Chicago Cubs

Marlins Give Second Chance to Adam Greenberg, Beaned In His Only MLB At-Bat

Sports teams are like Hollywood movies: sometimes they can be so bad they're actually good. Such is the case with the Miami Marlins, who are quickly becoming the Snakes on a Plane of professional baseball. More than seven years ago, Adam Greenberg was called up by the Chicago Cubs for his first MLB ... More >>

Marlins Facebook Account Hacked with Promise of "Free Pit Bull" Night

Earlier today, someone hacked into the Facebook accounts of several Major League Baseball teams and the Marlins were not spared. For a brief moment, the Marlins Facebook page promised the first 10,000 fans in attendance at the next game that they'd receive a free "fighting pit bull."

The Franchise Episode 3 Recap: Crappy By Committee

Three episodes into The Franchise, shit is already getting all kinds of depressing. After two episodes of ups and downs and HEY LOOK AT OUR NEW STADIUM! wackiness, the Marlins are in a tail spin, out of the playoff hunt, reverting to a closer by committee to cover up Heath Bell's dookie-filled- ... More >>

Heat Fans Go Nuts As LeBron, Wade and Bosh Clinch A Title (Video)

All across the Magic City this Thursday night, pots are getting wrecked by spoons, more car horns are getting leaned on than rush hour on the Dolphin and every half-decent bar is passing around shots of Jameson in honor of Bron Bron. Your Miami Heat are 2012 NBA Champions. We'll keep this post ... More >>

Albert Almora, Mater Academy Star, Taken Sixth By Cubs In MLB Draft

Hialeah Gardens' Mater Academy senior Albert Almora has one hell of a choice on his hands this morning -- whether to become a star playing college baseball for his hometown Canes, or whether to take an estimated $3.25 million bonus to join the Chicago Cubs system.Almora tells the Miami Herald this m ... More >>

Money Balls

Cuban Baseball Agents: Risks and Lies

Marlins Park Scores Big With Unusual, Gourmet Twists on Ballpark Cuisine

Take Me Out

New Marlins Stadium Food and Lunacy: Body Painting With Sazon

​Somewhere between the new tax-payer-funded stadium, Romero Britto drama, and the ridiculous sculpture with somersaulting marlins, we mustered up the curiosity to see what the Marlins Park kitchens will be whipping out.So throw on those rose-colored glasses, folks. The Miami Marlins, who open thei ... More >>

Marlins Will Outbid Everyone to Land Cuban Defector Yoennis Cespedes

​Jeffrey Loria's shopping spree isn't over. Several reports indicate the Marlins are committed to outbidding anyone who stands in their way of landing recently defected Cuban star Yoennis Cespedes once the MLB declares him a free agent. It makes sense. Not only would Cespedes be the cherry atop th ... More >>

Carlos Zambrano Joins Ozzie Guillen In Miami, Giving Marlins 93 Percent of MLB's Crazy

The Miami Marlins inked a deal last night for once-explosive, possibly still insane Cubs pitcher Carlos Zambrano. With Ozzie Guillen already signed on to manage the club, the two most unhinged personalities in baseball will call Little Havana home next season.Scientists contacted by Riptide are stil ... More >>

Albert Pujols Offered 10-Year Contract by Marlins

​SEC probes and baffling aesthetic choices aside, the Miami Marlins really do deserve credit for keeping good on their promise of upping their payroll and making the team a serious contender. A day after adding prized shortstop Jose Reyes, ESPN is reporting that the Fish have made a 10-year contra ... More >>

Herman Cain Heading To Versailles This Week To Pretend He Cares About Cuban Issues

A candidate making a pit stop for cafecitos at Versailles isn't exactly hot news, even for a guy improbably still leading the GOP after a month fending off more sexual harassment accusations than Gene Simmons' tongue. The Cuban landmark is such a de facto stopover for White House wannabes, the regul ... More >>

Marlins Win Six in a Row, Leave Cubs Closer with ERA of Infinity

Trader Jack, full of pride.​It looked like the Fish were going to lose this one. Down 2-0 against the Chicago Cubs going into the ninth at Wrigley Field, there didn't seem to be much hope. Then Cubs closer Carlos Marmol came in.His first three batters saw a combined 12 balls and one strike. With M ... More >>

Jack McKeon Managing Against the Children of His Former Players

McKeon managed John Mayberry back when chew was healthy.​A new chapter of the Jack McKeon Is Really Old Chronicles was written last night: The 80-year-old Marlins manager skippered a game against the son of a player he managed in the early 1970s.John Mayberry was the Kansas City Royals' hard-hitti ... More >>

Shocked By Fact They Don't Suck This Year, Florida Marlins May Make Trades To Suck Even Less

​The dozen or so people who can make a serious claim to being true Florida Marlins fans are stoked that his may be the year for the Florida Marlins! The year the team finally loses a playoff series! The Fish currently have a .574 record. That's the fourth best in the entire MLB, and the team looks ... More >>

Unlovable Losers

Don't Worry, Brandon Marshall, You Didn't Make Our Top 10 Stupidest Athlete Injuries of All Time

miamidolphins.comBrandon Marshall, just the latest athlete to get injured under strange circumstances.​"If you prick a baller, does he not bleed?" -- William ShakespeareProfessional athletes are finely tuned machines: millions of dollars' worth of ESPN-highlight-generating speed, torque, power, an ... More >>

Yasiel Balaguer, 18-Year-Old Cuban Baseball Defector, Trying Out for Seattle Mariners

Michael E. MillerYasiel Balaguer​According to his agents, 18-year-old Cuban baseball prodigy Yasiel Balaguer will have his second tryout with a Major League Team this week when scouts for the Seattle Mariners watch the right-handed pelotero in action here in Miami."I was on the Cuban youth nationa ... More >>

Shard of Broken Bat Impales Cubs' Tyler Colvin During Marlins Game

​A freak accident at Sun Life Stadium Sunday has put the Chicago Cubs' rookie outfielder Tyler Colvin in the hospital with a season-ending injury. Colvin was on third base during the second inning when teammate Wellington Castro's maple bat broke and sent a large shard into Colvin's chest. Yeah, a ... More >>

The Ten Creepiest Paintings by Serial Killer John Wayne Gacy

This week, Riptide told you about Stephen Koschal, the Brickell memorabilia detail who's been the world's leader in selling art by executed serial killer John Wayne Gacy (we have no idea what's going on in the comments section of that story, by the way). Today we bring you the ten creepiest prison- ... More >>

Brickell resident Stephen Koschal peddled serial killer John Wayne Gacy's creepy paintings

Stephen Koschal, the Creepiest Man in the Memorabilia Industry, Is a Proud Miamian

A Brickell dealer made a career out of selling creepy Gacys like this. In the early '90s, serial killer John Wayne Gacy spent his days on death row creating extraordinarily creepy paintings of clowns. So memorabilia dealer Stephen Koschal wrote the murderer in prison and offered to be his agent. Br ... More >>

Andre Dawson Pissed He Isn't Wearing a Cubs Hat on Hall Plaque, We're Pissed He's Not Pissed It's Not a Marlins Cap

Come on, we could totally see this image in bronze!​So recently inducted Hall of Famer and Miami product Andre Dawson is complaining that the Hall of Fame has him wearing the cap of the now-defunct Montreal Expos in his plaque, when he made it clear he wanted to be honored for all baseball-t ... More >>

Rubio and Crist Trade Barbs While Speaking at Same Event

​Republican Senate opponents Charlie Crist and Marco Rubio spoke one after another this morning at the Associated Press legislative planning session, and while they avoided a face-to-face meeting, they took swipes at one another. It must have been uncomfortable for the two, considering yesterday's ... More >>

News Roundup: Hotel Bookings on the Rise; Heat Beat Blazers

Miami hotels may be seeing an increase in booking this winter, but with discounted rates it may not help them turn a profit. [Herald]Lincoln Diaz-Balart received an award from the Ukraine. [Herald]Here's an explanation of all those fancy designer stores (Gucci, Louboutin, etc.) that have popped up t ... More >>

The Florida Marlins Manatees shake two tons of booty

Hit the Disco Ball out of the Park

Head Spins: DJ M.Dot

​First things first: M.Dot's name has nothing to do with either Michigan's or Maryland's Department of Transportation. But it could, especially when you consider this DJ's moniker does, in fact, have something to do with moving large groups of the public. In fact, it might take the DOT from both s ... More >>

News Roundup

LocalDetails of the last time the victim of the "body parts in the bay" mystery was found alive were released. [NBCMiami]Back in the '90s a Herald reporter had a run in with the whack job who shot up the Holocaust memorial. [Herald]SportsUM Football Player Glenn Cook, who hasn't played competitive b ... More >>

Reality Check

Marlins Finally Win Again! Now a Reputable News Source Says They Will Win It All

Time to shave that Rasputin-length win-beard. The Marlins are at last back in the win column after a season start that can only be described as more confusing than Charlie Crist's sexuality.via Wikipedia CommonsEven with Han-Ram on the bench, the streak ended.Somehow the Fish won 11 freaking games b ... More >>

Q&A with Irvine Welsh, Appearing at Books & Books Friday

Kicking Ass, Eating Ice Cream

This Marlins/Cubs game is all about the kids.

Waiting for the Snow

Mad Cat Theatre contemplates life, death, and molting in Animals & Plants

Battle of Who Sucks the Most

Wild Pitch

MLB 2K6 throws more chin music than strikes.

Night&Day

BEST MARLINS PLAYER

Juan Pierre

Funny on a Daily Basis

The Daily Show's Lewis Black grabs our mike

Picked Off

A cautionary tale for ticket scalpers at Pro Player Stadium

Gourd Times

Fun with pumpkins and ponies

Play Ball!

The home team steps up to the plate

Lou's Last Pitch

Nearly anyone can make it to the major leagues. All you need is a little talent and a lot of faith.

Night & Day

March 26-April 1, 1998

News of the Weird

Go Marlins!

The Girl of Summer

How did Tina Nichols become the first woman to play in the South Florida Baseball League? Simple: She's good.

Dead Heat

Bad Career Move Derby