The Dolphins went into Dirty Jersey yesterday and beat the living bananas out of a very bad but extremely pleasant to watch Jets team. The Dolphins cruised to a 23-3 victory and kept alive their slim hopes of sneaking into the sixth playoff spot. Losses by Pittsburgh, San Diego, and the Jets began t ... More >>
Well, it's Jets Week around these parts and that means you can pretty much throw Incognito, Martin, our terrible offensive line, the (hopefully) looking unemployment of the entire front office and coaching staff and everything else out the window. It's Jets Week, which means the only thing we can f ... More >>
The Dolphins are now 2-0 for only the second time in a decade, and optimism about the team is all over the place. RYAN TANNEHILL WAS BORN FROM THE BLOOD OF JESUS CHRIST! JOE PHILBIN FINALLY NABBED THOSE RASCALLY KIDS -- WATCH OUT, WORLD! COCKCAKES = SUPER BOWL! BRIAN HARTLINE IS A FELINE FRANCISCAN ... More >>
Before yesterday, the Dolphins had been 1-6 in season openers dating back to 2006 -- but lucky for them, the Browns had been a more dismal 1-12 in season openers dating back to their second go-around as a franchise in 1999. The Dolphins took advantage of this by whoopin' some dawg pound ass on the B ... More >>
Welp. At least those uniforms really pop in HD!!! Coach Joe Philbin and company were supposed to go out and show the world that the New Look Dolphins were not just about a new logo that looks like a whale penis and some flashy clothes that would make a World Football League team jealous. Instead, t ... More >>
The NFL's free-agency period begins this Tuesday, March 12, and your Miami Dolphins -- with about $36 million in cap space -- are poised for one of the biggest offseasons in franchise history. Naturally, there's a good chance they'll fuck it up, but here are the five free agents the Dolphins should ... More >>
Now that we're firmly entrenched in another playoff season without the Miami Dolphins and the pain of Stephen Ross's absurd season-ending press conference on Monday has faded, it's the perfect time for a cold, hard, slightly inebriated look back at the 2012 season.Ultimately, it was yet another disa ... More >>
Last week, the Dolphins managed to put their season on life support with a strong performance against a terrible Jags team. With a 6-8 record, the Dolphins have a roughly .0000000000081% chance of getting into the playoffs if certain scenarios play out. JOY!
Oh hooray! The Dolphins beat a pathetic two-win team to prolong our chances for an evenly average season. Fantastic. Ryan Tannehill played flawlessly, Reggie Bush threw down his anaconda sexual organ and the Dolphins trampled a pathetic Jaguars team 24-3. Woooooooooooo!
For the second week in a row, the Dolphins failed to capitalize on opportunities to close out a game and lost an overtime game they should have won. Given the "Cardiac Cards" moniker Arizona has earned as of late, you had to figure this game would get wild towards the end despite three quarters of r ... More >>
Brian Hartline has no patience for the talentless yet super famous. The Dolphins wide receiver is scratching his head over "Tebowmania" and basically equated the whole thing to the Kardashian kraze.
Facing a below-average Oakland Raiders yesterday, it was generally believed the Dolphins had a very good chance of beating their former AFC rival and notching the first victory for both Head Coach Joe Philbin and QB Ryan Tannehill. Then Reggie Bush came out of nowhere and decided to show everyone hi ... More >>
With seven minutes left in the second quarter on Sunday, the Dolphins looked like a team that seemed to have turned the corner. The defense was playing more like the aggressive squad that had played well last year, the Dolphins receivers were catching the ball on offense, rookie quarterback Ryan Tan ... More >>
The good news is football season started again last night. The bad news is the Miami Dolphins still pretty much blow.The Dolphins visited the Atlanta Falcons for the first game of the 2011 pre-season and, while the Fins ultimately delivered the 28-23 victory, it was mostly thanks to the second teame ... More >>
Oh what could have been...The Miami Dolphins fell to the Cleveland Browns 13-10 on Sunday in a game that was probably the worst-case scenario for making an argument that American football is exciting.While both teams' offenses did their darndest to lull you into unconsciousness, there was a palpa ... More >>
The Miami Dolphins remain perfect on the road after traveling into Cincinnati and taking down the Bengals 22-14 on Sunday. They're now 4-0 on the road, and 4-3 on the season. That's the good news. The bad news? The Dolphins offense flat out refuses to score touchdowns. Dan Carpenter just kicked a ... More >>
As losses go, last night's 31-23 defeat at the hands of the New York Jets was particularly painful. Not just because it was a crappy way for the Fins to open their season at home. But also because the floodgates of troglodytic hubris have now been opened as Jets fans will surely begin to beat the ... More >>
The Miami Dolphins offense lurched their way through yesterday's season-opener against the Buffalo Bills, managing to score only one touchdown and two field goals in their 15-10 victory. But the Dolphins defense stepped up large with three sacks while holding the Bills' offense to 189-total yards ... More >>
According to multiple reports, the Miami Dolphins have traded popular wide receiver Greg Camarillo to the Minnesota Vikings. While the move helps open roster spots for younger, faster (and healthier) receivers like Marlon Moore and Patrick Turner to make the final 53-man roster, the news still tu ... More >>
According to the Palm Beach Post, a pickup truck belonging to Miami Dolphins receiver Brian Hartline was found crashed and abandoned on I-595 earlier this month. Authorities say Hartline's truck crashed into another abandoned vehicle that was parked on the side of I-595 in the early-morning ... More >>
Just when you thought they were good and dead, the Miami Dolphins pull off one of the most satisfying, Scarlett-Johansson's-knockers-in-your-face awesome victories of the 2009 season. It came thanks in large part to Chad Henne, Vontae Davis, and a Dolphins team that simply won't die.On their firs ... More >>
When Vontae Davis started off the game with a leaping interception that can only be described as Fuck Yea!, the consensus feeling was the Dolphins were going to make this one interesting. Maybe even pull off the upset. Alas, it was not to be. The Patriots were able to show us, once again, that th ... More >>
Despite winning the last two meetings against the New York Jets, the Dolphins enter Sunday's rematch as 3-point underdogs. This is mainly because the Jets are coming off a big win against the Raiders (which is basically the equivalence of beating a team made up entirely of organ grinders and thei ... More >>