Cleveland Browns

Fire Jeff Ireland Watch: Dolphins Have Their Naanee Removed

Every week, Riptide's crack team of employment termination scientists gauge just how fireable loathed Dolphins General Manager Jeff Ireland has become following his latest series of horrific blunders. So how close is the Ginger Menace to getting canned this week?Late yesterday, word spread that the ... More >>

Fire Jeff Ireland Watch: Let The Countdown Commence!

Miami Dolphins General Manager Jeff Ireland's mismanagement of the Fins -- comically whiffing on everything from prospective free agents to current players to young college kids whose mothers were probably not crack-smoking prostitutes -- has been well-documented. He's quite the controversial, talen ... More >>

Miami Heat's All-Time Record at .500 for First Time in Team History

​Remember when the Miami Heat sucked? Good golly, did they suck. This was a team so horrible they didn't get a single win until the 18th game of their inaugural 1988-89 season. In fact, the team's all-time record had never been above .500. Yep, when taking into consideration every single regular-s ... More >>

LeBron James Has an NFL Career on His Mind

​Is LeBron James thinking of pulling a Michael Jordan? Well, we all know he wants to win six rings, but we're talking about another career move echoing Jordan. As in temporarily quitting basketball to pursuit a career in another sport. With the cancellation of the first two weeks of the NBA offici ... More >>

Dolphins Need John Gruden to Be Their Coach

Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness once made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke explains why the Miami Dolphins should hire John Gruden as head coach.  The only way Miami Dolphins owner Stephen ... More >>

Dolphins Wait Until Last Possible Moment To Crap Themselves

​The Miami Dolphins dominated pretty much every facet of the game against the Cleveland Browns yesterday, including rushing and passing yards. They even held a 16-10 lead with 43 seconds remaining.But because these are the Dolphins, they decided to go ahead and do that thing where they go all epic ... More >>

Karlos Dansby Throws Wet Sponges on Rumors of Firing Tony Sparano

​Over the past ten years, if Dolphins fans haven't been  talking about publicly drawing and quartering whatever unlucky sap is filling the quarterback role at Sun Life Stadium, they've likely yapping about burning the coach on a cross. Or, at least his contract.With a 0-2 record and the longe ... More >>

To The Amazement of Absolutely Nobody, Dolphins Fall to 0-2

​The Amazing Shitshow! that is your Miami Dolphins fell to the Houston Texans for the sixth straight time in a 23-13 ass-whoopin' yesterday afternoon. The Dolphins are now 0-2 to start the season, have lost eleven of it's last twelve games at home, can't convert a third down for dick, and are the ... More >>

Gators Coach Will Muschamp Disses Hurricanes

​Barring some sort of bowl matchup, the Florida Gators and the Miami Hurricanes won't meet again on the football field until 2013, but the two programs are always locked in an intense recruiting war for players and, occasionally, personnel. Wide receivers coach Aubrey Hill was one of the few staff ... More >>

ESPN: Brian Daboll to Be Dolphins Next Offensive Coordinator

​Will Brian Daboll be the man to turn around the Miami Dolphins' faulty offense? According to ESPN, he's just been hired as the new offensive coordinator. He's spent two years in the same position with the Cleveland Browns, but before that spent time on the staffs of the Dolphin's two biggest riva ... More >>

Dolphins to Interview Former Canes Offensive Coordinator Rob Chudzinski

​With Dan Henning out, the Dolphins' next order of off-season business is securing a new offensive coordinator. One of the names apparently on the shortlist is Rob Chudzinski, who should be no stranger to local sporting fans. He served as the offensive coordinator for two seasons with the Miami Hu ... More >>

Miami Dolphins Lose Record for Most All Time Regular Season Wins During Modern NFL Era

​Perhaps less heralded than the 1972 perfect season, but more illustrative of the Miami Dolphins proud position as a historically non-sucking team is another record: most regular season wins since 1970 (that's the year the AFL and NFL merged and is generally considered the start of the modern ... More >>

LeBron James Hassled By Pack of 30 Browns Fans at Fancy SoBe Restaurant

​LeBron James probably thought he had gotten the worst of it from still-seething Cleveland fans when he returned to town for the Heat's 118-90 demolition of the Cavaliers. He thought wrong. As fate or, well, the NFL schedule would have it, Sunday's game at Sun Life Stadium between the Browns and D ... More >>

Dolphins Lose to Browns, Fall to 1-5 at Home

Oh what could have been...​The Miami Dolphins fell to the Cleveland Browns 13-10 on Sunday in a game that was probably the worst-case scenario for making an argument that American football is exciting.While both teams' offenses did their darndest to lull you into unconsciousness, there was a palpa ... More >>

Tuna Melt

LeBron James Would Rather Watch Kenny Powers Than His Dallas Cowboys

​For reasons that probably make more sense than they should LeBron James' favorite football team is the Dallas Cowboys. He's a diehard, apparently. Thing is the Cowboys suck something fierce this season, to the point that they just fired their coach. In fact, James can't even watch them anymore. H ... More >>

Miami Heat More "Evil" than Yankees, Says Drunk-on-Sorrow Cleveland Columnist

Associated Press​Cleveland has plenty of reasons to declare a municipal omerta on LeBron James. Using a live TV special to choose the Heat was the sporting version of that part in Carrie where the popular jock makes Sissy Spacek his prom date just to dump pig's blood all over her, only inste ... More >>

NFL Draft Live-Blog, rounds 2 & 3

​Welcome back to our second night of NFL Draft Live-Blogging! Brought to you in 3D!* (*-not really, but everything else is in 3D, so why not). Tonight we'll roll through the second and third rounds, where the Dolphins hold the 40th and 73rd overall picks. Tonight's blog will be more Dolphins-cente ... More >>

NFL Draft Live-Blog

​Here we go. Live-blogging the NFL Draft. Pretty much like watching the draft with someone as losery as yourself. Only on the Internet! This is the first time the NFL Draft is being held in primetime. Because you're not buying enough KFC Double Downs for your fatass kids dammit! Also, tonight is t ... More >>

Zach Thomas Calls Out Dolphins for Disrespecting Jason Taylor

​Jason Taylor deserved better. Certainly better than having to join the Jets. Now his former teammate Zach Thomas, who spent 11 seasons with the Dolphins himself and is Taylor's brother-in-law, is calling out the front office for their shady and disrespectful handling of the situation."I'm not try ... More >>

Jason Taylor's Jets Flirtation Just a Stunt?

​Everyone is either still scratching their heads or wringing their hands over Jason Taylor's meeting with the New York Jets -- the same team he hates, like any good Dolphin, so very, very much. The New York Post thinks that it could just be a ploy to get a better deal with the Dolphins by stirring ... More >>

Isiah Thomas struggles to reshape FIU hoops

Miami 2009: Seven signs the End Times are nigh

Miami Dolphins' Tony Sparano is a conservative coach who takes huge risks

The U: Was Bernie Kosar Drunk? Can Notre Dame Learn Something From Miami?

Any Canes fan will tell you the media, especially ESPN, hates Miami, but ESPN aired its two-hour apology in the form of Rakontur's fantastic documentary, The U, this past weekend. One segment, of course, focused on that perceived media bias, and right on cue, the media is stirring up some contr ... More >>

Donte' Stallworth Doesn't Seem Quite So Contrite on Twitter

When the NFL suspended Cleveland Browns receiver Donte' Stallworth yesterday for the full 2009 season, he issued an official statement with all the right sentiments about the drunken March 14 crash that killed a man on the MacArthur Causeway.via Wikimedia Commons​Stallworth promised to "use the pe ... More >>

Stallworth Drank Four Shots of Tequila Before Fatal Crash

What's the saying? One tequila ...two tequila ...three tequila ...floor. Well, sadly Browns wide receiver Donte Stallworth downed four shots of tequila and didn't hit the floor. He hit the road in his Bentley, and then hit a pedestrian crossing the MacArthur Causeway.Miami beach Police released an i ... More >>

News Roundup

LocalSome guy hijacked a taxi on Alton, then drove west up the eastbound lanes of the MacArthur Causeway. Police shot him. He's dead. The road was shut down. [SunSent] The Herald and CBS4 are so hungry for Cat Killer fodder that they've sued to get sealed information about the arrest released. [Hera ... More >>

Bernie Kosar: Bankrupt

You know the economy has really gotten bad when our beloved sports stars start filing for bankruptcy. Former UM quarterback and NFL star Bernie Kosar filed for chapter 11 today, according to the Herald.According to the filings, Kosar reported his assets are only worth between $1 million and $10 mill ... More >>

Head Spins: DJ Affect

South Florida's busiest head-spinner.

Head Spins: DJ Affect

One gets the impression that if there were eight days in a week, DJ Affect would be spinning each and every one of 'em. Hell, it's a bet he'd be spinning every day of the week if there were 10 or 12 or 20 -- that's how driven the cat is. When you're already spinning seven out of seven, what's a few ... More >>

Let Terrorist Eduardo Arocena Go

El exilio wants him out of jail.

2008 Dolphins Mock Draft

Arrows Going Up

Counter Terrorism

Chasing Danny

Is Dan Marino a stoic swaddled in hype or a frigid sports celebrity with the personality of an egg timer?

Beating the Spread

He Did a Job on the Mob

During the Forties and Fifties, Mel Richard fought organized crime's incursion into Miami Beach. He's still crusading.

This Is Not the USA

He thought he was just doing his job and playing by the rules. Then he learned that the rules are very different in the sovereign nation of the Miccosukee.

A Private Man

MDCC English professor Wade Harris didn't share much about his life. But he might well have shared his murderer.