Subject:

Chris Joseph

  • Blogs

    May 19, 2014

    Mike Epps Lied About Seeing the Heat Get Smoked by Pacers in Game One

    The Miami Heat's 107-96 loss to the Indiana Pacers Sunday was about as enjoyable to consume as a poop-filled Chipotle burrito, but then again, people frickin' love Chipotle no matter what, so maybe that's a bad analogy. Seriously, though, this game was shitty. It was a wire-to-wire collective sittin ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 4, 2013

    Win Streak No More: Pistons Beat Heat 107-97

    Once again the Miami Heat replaced its regular brand of basketball with Equate for three quarters, except this time the rabid fourth quarter run fell short . The Pistons stormed out to a double-digit lead early, took an 11 point lead into the half, and survived the Heat's fourth quarter run to win 1 ... More >>

  • Blogs

    June 9, 2012

    Miami vs. Boston Trash Talk: Our Heat Homer and Celtics Fanatic Get Ugly

    Tonight, at last, it ends: Game 7 of the Eastern Conference Finals starts at 8:30 p.m., and it may well destroy the world as we know it. Okay, the game may only result in the destruction of a few TV sets and cars in the greater Boston and Miami areas, but it'll still be a clash of teams that aren't ... More >>

  • Culture

    June 23, 2011
  • Blogs

    March 7, 2011

    Miami Heat Crying Controversy: Erik Spoelstra Needs to Shut His Damn Mouth

    ​The Heat racked up their fourth loss in a row last night, a sorry streak made all the more troubling that they came against other likely playoff bound teams. You'd think the shame factor from the losses alone would be enough, but, oh no, here comes Erik Spoelstra, a goofy-faced 12-year-old Muppet ... More >>

  • Blogs

    October 26, 2009

    Top Ten Ways Ted Ginn Can Repay the City of Miami

    For a more thorough and humorous review of every Miami Dolphins player who shat himself during yesterday's 46-34 loss to the New Orleans Saints, see Chris Joseph's post from this morning. I care only about my boy, Ted Ginn, Jr., who managed to sneak past Darrelle Revis two weeks ago against the Jets ... More >>

  • Blogs

    October 14, 2009

    It Never Gets Old: Henne Beat the Jets

    Video remix gold, brought to my attention courtesy of "CK" on the comment board at finsnation.com, the Dolphins fan site partially run by Miami New Times sports guy Chris Joseph. This is already on repeat in my iPod.And I swear I'd tattoo the highlights of the game to the inside of my eyeballs if te ... More >>

  • Blogs

    June 3, 2008

    Dwight Freeney Disagrees With Bloggers and Fan Forums

    Unlike some Dolphins bloggers and fan forum members, current and former NFL players are siding with JT on this whole fiasco. Colts Pro Bowl defensive end Dwight Freeney says that Taylor should get a little more respect than he's getting: "He is the face of the franchise. Before him it was Dan Marin ... More >>

  • Blogs

    April 29, 2008

    Your Obligatory Dolphins Draft Grade

    It seems that the Dolphins scored a pretty nice draft grade across the board from various experts yesterday. For example, the Star-Telegram called the Chiefs and the Dolphins the biggest winners of the draft and awarded them each the highest grades of all the NFL teams. And CBS Sports gave the Fins ... More >>

  • Blogs

    April 23, 2008

    More Jake Longy Goodness

    Now that we have our first pick locked down, we can sit back, relax and analyze what we got in our man Jake Long. Never has game film for an offensive-lineman made me so excited. That's right. Excited. Boner city? Well, no, not quite. But excited nonetheless.

  • Blogs

    April 17, 2008
  • Blogs

    April 1, 2008

    Picking First Sucks

    Bill Parcells confirmed with the New York Daily News last week that he is, in fact, willing to trade out of the first overall pick. We all would like him to do this for a number of reasons -- mainly to get more picks so he can have more flexibility to fix our numerous problems. Also, because there i ... More >>

  • Blogs

    March 26, 2008

    Jason Taylor Is The Mambo King, Bitch

    Jason Taylor once again kicked some dancy ass on Dancing With the Stars last night. He danced the Mambo and impressed the judges with his nimble feet and devilish good looks. He also scored a 9 from all three judges! Tonight is double-elimination night. Two contestants will be gone by the end of th ... More >>

  • Blogs

    March 21, 2008

    2008 Dolphins Mock Draft

    I’ve been writing about the Dolphins draft in one form or another since 2005. More often than not, I have been right, they have been wrong. A quick re-cap: 2005: I said the Fins should draft Braylon Edwards. They took Ronnie Brown instead. Now, Edwards is blowing shit up in Cleveland while Brown ... More >>

  • Blogs

    March 17, 2008

    JT Says He Is Staying (And Other Crap)

    Here's what happened over the weekend while you wondered why your Emperor's Club "order" was a no-show: Jason Taylor appears on satellite radio, says he's staying in Miami, walks off doing jazz hands. Taylor told Sirius Satellite radio hosts Vic Carucci and Dan Leberfeld that Miami is where he want ... More >>

  • Blogs

    March 10, 2008

    The Hobbit Has Gone North (And Other Crap)

    Here's what happened over the weekend while 10,000 BC was hitting No. 1 at the box office, thus signaling the end of Western civilization as we know it: -- The Dolphins have just become 52% less ridiculous. Another face of the debacle that was the 2007 season has left us. Jesse Chatman has gone to ... More >>

  • Blogs

    March 5, 2008

    Arrows Going Up

    Analysts, former NFL general managers and other people who generally know what the fuck they're talking about, have been giving the Fins the thumbs up on their recent FA moves.

  • Blogs

    February 22, 2008

    Combine Talk: A Trade With Atlanta?

    Armando Salguero has a conference call with Mel Kiper posted on his blog. But that's not important. What is important is that he wrote about a rumor making the rounds in Indy that the Falcons are reportedly so in love with BC quarterback Matt Ryan that they might consider trading up to get him. They ... More >>

  • Blogs

    February 21, 2008

    Keyshawn a Dolphin? Uh... How 'Bout No

    Anyone else as indifferent about Keyshawn possibly coming to Miami as I am? I’d like to be optimistic and say, sure, we can use his veteran leadership and his experience will prove helpful to guys like Ted Ginn. Except that Keyshawn is a Grade A douchebag. Leadership? Keyshawn’s the first to jum ... More >>

  • Blogs

    February 21, 2008

    Combine Talk: Are The Fins Thinking Quarterback?

    It's NFL Combine time! It's that time of year when old men with clipboards and stopwatches poke, prod, ogle and feel-up young men wearing nothing but their underwear. It's gonna be great! It's also the time of year we talk possible draft scenarios and who'll go where and when and what our team needs ... More >>

  • Blogs

    February 20, 2008
  • Blogs

    February 15, 2008

    Let's Talk Free Agents: Offense

    Continuing our free agent talk from yesterday, we now turn to the offense: Offensive Line The Dolphins released LJ Shelton and Anthony Alabi this week. Which means they're definitely in the market for some beef. Some have said this makes it a sure thing that Parcells will draft Jake Long. Let's no ... More >>

  • Blogs

    February 15, 2008
  • Blogs

    February 14, 2008

    Let's Talk Free Agents: Defense

    Sports Illustrated's Peter King says the Dolphins are poised to have a big off-season after releasing Trent Green, Marty Booker and L.J. Shelton. With those guys off the books, the Fins' cap number has gone from $29 million to $40 million (sadly, my cap space is holding steady at $58.12), which mean ... More >>

  • Blogs

    February 12, 2008

    Dolphins Axe Trent Green, Marty Booker and others

    The Dolphins have cut Trent Green, Marty Booker, LJ Shelton and Keith Traylor, among others today. They also cut Anthony Alabi, Anthony Bryant, Marion Dukes and Joe Toledo. Toledo -- the guy everyone thought was a Nick Saban draft day steal even though his knees were made of glass, gone. Shelton is ... More >>

  • Blogs

    February 5, 2008

    The '72 Dolphins Will Drink Their Champagne. And You Will Like It!

    As expected, thanks to the Giants' beat down of the previously undefeated Patriots, the 1972 Perfect Season Miami Dolphins were finally able to drink their annual champagne. The rest of the league's fan bases are annoyed by this seasonal ritual. Hey, fuck you, rest of the league's fan bases. Who giv ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 31, 2008
  • Blogs

    January 30, 2008

    Dan Marino Got Wine

    Nothing says benevolence and charity like a liquored up asshole telling everyone in the room just how much they’ve let him down. But that’s me. I love me an alcoholic beverage or two, and I love to let it all hang out when I drink. So if I’m going to get shit faced and act like a total douche, ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 22, 2008

    Parcells Wants Trent Green

    Here's a feather in your cap: the new Dolphins front-office wants Trent Green back for 2008. I may not have any NFL front-office experience, but I’m guessing it might not be the best idea to bring back the guy with cat shit for brains that sucked before he got hurt. I think Bill Parcells is fuck ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 22, 2008

    First Coach to Eventually Get Fired by Parcells is Almost Onboard

    Dan Henning has emerged as the leading candidate to land the Dolphins’ offensive coordinator’s job. Henning has held jobs with the Falcons, Redskins and even Don Shula’s Dolphins for a while. Remember those Dolphins teams of 1979-1980? Me neither. Henning was most recently the OC for the Caro ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 16, 2008

    Tony Sparano Is The New Fins Head Coach

    BREAKING NEWS: In what is the least shocking news to ever break in franchise history, Tony Sparano has been named head coach of your Miami Dolphins. Update 2: The Dolphins website has made it official (evidently, they too have a shortage of Sparano pics). Update: Mortensen is reporting it too. A ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 15, 2008
  • Blogs

    January 11, 2008

    Dolphins to Interview Schwartz

    The Dolphins are set to interview Titans defensive coordinator Jim Schwartz for the head-coaching job on Monday. Or not. Things aren't looking so hot for Dallas heading into this weekend's divisional playoff matchup against the Giants. Tony Sparano's got one foot out the door, Jason Garrett's want ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 9, 2008

    The Right Arm of God Crushes King Douche Into Fine Powder

    I've always liked ESPN's Jeffri Chadiha. He's what a sports anchor/writer should be. Intelligent, insightful, and, most importantly, not a douche. Unlike scrotum slapping jackals like Skip Bayless or Sean Salisbury, who like to yell and spit and play the role of the tough ornery guy without saying m ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 7, 2008

    Source: Dolphins Intrigued by Matt Ryan

    Somewhere in this long ass article in the Boston Herald (once you get passed the part about Randy Moss being a complete asswipe and Tom Brady being a total shithead, you're golden) a league source says the Dolphins -- possessors of the number one overall pick -- are intrigued by BC quarterback Matt ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 4, 2008

    A Feeling of Nothingness

    Players, ex-players and recently fired coaches are all reacting to the purge Bill Parcells has wrought upon the Dolphins. Perfect Season running back Jim Kiick said it was a good day in Dolphins history, "The changes had to be made," he said. "I don't think Cam was what they were looking for. He w ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 3, 2008

    Breaking News - The Tuna Fires Cam Cameron

    The Cam Cameron era is over. He and his talking penis have been fired. Bobby Knight and his friendship with Bill Parcells clearly wasn't enough to save Cam's ass from the inevitable. It's 1-15 and done. It's kinda sad, really. Like when a goldfish dies. You knew it was coming. And you sort of could ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 26, 2007
  • Blogs

    December 18, 2007

    The '72 Dolphins Came Along, And They Brought Motivation With Them

    Lost in all the Greg Camarillo: Golden God! madness yesterday was the fact that the living members of the 1972 Dolphins were at the game Sunday. The team was honored at halftime and had been hanging around Dolphins facilities all week, watching practices and telling reporters, trainers, the audio/vi ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 14, 2007

    The Spirit of '76?

    Well. This is it. One more loss away from tying the 1976 Bucs. Two more losses away from full on dementia. Beat the 4-9 Ravens or face the fact that you’ll be telling your grandkids you experienced the worst season ever in the history of the NFL. And then they’ll recoil in horror as they realiz ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 13, 2007
  • Blogs

    December 11, 2007

    Fins Need a Win, The Rest is Meaningless

    Everybody wants Cam Cameron fired. But who do we replace him with? Bill Cowher? Bill Parcells? SI’s Peter King warns us of the Siren Song of the Big Name Coach, which we as a franchise have fallen for time and time again. I didn’t think Peter King was capable of anything other than verbally suck ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 10, 2007
  • Blogs

    December 10, 2007

    Dolphins Inflict Cruel and Unusual Punishment

    What am I doing with my Sundays? I oughta be out in a convertible, bird-doggin' chicks and bangin' beaver on Sundays. Instead, I’m watching the shitty Dolphins? I must be a fucking loon. This shit just ain’t funny anymore. It’s become downright grim. We’re now one loss away. One loss away fr ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 6, 2007
  • Blogs

    November 30, 2007

    I Just Want a Dolphins Win

    As you’ve probably may have guessed from being a regular here, I’m no fun to be around during a Dolphins game. I yell, I kick, I throw shit. I’m even more aggressive when I’m at a game. A buddy of mine was able to score a couple of Club level tickets for this Sunday’s game against the Jets ... More >>

  • Blogs

    November 29, 2007

    Unleash the Power of the Mormon

    Both the Palm Beach Post and the Miami Herald are calling for Cam Cameron to cut John Beck's cord and let him fucking sling the rock already. I added the fucking for emphasis. Says Greg Stoda: "Let [Beck] heave more than one deep toss to Ted Ginn Jr ... Have him throw on first down more often than ... More >>

  • Blogs

    November 14, 2007

    John Beck Will Start

    According to Armando Salguero, Cam Cameron is expected to announce today that John Beck will start against the Eagles on Sunday. As it is, I won't have to stab Cam with a trident. Anyway, you all know I've been calling for this to happen since, like, Week 3. Better late than never I guess. Woot. ... More >>

  • Blogs

    November 12, 2007

    The Miami Dolphins are on the Clock

    Yep. We did it! The Miami Dolphins are now officially the worst team in the NFL. You just knew it. In the pit of your stomach. You knew the Fins were going to find a way to screw it up and give a game away that clearly should have been theirs. It’s just become something you expect. As sure as th ... More >>

  • Blogs

    October 29, 2007

    Across the Pond For Yet Another Ass-Whuppin'

    Well, turns out the Dolphins suck on pretty much whatever continent they play on. The UK game came and went, the NFL finally got to force itself down the throats of the Brits while having their sport showcased on a field that matched the shittiness of the teams playing on it, and a jolly good time w ... More >>

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