Christmas

Bad Week For Ex-Dolphins: Chad Johnson's Sex Tape Leaks, Joey Porter Goes To Jail

The Miami Dolphins didn't have the best Christmas week: Despite smothering the Bills on Sunday, they were knocked out of the playoffs yet again when the Bengals later won. But the team can at least take comfort that their holidays weren't nearly as awful as two former Fins stars.Loudmouth linebacker ... More >>

Miami's Six Best Holiday Parties, December 20 to 26

Be Merry

DJ Khaled Christmas and Miami's Six Best Holiday 2012 Parties

Only boring people spend the season singing silly songs in the company of loved ones while getting stuffed full of fruitcake, sucking back Manischewitz, and forging lovely lasting memories. So be cool like Crossfade. Go get so wasted that you forget it's Christmas! Uhntz-uhntz with the Matzo crowd! ... More >>

DMX Goes Hard on "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" Cover, Shuts Bing Crosby Down

There's just 20 days left until Jesus puts on his red fat suit, dyes his beard white, and drinks a bottle of vodka in an effort to rosy his inexplicably anglicized, middle-eastern cheeks before delivering presents under the guise of Santa Claus on Christmas Eve. Per usual, a flying reindeer named ... More >>

Santa's Enchanted Forest: Top Ten Things to Eat and Drink

As Miamians, this time of year can be a little tough. Thanks to our balmy weather and eternal sunshine, seasonal spirit can be hard to come by. So like good little elves, locals flock to Santa's Enchanted Forest to bask in some semblance of holiday cheer. Dubbed the world's largest Christmas theme ... More >>

Melanie Ratcliff: Feathers, Suede, and Skin

​Fashion Breakdown: Feather vest from Sarasota boutique Simply Spoiled; dress -- "no idea"; BCBG boots; Anthropologie necklace; earrings a Christmas gift from her boyfriend.

South Florida family sues over "Santa Claus Is Comin' to Town"

Poplife, Mamushka's, Black Division: A Holiday Gift List for Your Local Club Owner or Promoter

​Miami's club owners and party promoters toil day after day, year after year, planning your nightlife adventures. They give you exciting stories to brag about for decades. And lucky for Miami scenesters, we have a dedicated stable of nightlife overlords who make this city one of the Planet's most ... More >>

The Coolest, Craziest, and Most X-Rated Christmas Cookie Cutters

Pipparkakan.comNeed a sugar rush for the long night ahead?​Christmas sugar cookies don't exactly reinvent the wheel when it comes to creative pastry. This year, why not go beyond the usual array of standard shapes like snowmen, spruce trees, reindeer and the inevitable jolly man himself, Santa Cla ... More >>

Christmas vs. Hanukkah: Which is the Better Foodie Holiday?

via SodaHeadFire burns tree. Fire wins?​The other day in a meeting, the Short Order bloggers got into a tizzy about which holiday had the better bites: Christmas, AKA Santa's birthday -- or is it Rudolph's? -- or Hanukkah, the eight days of lights not being turned off or something. This actually g ... More >>

Get Drunk and Jolly With Miami's Five Best Christmas Parties

Art by AholsniffsglueHave a very Merry XXX-Mas with (((Shake))) at The Vagabond.​Oh, Christmas! It's that feel-good time of the year that's filled with good friends, close family, pretty lights, big trees, strong egg nog, huge yule logs, nice carols, sweet hymns, odes to Jesus, and all kinds of ... More >>

The Santaland Diaries: David Sedaris's hilarious, scathing look at the holiday shopping season

Best Beer Gifts: A Do-It-Yourself Six Pack

Patrick Lunn Gift me​Gift idea alert!We recently sought out the knowledge of local beer guru (and CPA by day), Patrick Lunn, for what he thinks would make a great do-it-yourself six pack gift. Over dinner at the now-closed pop up Phuc Yea! we narrowed it down to six options that are sure to ... More >>

The Incredible Edible Vegetable Christmas Tree Snacker

Laura Nessler​Chocolate Santas, candy ornaments, gingerbread houses and Christmas trees. Foodies behold, you may now add a tannenbaum to the list of conquered Christmas icons of culinary proportions.You might not care much for eating healthy during the holidays. But once the reality of your midsec ... More >>

Madeline's Christmas at Actor's Playhouse Through December 17

Ten Best Things to Do This Weekend

​Ugh, Black Friday. It's a nauseating, cross-country display of hyperconsumerism at its apex, retail's official kickoff to "the holiday season" and all it entails: generic Christmas songs, drastically reduced sale prices, parking-lot fender-benders, and never-ending checkout lines. Whether you c ... More >>

Burger King's Muffaletta-Sized Burger and Rude Call Center Operators

​Miami-based Burger King is once again living up to its name, "The King." Last week the company announced it will release a giant pizza-sized burger in Japan over the holidays as an alternative to Christmas dinner that will get people saying, "Merii Kurisumasu."Giant, Mexican-style burgers for Chr ... More >>

Rosca de Reyes for Three Kings Day

​Yesterday was the first working day of the year and many resolutions went into effect. But come 5 p.m. you may decide the "giving up sweets" resolution was no good. Fortunately, just when you thought the holidays were over and there would be no more cookies, cakes or sweets for a while, here come ... More >>

Lil Wayne Spent Christmas in a Beat Up Ol' Camry Doing God Knows What

​Men looking to keep warm over the holidays with some quality tail they picked up on South Beach know their car game better be on point. Ho, ho, hoes only ride in those luxury import sleds. Women, well their trunk can be junky as long as they have junk in the preferred trunk. Take Lil Wayne's most ... More >>

You're a Mean One, Mr. Black

Ten Awesome Anti-Christmas Songs to Help Cope with the Holidays

Hardcore band Fear has a message for St. Nick: "Fuck Christmas!"​Christmas brings a mixture of emotions to the masses. Dealing with family you haven't seen all year. Remembering why you haven't seen them all year. Being too broke to buy appropriate yet clever crap at Brookstone for everyone. Not ... More >>

Top Ten Worst Christmas Songs of All Time

Turn that shit off! You're making Santa sad!​Shitty Christmas music makes Santa mad. Hey, the guy's gotta drive 'round the whole world and the last thing he wants on such a long road trip is crappy tunes. And that means all the CDs he throws out of his sleigh end up falling down your chimney. Whic ... More >>

Christmas at Sam Wo

Lee KleinVisions of wonton soup danced in our heads...​Every year come Christmas EveIt's no secret where we goTo take our holiday reprieve --Yes, that's right, Sam Wo.Crispy noodles, fluorescent dipWonton soup for Jews to sip.There are no trees with blinking lightsOr roaring fireplaceBut Sam Wo's ... More >>

Knocking Them Back with Saint Nick

MP3: New Kanye West "Power Remix;" Yeezy to Release New Song Every Friday 'til Christmas

​Kanye West has been busy lately. Of course there was the day he released his video for his first single "Power" the same night as Eminem's "Love the Way You Lie," his impromptu performances, and his infamous new Twitter account. Now comes his most recent announcement: He's releasing a n ... More >>

Flyer of the Week: Late Night Smoker with St. Nick at the Electric Pickle Tonight

Santa: Imposter or the real deal?​There was a time, often called "childhood," when catching your unmarried moms making out with a fat, bearded guy in a red suit would've been a wonderful development of the most Christmassy proportions. Who'd have thought that Santa could be your stepdad? No one. A ... More >>

Santa's gift: a hoochie

Cider Flows Freely at the Bull Bar in Delray

​Night Watch is a regular feature about bars and clubs by nightlife columnist Tara Nieuwesteeg. The Bull Bar 2 E. Atlantic Ave.Delray Beach 561-274-8001, thebullbar.comAcross from the Bull Bar was a park with an "ice skating rink" and a giant Christmas tree all decked out in blue, purple, red, an ... More >>

Happy Noche Buena, What Is Noche Buena?

http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Cuba_xmas_decorations.jpgChristmas house in Cuba.​"Tonight, tonight, tonight, oh oh."That's right ladies and gents, but we're not talking about a crappy Genesis song. We're talking about Noche Buena, and it's tonight.So, what is Noche Buena?Well it is a type ... More >>

Epic Fail Picks Up Miami Metro Zoo Beaver Spraying TV Host

Last night, Banana Republican settled into bed with a nice cup of eggnog and holiday gingerbread cookies while indulging in one of my favorite past times -- cracking up at the expense of the rubes who end up on the Epic Fail blog. I came across this early Christmas present for my loyal reade ... More >>

Tonight: Fourth Annual Sweat Stocking Stuffer Holiday Party

Face it. You waited until the last minute to buy Christmas gifts. You could take the easy route and just get everyone gift cards, but a piece of plastic hardly says you put in any thought. That's where everyone's favorite local independent music store comes in. Tonight, Sweat Records is hosting its ... More >>

Top Ten Latin American Christmas Food Traditions

Feliz Navidad​Feliz Navidad.It's Christmas time again, and in Miami that means tons of Latin families getting together for holiday cheer. The beautiful thing is that all their cultures mesh with those of every other country represented here and make for a Latin-American-Caribbean holiday season fu ... More >>

A Nightmare Before Christmas 2 Xmas Costume Bash Tomorrow

Click for full size.​Dirty Santas, slutty elves, reindeer fuckers unite!Tomorrow's Nightmare Before Christmas 2 Xmas costume bash at the Electric Pickle is sure to make it a snowy day in the MIA.Live performances by Parable, fresh off tour, and Llamabeats, Rahsaan, and Skam2?, whose artwork you ma ... More >>

The Truman Show

One Meeeeeelion Dollars

Light My Fire

Crispin Porter's Gap Ad Leads to Boycott for Not Using the Word "Christmas," Even Though It Does

​It's almost time for the Holidays, which means it's time to cover your house in lights, find a present for your weird uncle Adolpho, and, oh right, the annual War on Christmas.The American Family Association kicked things off early this year by calling for a two month boycott on Gap Inc. "The Gap ... More >>

Learn Christmas Songs on Guitar at George's Music in West Palm Beach

Christmas music ain't for everybody. Some people even think it sucks. But, a lot of people like it, even Bob Dylan, who just cut a whole album of Christmas songs.One thing's for sure, there are plenty of places in South Florida where a guitar-playing, holiday-music strumming, Santa-hat wearing dru ... More >>

Worst Customer Ever Calls Waitress "Lying Bitch" On Christmas Eve

image via JelleS' flickr worst customer everAs part of Short Order's continued efforts to expose the less glamorous realities of restaurant work, we've been asking workers about their lives. Here, Mary Edwards (fake name) from "some restaurant in Miami" (to protect the identities of the ... More >>

Strippers' XXXmas

They're dreaming of a ... fruitcake.

Our Nose is Red from the Rum

What’s Rudolph’s excuse?

Just Say No to Charlie Brown Trees

No offense, Mr. Schulz.

Show Your Credit Card Some Love

And the community will thank you for it.

Making a Glorious Noise

Christmas music with spirituality and soul.

Here’s Your Holiday Spirit

Merry Tapas

Give the gift that keeps them eating.

On to the Next Holiday

Get in the Christmas spirit at Festival of the Trees.

This Week's Day by Day Picks