Charlie Sheen

Scary Movie V Will Murder Your Capacity to Feel Joy

A Glimpse Inside the Mind of Charles Swan III: Roman Coppola Gives Charlie Sheen the 8 1/2 Treatment

It’s Raining Men

Kardashian, Armstrong and More: Five Celebrities We Want to See Open a Miami Restaurant

With the South Beach Wine & Food Festival a mere stone's throw away, we can't help but think of all the traffic, money, and celebrities the bash will bring. Sure, South Beach will be a pain in the ass to get around for those four days, but take into account all the tourism money and publicity this ... More >>

Gunplay 101: The Human L.A. Riot's Nine Best Tracks

See also "The Quotable Gunplay: 'Hos,' 'Pills,' and the 'Gift and Curse of Being Under Rick Ross.'" Gunplay has been a known commodity on Miami's rap scene for years thanks to his association with Rick Ross and Maybach Music Group. But only recently have mainstream audiences started warming up to ... More >>

Steven Tyler Quits American Idol: "It's Time for Me to Let Go of My Mistress, American Idol"

See also "A Timeline of Steven Tyler's Transition From Sex Symbol to 63-Year-Old Grandma" and "Charlie Sheen May Join American Idol as Judge: Cigarettes, Sloppy Kisses, Other Predictions." Whoa ... Is it possible that Charlie Sheen might actually get hired as an American Idol judge? Well, we here ... More >>

Charlie Sheen May Join American Idol as Judge, Three Predictions

It's safe to say that American Idol's run as America's favorite reality competition show is fading. Last season's ratings were significantly lower than previous years and, quite frankly, many of us can't name three Idol winners that aren't Kelly Clarkson, Carrie Underwood, and Jordin Sparks. Nev ... More >>

It's 4/20! Top Five Restaurants When You're Stoned

Today, 4/20, is the only day of the year when more Americans write and comment about pot than actually smoke it. What no doubt started as a story reported in desperation on a slow news day, has grown into something resembling a mainstream holiday -- all that's missing is a calendar notation, appropr ... More >>

Connie Mack IV Links Bill Nelson to Monkeys on Cocaine

Florida's 2012 Senate election is shaping up to be as ridiculous as ever. Connie Mack IV, whom you might remember has been characterized by his Republican opponents as "the Charlie Sheen of Florida Politics," released a web ad today linking incumbent Democratic Sen. Bill Nel ... More >>

George LeMieux Continues Connie Mack/Charlie Sheen Attack with "Two & a Half Macks" Ad

​Instead of talking about salient issues, the two contenders for Florida's GOP Senate nomination have spent the better part of the last week arguing over a dumb Charlie Sheen joke. Former Sen. George LeMieux cracked last week that rival Rep. Connie Mack IV was the "Charlie Sheen of Florida Politic ... More >>

Connie Mack's Campaign Manager Sends Crazy Letter to George LeMieux Over Charlie Sheen Joke

Yesterday George LeMieux made a mildly amusing (by GOP standards anyway) sort-of-zinger comparing his Republican Senate Primary opponent Connie Mack to Charlie Sheen. Well, now Mack's campaign manager Jeff Cohen has responded with this smarmy, hyperbolic, over-the-top letter addressed to LeMieux. Co ... More >>

Connie Mack Gets Called "Charlie Sheen of Florida Politics" by George LeMieux

According to polls Rep. Connie Mack IV is currently "#Winning!" when it comes to Florida's Republican Senate primary, but his campaign has hit quite a few snags this week. Sensing an opportunity to pounce, Mack's last serious remaining challenger, ex-Senator George LeMieux, called Mack the ... More >>

A Miami Girl at New York Fashion Week, Day One: Anna Wintour's Gonna Love This

​When I first moved to Miami, I wanted to meet and greet everything that Miami had to offer: the clubs, the beaches, the hot Latin men needing green cards. So on my first night out, with my Massachusetts fake ID in hand, I went to a drag show. What I found there was a fellow Indiana native, dresse ... More >>

Demi Moore Loves Miley Cyrus's Penis (Cake)

Via TMZBut, really, who doesn't? ​Just when you thought the fact that Miley Cyrus loves penis cake was officially too hot to handle ... TMZ has revealed that Miley ain't the only one who's got a need for desserts fashioned after gargantuan shlongs. Yes, it's true, Demi Moore has been implicated i ... More >>

Lady Gaga's A Very Gaga Thanksgiving: Ten Celebrities That Should Never Do a Holiday Show

Will Lady Gaga wear a turkey dress?​Lady Gaga just announced her new holiday special, A Very Gaga Thanksgiving. The show will air on ABC on Thanksgiving day, November 24, and will feature Tony Bennett and Katie Couric. If that's not bizarre enough, Gaga is set to perform "White Christmas" and chef ... More >>

Justin Bieber, Steve Jobs, Spock: How to Make Ten Celebrity Pumpkins

Heeeere's Johnny!​Halloween is almost here and you have a dilemma. There's a pumpkin on your doorstep ready to be carved, but what do you do? Sure you can do the standard Jack O' Lantern, but how boring is that? Why not turn that giant orange gourd into a work of art?  It's actually easy sinc ... More >>

Sweet Ear Wax, Camel Balls, and Candy Pee: The Ten Grossest Candies Ever!

Have a heart. Don't give these candies to trick-or-treaters.​Halloween is this week and with it comes trick or treating and candy. Candy, by its very existence, is sweet, delicious and created solely to make you feel good. So, of course, some genius decided that if you can mold candy into, say a t ... More >>

Four Haters Behind the Conspiracy to Destroy Juggalos

Jacob Metcalf's FlickrJuggalos are people too.Though Juggalo parties are loaded with titties and soda pop, and their signature battle cry mating call, "Whoop! Whoop!," would seemingly convey unabashed pride, it's safe to assume that it ain't easy being down with the clown. Everyone loves to rag on ... More >>

Keep Cool With These Icy Food Truck Treats

Snow CapsThat's one way to beat the Miami heat.​Walking a block from the car to lunch yesterday, we were hit with a furnace of hot air. Back in the car, the thermometer hit 100 degrees. It's August and it's muy caliente in Miami. If you're like us, you need something to cool you down. Luckily, the ... More >>

An Extremely Detailed Breakdown of Charlie Sheen's War With Garbage-Throwing Juggalos

​The Gathering of the Juggalos took place over the weekend. And while Crossfade is generally disgusted by the Insane Clown Posse's mud-, soda-, and facepaint-obsessed "music festival," our interest was piqued, ever so slightly, by last month's announcement that batshit drug addict of the year, Cha ... More >>

Ashton Kutcher, Opponent of Underage Sex Trafficking, Appears on Billboard With Naked 17-Year-Old Boy

Real men don't buy girls -- but it's cool if they stand next to naked boys.​No one is saying bearded celebrity pretty boy Ashton Kutcher is wrong for using his public influence to help combat underage sex trafficking. But when we published a feature calling him out for his obviously phony stats, h ... More >>

Beyonce, Chris Bosh, and Three Other Secret Celebrity Juggalos

Are you down with the clown?​​The Insane Clown Posse is the most successful DIY b(r)and in the history of independent music. They move merch like bona fide hustlers, tour like Black Flag in the '80s and serve as the centerpiece of a million-dollar Dark Carnival of spin-off artists and related pr ... More >>

Charlie Sheen Finally Admits He's A Juggalo

​Try, if you can, to imagine a grosser Burning Man. Not that the annual, drug-fueled New Age neverland orgy isn't gross. It is. But in addition to the week-long, middle-of-nowhere mass discharge of bodily fluids onto crystals, Burning Man also has mind-boggling works of art and provides a unique, ... More >>

STK $150 Gift Certificate, No Strings Attached Super-Mega Giveaway!

STK Miami​Thanks to the kind people at Paramount, Short Order readers can win one of the best giveaways ever. Prize includes a Blu-ray copy of No Strings Attached, the romantic comedy starring Oscar-winner Natalie Portman and Charlie Sheen-replacement Ashton Kutcher. But in order to mak ... More >>

Wayans Tag Team

Lynn Dannheisser, Surfside Town Attorney, Compares Bloggers Critical of Her to the KKK

​Surfside town attorney Lynn Dannheisser has been on a bit of a Charlie Sheen-esque multi-media rampage recently. In March, we wrote that Dannheisser, who makes more than $177,000 a year, successfully recommended her boyfriend, Gerald Houlihan, for additional legal representation for the town. Blo ... More >>

Bitchin' Rock Star from Mars

BT at Ultra Music Festival 2011 Day Three, March 27

​BT is difficult to pinpoint. He's a Grammy-nominated producer, remixer, musician, singer, engineer and composer. But he also moonlights as software creator, mobile app maker, and TV producer for the sad (but true) reality show Tommy Lee Goes to College on NBC. Yeah, who knew Tommy Lee actually ev ... More >>

Rich Uncle Pennybags

Note to Local Hotels: Never Let Charlie Sheen and Bret Michaels Rent a Room

​Talk about a confederacy of douches. In retrospect, it only makes sense that Bret Michaels and Charlie Sheen are good friends. Apparently they once owned a production company together, and Michaels taught Sheen the first thing any self-respecting bad boy celebrity needs to know: the proper trashi ... More >>

Charlie Sheen Is Bringing His Tour to South Florida

​If you want to see a sad former(?) drug addict ramble about bizarre delusions of grandeur, you can do it for free on many of South Florida's street corners. Or you can shell out $61 to $102 to see one at the BankAtlantic Center in April. That's right -- Charlie Sheen is bringing My Violent Torped ... More >>

Ten Other Things We Wish We Could Recall

​Even if you didn't think yesterday's recall of Miami-Dade Mayor Carlos Alvarez and Commissioner Natacha Seijas was a good idea, you must admit it was immensely satisfying to watch those lopsided results come in. We posit that it was better than sex. Fornication is wonderful and all, but how oft ... More >>

Ten Winning Band Names for Charlie Sheen's Inevitable Debut Album

Winning! Charlie Sheen is a freaking rock star.​If you've paid any attention to television, radio, internet, or even smoke signals rising from a faraway tribe, you've no doubt heard a little bit about Charlie Sheen in the news lately. But let us go on record right here and now as saying that the m ... More >>

Charlie Sheen's "Winning" Cooking Video: Next Stop Food Network?

Duh...Winning!​Charlie Sheen and his Adonis DNA have just made a cooking video for Funny or Die. In it, he announces his plan of total media domination. In the past week, he's appeared on every television network but one....The Food Network. In the demo -- which appears on the site run by c ... More >>

Tiger Blood: Coming to a Supermarket Near You

via ssoosay​Have you been obsessively refreshing Charlie Sheen's Twitter page seeking more doses of #tigerblood to get through your sad, pathetic day? Have all of your dreams this week involved porn-star goddesses feeding you chocolate milk through straws made of cocaine? Do you end all of yo ... More >>

Snappy Slogans: "Because rich tourists have to eat too!"

​Every now and then I take time from my busy schedule in order to lend a hand to others. I'm just big-hearted that way. Most of my charitable assistance is given to restaurants. The owners don't ask for my advice -- restaurateurs are a proud bunch -- but I know who needs my support. How can a writ ... More >>

Rico Love Charlie Sheen = "Bi-Winning" Rap Magic

Photo by Hannibal MatthewsRico Love's "on that Charlie Sheen"!​There's nothing we could add to the Charlie Sheen internet chatter that hasn't already been said. However, it was only a matter of time before the first rap song dropped using the phrase "on that Charlie Sheen." So who was to answer ... More >>

LeBron James Needs to Get Some of that Drug Called Charlie Sheen

via Alex PardeeThe new Heat mascot?​We were led to believe that LeBron James was special. That he was bitching, a total frickin' rock star from Mars. That he had tiger blood and Adonis DNA. That he was some sort of basketball warlock. That his joining the Heat would mean, duh, WINNING! But that ha ... More >>

Charlie Sheen, Red Mango Frozen Yogurt, and A Very Very Last Thought On SBWFF

​Red Mango Coming To South BeachThe all natural frozen yogurt store is moving into the Shops At Alton Road, lined up on Fifth Street along with Subway and upcoming Original Brooklyn Water Bagel Company and Pizza Fusion. Here's how Red Mango is described on the website: "The only 100% all natural, ... More >>

Winning! Cocaine! Tiger Blood! The Interweb's Seven Best Charlie Sheen Parody Songs

Angela George, Flickr​Charlie Sheen is a hell of a drug, and he's also the inspiration for several amateur musicians on YouTube. From a white Missouri rapper to a creepy old man's Sheen-inspired parody of "You're Beautiful," the interwebs are littered with people high off Charlie, and capitalizing ... More >>

Miami's dirty dozen of 2010

Capri Anderson: Dirty Dozen 2010

​Each year, New Times puts together a list of the sketchiest politicians, unholiest celebrities, and weirdest human beings to call the Magic City home. So who made the filthy cut this year? We're releasing the names one by one ahead of next week's issue, which comes with a full-page illustration o ... More >>

Herald Just Straight Up Linking to Hardcore Porn in Their Stories Now

​The Miami Herald is a "family newspaper," you know. Unlike yours truly, their writers aren't even free to drop f-bombs in their copy. Apparently, though, their website is totally free to link to hardcore pornography sites without so much as a "NSFW" warning in stories displayed on their front pag ... More >>

Charlie Sheen's Porn Star "Victim" is a Miami Girl

​The combined out-of-control forces of Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears and Paris Hilton really don't even come close to the sheer disaster that is Charlie Sheen's life. In just his latest episode, the Two and a Half Men star went on an alleged alcohol and cocaine fueled naked rampage in which h ... More >>

Ten Reasons Erin Newberg Says to Watch VH1's "Secrets of Aspen"

courtesy blog.vh1.comErin and castmate Shana have Secrets​If you think that no reality show is complete without an injection of the 305, tonight may be the night you start watching the latest piece of reality fluff to hit VH1's lineup "Secrets of Aspen." The show premiered last week with a storyli ... More >>

Top 10 Foods Charlie Sheen Can't Get in Jail, If He Goes

We're no judge or jury, but we're guessing Charlie Sheen is headed for the slammer. All the celebrities are doing it. Serving a year is the new having a college degree. Did you know that back in 1990 Charlie Sheen shot his then-fiancee in the arm, accidentally?If his newest arrest results in jail ti ... More >>

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