Subject: Chad Pennington

• I Hate the Jets

  December 26, 2006

• Dolphins’ New Beginning Starts Off With Old Familiar Ways

  August 11, 2008

• Drama on the Gridiron: Dolphins vs. Jets

  September 5, 2008

• Dolphins Lose, Pennington Sucks

  September 7, 2008

• One Of These Things Looks Like The Other

  September 23, 2008

• Dolphins Are Now Balls Deep in the Hunt

  November 3, 2008

• Dolphins Manage to Beat Back Old Crappy Self, Win Fourth Straight

  Holy crap. That was close. For a while there, it seemed as if we were witnessing the return of the Shitphins. With just 4:30 remaining in a game that the Dolphins had been leading in all day, Oakland’s John Lee Higgins ran a Miami punt back 93-yards to pay dirt, giving the Raiders their first lead of the game and giving Dolphins fans everywhere a massive pain in their ass. But just as the Dolphins of old seemed to always invent newer and more glorious ways of losing games, this new-look D

  November 17, 2008

• Don't Be Afraid to Make Them Punt or Anything

  The Patriots punted once in the entire game during yesterday's 48-28 win over the Dolphins. Once. New England's offense totaled 530 yards -- the most the Dolphins defense has allowed since 1995. You could still catch brand new episodes of Seinfeld the last time the Dolphins allowed that many yards. Britney Spears had beautiful perky tits the last time the Dolphins allowed that many yards. We lived in a Linkin Park-free world the last time the Dolphins allowed that many yards. The only thing get

  November 24, 2008

• Because Sometimes Winning Ugly Beats Not Winning At All

  Once again, the Miami Dolphins had to pull unicorns and rainbows out their asses to keep from losing to a two-win team. But pull the magic from their bottoms they did, as they took down the hapless St. Louis Rams 16-12, for their seventh win of the season. Drive killing penalties, a stagnant running game, dropped passes, and another serious injury to a key player would kill any team's chances at winning a football game. Fortunately, the Rams are just a tad more inept than the Dolphins. So, bull

  December 1, 2008

• The Dolphins' Ass-Kicking Prowess Has Gone International

  Holy sugartits is this a magical time to be a Dolphins fan! They're just displaying all kinds of dexterity in the ass-kicking department, as they did yesterday when they flew into Canada's Rogers Centre and delivered a beatdown to the rival Buffalo Bills. The Fins defeated Buffalo 16-3 in front of a crowd of Canadians that can only be described as moderé, which in French I think means, "I am unimpressed with your game of futbol, so I shall wave my genitals in your general direction, sacrebleu!

  December 8, 2008

• Porter, Fins Lay a Beatdown on Niners

  The two most vicious hits in Sunday's Dolphins-49ers defensive power struggle both came in the waning minutes of the ballgame. First, with the Niners sitting in the red zone, trying to punch in a touchdown and take their first lead of the day, a bunch of security guys absolutely destroyed some random dude in jean shorts who drunkenly stumbled onto the field and ran toward the end zone. Two plays later, Joey Porter absolutely destroyed some random dude running the 49ers offense -- journ

  December 15, 2008

• Two Dolphins Headed to Pro Bowl, but Not Pennington

  So the Pro Bowl selections were announced and your Miami Dolphins snagged two spots on the AFC team. Beloved trash talker Joey Porter will be one of the starting outside linebackers, while Ronnie Brown will serve as a reserve running back. One of the biggest snubs? Chad Pennington, who has been having a breakout year since joining the team. Not exactly unexpected, but a lot of Fins fans had reasonable hopes.Peyton Manning will be the the AFC's starting QB, but the real salt in the wound is that

  December 16, 2008

• Pro Bowl Will Be In Miami in 2010

  Some football rumors we pick up on Riptide never come true. Usain Bolt never did make his start with the Dolphins. Others are actually legitimate it seems, as the 2010 Pro Bowl will indeed be played at Dolphin Stadium a week before the Super Bowl according to AP sources. The NFL has thought about changing up the tradition of playing its All Star game in Hawaii the week after the Super Bowl for years now, and seem poised to actually go forward with the shake up. The future of the Pro Bowl isn'

  December 30, 2008

• More Dumb Dolphins Rumors: Could They Sign Mangini as an Assistant?

  Talk about burying an explosive detail. CBS Sports correspondent Mike Freeman has a column up today theorizing that recently fired Jets Coach Eric Mangini won't find himself with another NFL head coaching job anytime soon thanks to wide spread speculation that he ratted New England Coach Bill Belichick out last year during Spygate. Apparently the NFL is like the mafia, and no one wants to deal with a suspected rat. Then Freeman speculates that he might end up with an assistant coaching job at

  December 31, 2008

• When Tweets Lie

  The Miami Herald reported Wednesday that there's a Chad Pennington imposter tweeting on Twitter. The quarterback's supposed account talked about various meals and get-togethers with teammates, according to the story. Pennington said he isn't a member of any social networking websites.But what about other prominent South Florida athletes?Dolphins defensive end Matt Roth has a Twitter account, along with Marlins Dan Uggla, Hanley Ramirez, and Jeremy Hermida. Heat players lead all Miami profe

  June 5, 2009

• Letters from the issue of December 4, 2008

  "Finely is determining that 'gay, loving relationships' should be relegated to second-, third-, or no-tier status."

  December 4, 2008

• A Thanksgiving Ode to Chad Pennington, Our Meh-rino

  November 27, 2008

• Holy Crap! They Won?

  The Dolphins beat the Pats! Now it’s the Chargers’ turn.

  October 2, 2008

• A New Beginning

  The rebuilding Dolphins open the season against Brett and the Jets.

  September 4, 2008

• Rooting for the Laundry

  August 21, 2008

• 10 Music Stars Who Should Own a Piece of the Dolphins (Part 1)

  ​The Miami Dolphins are for sale to the highest musical bidders. Gloria Estefan and Marc Anthony have both recently bought minority shares of the franchise, leaving us all wondering: Who's next? We've compiled a list of 10 most wanted musicians with a tie to Miami who would be great partial owners for the Dolphins. Consider this an open letter to the following musicians:Luther R. CampbellLuke Skyywalker of 2 Live Crew fame would be perfect as a partial owner for the Dolphins. First off, "As Na

  July 28, 2009

• Snowflake Returns

  August 13, 2009

• News Roundup

  Over the weekend, pretty much every newspaper editorial board in the state wrote mean things about new Sen. George LeMieux. [Buzz]Oh, and word on the street is LeMieux might be interested in running for U.S. Senate against Bill Nelson in 2012, or for attorney general. [Buzz]Debbie Wasserman Schultz held a telephone town-hall meeting and publicly declared her love for the public option. [SunSent]Robert Schindler Jr., father of Terri Schiavo, died of heart failure over the weekend. [UPI]

  August 31, 2009

• Dolphins vs Falcons: Let's All Remain Calm and Optimistic

  ​Miami Dolphins @ Atlanta Falcons, Sunday at 1pm on CBS4. Not to say the Dolphins don't have some well deserved swagger, but let's be real, out of all the defending divisional champs the Fins fan's optimism might be the most muted. We all knew last year's historic turn around season was thanks in no small part to two things: Brady's busted knee and the surprising wildcat. Well, Brady's back after a year off spent impregnating Gisele, and the wildcat may be turning old hat. Add to tha

  September 11, 2009

• Miami Dolphins Preview: The Robot Era Begins

  wikimediaSee the game for them, if not for Chad.​We've had the worst luck with our quarterbacks since Dan Marino retied in 1999. And now, with Chad Pennington's shoulder turning to shredded wheat last Sunday, it looks like the Chad Henne era is upon us sooner than anticipated. Henne comes with a rep for underachieving as a 4-year starter at Michigan, and carries the weight of the inevitable comparisons to fellow draft classmates, quarterbacks Matt Ryan and Joe Flacco, whom the Fins chose to fo

  October 3, 2009

• Miami Dolphins Win: Champagne Breakfast for Everyone!

  ​You might recall the Dolphins lately have been getting their asses dented on a week-to-week basis. This has directly led to an 0-3 start, a last-place standing in the AFC East, and Chad Pennington's shoulder crumbling into powder before our eyes. Coming in to this week against the Buffalo Bills, all seemed lost. With Chad Henne getting his first career start, and Joey Porter out of the lineup with a hamstring injury, the stars and cosmos were once again aligned for the Dolphins

  October 5, 2009

• Jets Fans Whining on Wikipedia?

  As we know from the "Wikipedia" entry on Wikipedia, Wikipedia can be edited by anyone. And apparently a few select Jets fans have put down their stone tools and cave paint brushes and figured out a little basic HTML. How do I know? Just check out the Wikipedia entry on the Miami Dolphins and scroll down to the review of last Monday's 31-27 Dolphins victory. Here's the excerpt if you're a Jet fan and can't understand the concept of hyperlink:Chad Pennington recently suffered a shoulder injury aga

  October 16, 2009

• Could the End of the Ted Ginn Era Be Upon Us?

  Here at Riptide, we haven't exactly moderated our feelings for the Dolphins' resident maestro of the skillet-hands and master of the 1.5-yards-after-catch Ted Ginn Jr.via Swantho's flickrSay it ain't so, Teddy!​Indeed, we once threatened to "build a time machine" to travel back to the '07 draft just to "punch Cam Cameron in the dick" for drafting Ginn. We might have accused Ginn of "suffering from an extreme bout of the suck."Hell, we even ran Ginn's in-game tweets wherein the speedster pined

  October 20, 2009

• Chad Pennington Not Sure if He's Coming Back ...Ever

  Chad Pennington has already worked his way back from throwing arm injuries twice in his career, and he's not sure if he can do it for a third time.According to the Associated Press, Pennington has finished the first phase of rehabilitation, but may wait until as late as March to decide if he'll continue his career.Meanwhile, The Sun-Sentinel reports that Coach Tony Sparano will hold firm on his ban on having any injured players, including Pennington, present on the sideline. That despite the fa

  November 17, 2009