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Kate Upton, Diddy Caught Sucking Face on South Beach

What are the perks of life as a has-been Bad Boy? Well, there's continuing to cruise atop Forbes' "Hip-Hop's Wealthiest Artists" with personal riches exceeding $580 million. And then there's flashing that cash and guzzling unlimited Cîroc while sucking face with freshly single Sports Illustrated ... More >>

Diddy, Kate Upton Deny SoBe Makeout Sesh: "I'm Not Dating Her! ... Not at All True"

Eyewitness testimony is notoriously tricky. It's a massive cause of wrongful criminal convictions in these United States of America. And it's also the usual source for sloppy gossip reports about celebs sucking face in the VIP of South Beach's glossiest megaclub. Like, say, this morning's juicy ... More >>

Dream South Beach Owner, Vikram Chatwal, Arrested For Drug Possession

Hotelier Vikram Chatwal was arrested and charged with eight counts of possession of various substances, including cocaine and marijuana, earlier this week at a checkpoint at Fort Lauderdale-Hollywood International Airport. Chatwal was flagged by behavior detection officers and was searched on April ... More >>

A Miami Clinic Supplies Drugs to Sports' Biggest Names

See also: "The A Rod Files: Every Mention of the Yankees Slugger in Tony Bosch's Records"

Nets Player Says Heat Didn't Win "Real" Title; LeBron's Response: "Who?"

The Miami Heat travel to Brooklyn tonight for the first time in franchise's history, and apparently Nets players are hoping to amp up the rivalry. Nets forward Reggie Evans is even going as far as to suggest that the Heat's 2012 title wasn't legitimate because of the lock-out shortened regular seaso ... More >>

Hurricane Sandy Dispatch From New York To Miami: This Storm Blows

The morning of Monday, October 29 dawned cloudy and a little windy in New York City, which came as a surprise to the eight million or so inhabitants who had expected God himself to be pissing on the city at the break of dawn.The national media had been breathlessly predicting the End of Days for the ... More >>

Kanye West Calls Kim Kardashian "Perfect Bitch," Plus Five Other Adorable Rap Pet Names

See also "Kanye West's Dating Kim Kardashian, Threatens Chris Humphries on New Song." Kanye West has reportedly given girlfriend Kim Kardashian a new pet name ... The "perfect bitch." According to the New York Daily News, the 35-year-old rapper dropped some previously unreleased tracks at a Manha ... More >>

Tea Party Miami Compares Politician to Aurora Shooter

"What Do Gus Barreiro and the Aurora Mass Murderer Have in Common?" reads the latest headline on TeaPartyMiami.org. Yes, Tea Party Miami chairman Eric Von Tausch is shamelessly using the murder of 12 people to attack a politician he doesn't like.

11-Year-Old Girl Electrocuted to Death in Orlando Putt-Putt Golf Course Pond

An 11-year-old girl visiting from New York died on Wednesday in Orlando after being electrocuted while trying to fetch a ball from a pond at a resort's putt-putt golf course.Ashton Jojo was visiting Orange Lake Resort, just a few miles west of the Disney World parks, with her family from Latham, New ... More >>

John Travolta Accused of Forcing Eden Roc Masseur to Grope His Balls

Somewhere in Miami there's a masseur named Jeff. If you run into him, buy the poor bastard a drink or an appetizer or something -- he's been through enough already. Jeff was just trying to give John Travolta a massage at the Eden Roc when Mr. Saturday Night Fever grabbed his hand and forced him to t ... More >>

Trayvon Martin Evidence: Zimmerman "Racist" and Martin Smoked Pot

Prosecutors in the Trayvon Martin case released a stash of evidence to a mouth-watering press horde yesterday evening, making public hundreds of pages of witness testimony, medical reports and photos. The headline takeaways: Zimmerman was hurt (his nose broken and head bloodied) and a few neighbors ... More >>

Steven Tyler's Twisted Toes and Four Other Physical Consequences of Rocking Too Hard

When we last saw him, Steven Tyler had turned into a 63-year-old grandma who'd gotten lost on a sandbar. Well, the Aerosmith frontman is back in the tabloid blogosphere for his bod. Only this time it's got nothing to do with his grams gams. No, Steven Tyler has completely fucking twisted toes. And ... More >>

Man Convicted of Stalking Madonna Escapes Mental Hospital, Wanted to "Slit" Singer's Throat in the '90s

Stay safe, Madge​Just three-days removed from Madonna's big tour announcement, reports that Madge's biggest fan had escaped from the California mental health facility he was living in an effort to either (a) "slice [her] throat from ear to ear, or (b) drop serious coin on the Ultimate VIP Package, ... More >>

Mobster Joey Calco Gets Six Months In Prison After Attacking Pizza Shop Customer

​A tip for all the Tony Sopranos out there: If you decide to flip, testify to the feds, and then enjoy every mobster's retirement dream -- running a pizza shop named "Goomba's" in Florida, naturally -- try to keep your temper under control behind the front counter. All your hard work setting up a ... More >>

Phil Hinkle: Miami Porn Company Cashes in on Latest "Republican Caught With Gay Hooker" Scandal

​We know it's hard to keep track of all the various scandals involving anti-gay Republican politicians being caught in gay sex scandals, but maybe you remember the tale of Indiana state Rep. Phil Hinkle. He promised to pay a teenager he met on Craiglist $140 for a "really good time." Yeah, well, t ... More >>

Nevin Shapiro: Who Is This Ponzi Dirtbag Exploding Canes Football?

photo by Tim ElfrinkThe view from Shapiro's pool.​So Yahoo Sports dropped an ass-seeking clusterbomb all over The U last night with a mammoth expose on Nevin Shapiro's (allegedly) hooker-buying, yacht-lending, abortion-providing services for Hurricanes athletes. Their story doesn't spend much spac ... More >>

Today's Oil Spill Anniversary Is Last Chance to Sue Companies Responsible

Last chance to sue Transocean, at least until the next environmental disaster.​Wednesday marks the one-year anniversary of the Deepwater Horizon oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico that killed 11 rig workers and released 206 million gallons of crude into the ocean. And while the oil spill undoubtedly ... More >>

Koran Set on Fire at Terry Jones's Gainesville Church

​Remember Terry Jones? The pastor of the tiny, fundamentalist Dove World Outreach Church in Gainesville, who set off a mini-international spectacle by threatening to host International Burn a Koran Day on the anniversary of 9/11? After widespread criticism and condemnation, he decided to ... More >>

Capri Anderson: Dirty Dozen 2010

​Each year, New Times puts together a list of the sketchiest politicians, unholiest celebrities, and weirdest human beings to call the Magic City home. So who made the filthy cut this year? We're releasing the names one by one ahead of next week's issue, which comes with a full-page illustration o ... More >>

Spike Lee is "Gonna Kick LeBron's Ass" and Other Knicks Fans Delusions

​Tonight, the Miami Heat travel to Madison Square Garden to face off against the New York Knicks, who are suddenly relevant again for the first time in years. Of course, New Yorkers are a hell of a lot more excited for the match than Miamians. They're still fuming over the fact that LeBron broke C ... More >>

Interview: Mark Kurlansky's Edible Stories, Part 2

Courtesy Riverhead Books​This is part two of an interview with journalist, author, and historian Mark Kurlansky.  (Part one is here.) Some of his best known books are the international best-sellers Salt, Cod (which won a James Beard award) and A Basque History of the World.  His latest b ... More >>

Herald Just Straight Up Linking to Hardcore Porn in Their Stories Now

​The Miami Herald is a "family newspaper," you know. Unlike yours truly, their writers aren't even free to drop f-bombs in their copy. Apparently, though, their website is totally free to link to hardcore pornography sites without so much as a "NSFW" warning in stories displayed on their front pag ... More >>

Charlie Sheen's Porn Star "Victim" is a Miami Girl

​The combined out-of-control forces of Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears and Paris Hilton really don't even come close to the sheer disaster that is Charlie Sheen's life. In just his latest episode, the Two and a Half Men star went on an alleged alcohol and cocaine fueled naked rampage in which h ... More >>

Angelina Jolie and Hillary Clinton Condemn Koran-Burning Church, But Mayor Bloomberg Supports Congregation's Rights

Pastor Terry Jones​Pastor Terry Jones and his small Gainesville church known as the Dove World Outreach Center will continue with their plans to burn copies of the Koran, the holy book of Islam, on the ninth anniversary of the September 11 terrorist attacks despite a growing backlash and warnings ... More >>

Miami Will Probably Lose Out on Hosting Super Bowl XLVIII Today

​Miami has hosted the Super Bowl ten times, more than any other city, and we do a pretty good job of it if we do say so ourselves. Today at the NFL owner conference the site of the 2014 Super Bowl will be determined, and along with New York and Tampa, Miami is in the running. We probably won't get ... More >>

How George Alan Rekers and his rent boy got busted by New Times

NARTH Responds to Rekers' Eurotrip With a Non-Response

George Alan Rekers​By now, you've likely read about George Alan Rekers, the luxuriously mustachioed Christian fundie and co-founder of the Family Research Council, whom we caught coming home from Europe with a young male escort. Rekers claims his ill health necessitated hiring the boy as a luggage ... More >>

Mary J. Blige Brought Diva Drama to Jazz in the Gardens?

​Oh, Mary J. Blige, how we believed you when you told us you were "So tired. Tired of all this drama." But now sources are telling the New York Daily News that you brought your drama A game to this past weekend's Jazz in the Gardens festival at Sun Life Stadium, and we're not sure who to beli ... More >>

Silicon Beach: eLove Accepts Fat Rejects From BeautifulPeople.com

Via Mor10am's FlickrNobody's perfect, unless your social network is BeautifulPeople.com​Beautifulpeople.com is so exclusive, it recently gave the boot to 5,000 members who popped a few buttons after indulging too much over the holidays, according to sources buzzing all over the web -- from Techcr ... More >>

National Media Weighs in on Pitbull's Rebelution

​Pitbull's new album, Rebelution, officially came out yesterday, though in these parts we've been hearing lead singles "I Know You Want Me (Calle Ocho)" and "Hotel Room Service" (and even "Krazy") for what seems like forever already. And because Pitbull seems like such a Miami phenomenon, it's alm ... More >>

Does Brooklyn H2O Make for a Better Bagel? Curious Cook Harold McGee Weighs in on The Original Brooklyn Water Bagel Co.

Jackie SayetNow that's a bagel we can sink our teeth into... This one's from Roasters N' Toasters, who sources its boiled babies from Bagel Express. We can say it does some of the best nova in Miami. The best bagel? The jury's still out, although we're partial to The Bagel Emporium.​Is there s ... More >>

Selena Roberts's 272-Page Blog Post About A-Rod Released Today

Oh, Selena Roberts. The Sports Illustrated writer unleashed the biggest sports story of the year by revealing Alex Rodriguez had tested positive for steroid use during his Major League Baseball career. And then, to quickly capitalize, she wrote a book, A-Rod: The Many Lives of Alex Rodriguez. It wa ... More >>

J.Lo Contemplates Brickell Abode

via Wikimedia CommonsWe are not sure that many A-list celebrities actually know that anything in Miami exists behind the sunny shores of South Beach and Star Island. Sure, they fly into the airport, but then they're chauffeured in limos with tinted windows until they safely arrive in the drive way o ... More >>

Power Pop Rocks

Rooney and Locksley snap and crackle at Revolution.

Picking First Sucks

It Isn't Easy Being Fabulous

The trials and tribulations of Fabian Basabe

The 3% Man

Ralph Nader looks at Florida and sees a decadent Democratic Party

Muslim McCarthyism

A Miramar family gets the full suspect treatment

This Week's Day-by-Day Picks

Goon Over Miami, Part 4

South Beach clubland tough guy Chris Paciello may soon show himself to be not so tough after all

Best Boxing Figure To Die In The Past Twelve Months

Beau Jack

Letters

Calendar for the week

News of the Weird

News of the Weird

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Sunburned

News of the Weird

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