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Blogs
April 20, 2012
It's 4/20! Top Five Restaurants When You're Stoned
Today, 4/20, is the only day of the year when more Americans write and comment about pot than actually smoke it. What no doubt started as a story reported in desperation on a slow news day, has grown into something resembling a mainstream holiday -- all that's missing is a calendar notation, appropr ... More >>
Blogs
April 11, 2012
Connie Mack IV Links Bill Nelson to Monkeys on Cocaine
Florida's 2012 Senate election is shaping up to be as ridiculous as ever. Connie Mack IV, whom you might remember has been characterized by his Republican opponents as "the Charlie Sheen of Florida Politics," released a web ad today linking incumbent Democratic Sen. Bill Nel ... More >>
Blogs
February 27, 2012
George LeMieux Continues Connie Mack/Charlie Sheen Attack with "Two & a Half Macks" Ad
Instead of talking about salient issues, the two contenders for Florida's GOP Senate nomination have spent the better part of the last week arguing over a dumb Charlie Sheen joke. Former Sen. George LeMieux cracked last week that rival Rep. Connie Mack IV was the "Charlie Sheen of Florida Politic ... More >>
Blogs
February 23, 2012
Connie Mack's Campaign Manager Sends Crazy Letter to George LeMieux Over Charlie Sheen Joke
Yesterday George LeMieux made a mildly amusing (by GOP standards anyway) sort-of-zinger comparing his Republican Senate Primary opponent Connie Mack to Charlie Sheen. Well, now Mack's campaign manager Jeff Cohen has responded with this smarmy, hyperbolic, over-the-top letter addressed to LeMieux. Co ... More >>
Blogs
February 22, 2012
Connie Mack Gets Called "Charlie Sheen of Florida Politics" by George LeMieux
According to polls Rep. Connie Mack IV is currently "#Winning!" when it comes to Florida's Republican Senate primary, but his campaign has hit quite a few snags this week. Sensing an opportunity to pounce, Mack's last serious remaining challenger, ex-Senator George LeMieux, called Mack the ... More >>
Blogs
February 9, 2012
A Miami Girl at New York Fashion Week, Day One: Anna Wintour's Gonna Love This
When I first moved to Miami, I wanted to meet and greet everything that Miami had to offer: the clubs, the beaches, the hot Latin men needing green cards. So on my first night out, with my Massachusetts fake ID in hand, I went to a drag show. What I found there was a fellow Indiana native, dresse ... More >>
Blogs
February 3, 2012
Demi Moore Loves Miley Cyrus's Penis (Cake)
Via TMZBut, really, who doesn't? Just when you thought the fact that Miley Cyrus loves penis cake was officially too hot to handle ... TMZ has revealed that Miley ain't the only one who's got a need for desserts fashioned after gargantuan shlongs. Yes, it's true, Demi Moore has been implicated i ... More >>
Blogs
November 4, 2011
Lady Gaga's A Very Gaga Thanksgiving: Ten Celebrities That Should Never Do a Holiday Show
Will Lady Gaga wear a turkey dress?Lady Gaga just announced her new holiday special, A Very Gaga Thanksgiving. The show will air on ABC on Thanksgiving day, November 24, and will feature Tony Bennett and Katie Couric. If that's not bizarre enough, Gaga is set to perform "White Christmas" and chef ... More >>
Blogs
October 27, 2011
Justin Bieber, Steve Jobs, Spock: How to Make Ten Celebrity Pumpkins
Heeeere's Johnny!Halloween is almost here and you have a dilemma. There's a pumpkin on your doorstep ready to be carved, but what do you do? Sure you can do the standard Jack O' Lantern, but how boring is that? Why not turn that giant orange gourd into a work of art? It's actually easy sinc ... More >>
Blogs
October 25, 2011
Sweet Ear Wax, Camel Balls, and Candy Pee: The Ten Grossest Candies Ever!
Have a heart. Don't give these candies to trick-or-treaters.Halloween is this week and with it comes trick or treating and candy. Candy, by its very existence, is sweet, delicious and created solely to make you feel good. So, of course, some genius decided that if you can mold candy into, say a t ... More >>
Blogs
October 24, 2011
Four Haters Behind the Conspiracy to Destroy Juggalos
Jacob Metcalf's FlickrJuggalos are people too.Though Juggalo parties are loaded with titties and soda pop, and their signature battle cry mating call, "Whoop! Whoop!," would seemingly convey unabashed pride, it's safe to assume that it ain't easy being down with the clown. Everyone loves to rag on ... More >>
Music
September 15, 2011
Marc Anthony at American Airlines Arena September 16
Jacob Metcalf's FlickrJuggalos are people too.Though Juggalo parties are loaded with titties and soda pop, and their signature battle cry mating call, "Whoop! Whoop!," would seemingly convey unabashed pride, it's safe to assume that it ain't easy being down with the clown. Everyone loves to rag on ... More >>
Blogs
August 19, 2011
Keep Cool With These Icy Food Truck Treats
Snow CapsThat's one way to beat the Miami heat.Walking a block from the car to lunch yesterday, we were hit with a furnace of hot air. Back in the car, the thermometer hit 100 degrees. It's August and it's muy caliente in Miami. If you're like us, you need something to cool you down. Luckily, the ... More >>
Blogs
August 15, 2011
An Extremely Detailed Breakdown of Charlie Sheen's War With Garbage-Throwing Juggalos
The Gathering of the Juggalos took place over the weekend. And while Crossfade is generally disgusted by the Insane Clown Posse's mud-, soda-, and facepaint-obsessed "music festival," our interest was piqued, ever so slightly, by last month's announcement that batshit drug addict of the year, Cha ... More >>
Blogs
July 19, 2011
Ashton Kutcher, Opponent of Underage Sex Trafficking, Appears on Billboard With Naked 17-Year-Old Boy
Real men don't buy girls -- but it's cool if they stand next to naked boys.No one is saying bearded celebrity pretty boy Ashton Kutcher is wrong for using his public influence to help combat underage sex trafficking. But when we published a feature calling him out for his obviously phony stats, h ... More >>
Blogs
July 8, 2011
Beyonce, Chris Bosh, and Three Other Secret Celebrity Juggalos
Are you down with the clown?The Insane Clown Posse is the most successful DIY b(r)and in the history of independent music. They move merch like bona fide hustlers, tour like Black Flag in the '80s and serve as the centerpiece of a million-dollar Dark Carnival of spin-off artists and related pr ... More >>
Blogs
July 7, 2011
Charlie Sheen Finally Admits He's A Juggalo
Try, if you can, to imagine a grosser Burning Man. Not that the annual, drug-fueled New Age neverland orgy isn't gross. It is. But in addition to the week-long, middle-of-nowhere mass discharge of bodily fluids onto crystals, Burning Man also has mind-boggling works of art and provides a unique, ... More >>
Blogs
June 2, 2011
STK $150 Gift Certificate, No Strings Attached Super-Mega Giveaway!
STK MiamiThanks to the kind people at Paramount, Short Order readers can win one of the best giveaways ever. Prize includes a Blu-ray copy of No Strings Attached, the romantic comedy starring Oscar-winner Natalie Portman and Charlie Sheen-replacement Ashton Kutcher. But in order to mak ... More >>
Calendar
May 19, 2011
Wayans Tag Team
STK MiamiThanks to the kind people at Paramount, Short Order readers can win one of the best giveaways ever. Prize includes a Blu-ray copy of No Strings Attached, the romantic comedy starring Oscar-winner Natalie Portman and Charlie Sheen-replacement Ashton Kutcher. But in order to mak ... More >>
Blogs
April 19, 2011
Lynn Dannheisser, Surfside Town Attorney, Compares Bloggers Critical of Her to the KKK
Surfside town attorney Lynn Dannheisser has been on a bit of a Charlie Sheen-esque multi-media rampage recently. In March, we wrote that Dannheisser, who makes more than $177,000 a year, successfully recommended her boyfriend, Gerald Houlihan, for additional legal representation for the town. Blo ... More >>
Calendar
April 14, 2011
Bitchin' Rock Star from Mars
Surfside town attorney Lynn Dannheisser has been on a bit of a Charlie Sheen-esque multi-media rampage recently. In March, we wrote that Dannheisser, who makes more than $177,000 a year, successfully recommended her boyfriend, Gerald Houlihan, for additional legal representation for the town. Blo ... More >>
Blogs
March 28, 2011
BT at Ultra Music Festival 2011 Day Three, March 27
BT is difficult to pinpoint. He's a Grammy-nominated producer, remixer, musician, singer, engineer and composer. But he also moonlights as software creator, mobile app maker, and TV producer for the sad (but true) reality show Tommy Lee Goes to College on NBC. Yeah, who knew Tommy Lee actually ev ... More >>
Calendar
March 24, 2011
Rich Uncle Pennybags
BT is difficult to pinpoint. He's a Grammy-nominated producer, remixer, musician, singer, engineer and composer. But he also moonlights as software creator, mobile app maker, and TV producer for the sad (but true) reality show Tommy Lee Goes to College on NBC. Yeah, who knew Tommy Lee actually ev ... More >>
Blogs
March 21, 2011
Note to Local Hotels: Never Let Charlie Sheen and Bret Michaels Rent a Room
Talk about a confederacy of douches. In retrospect, it only makes sense that Bret Michaels and Charlie Sheen are good friends. Apparently they once owned a production company together, and Michaels taught Sheen the first thing any self-respecting bad boy celebrity needs to know: the proper trashi ... More >>
Blogs
March 18, 2011
Charlie Sheen Is Bringing His Tour to South Florida
If you want to see a sad former(?) drug addict ramble about bizarre delusions of grandeur, you can do it for free on many of South Florida's street corners. Or you can shell out $61 to $102 to see one at the BankAtlantic Center in April. That's right -- Charlie Sheen is bringing My Violent Torped ... More >>
Blogs
March 16, 2011
Ten Other Things We Wish We Could Recall
Even if you didn't think yesterday's recall of Miami-Dade Mayor Carlos Alvarez and Commissioner Natacha Seijas was a good idea, you must admit it was immensely satisfying to watch those lopsided results come in. We posit that it was better than sex. Fornication is wonderful and all, but how oft ... More >>
Blogs
March 15, 2011
Ten Winning Band Names for Charlie Sheen's Inevitable Debut Album
Winning! Charlie Sheen is a freaking rock star.If you've paid any attention to television, radio, internet, or even smoke signals rising from a faraway tribe, you've no doubt heard a little bit about Charlie Sheen in the news lately. But let us go on record right here and now as saying that the m ... More >>
Blogs
March 10, 2011
Charlie Sheen's "Winning" Cooking Video: Next Stop Food Network?
Duh...Winning!Charlie Sheen and his Adonis DNA have just made a cooking video for Funny or Die. In it, he announces his plan of total media domination. In the past week, he's appeared on every television network but one....The Food Network. In the demo -- which appears on the site run by c ... More >>
Blogs
March 9, 2011
Tiger Blood: Coming to a Supermarket Near You
via ssoosayHave you been obsessively refreshing Charlie Sheen's Twitter page seeking more doses of #tigerblood to get through your sad, pathetic day? Have all of your dreams this week involved porn-star goddesses feeding you chocolate milk through straws made of cocaine? Do you end all of yo ... More >>
Blogs
March 8, 2011
Snappy Slogans: "Because rich tourists have to eat too!"
Every now and then I take time from my busy schedule in order to lend a hand to others. I'm just big-hearted that way. Most of my charitable assistance is given to restaurants. The owners don't ask for my advice -- restaurateurs are a proud bunch -- but I know who needs my support. How can a writ ... More >>
Blogs
March 7, 2011
Rico Love Charlie Sheen = "Bi-Winning" Rap Magic
Photo by Hannibal MatthewsRico Love's "on that Charlie Sheen"!There's nothing we could add to the Charlie Sheen internet chatter that hasn't already been said. However, it was only a matter of time before the first rap song dropped using the phrase "on that Charlie Sheen." So who was to answer ... More >>
Blogs
March 4, 2011
LeBron James Needs to Get Some of that Drug Called Charlie Sheen
via Alex PardeeThe new Heat mascot?We were led to believe that LeBron James was special. That he was bitching, a total frickin' rock star from Mars. That he had tiger blood and Adonis DNA. That he was some sort of basketball warlock. That his joining the Heat would mean, duh, WINNING! But that ha ... More >>
Blogs
March 2, 2011
Charlie Sheen, Red Mango Frozen Yogurt, and A Very Very Last Thought On SBWFF
Red Mango Coming To South BeachThe all natural frozen yogurt store is moving into the Shops At Alton Road, lined up on Fifth Street along with Subway and upcoming Original Brooklyn Water Bagel Company and Pizza Fusion. Here's how Red Mango is described on the website: "The only 100% all natural, ... More >>
Blogs
March 2, 2011
Winning! Cocaine! Tiger Blood! The Interweb's Seven Best Charlie Sheen Parody Songs
Angela George, FlickrCharlie Sheen is a hell of a drug, and he's also the inspiration for several amateur musicians on YouTube. From a white Missouri rapper to a creepy old man's Sheen-inspired parody of "You're Beautiful," the interwebs are littered with people high off Charlie, and capitalizing ... More >>
Blogs
February 14, 2011
Scottie Pippen Calls Chris Bosh Half a Player, Doesn't Think Heat Will Break Any Record
When Scottie Pippen sits down to watch TV, he doesn't see much difference between Two and a Half Men and a Miami Heat game. We guess LeBron is Charlie Sheen, Wade is John Cryer, and Chris Bosh is apparently that chubby kid who's awkwardly aged in front of America. In an interview with Slam Online ... More >>
News
December 30, 2010
Miami's dirty dozen of 2010
When Scottie Pippen sits down to watch TV, he doesn't see much difference between Two and a Half Men and a Miami Heat game. We guess LeBron is Charlie Sheen, Wade is John Cryer, and Chris Bosh is apparently that chubby kid who's awkwardly aged in front of America. In an interview with Slam Online ... More >>
Blogs
December 29, 2010
Top Ten Dumb-Ass New Year's Traditions
Yes, Dick Clark is a dumb-ass new year tradition.Stupid traditions ... Like assholes and opinions, everyone has one. You've groaned when your mom forced you to follow hers. Or you've nervously complied when trapped at some boring New Year's Eve party with your brand-new girlfriend and her extend ... More >>
Blogs
December 26, 2010
Capri Anderson: Dirty Dozen 2010
Each year, New Times puts together a list of the sketchiest politicians, unholiest celebrities, and weirdest human beings to call the Magic City home. So who made the filthy cut this year? We're releasing the names one by one ahead of next week's issue, which comes with a full-page illustration o ... More >>
Blogs
October 29, 2010
Herald Just Straight Up Linking to Hardcore Porn in Their Stories Now
The Miami Herald is a "family newspaper," you know. Unlike yours truly, their writers aren't even free to drop f-bombs in their copy. Apparently, though, their website is totally free to link to hardcore pornography sites without so much as a "NSFW" warning in stories displayed on their front pag ... More >>
Blogs
October 28, 2010
Charlie Sheen's Porn Star "Victim" is a Miami Girl
The combined out-of-control forces of Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears and Paris Hilton really don't even come close to the sheer disaster that is Charlie Sheen's life. In just his latest episode, the Two and a Half Men star went on an alleged alcohol and cocaine fueled naked rampage in which h ... More >>
Blogs
January 10, 2010
Ten Reasons Erin Newberg Says to Watch VH1's "Secrets of Aspen"
courtesy blog.vh1.comErin and castmate Shana have SecretsIf you think that no reality show is complete without an injection of the 305, tonight may be the night you start watching the latest piece of reality fluff to hit VH1's lineup "Secrets of Aspen." The show premiered last week with a storyli ... More >>
Blogs
December 29, 2009
Top 10 Foods Charlie Sheen Can't Get in Jail, If He Goes
We're no judge or jury, but we're guessing Charlie Sheen is headed for the slammer. All the celebrities are doing it. Serving a year is the new having a college degree. Did you know that back in 1990 Charlie Sheen shot his then-fiancee in the arm, accidentally?If his newest arrest results in jail ti ... More >>
Home Entertainment
September 20, 2007
Feeling Feverish?
We're no judge or jury, but we're guessing Charlie Sheen is headed for the slammer. All the celebrities are doing it. Serving a year is the new having a college degree. Did you know that back in 1990 Charlie Sheen shot his then-fiancee in the arm, accidentally?If his newest arrest results in jail ti ... More >>
Home Entertainment
July 19, 2007
Cold War Reheated
We're no judge or jury, but we're guessing Charlie Sheen is headed for the slammer. All the celebrities are doing it. Serving a year is the new having a college degree. Did you know that back in 1990 Charlie Sheen shot his then-fiancee in the arm, accidentally?If his newest arrest results in jail ti ... More >>
Music
July 22, 2004
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