Dan Uggla

Dan Uggla Is The God of Thunder

Hanley Ramirez and Dan Uggla Are All-Stars

Dan Uggla’s All Star Night Not So Hot

Manny Ramirez a Marlin? -- UPDATED

"Every Day is Fan Appreciation Day"

Battle of Who Sucks the Most

Searching for Answers

Wait, the Marlins Are Playing Baseball This Year?

With all the hullaballo and hubbub over the giant tax-pit ... um ... new Marlins Stadium proposal, it's easy to forget that the Fish are still a baseball team and the new season is almost upon us. It's a shame, really. For true baseball fans, Spring Training is the best time of the year. Everyone's ... More >>

When Tweets Lie

The Miami Herald reported Wednesday that there's a Chad Pennington imposter tweeting on Twitter. The quarterback's supposed account talked about various meals and get-togethers with teammates, according to the story. Pennington said he isn't a member of any social networking websites.But what ab ... More >>

Shear Happiness

It's spring, and that means the Marlins are back.

Feels Like the Last Time

Out of contention, the Marlins look to play spoiler once again.

Slip-Sliding Away?

The Marlins vie for the NL East title on Super Saturday.

Super Rivalry

Another Super Saturday, another shot at taking the NL East lead.

Everything’s Coming Up Uggla

The Marlins’ not-so-secret weapon aims at the Reds.

Who Are Those Guys?

The Marlins’ not-so-secret weapon aims at the Reds.

Who Ordered the Marlin Roll?

The Marlins’ not-so-secret weapon aims at the Reds.

Who Are These People?

The Marlins’ not-so-secret weapon aims at the Reds.

For the Love of the Game

The Marlins’ not-so-secret weapon aims at the Reds.

Thanks for the Fish

The Marlins’ not-so-secret weapon aims at the Reds.

Don't You Just Want to Pinch Their Cheeks?

The Marlins’ not-so-secret weapon aims at the Reds.

Will the Marlins ever win again?

Wikimedia CommonsOur win beard is becoming unruly. We were on the top of the world, and getting everybody's attention. Regis Philbin inserted the Marlins into his daily Senile Round-up. Philadelphia sportswriters were warning fans that the Phillies had more than the Mets to worry about. "They're not ... More >>

The Other Ramirez

Wikimedia CommonsOur win beard is becoming unruly. We were on the top of the world, and getting everybody's attention. Regis Philbin inserted the Marlins into his daily Senile Round-up. Philadelphia sportswriters were warning fans that the Phillies had more than the Mets to worry about. "They're not ... More >>

Marlins: Double Play Heaven

  Last time we turned to Florida Marlins baseball, we watched a mediocre team being pummeled by the best in the game. The New York Yankee fans were giggling at the ineptitude of a school of Fish that could only garner three hits. It was pathetic, But that was last night. And ton ... More >>

Midseason Marlins: Uggh-la, Trade for Branyan, and Here Come the Phillies

Hanley is one of the best players in the league, but even Batman needs Robin.Dan Uggla has yet to recover from last year's disastrous All-Star game. He committed three errors and struck out three times in that Midsummer Classic. Since that game, he is hitting .227 with 25 homers while st ... More >>

Marlins Season Gets Uggla as Clubhouse Fight Breaks Out

You have to give the Fish some serious credit this year. via Wikimedia Commons Hanley ANGRY!​For the 87th consecutive season, they rank last in the bigs in team salary. But somehow they've stayed in the Wild Card hunt.  (Quick fun comparison sure to add to the New York Mets ... More >>

Marlins' Chris Coghlan Wins NL Rookie of the Year

Photo by Dirk Hansen, via Wikicommons and http://www.flickr.com/people/dirkhansen​It took awhile, but the Marlins finally beat the Philadelphia Phillies this season.Fish rookie outfielder Chris Coghlan won the National League Rookie of the Year Award today, narrowly beating out Phillies pitcher J. ... More >>

Marlins Preview: That Silence You Hear Is Miami Preparing for Another Baseball Season

Wikimedia Commons via user Djh57. If Hanley Ramirez does some amazing shit but nobody's there to see it... it's still amazing.​They live, as quietly as cloistered monks, among us. They wash our dogs, write our blogs, prepare our taxes, and, you know, do other things people do for a living. ... More >>

Big League Chew

Wikimedia Commons via user Djh57. If Hanley Ramirez does some amazing shit but nobody's there to see it... it's still amazing.​They live, as quietly as cloistered monks, among us. They wash our dogs, write our blogs, prepare our taxes, and, you know, do other things people do for a living. ... More >>

Who Trashed Hanley Ramirez's Cars?

​It's a travesty. An outrage. Mess with Jorge, Josh, or Freddi -- but don't fool around with Hanley.At 11 a.m. Tuesday, April 13, Florida Marlins wunderkind Hanley Ramirez awoke from graceful slumber to find somebody had vandalized three of his matching white vehicles parked in front of his seven- ... More >>

Who vandalized Hanley Ramirez's cars?

​It's a travesty. An outrage. Mess with Jorge, Josh, or Freddi -- but don't fool around with Hanley.At 11 a.m. Tuesday, April 13, Florida Marlins wunderkind Hanley Ramirez awoke from graceful slumber to find somebody had vandalized three of his matching white vehicles parked in front of his seven- ... More >>

Hugo Tandron, Ex-Con, is the Marlins' official barber

​It's a travesty. An outrage. Mess with Jorge, Josh, or Freddi -- but don't fool around with Hanley.At 11 a.m. Tuesday, April 13, Florida Marlins wunderkind Hanley Ramirez awoke from graceful slumber to find somebody had vandalized three of his matching white vehicles parked in front of his seven- ... More >>

Video: The Official Marlins Barber in Action, Costarring Dan Uggla

New Times' story about official Marlins barber Hugo Tandron, the former Carol City thug who went from violent criminal charges to his own shop and a stable of millionaire athlete clients, is online and hits stands this week.In-house videographer extraordinaire Jacob Katel did his thing with footage ... More >>

Reloaded Fish

New Times' story about official Marlins barber Hugo Tandron, the former Carol City thug who went from violent criminal charges to his own shop and a stable of millionaire athlete clients, is online and hits stands this week.In-house videographer extraordinaire Jacob Katel did his thing with footage ... More >>

Florida Marlins Win Four-Game Series Against Milwaukee Brewers

Denis BancroftNL Rookie of the Year Chris Coghlan ​Your Florida Marlins finished a four-game series with the Milwaukee Brewers last night. After a tough battle with the Phillies last weekend, including having a perfect game thrown against them (where was Jim Joyce then?!?) the Fish went all Samuel ... More >>

Vuvuzelas Buzz Marlins One Step Closer to Completely Destroying Baseball

Warning to baseball purists: Watch the above video with extreme caution, industrial-grade earplugs and a few highlight reels of the 1964 World Series handy to revive your sense of basic MLB dignity. The Marlins have brought vuvuzelas to baseball. Specifically, they handed out 15,000 of the horns th ... More >>

Trade Bait

Warning to baseball purists: Watch the above video with extreme caution, industrial-grade earplugs and a few highlight reels of the 1964 World Series handy to revive your sense of basic MLB dignity. The Marlins have brought vuvuzelas to baseball. Specifically, they handed out 15,000 of the horns th ... More >>

Josh Johnson Refuses to Stop Being Awesome

​The Washington Nationals did everything to thwart Marlins ace Josh Johnson this past Saturday. They made him throw 30 pitches in the first inning before he could record his first out. They brought in Stephen Strasburg the previous night to throw some rookie-phenom mojo at him. They even trotted ... More >>

Marlins Take Two of Three From Braves With a Pair of Walk-Offs

​Your Florida Marlins are coming off a weekend series with the NL East leading Atlanta Braves. And if you're a fan of perpetual bullpen meltdowns and shaving cream pies in the face, you're in luck! Here's how it all went down: Game 1, Marlins 7 - Braves 6: We can talk about the bullpen blowing ye ... More >>

Marlins Ship Jorge Cantu to the Rangers

​Jorge Cantu and his productive bat and his Spaghetti Western movie villain facial hair were all shipped to Texas yesterday in exchange for pitching prospects Evan Reed and Omar Paveta. The Marlins will be paying $600,000 of the $2.2 million remaining on Cantu's contract, because, well, these are ... More >>

Mike Stanton Is Your NL Player of the Week

​Marlins rookie outfielder Mike Stanton was named NL Player of the Week. He was given the honor after bludgeoning the Nationals and Reds collective pitching staffs last week using only his bat and his boyish good looks. Stanton collected a total of eight hits and six RBI in a three-game series aga ... More >>

No Stopping Stanton

​Marlins rookie outfielder Mike Stanton was named NL Player of the Week. He was given the honor after bludgeoning the Nationals and Reds collective pitching staffs last week using only his bat and his boyish good looks. Stanton collected a total of eight hits and six RBI in a three-game series aga ... More >>

No Stopping Stanton

​Marlins rookie outfielder Mike Stanton was named NL Player of the Week. He was given the honor after bludgeoning the Nationals and Reds collective pitching staffs last week using only his bat and his boyish good looks. Stanton collected a total of eight hits and six RBI in a three-game series aga ... More >>

No Stopping Stanton

​Marlins rookie outfielder Mike Stanton was named NL Player of the Week. He was given the honor after bludgeoning the Nationals and Reds collective pitching staffs last week using only his bat and his boyish good looks. Stanton collected a total of eight hits and six RBI in a three-game series aga ... More >>

Thanksgiving? No Thanks for Cody, George W. and J Lo

No thanks, Dubya.​Thanksgiving: a glutton's favorite holiday and a vegetarian's worst nightmare. Love it or hate it, we're a week away from miserable flight delays, Salvation Army Santas, and arguing about politics with distant family relatives at the dinner table; we love the Holidays. And this y ... More >>

Jeffrey Loria: Dirty Dozen 2010

​Each year, New Times puts together a list of the sketchiest politicians and unholiest celebrities and weirdest human beings to call the Magic City home. So who made the filthy cut this year? We're releasing the names one by one ahead of next week's issue, which comes with a full-page illustra ... More >>

Miami's dirty dozen of 2010

​Each year, New Times puts together a list of the sketchiest politicians and unholiest celebrities and weirdest human beings to call the Magic City home. So who made the filthy cut this year? We're releasing the names one by one ahead of next week's issue, which comes with a full-page illustra ... More >>

Brave Passage

​Each year, New Times puts together a list of the sketchiest politicians and unholiest celebrities and weirdest human beings to call the Magic City home. So who made the filthy cut this year? We're releasing the names one by one ahead of next week's issue, which comes with a full-page illustra ... More >>

Miami Marlins Real New Uniforms Leaked To Riptide

​Does Jeffrey Loria lie awake at night, in his Britto-decorated pajamas, trying to think of new ways to be disgusting? Tomorrow night--11/11/11!-- the owner of the mediocre baseball collective soon-to-be-formerly known as the Florida Marlins will throw his crowning gala at the new stadium. To com ... More >>