Brandon Marshall

Miami Dolphins 2012 Season Recap: The Highs, the Lows, the Ireland

Now that we're firmly entrenched in another playoff season without the Miami Dolphins and the pain of Stephen Ross's absurd season-ending press conference on Monday has faded, it's the perfect time for a cold, hard, slightly inebriated look back at the 2012 season.Ultimately, it was yet another disa ... More >>

Dolphins Shut Out By Patriots 28-0, Go 7-9 Again

Sunday's action featured the incredible story of an extraordinary athlete's return from a horrific injury to come back against all odds, put his team on his back and lead that now playoff-bound team to victory just as the hero himself nearly broke one of the most coveted records in NFL lore. That wa ... More >>

Colts' Luck Sets Rookie Passing Record To Beat Dolphins 23-20

On Friday, we stressed that the Dolphins pass defense needed to show up on Sunday if the team had any hope of taking down the Colts. Clearly, Defensive Coordinator Kevin Coyle needs to start reading our posts along with his morning coffee because the Dolphins pass defense was absolute refried pig-pl ... More >>

Miami Dolphins Trade CB Vontae Davis, Continue Ignoring Need for Talent

The Miami Dolphins have traded former first-round pick Vontae Davis to the Indianapolis Colts for a 2013 second-rounder as well as a conditional late-round pick. Obviously, this is a move that makes sense on several fronts given the Midas-like wealth of talent the Dolphins possess at virtually every ... More >>

Chad Johnson's Dismissal Shows The Dolphins Are Football's Most Hypocritical Team

Uncle Luke,the man whose booty-shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke criticizes Joe Philbin for letting go of Chad Johnson.The Miami Dolphins are the most hypocritical football organization to ever b ... More >>

Chad Ochocinco Signs With the Dolphins, Tweets in Spanish

In a serious bid to bolster their Hard Knocks reality show ratings -- and an outside chance to firm up the wide receiver position a little -- the Miami Dolphins reportedly signed hometown class clown Chad Ochocinco last night. Ochocinco celebrated the best way he knew how: Updating his Twitter avata ... More >>

For Miami Dolphins, Drafting Miami Hurricanes Is Too Little, Too Late

Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness once made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke gives an F to the Miami Dolphins and the Miami Hurricanes underclassmen who left school for the NFL draft.As much I've put t ... More >>

Miami Dolphins: The Worst Franchise in the NFL

​Luther Campbell, the man whose booty-shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be. In this special edition, Luke laments the epic fall of Miami's storied NFL team.It is a tragedy what is going on with the Miami Dolphins. One of the most suc ... More >>

Tim Tebow to the Dolphins? Please, Everyone, Shut Up

​So, Peyton Manning has chosen to play for the Denver Broncos, which officially ends the reign of Tebowmania in Colorado.What does that mean for the Dolphins? The sports media has already cued up the Tebow-to-Miami talks. We'd rather they hit the kill button. Nothing about that makes sense.

LeBron, Wade and Udonis Publicly Recruit Peyton Manning, Also Beat the Hawks

​After struggling for most of last night's game against the Atlanta Hawks, the Miami Heat finally decided to stop dicking around and began to hit their shots and play their anaconda-style defense just in time to comeback from as much as 10 points and beat Atlanta 89-86.More importantly however, be ... More >>

Will Stephen Ross Prevail in Landing Peyton Manning for Miami?

​Since taking control of the Miami Dolphins, team owner Stephen Ross has set his eye on a lot of things.He wanted a superstar coach with head coaching experience. He got an unproven offensive coordinator. He wants a Super Bowl. All he's got is a first-round playoff exit. He wants public cash for a ... More >>

Dolphins Pummeled By Eagles, Still Need A Quarterback, Possibly a New Coach Too

​The Philadelphia Eagles helped head coach Andy Reid win the Mustachioed Overweight Coach Who Has Overstayed His Welcome Bowl when they blew away the Dolphins 26-10 yesterday. The Dolphins have ensured themselves their third straight losing season, falling to 4-9, and remain dead-last in the AFC E ... More >>

Dolphins Lose On Thanksgiving Day

Your Miami Dolphins played in yesterday's Thanksgiving Day game against the Dallas Cowboys and lost, ending their three-game winning streak and putting their playoff hopes on life support with someone standing by ready to smother it with a pillow. The Dolphins defense did what it could, intercepting ... More >>

The Miami Dolphins Even Suck at Sucking

​Finally, just when it mattered the least, when a win couldn't possibly do anything to change the fortunes of this season, this coaching staff, or this fan base's hopes, the Dolphins FINALLY pulled off a victory.Somehow, someway, led by one of the marionette puppets from Team America QB Matt Moore ... More >>

Dolphins Wait Until Last Possible Moment To Crap Themselves

​The Miami Dolphins dominated pretty much every facet of the game against the Cleveland Browns yesterday, including rushing and passing yards. They even held a 16-10 lead with 43 seconds remaining.But because these are the Dolphins, they decided to go ahead and do that thing where they go all epic ... More >>

Dolphins to Get Hammered Tonight: Check the Record

​The Dolphins home opener is tonight at Sun Life Stadium.Everybody in the world is talking about the keys to the game. Can Chad Henne pass? Can Reggie Bush run? Can that damn defensive line get to that damn pretty boy...um, what's his name...Brady?Well, forget about it. Brady has beat us the ... More >>

Video: Michael Irvin Screams at 'Canes Before Spring Game

​Last month, Hurricanes coach Al Golden took a little bit of internet heat for posting a quote from former 'Canes star Michael Irvin all over the team's facilities. After all, the guy's past off-the-field trouble make Brandon Marshall look like a boy scout. However, Golden seems enamored with the ... More >>

Hurricanes Hire Jedd Fisch as Offensive Coordinator

​Al Golden has said he was going to hire his offensive coordinator from the NFL to guide the Hurricane's traditional pro-style offense, and according to reports he's selected Seattle Seahawks quarterbacks coach Jedd Fisch for the job. The hiring hasn't been made official, but the team's official T ... More >>

Dolphins Implode Against Lions, Finish Season 1-7 At Home

​With no playoffs and no hope left for this season, the Dolphins entered a pretty meaningless game against the Detroit Lions on Sunday, all things considered. There was very little to be gained from a win other than to say they didn't lose to the Detroit Lions. But that didn't lessen the sting whe ... More >>

Miami Wins, Jets Coach Intentionally Trips Dolphins Player

​If you like low scoring games with shitloads of punting, dropped touchdown passes, coaches tripping players running down the sideline, corner backs with hands of stone, and really repulsive quarterback play, then Sunday's showdown between the Miami Dolphins and New York Jets was right up your all ... More >>

DJ Irie: Life in the Fast Lane

Dolphins Capture First Win at Home, Get Slammed by the Injury Bug

TILT! ... TILT! ... TIL* ... ​It took three quarterbacks to do it, but the Miami Dolphins were able to pull off the 29-17 victory over the Tennessee Titans on Sunday, earning the Fins their first home win of the season. That's the good news. The bad news? The entire starting roster is injured and ... More >>

Dolphins Fall to the Jets

​As losses go, last night's 31-23 defeat at the hands of the New York Jets was particularly painful. Not just because it was a crappy way for the Fins to open their season at home. But also because the floodgates of troglodytic hubris have now been opened as Jets fans will surely begin to beat the ... More >>

Dolphins Defense Leads the Way in Big Win Over Vikings

​Everyone had the Miami Dolphins going into Minnesota and getting their asses handed to them by Brett Favre and the Vikings. But when it came down to it, the Fins executed a simple two-part game plan against the supposed Super Bowl contenders to perfection. For the offense: No screw ups by Chad He ... More >>

Miami Dolphins Start the Season With an Ugly Win

​The Miami Dolphins offense lurched their way through yesterday's season-opener against the Buffalo Bills, managing to score only one touchdown and two field goals in their 15-10 victory. But the Dolphins defense stepped up large with three sacks while holding the Bills' offense to 189-total yards ... More >>

Jeff Ireland Assumes Control of Dolphins from Bill Parcells

​It's not quite "retirement" number four for the Big Tuna, but Bill Parcells took one step out the door of the Miami Dolphins' front office today. The team announced that the now-former VP of football will step down to a consultant position, while general manager Jeff Ireland will take total contr ... More >>

The Monday Night Football Guys Think Highly of the Miami Dolphins

​ESPN's Monday Night Football analysts Ron Jaworski and Jon Gruden held a conference call today to preview the upcoming season and both think the Miami Dolphins are going to beat the odds and play well into January. While pretty much the rest of the planet thinks Miami will finish third in the AFC ... More >>

Dolphins Trade 'Folk Hero' Greg Camarillo to the Vikings

​According to multiple reports, the Miami Dolphins have traded popular wide receiver Greg Camarillo to the Minnesota Vikings. While the move helps open roster spots for younger, faster (and healthier) receivers like Marlon Moore and Patrick Turner to make the final 53-man roster, the news still tu ... More >>

Dolphins at Jaguars Tomorrow Night: What To Watch For

​If there were a word to describe the Dolphins first-team performance last week against the Buccaneers, that word would probably be ass. Dropped passes, bad quarterback play, and a crapload of offensive line penalties kept the Fins in a quagmire of shittiness. It didn't help that they had to play ... More >>

No Stopping Stanton

Dolphins Rookie A.J. Edds Blows Out Knee

​Things had been running pretty smoothly for the Miami Dolphins since training camp began last Friday. Chad Henne is looking sharp, Will Allen is looking fluid, and newly acquired Pro Bowl wide receiver Brandon Marshall is downright blowing shit up. But all the good times and double rainbows came ... More >>

Dolphins GM Jeff Ireland Asked Dez Bryant If His Mom Was a Prostitute

Dolphins General Manager Jeff Ireland apparently has the biggest balls ever, or the littlest amount of tact and class possible. Because normal people would not ask prospective players if their moms were whores straight to their face.Ireland and the Fins brought in former Oklahoma State wide receive ... More >>

Miami Dolphins Draft Wrap-up

​The Miami Dolphins entered the NFL draft with a plethora of needs, most notably at outside linebacker, safety, nose tackle and tight end. They spent their first pick on a defensive end, while pulling the ole switch-a-roo on us and moving Randy Starks to the defensive tackle position. PING! Defens ... More >>

Dolphins Trade Ted Ginn Jr. to the 49ers

via Ed Yourdon/Wiki Commons cc2.0​We had such hopes for Ted Ginn Jr., but the guy just didn't live up to them. Hell, we suggested after his game-losing, disastrous performance against the Saints last year the only way he could make it up to the Miami community was by swimming to Cuba and personall ... More >>

Joey Porter Resurrects the Fins, Entertains the Nation

It's Peezy time in the city.