffrey Loria back in 2009 when he convinced Miami-Dade commissioners to vote for the massive pimple that now protrudes from the forehead of Little Havana. It worked for a season. And then came Loria's $2 billion-promis ... More >>

  • Blogs

    July 27, 2012

    Marlins' Logan Morrison Officially Grossed Out By Public Breastfeeding

    Also read: "Logan Morrison is the Marlins' tweeter-in-chief."On Thursday afternoon, Miami Marlins outfielder and social-media savant Logan Morrison saw something at a local Nordstrom's that shocked him to his core. No, not a two-for-one sale on Calvin Klein underwear. He chanced upon a mother breast ... More >>

  • Blogs

    July 26, 2012

    The Franchise Episode 3 Recap: Crappy By Committee

    Three episodes into The Franchise, shit is already getting all kinds of depressing. After two episodes of ups and downs and HEY LOOK AT OUR NEW STADIUM! wackiness, the Marlins are in a tail spin, out of the playoff hunt, reverting to a closer by committee to cover up Heath Bell's dookie-filled- ... More >>

  • Blogs

    July 25, 2012

    Hanley Ramirez Traded to the Dodgers As Marlins Firesale Rages On

    On The Franchise, Showtime's series following the Marlins this season, GM Michael Hill recently had this to say about the team's core, lead by Hanley Ramirez: "The veterans have crapped all over themselves."That smack-down may not have been the best strategy for pumping up Ramirez's trade value, but ... More >>

  • Blogs

    April 27, 2012

    Dave Samson Ran By New Times Office, But We Had No Tomatoes To Throw at Him UPDATE

    Today is the day Miami Marlins President Dave Samson is running 52 miles in honor of the construction workers who built him and his ex-step-daddy Jeffrey Loria the half-billion dollar ball park paid primarily by Miami-Dade taxpayers. We told readers about Samson's shameless publicity stunt to show o ... More >>

  • Blogs

    March 9, 2012

    The Miami Mascot Madness Tournament Final: It's Hurricane vs. Hurricane

    ​The time has come: we've now reached the grand championship match-up of our Miami Mascot Madness Tournament. Despite some close calls in Round One, the match-ups in Round Two were both total blowouts. In fact, when we started this tournament we would have never seen this coming: It's Sebastian th ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 7, 2011

    Marlins Will Make Jose Reyes Cut His Dreads

    Reyes is not as free as his hair. ​Good thing the Marlins are the only team in the MLB with an official barber, because newly signed Jose Reyes will have to sit down in Hugo Tandron's chair soon. Reyes has sported shoulder length dreadlocks for the better part of his career with the Mets, but the ... More >>

  • Blogs

    August 14, 2011

    Logan Morrison And His Twitter Demoted As LoMo Rips Marlins For Move

    ​The Florida Marlins would have you believe they abruptly demoted fan favorite Logan Morrison after last night's loss to the Giants because his batting average has dipped below .250 -- an excuse so blatantly untrue that Jeffrey Loria must have been cackling in his Hamptons mansion as he helped gho ... More >>

  • News

    July 21, 2011
  • Blogs

    July 19, 2011

    Florida Marlins and NASCAR Own Our New Mayor Carlos Gimenez

    ​Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness once made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke, who lost in a bid to become Miami-Dade mayor, says new top man Carlos Gimenez bent over for the Florida Marlins and the ... More >>

  • Blogs

    October 5, 2009

    Dear Jeffrey Loria: Quit Acting Like a D-Bag and Leave Fredi Alone

    Somewhere in a New York penthouse right now, Jeffrey Loria is angrily straightening a Picasso on his wall, swigging a vintage Chianti, and cursing loudly.via Hazboy's flickrWhy wouldn't you fire the best manager in baseball?​His Marlins have missed the playoffs yet again. And Loria has decided it ... More >>

  • News

    June 24, 2004

    Toxic Jock Syndrome

    Hank Goldberg offers Miami sports fans more than tired talk-radio shtick; the journalist backs up his on-air diatribes with hard facts and common sense