Charles Barkley

  • Blogs

    August 6, 2014

    Five Reasons Miami Heat Fans Deserve More Respect

    When LeBron James headed back home to Cleveland, he forgot to pack something Heat fans hoped he'd take with him -- namely, the national hate for Dade County's fans. Before LeBron came to Miami, no one really had a problem with Heat fans, but while he was here, Heat fans caught what amounted to LeBro ... More >>

  • News

    June 5, 2014
  • Blogs

    May 28, 2014

    LeBron James Is Better Than Michael Jordan Ever Was

    Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke goes after Mark Cuban. On Monday night, in game four of the NBA Eastern Conference Finals, LeBron James broke Michael Jordan's p ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 22, 2014

    Heat Beats Celtics: Joel Anthony Makes Tough Guys Cry

    In what is becoming a trend, the Heat once again Tuesday night played a game you would like to punt into a canal, jump in after it, drag it to the bottom, and put it under a rock like an alligator. Except they won this time, 93-86. Yeah, the Celtics are sucky, but a win is a win, right?

  • News

    January 16, 2014
  • Blogs

    January 14, 2014

    Black Women Love Scandal, But Black Men Hate It

    Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke pontificates on TV's most titillating program. Black women across America are jonesing for the return of Scandal, a hit TV show ... More >>

  • Blogs

    June 21, 2013

    Top Five Miami Heat Haters Who Can Suck It

    Yo, bro! The Heat won! We are them big two-timers, and you know our boys are going to keep their strong up and come back for another title in 2014. How could it be any other way? But would you believe it? There are still a bunch of haters out there. No doubt, they're hiding their heads away today ... More >>

  • Blogs

    April 16, 2013

    Miami Heat Fans Ranked Most Loyal in the NBA

    It wasn't that long ago when it seemed like the entire world hated the Miami Heat, and during the worst of those times it seemed like people were attacking the fans almost as much as they were attacking LeBron James. "Miami doesn't deserve this team," they said. "They don't even show up on time. Do ... More >>

  • Blogs

    February 15, 2013

    LeBron James Points Out That According to Michael Jordan's Logic, MJ Is Not The Best Basketball Player Ever

    It all started with Michael Jordan claiming yesterday that Kobe Bryant was a better player than LeBron James simply because he had more rings.James at first shook it off, but clearly he's been thinking it over enough to realize that by Michael Jordan's own logic, Michael Jordan would only be tied as ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 31, 2012

    Riptide's Ten Most Popular Posts of 2012: Porn Stars, Roadside Masturbation and the Miami Zombie

    Another year down. Thousands more blog posts committed to Riptide's digital page. So what better way to look back at the previous year than to look at the posts that racked up the most page views on this here humble blog. Of course, that makes the year of 2012 look like it was dominated by the Miami ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 11, 2012

    LeBron James: "Charles Barkley Needs to Shut Up"

    Basketball star turned professional mouth Charles Barkley has emerged as the preeminent Miami Heat hater of our times, and LeBron James for one has had enough. James told Barkley to "shut up" point blank after the TNT analyst took shots at Dwyane Wade's athletic ability. 

  • Blogs

    June 28, 2012

    Local Porn Stars Will Make Good on Offer to Give Anyone a BJ After Heat Championship

    During the NBA finals, local porn stars Angelina Castro and Sara Jay made a bet with two of their Oklahoma City counterparts: If their team won, they'd give the team's fans free blowjobs. Now, Castro and Jay are making plans to keep their word. Yes, a free blowjob for anyone. The event is set for Au ... More >>

  • Blogs

    June 22, 2012


    Get your pots and pans out, Miami. Your Miami Heat are 2012 NBA World Champions!

  • Blogs

    June 22, 2012

    Heat Fans Go Crazy In Animated Gifs

    Early this morning on Biscayne Boulevard, a hot chick in a fully packed SUV stuck her head out the window and screamed "Who wanna get me pregnant tonight!"Let's just say, it was a wild way to start a Friday.Now that everyone in the world knows we're the best, here's a massive Cobradick slap to Charl ... More >>

  • Blogs

    June 21, 2012

    29 Ways for Miami to Celebrate If the Heat Clinch the Title Tonight

    If the Heat wins tonight, it will be a citywide fist punch to the fart box of all the haters around the world. Kevin Durant and Russell Westbrook can go back to wearing their lensless glasses in the obscurity of Oklahoma City. And Charles Barkley can quietly choke on his stupid diet meals.Miami can' ... More >>

  • Blogs

    June 21, 2012

    Charles Barkley Says Miami Heat Don't Have Real Fans, Is Easily Proven Wrong by Math

    Looks like its time to bring back the "Fuck you, Chuck" chants. While predicting that the Miami Heat will win tonight, and laying praise on LeBron James, professional loudmouth Charles Barkley took a swipe at Miami fans this morning on a D.C. sports radio show by claiming that the Heat don't ha ... More >>

  • News

    March 1, 2012
  • Blogs

    February 28, 2012

    Skip Bayless is a Modern Day Minstrel

    ​Luther Campbell, the man whose booty-shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke crowns ESPN talking head Skip Bayless the king of race baiting.I've got to hand it to Skip Bayless for articulating so we ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 13, 2012

    The Devil Inside Tim Tebow: What the Broncos QB Shares With the Spooky Thriller

    ​I'm usually the quiet guy at the computer frying his retinas when coworkers discuss the previous night's SportsCenter reruns. But I'm a news junkie, so I knew a bunch of Gen Xers kneeling at their cubicles last week didn't mean they were starting a prayer meetup.They were instead mimicking God-fe ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 6, 2012

    Charles Barkley, Weight Watchers Spokesperson, Calls Weight Watchers a "Scam"

    ​During last night's triple overtime showdown between the Miami Heat and Atlanta Hawks, NBA Hall of Famer-turned-broadcaster Charles Barkley opened up about his new gig as Weight Watchers' celebrity spokesperson. During a first quarter commercial break, Barkley told his TNT comrades Reggie Mill ... More >>

  • Blogs

    September 19, 2011

    Charles Barkley: Dwyane Wade Has Become "Whiny"

    ​Unfortunately for Miami Heat fans, the NBA lockout has not put a lock on the mouth of Charles Barkley, the unofficial president of the Anti-Heat Fan Club. Barkley was on Dan LeBatard's new ESPN2 show on Friday, and while he may be out of a broadcasting job himself next season, it seems like it ma ... More >>

  • Blogs

    July 19, 2011

    "Big Two": It is Entirely Possible That Shaq Can't Count to Three

    ​Former Heat star Shaquille O'Neal made his big debut as an NBA analyst today on an show announcing the release of the season schedule. He had nice things to say about the Heat actually, which was refreshing in the wake of Charles Barkley's mouth's year-long perpetual word vomit. Unless, of course ... More >>

  • Blogs

    July 11, 2011

    Shaq Joins Charles Barkley on Show That May Not Exist

    "A paycheck for sitting in a chair and talking about basketball? Don't mind if I do."Former Miami Heat center Shaquille O'Neal will be joining the studio team on "NBA on TNT," the popular basketball show also featuring noted Heat hater Charles Barkley, according to unnamed reports in the Orlando&nbs ... More >>

  • Blogs

    June 16, 2011

    Vancouver Riots: At Least Miami Heat Fans Didn't Burn The City Down After Dallas Won

    via You Tube​Professor Charles Barkley, a noted sociologist and all around portly fellow, recently proposed a hypothesis that the Miami Heat "have the worst fans."Chuck, you might want to watch some video of what went down in Vancouver last night. Because we're pretty sure that burning your city's ... More >>

  • Blogs

    June 9, 2011

    Charles Barkley: Heat "Have The Worst Fans"

    ​Charles Barkley took time out of very busy schedule of criticizing the Miami Heat to switch it up a little bit and criticize the Heat's fans. Oh, yeah, he went there.

  • Blogs

    June 2, 2011

    Pepe Billete's Top Five Reasons The Miami Heat Will Win The NBA Title

    ​Oye, Guanabacoa's most famous resident since Rick Sanchez is guaranteeing the Miami Heat will pick up its second Larry O'Brian trophy in the NBA Finals.In his latest YouTube video, Pepe Billete explains why the Dallas Mavericks suck ass while partaking in one of his favorite past times. We've loo ... More >>

  • Blogs

    June 2, 2011

    Micky Arison on Shaq Retirement: "I Think He Should Take Charles Barkley's Job"

    ​Shaquille O'Neal's announcement that he's retiring from basketball after a legendary career that spanned 19 season has brought out lots of well wishers, but Mickey Arison, owner of the Miami Heat where Shaq won his last championship, perhaps had the best zinger."I think he should take Charles Bar ... More >>

  • Blogs

    May 23, 2011

    Don't Make Chris Bosh Angry

    ​The Miami Heat took down the tough Chicago Bulls 96-85 in an Eastern Conference Finals Game 3 that featured tough defense, gay slurs, Miami fans berating Charles Barkley, LeBron James obliterating Kyle Korver, and Chris Bosh exploding all over Chicago's face. The Heat now have a 2-1 lead in the b ... More >>

  • Blogs

    May 23, 2011

    Charles Barkley Flips Off Miami Heat Fans Chanting "Barkley Sucks"

    ​Charles Barkley has been flapping his mouth all season by taking any shot possible at the Miami Heat. The man simply finds any opening possible to criticize the team. Needless to say, he's not exactly a popular man in Miami.Last night, he was forced outside in front of the AA Arena to host TNT's ... More >>

  • Blogs

    April 26, 2011

    Don't Worry, Brandon Marshall, You Didn't Make Our Top 10 Stupidest Athlete Injuries of All Time

    miamidolphins.comBrandon Marshall, just the latest athlete to get injured under strange circumstances.​"If you prick a baller, does he not bleed?" -- William ShakespeareProfessional athletes are finely tuned machines: millions of dollars' worth of ESPN-highlight-generating speed, torque, power, an ... More >>

  • Blogs

    March 11, 2011

    Charles Barkley: "Nobody Cares About the Miami Heat"

    The Devil on your shoulder.​America's favorite loudmouthed basketball has-been Charles Barkley and Heat star Dwyane Wade might costar in a series of cell phone commercials, but Barkley hasn't let that dampen his criticism of the Heat. The Heat finally pulled out another victory last night against ... More >>

  • Blogs

    February 4, 2011

    Charles Barkley Calls Chris Bosh an Ugly Girl

    ​With the addition of Chris Bosh to the Eastern Conference's reserve roster your Miami Heat big three are all officially all stars. Yeah, the Boston Celtics have more All Star players (four on the reserve roster), the Heat have the most in the starting line-up. Of course with two teams making up m ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 22, 2010

    Does Dwyane Wade Want Out of Miami? No, He Just Wants to Sell You Cell Phone Service

    Maybe he really misses Shaq? ​We said yesterday that if Dwyane Wade ever left Miami we'd wouldn't freak out to the same degree that Cleveland did over LeBron. But, yes, we'd probably have some sort of temporary meltdown before maintaining a stiff upper lip pretending that we've never even heard o ... More >>

  • News

    November 25, 2010
  • Blogs

    November 3, 2010

    Gay Talese, Legendary Sports Writer, Says LeBron James was Right to Join the Heat

    walkerbooks.comLegendary (sports) writer Gay Talese has got LeBron's back... and a new book​Ever since "The Decision," many a pundit or has-been player has weighed in on LeBron James's controversial move to the Miami Heat.But their critiques have largely been air-balls, lacking in aim and precisio ... More >>

  • Blogs

    October 26, 2010

    Prelude to a League-Wide Reaming: LeBron Makes Season Debut With the Heat Tonight

    ​After an off-season that can be described only as batshit, the NBA regular season is finally upon us as LeBron James makes his long-awaited debut as a member of the Miami Heat. Never in the history of mankind has someone been so reviled for choosing to move from Cleveland to Miami ... More >>

  • Blogs

    October 20, 2010

    LeBron James Receives Racist Twitter Message

    ​Yesterday on his Twitter feed, LeBron James re-tweeted criticism from some, let's call them "disgruntled," fans. He then proclaimed the day as Hater Day, telling the twitterverse that the haters need their two minutes of fame too. The tweets were your typical everyday re-hashed LeBron affronts. P ... More >>

  • Blogs

    September 30, 2010

    LeBron James Says Race Was a Factor in Public Backlash

    LeBron James is now the sixth most hated athlete in America after his decision to ditch Cleveland and join a superteam in Miami. He now says that part of the backlash he endured stems from racial issues. James made the comments in an interview that aired on CNN yesterday and is not backing down from ... More >>

  • Blogs

    September 9, 2010

    Does Dwyane Wade Have a Kryptonite?

    What's Dwyane Wade's kryptonite? Other than the occasional New Times feature, of course.​Dwight Howard and Shaquille O'Neal, two seven-foot hulks with firm Floridian ties, have, in recent years, been involved in a weird war of words (mostly Shaq's) concerning who has rightful claim to the nickname ... More >>

  • Blogs

    August 31, 2010

    The Craziest Things Said During the Summer of LeBron

    ​LeBron James tore a hole in the fabric of the universe when he announced on live television he was joining the Miami Heat. And wow, did people say some really dumb/crazy things about it. Here's our compendium, in roughly chronological form, of the looniest and most mind-melting quotes from the Su ... More >>

  • Blogs

    August 27, 2010

    Dwyane Wade Heard What We Said About His Acting Ability

    On Tuesday we sized up Dwyane Wade's acting ability based on his latest commercial for Gatorade's G Series Live. Well, Men's Health saw the post and happened to have had Dwyane Wade swoop by their offices yesterday. Apparently they think we said LeBron James is a better actor than Wade (which is not ... More >>

  • Blogs

    August 4, 2010

    Miami Heat To Start Season in Boston, Face Lakers on Christmas Day

    ​The Three Kings will start their quest to utterly destroy all other NBA teams with their awesomeness in Boston. The NBA leaked parts of its 2010-11 schedule last night, and it has the Miami Heat opening their season against the defending Eastern Conference Champion Boston Celtics. And, in a game ... More >>

  • Blogs

    July 27, 2010

    Miami Heat More "Evil" than Yankees, Says Drunk-on-Sorrow Cleveland Columnist

    Associated Press​Cleveland has plenty of reasons to declare a municipal omerta on LeBron James. Using a live TV special to choose the Heat was the sporting version of that part in Carrie where the popular jock makes Sissy Spacek his prom date just to dump pig's blood all over her, only inste ... More >>

  • Blogs

    July 15, 2010

    Dwyane Wade Would Like to Tell Heat Critics to Shove It (Sort Of)

    ​Dwyane Wade has gone from telling everyone this is his house to telling everyone to get off his lawn. D-Wade invited LeBron James and Chris Bosh to join him on the Heat so they could do something epic, namely stab everyone in the face with their awesomeness. Unfortunately, just about everybody ou ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 6, 2009

    Gators Assistant Says Racism Has Stalled His Career

    Let's count the ways that Charles Barkley, as usual, is the wisest guy in the room. No, Riptide isn't applauding his DUI arrest a couple of days ago in Arizona. That was no good. We're talking about his outraged and much-argued assertion last month that his alma matter, Auburn, hired Iowa State coac ... More >>

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    July 15, 2004

    Zo Good

    Get back in the Groove to help others

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    December 28, 2000

    Letters to the Editor

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    July 17, 1997
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    January 4, 1996
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    May 25, 1995
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