Bill Simmons

  • Blogs

    May 21, 2014

    D-Wade Carried the Heat in Game Two, Stole Home-Court Advantage Back From Pacers

    The Miami Heat beat the Indiana Pacers 87-83 in another thriller Tuesday night and in turn stole home-court advantage in the series heading into Saturday night's matchup in Miami. The win basically deletes the meaning of the entire regular season, taking away home court from the first-seed Pacers a ... More >>

  • Calendar

    February 20, 2014
  • Blogs

    January 22, 2014

    Heat Beats Celtics: Joel Anthony Makes Tough Guys Cry

    In what is becoming a trend, the Heat once again Tuesday night played a game you would like to punt into a canal, jump in after it, drag it to the bottom, and put it under a rock like an alligator. Except they won this time, 93-86. Yeah, the Celtics are sucky, but a win is a win, right?

  • Blogs

    October 30, 2013

    Heat Celebrate Championship, Beat Chicago Bulls 107-95 in Derrick Rose's Return

    Meet your new Miami Heat, much like your old Miami Heat. On the night the Miami Heat received their championship rings and raised the third championship banner, they also managed to fit in a basketball game, taking the season opener against the Chicago Bulls 107-95. Seven players scored in double fi ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 18, 2013

    Heat Top Lakers 99-90 As LeBron, Wade Score 66 Combined

    We cool now, Heat fans? LeBron and Wade came into the Staples Center last night, dropped their shorts and proceeded to Danza-slap every Lakers player, coach and fan in attendance with a 99-90 victory that was ALL D-Wade and Cobradick.The Heat were the real stars in attendance despite the presence of ... More >>

  • Blogs

    August 10, 2012

    LA Lakers Take Back Crown of NBA's Most Hated Team with Dwight Howard Trade

    Here's the good news, Heat fans: The LA Lakers are now probably once again the most hated team in the NBA, as it should be. Here's the bad news, Heat fans: The Lakers now have a super team with the addition of Dwight Howard that could rival the Heat. 

  • Blogs

    June 22, 2012


    Get your pots and pans out, Miami. Your Miami Heat are 2012 NBA World Champions!

  • Blogs

    June 22, 2012

    LeBron James Finally Beloved by National Sports Media Once Again

    Riptide has had ESPN on and off of mute all morning. The TV listings say it's just regular ol' SportsCenter, but as far as we can tell "The LeBron James Blow Job Marathon" would be just as apt a title. In fact, the TV talking heads, newspaper writers and bloggers have finally completed a total about ... More >>

  • Blogs

    May 4, 2012

    LeBron Scores 17 in the Fourth, Chris Bosh Is a New Dad, Heat Takes 3-0 Lead Over Knicks

    In the annals of human history, people discuss three seminal events: the discovery of fire, the invention of the submarine, and LeBron James always punching the entire city of New York in the asshole. It seemed as if Madison Square Garden would be James's undoing last night. His first three quarters ... More >>

  • Blogs

    March 22, 2012

    Courvoisier Winetavious Richardson, Florida Teen, Finalist For "Name of the Year"

    ​He blew past Shalom Dreampeace Compost. He wrecked Rockwell C. Bonecutter. He demolished Ebeneezer Noonoo. Now a 19-year-old from Florida with the mind-blowing moniker of Courvoisier Winetavious Richardson is just one round away from winning the coveted title of Name of the Year -- the wildly pop ... More >>

  • News

    August 4, 2011
  • Blogs

    March 28, 2011

    Heat Beat Rockets in Historic Fashion

    ​With the NBA playoffs just a few weeks away, it's that time of year when we get a whole lotta Dwayne Wade and his towering deeds of heroic awesomeness all up in our faces. And even though D-Wade has made his name around these parts as a pretty righteous ass-kicker, it's comforting to know he's go ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 30, 2010

    Miami Heat Had the Best Month Ever

    ​Back in October (when NBA championships are totally decided), ESPN columnist and consummate Heat Dick-Biter, Bill Simmons, wrote that the Big Three's biggest problem will be when they hit the road, because everyone hates them and that makes them all sad: I could see the Heat running the slate [ ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 2, 2010

    LeBron James Drops 38 on the Cavs in Heavily Anticipated Homecoming

    Cleveland fans booed mercilessly. They held up signs that read "Quitness" and "Liar Baby Jerk." ESPN's Bill Simmons said LeBron James and the Heat just wouldn't be ready for the heavy doses of venom they would receive from the Cavaliers fans. It was going to be an ugly, raucous atmosphere that the H ... More >>

  • Blogs

    November 11, 2010

    As Heat Prepare for Celtics Tonight, Hater Schadenfreude Blows Up The Internet

    Let's hate these three with everything we got. Ready? 1, 2, 3... HATE!!!​The Miami Heat host the Boston Celtics tonight at the American Airlines Arena. But did you know Miami is 5-3 eight games into the 2010-11 NBA season? They are! And because they've turned into The Most Irrationally Reviled Tea ... More >>

  • Blogs

    October 30, 2010

    Heat Take Down Magic in Home Opener

    ​How do you respond when one of your biggest rivals calls you a lap dog, arrogant and questions your competitiveness? By completely smashing them in the face with your awesomeness and beating the crap out of them by 26 points. That's one way to go about it. And, coincidentally enough, that's the r ... More >>