Cleveland Browns

  • News

    January 23, 2014
  • Blogs

    January 10, 2014

    Stephen Ross Says GM Will Report to Him; Rumored Finalists Emerge

    Dolphins fans finally got their wish with the recent departure of General Manager Jeff Ireland, and then half of them went into a dramatic frenzy over how the process to replace him was playing out (maybe, at least in some corners, because someone with a vagina was involved). Go figure. Anyway, ow ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 9, 2014

    Meet Dawn Aponte: The Dolphin's Most Powerful Woman and Possible GM Candidate

    Maybe we've been watching too much House of Cards, but with all we've heard in the last few days about Dawn Aponte, the Miami Dolphins' executive vice president of football administration, it's hard not to imagine her as some sort of female Frank Underwood, ruthlessly navigating the halls of power i ... More >>

  • Blogs

    September 20, 2013

    Dolphins Home Opener: Four Keys to a Victory Against the Falcons

    The Dolphins are now 2-0 for only the second time in a decade, and optimism about the team is all over the place. RYAN TANNEHILL WAS BORN FROM THE BLOOD OF JESUS CHRIST! JOE PHILBIN FINALLY NABBED THOSE RASCALLY KIDS -- WATCH OUT, WORLD! COCKCAKES = SUPER BOWL! BRIAN HARTLINE IS A FELINE FRANCISCAN ... More >>

  • Calendar

    September 19, 2013
  • Blogs

    September 9, 2013

    Dolphins Top Browns 23-10 in Season-Opening Win, Wallace Whines

    Before yesterday, the Dolphins had been 1-6 in season openers dating back to 2006 -- but lucky for them, the Browns had been a more dismal 1-12 in season openers dating back to their second go-around as a franchise in 1999. The Dolphins took advantage of this by whoopin' some dawg pound ass on the B ... More >>

  • Blogs

    September 6, 2013

    Five Things To Watch: Miami Dolphins vs. Cleveland Browns

    Welcome to another Miami Dolphins season, kicking off this Sunday against the Cleveland Browns. Gone is the old logo and uniforms. Gone are many of last seasons players. Enter a lot of expectations for a franchise that has routinely disappointed it's fans over the past decade, or four. Sunday is a f ... More >>

  • News

    August 15, 2013
  • Blogs

    October 3, 2012

    Fire Jeff Ireland Watch: Dolphins Have Their Naanee Removed

    Every week, Riptide's crack team of employment termination scientists gauge just how fireable loathed Dolphins General Manager Jeff Ireland has become following his latest series of horrific blunders. So how close is the Ginger Menace to getting canned this week?Late yesterday, word spread that the ... More >>

  • Blogs

    September 19, 2012

    Fire Jeff Ireland Watch: Let The Countdown Commence!

    Miami Dolphins General Manager Jeff Ireland's mismanagement of the Fins -- comically whiffing on everything from prospective free agents to current players to young college kids whose mothers were probably not crack-smoking prostitutes -- has been well-documented. He's quite the controversial, talen ... More >>

  • Blogs

    February 16, 2012

    Miami Heat's All-Time Record at .500 for First Time in Team History

    ​Remember when the Miami Heat sucked? Good golly, did they suck. This was a team so horrible they didn't get a single win until the 18th game of their inaugural 1988-89 season. In fact, the team's all-time record had never been above .500. Yep, when taking into consideration every single regular-s ... More >>

  • Blogs

    October 11, 2011

    LeBron James Has an NFL Career on His Mind

    ​Is LeBron James thinking of pulling a Michael Jordan? Well, we all know he wants to win six rings, but we're talking about another career move echoing Jordan. As in temporarily quitting basketball to pursuit a career in another sport. With the cancellation of the first two weeks of the NBA offici ... More >>

  • Blogs

    October 2, 2011

    Dolphins Need John Gruden to Be Their Coach

    Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness once made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke explains why the Miami Dolphins should hire John Gruden as head coach.  The only way Miami Dolphins owner Stephen ... More >>

  • Blogs

    September 26, 2011

    Dolphins Wait Until Last Possible Moment To Crap Themselves

    ​The Miami Dolphins dominated pretty much every facet of the game against the Cleveland Browns yesterday, including rushing and passing yards. They even held a 16-10 lead with 43 seconds remaining.But because these are the Dolphins, they decided to go ahead and do that thing where they go all epic ... More >>

  • Blogs

    September 23, 2011

    Karlos Dansby Throws Wet Sponges on Rumors of Firing Tony Sparano

    ​Over the past ten years, if Dolphins fans haven't been  talking about publicly drawing and quartering whatever unlucky sap is filling the quarterback role at Sun Life Stadium, they've likely yapping about burning the coach on a cross. Or, at least his contract.With a 0-2 record and the longe ... More >>

  • Blogs

    September 19, 2011

    To The Amazement of Absolutely Nobody, Dolphins Fall to 0-2

    ​The Amazing Shitshow! that is your Miami Dolphins fell to the Houston Texans for the sixth straight time in a 23-13 ass-whoopin' yesterday afternoon. The Dolphins are now 0-2 to start the season, have lost eleven of it's last twelve games at home, can't convert a third down for dick, and are the ... More >>

  • Blogs

    April 21, 2011

    Gators Coach Will Muschamp Disses Hurricanes

    ​Barring some sort of bowl matchup, the Florida Gators and the Miami Hurricanes won't meet again on the football field until 2013, but the two programs are always locked in an intense recruiting war for players and, occasionally, personnel. Wide receivers coach Aubrey Hill was one of the few staff ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 17, 2011

    ESPN: Brian Daboll to Be Dolphins Next Offensive Coordinator

    ​Will Brian Daboll be the man to turn around the Miami Dolphins' faulty offense? According to ESPN, he's just been hired as the new offensive coordinator. He's spent two years in the same position with the Cleveland Browns, but before that spent time on the staffs of the Dolphin's two biggest riva ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 11, 2011

    Dolphins to Interview Former Canes Offensive Coordinator Rob Chudzinski

    ​With Dan Henning out, the Dolphins' next order of off-season business is securing a new offensive coordinator. One of the names apparently on the shortlist is Rob Chudzinski, who should be no stranger to local sporting fans. He served as the offensive coordinator for two seasons with the Miami Hu ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 20, 2010

    Miami Dolphins Lose Record for Most All Time Regular Season Wins During Modern NFL Era

    ​Perhaps less heralded than the 1972 perfect season, but more illustrative of the Miami Dolphins proud position as a historically non-sucking team is another record: most regular season wins since 1970 (that's the year the AFL and NFL merged and is generally considered the start of the modern ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 7, 2010

    LeBron James Hassled By Pack of 30 Browns Fans at Fancy SoBe Restaurant

    ​LeBron James probably thought he had gotten the worst of it from still-seething Cleveland fans when he returned to town for the Heat's 118-90 demolition of the Cavaliers. He thought wrong. As fate or, well, the NFL schedule would have it, Sunday's game at Sun Life Stadium between the Browns and D ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 6, 2010

    Dolphins Lose to Browns, Fall to 1-5 at Home

    Oh what could have been...​The Miami Dolphins fell to the Cleveland Browns 13-10 on Sunday in a game that was probably the worst-case scenario for making an argument that American football is exciting.While both teams' offenses did their darndest to lull you into unconsciousness, there was a palpa ... More >>

  • Calendar

    November 25, 2010
  • Blogs

    November 9, 2010

    LeBron James Would Rather Watch Kenny Powers Than His Dallas Cowboys

    ​For reasons that probably make more sense than they should LeBron James' favorite football team is the Dallas Cowboys. He's a diehard, apparently. Thing is the Cowboys suck something fierce this season, to the point that they just fired their coach. In fact, James can't even watch them anymore. H ... More >>

  • Blogs

    July 27, 2010

    Miami Heat More "Evil" than Yankees, Says Drunk-on-Sorrow Cleveland Columnist

    Associated Press​Cleveland has plenty of reasons to declare a municipal omerta on LeBron James. Using a live TV special to choose the Heat was the sporting version of that part in Carrie where the popular jock makes Sissy Spacek his prom date just to dump pig's blood all over her, only inste ... More >>

  • Blogs

    April 23, 2010

    NFL Draft Live-Blog, rounds 2 & 3

    ​Welcome back to our second night of NFL Draft Live-Blogging! Brought to you in 3D!* (*-not really, but everything else is in 3D, so why not). Tonight we'll roll through the second and third rounds, where the Dolphins hold the 40th and 73rd overall picks. Tonight's blog will be more Dolphins-cente ... More >>

  • Blogs

    April 22, 2010

    NFL Draft Live-Blog

    ​Here we go. Live-blogging the NFL Draft. Pretty much like watching the draft with someone as losery as yourself. Only on the Internet! This is the first time the NFL Draft is being held in primetime. Because you're not buying enough KFC Double Downs for your fatass kids dammit! Also, tonight is t ... More >>

  • Blogs

    April 21, 2010

    Zach Thomas Calls Out Dolphins for Disrespecting Jason Taylor

    ​Jason Taylor deserved better. Certainly better than having to join the Jets. Now his former teammate Zach Thomas, who spent 11 seasons with the Dolphins himself and is Taylor's brother-in-law, is calling out the front office for their shady and disrespectful handling of the situation."I'm not try ... More >>

  • Blogs

    April 8, 2010

    Jason Taylor's Jets Flirtation Just a Stunt?

    ​Everyone is either still scratching their heads or wringing their hands over Jason Taylor's meeting with the New York Jets -- the same team he hates, like any good Dolphin, so very, very much. The New York Post thinks that it could just be a ploy to get a better deal with the Dolphins by stirring ... More >>

  • News

    February 11, 2010
  • News

    December 31, 2009
  • News

    December 17, 2009
  • Blogs

    December 14, 2009

    The U: Was Bernie Kosar Drunk? Can Notre Dame Learn Something From Miami?

    Any Canes fan will tell you the media, especially ESPN, hates Miami, but ESPN aired its two-hour apology in the form of Rakontur's fantastic documentary, The U, this past weekend. One segment, of course, focused on that perceived media bias, and right on cue, the media is stirring up some contr ... More >>

  • Blogs

    August 14, 2009

    Donte' Stallworth Doesn't Seem Quite So Contrite on Twitter

    When the NFL suspended Cleveland Browns receiver Donte' Stallworth yesterday for the full 2009 season, he issued an official statement with all the right sentiments about the drunken March 14 crash that killed a man on the MacArthur Causeway.via Wikimedia Commons​Stallworth promised to "use the pe ... More >>

  • Blogs

    July 7, 2009

    Stallworth Drank Four Shots of Tequila Before Fatal Crash

    What's the saying? One tequila ...two tequila ...three tequila ...floor. Well, sadly Browns wide receiver Donte Stallworth downed four shots of tequila and didn't hit the floor. He hit the road in his Bentley, and then hit a pedestrian crossing the MacArthur Causeway.Miami beach Police released an i ... More >>

  • Blogs

    June 19, 2009

    News Roundup

    LocalSome guy hijacked a taxi on Alton, then drove west up the eastbound lanes of the MacArthur Causeway. Police shot him. He's dead. The road was shut down. [SunSent] The Herald and CBS4 are so hungry for Cat Killer fodder that they've sued to get sealed information about the arrest released. [Hera ... More >>

  • Blogs

    June 19, 2009

    Bernie Kosar: Bankrupt

    You know the economy has really gotten bad when our beloved sports stars start filing for bankruptcy. Former UM quarterback and NFL star Bernie Kosar filed for chapter 11 today, according to the Herald.According to the filings, Kosar reported his assets are only worth between $1 million and $10 mill ... More >>

  • Blogs

    April 1, 2009

    Stallworth Charged With DUI Manslaughter

    On March 14th, Donte Stallworth, a wide receiver with the NFL's Cleveland Browns, got drunk, hopped into the front seat of his Bentley, drove across 195, and hit and killed a pedestrian.  According to secret AP sources he'll be charged with DUI Manslaughter. If convicted, Stallworth could sit i ... More >>

  • Music

    January 8, 2009

    Head Spins: DJ Affect

    South Florida's busiest head-spinner.

  • Blogs

    January 5, 2009

    Head Spins: DJ Affect

    One gets the impression that if there were eight days in a week, DJ Affect would be spinning each and every one of 'em. Hell, it's a bet he'd be spinning every day of the week if there were 10 or 12 or 20 -- that's how driven the cat is. When you're already spinning seven out of seven, what's a few ... More >>

  • News

    September 25, 2008

    Let Terrorist Eduardo Arocena Go

    El exilio wants him out of jail.

  • Blogs

    March 21, 2008

    2008 Dolphins Mock Draft

    I’ve been writing about the Dolphins draft in one form or another since 2005. More often than not, I have been right, they have been wrong. A quick re-cap: 2005: I said the Fins should draft Braylon Edwards. They took Ronnie Brown instead. Now, Edwards is blowing shit up in Cleveland while Brown ... More >>

  • Blogs

    March 5, 2008

    Arrows Going Up

    Analysts, former NFL general managers and other people who generally know what the fuck they're talking about, have been giving the Fins the thumbs up on their recent FA moves.

  • News

    July 7, 2005
  • News

    December 3, 1998

    Chasing Danny

    Is Dan Marino a stoic swaddled in hype or a frigid sports celebrity with the personality of an egg timer?

  • Film

    July 23, 1998
  • News

    April 23, 1998

    He Did a Job on the Mob

    During the Forties and Fifties, Mel Richard fought organized crime's incursion into Miami Beach. He's still crusading.

  • News

    March 30, 1995

    This Is Not the USA

    He thought he was just doing his job and playing by the rules. Then he learned that the rules are very different in the sovereign nation of the Miccosukee.

  • News

    September 21, 1994

    A Private Man

    MDCC English professor Wade Harris didn't share much about his life. But he might well have shared his murderer.