Bradenton

Florida Woman Bites Boyfriend's Penis After He Refuses Sex

Listen, if you're hungry for the D, don't actually try to bite into the D. That's what Krystle M. Harrison tried to do when her boyfriend refused to engage in sex and now she's sitting behind bars.

Florida Man Shoots and Cuts Open Family Dog to Retrieve Son's Pinky Finger

To Luis Brignoni Sr., it was either his son's pinky finger or Sassy, the family dog. He picked the pinky.Eleven-year-old Fernando Brignoni had stuck his finger in Sassy's cage. The Malamute-wolf mix bit down and refused to let go until she had severed the finger and swallowed it.

Miami Hurricanes Basketball Moves to NCAA Championship

Lake Worth Legislator Pushing Medical Marijuana Bill

Florida has some of the nation's toughest anti-marijuana laws. For instance, anyone caught growing at least 25 plants in their home can be charged with a second-degree felony and face a maximum sentence of 15 years. Even the feds aren't that draconian. They at least give you 99 plants before chargin ... More >>

Rat Bastard's International Noise Conference: Insane 135-Act Lineup, Celebrates 10 Years

According to the Internet, a ten year anniversary is to be celebrated with diamonds. Because "a marriage that lasts ten years is as durable and beautiful as a diamond."Now, "durable" and "beautiful" may not be the first words one associates with Frank "Rat Bastard" Falestra's annual International N ... More >>

Florida YouTube Prankster Arrested For Giving Wedgies to Strangers

People apparently love watching idiots annoy random strangers on You Tube, sure, but it turns out that people don't actually love being annoyed and assaulted by random strangers for YouTube videos.Charles Ross, 18, has a popular You Tube channel that has racked up close to five million hits in which ... More >>

Miami May Start Using Inmates For Cheap Labor

It's a common scene in prison movies set in the deep South: A line of inmates, chained together and decked out in bright orange jumpsuits, dutifully picking up trash or digging a ditch by the side of a dusty road as a shotgun-toting sheriff watches over them through tinted aviator sunglasses.The cha ... More >>

Git ‘R Done

Fake-Pot Industry Comes Down From a Three-Year High

50 Cent Sues Florida Headphone Manufacturer for $346,429 Plus Future Interest

He's a platinum-selling rapper and movie star. He gets $90 out of your IRA every time you buy a Vitamin Water. He won a rumored $4-million lawsuit against Taco Bell, a hardworking group of first-generation Mexican-Americans who are guilty only of figuring out how to make both tacos and Doritos more ... More >>

Tampa Police Cracking Down On Prostitution As Sex-Crazed Republicans Come To Town

Tampa's strip club industry is preparing for a cash-making bonanza next week as tens of thousands of Republicans come to town to blather on about family values all day before hitting Ybor City at night to get hammered and ogle some T&A. But Tampa police are drawing a line in the sand: GOP delega ... More >>

Florida Man Smokes Synthetic Pot, Shoots Glock, Runs Around Neighborhood Naked

Here's yet another story of a Floridian ingesting some synthetic drugs and getting all naked and violent.Police in Bradenton say a man who shot off a Glock in his home and then ran around his apartment complex naked had been smoking synthetic marijuana, also known as K2.

London 2012 Olympics: Introducing Your Florida Athletes

See also "Six South Florida Athletes To Keep Tabs On During the Games" and "London 2012 Olympics: South Florida Athletes (Photos)"Something called "the Olympic Spirit" is in the air, and suddenly, we're suppose to care about equestrian sports and whether or not China is sending 10-year-olds to destr ... More >>

Food Stamps Traded for Drugs and Cash, Welcome Crackdown Coming

Florida is notorious for Medicare fraud, and we also have more than our fair share of food stamp fraud. At least Miami residents can console themselves with the fact that our food stamp defrauders are not as shameless as those in other states.EBT cards, modern-day food stamps, are being traded for c ... More >>

Florida Woman Offers Sex in Exchange for Two McDonald's Dollar Menu Cheeseburgers

We're not sure that sex with a prostitute whose fee is two cheeseburgers would actually be worth it. In fact, maybe just eating the cheeseburgers ourselves would be a better use of our resources. How good could it be for two cheap burgers? We'll never know though, because the cheeseburger bugger is ... More >>

Michael Allman Talks the Allman Bros, Drinkin', Fightin', and Groupies

​The Allman Brothers are legends of Southern rock. And they rep Georgia hard. But their Florida roots are stronger than a Daytona chrome pipe. Michael Allman, son of Rock and Roll Hall of Famer and guitar god Gregg Allman, tours all over America spreading his family's blend of roots, rock, and bl ... More >>

Armed Robber Drops His Gun, Returns To Buy It Back From Victims For $40

​A Bradenton man was arrested in the wee hours of Thursday morning after trying to rob two men, getting pepper sprayed in the face, dropping his gun, running away -- and then came back to try to buy the gun back for $40. Only to get pepper sprayed in the face yet again.Oh, Florida.

Florida Teacher Anne Wampole Suspended for Being at School Super Drunk

​There are only a handful of jobs where working under the influence of alcohol may be a benefit: stripper, news blogger, game show host. High school teacher certainly isn't one of them, as Bayshore High School's Anne Wampole has found out the hard way.

Florida Man on Trial for Possession of Crack Pipe Shows Up to Court With a Crack Pipe

Ramos's dueling mug shots. ​Perhaps you remember the Broward County man who showed up to court for his trial on drug trafficking charges in a shirt that was printed with crack cocaine cooking instructions. He might have the upper hand in fashion, but in terms of pure ballsiness/stupidity, he has n ... More >>

Miami Among America's "Most Overpriced Cities"

​In news that will shock no one who eats out on South Beach, parks in Brickell or tries to buy some influence with the Miami-Dade County Commission (those lobbying fees ain't cheap!), Miami has been honored this morning as one of the most overpriced towns in the nation.High unemployment, skyrocket ... More >>

Down and Derby

Gandhi Lora, Convicted Sex Offender, Still Collects $7,200-Per-Month MDPD Pension

via Florida Sex Offender RegistryGandhi Lora​Seven years ago, an ex-Miami-Dade cop named Gandhi Lora was convicted of producing and possessing dozens of kiddie porn images, sent to prison, and forced to register as a sex offender. Today he's not only free but also still earning a $7,200-per-month ... More >>

Strap-On Dildo Beatdown Leads to Florida Woman's Arrest

Jantavia Taylor​If lesbians can't even keep it classy in Florida, there really is no hope for our state's weird-news reputation.Jantavia Taylor was arrested for felony domestic assault after allegedly trying to beat up her live-in girlfriend with a strap-on dildo. No, we don't mean "beat up" in an ... More >>

Florida Woman Arrested for Posing as Her Husband's Ex on Craigslist and Posting BDSM Ads

Natasha Larson​Bradenton, Florida resident Natasha Larson really doesn't like her new husband's ex-wife, Tracy Wilder. So she decided to post ads on Craigslist while posing as the ex looking for men who would be interested in coming by and roughing Wilder up. Larson has now been arrested and faces ... More >>

Florida Marlins Not First Baseball Players To Be Spooked By Ghosts At St. Petersburg's Vinoy Hotel

"That voice just now-- what was it?"​We like the idea that, in his final hours as the Florida Marlins manager, Edwin Rodriguez spent his time comforting relief pitchers who were terrified of ghosts. It'd be fitting for one of the youngest teams in baseball.

Guns online: No permit needed

To Eat or Not to Eat... the Couch

via Flickr walknbostonLooks like somebody threw up on the sidewalk.​Yum. Look at that plump, juicy... sofa?You might be familiar with pica -- the disorder that leads people to eat stuff like soap, chalk, batteries, coins, hair, and dirt -- from watching the show My Strange Addiction on T ... More >>

Shocking Finding: Retirees Love Florida

​Florida really is Heaven's waiting room. According to a new study by Portfolio.com, the Sunshine State is by far the most popular destination for retirees, which has major implications as the gigantic baby boomer population continues to enter retirement age. The good news for Miamians who hate ol ... More >>

Alex Sink Picks Up Endorsement From Every Major Newspaper in the State

In an age when the broadsheets are struggling and anyone can make their own mini-endorsements on Twitter or Facebook, do newspaper endorsements still matter? The Democratic Governor nominee better hope so. She's walked away with the support of every major newspaper's editorial board in the state. Th ... More >>

Florida Cities Dominate List of "Divorce Capitols;" Miami is Number 26

​Florida's constitution strictly forbids gays from marrying, but what about the Sunshine State's straights? They're obviously doing such a fine job of upholding the sanctity of marriage, right? Apparently not so. The Daily Beast has compiled a list of "the 50 cities with the worst divorce rates," ... More >>

Miami Heat Dancer Killed in Motorcycle Crash

​The Miami Heat's dance squad is the best in the NBA, and for many dancers getting to take to the hardwood at American Airline Arena is a dream come true. Sadly, Nancy G. Lopez-Ruiz will never get to make that debut. The 22-year-old had recently signed to the squad, but was killed in a tragic moto ... More >>

Sen. Mike Bennett Caught Looking at Porn During Abortion Debate

from the Sunshine State News ServiceSen. Bennett looking at porn on the Senate floor​During the closing days of Florida's 2010 congressional session, Senators were fiercely debating a controversial bill that tells women and their doctors what to do with their bodies. Republican Sen. Mike Bennett o ... More >>

Chinese drywall has screwed thousands of South Florida homeowners

Food News Roundup: Cuban Coffee, Allergies, Low Fat, Ice Balls, Super Brawl, and Local Milk

According to organizers, attendance at Americas Food & Beverage Show up 10%. [Herald]Australian reality-tv star Tabatha Coffey loves Cuban food and Cuban coffee. [NBCmiami]This blog beat the Herald on the Natural Choice Vending interview by over two months. [Herald] [ShortOrder]Miami company rel ... More >>

Miami, Again, Among 20 Worst Economically Performing Metro Areas

No, this isn't a temperature chart. The 20 weakest metros are dotted in red. ​Florida dominates the list of 20 metropolitan areas still struggling to make an economic turnaround. Eight Florida areas make up the bottom rung of worst-performing cities in Brooking's latest MetroMonitor Report.&n ... More >>

Food News Roundup - Haiti, Cuba, Hunger, Top Chef, Nachos, and Opium

Rotten food donations leave Haitians hungry. [SunJournal]Wal Mart Stores experiments with latin themed super store Mas Club, while Winn Dixie adds signs in Spanish and stocks ethnic merchandise. [WallStreetJournal]Florida Chef Ron Duprat represents for Miami Haitians on upcoming season of Bravo's To ... More >>

Letters from the Issue of July 9, 2009

"I am sad to report I lost a few brain cells while reading your article."

Study: Miami Amongst 20 Weakest Metro Areas

via Brookings InstituteFlorida is the only state that starts with an FHere's the bad news: According to a new study of the 100 most populous metro areas in America by the Brookings Institution, the Miami area, including the rest of South Florida, is one of the 20 economically weakest metro areas in ... More >>

Orange You Glad You Got "Squeezed" for 35 Mil?

Problem: Too many shoppers recognize logoSome of my favorite boondoggles over the years have involved the vast sums stupid companies have spent to fix what ain't broke. Our latest example is Tropicana, headquartered in Bradenton, Florida. In a classic act of desperation, the ailing orange juice prod ... More >>

Hog Huntin' in the Glades

A lost art or a horrible slaughter? It's all in the eye of the hunter.

Vans Warped Tour Hits Miami

Our must-see picks for this year's edition.

Last Night: We the Kings, the Cab, Metro Station, and Cobra Starship at Culture Room

Justice for All?

BEST TENNIS COURTS

Flamingo Park Tennis Center

The Accidental Terrorist

He stumbled into a group of Muslim extremists with plans to attack America. Then he stumbled into Miami. Today Shaheed Mohamed is nowhere to be found.

Complaint Central

Did you get your Herald today? Are you sure?

News of the Weird

Beaten to a Pulp

Ironbeer entrepreneur Pedro Blanco thought he had a fruitful contract to can Tropicana juice. Now all he's got is a bankrupt business.

Wrong and Wrong in the Morning

ZETA 4's famed mouthoffs fall for a world-class con man