Bill Parcells

  • Blogs

    November 5, 2013

    Jeff Ireland Should Resign Immediately

    Dolphins general manager Jeff Ireland's sports legacy will always be that of the guy who asked a prospective player if his mom was a whore, and there's no evidence to suggest it will ever be anything more than that. The current Dolphins mess centering on race-baiting potato Richie Incognito, just th ... More >>

  • Blogs

    August 5, 2013

    Dolphins Fall to Cowboys 24-20 in Hall of Fame Game

    Welp. At least those uniforms really pop in HD!!! Coach Joe Philbin and company were supposed to go out and show the world that the New Look Dolphins were not just about a new logo that looks like a whale penis and some flashy clothes that would make a World Football League team jealous. Instead, t ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 31, 2012

    Dolphins Shut Out By Patriots 28-0, Go 7-9 Again

    Sunday's action featured the incredible story of an extraordinary athlete's return from a horrific injury to come back against all odds, put his team on his back and lead that now playoff-bound team to victory just as the hero himself nearly broke one of the most coveted records in NFL lore. That wa ... More >>

  • Blogs

    March 7, 2012

    Will Stephen Ross Prevail in Landing Peyton Manning for Miami?

    ​Since taking control of the Miami Dolphins, team owner Stephen Ross has set his eye on a lot of things.He wanted a superstar coach with head coaching experience. He got an unproven offensive coordinator. He wants a Super Bowl. All he's got is a first-round playoff exit. He wants public cash for a ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 2, 2012

    In Jason Taylor's Final Game, Dolphins End Jets' Season

    ​Jason Taylor played in the final game of his career yesterday. And what better way for him to go out than to bang the New York Jets' season right in its ear hole, and send them back home with nothing. The Jets, needing a win (and a little help) to get into the playoffs, came into SunLife Sta ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 28, 2011

    Jason Taylor to Retire After This Sunday

    Aside from that dark and confusing year he played for the Jets, Jason Taylor may be the most beloved Miami Dolphin since Dan Marino, but the 37-year-old is reportedly preparing to hang up his cleats for good after Sunday's game against those New York Jets. Taylor put in 15 years in the NFL, all but ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 15, 2011

    If the Dolphins Hire Carl Peterson, Will He Really Help Land A "Superstar" Coach?

    ​Rumors are swirling that Miami Dolphins owner Stephen Ross is looking to bring former Kansas City Chiefs president Carl Peterson on in an executive role. Basically Peterson would serve as a new Bill Parcells of sorts, taking a top executive role but leaving the day-to-day running of the team ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 12, 2011

    Tony Sparano Fired; Defensive Backs Coach Todd Bowles Named Interim Coach

    ​Rumors were spiraling this morning that Tony Sparano's fate was sealed as head coach with the Miami Dolphins, but the team isn't taking any time to make it official. According to The Miami Herald, the team will officially announce his termination this afternoon. Defensive backs coach Todd Bowles ... More >>

  • Blogs

    November 4, 2011

    Carlos Noriega Is Done As Beach Chief; Bid Him Farewell By Remembering His Biggest Screw Ups

    ​The reign of Miami Beach Police Chief Carlos Noriega is all but officially over. The chief was scheduled to retire on December 31st, but City Manager Jorge Gonzalez has announced that the chief will use his leftover vacation days, and has now officially relinquished control of the department. As ... More >>

  • Blogs

    October 17, 2011

    Tony Sparano and Jeff Ireland Likely to Find Themselves Unemployed After the Season

    ​In news that shouldn't surprise anyone, The Miami Herald reports that Stephen Ross is mentally preparing to send a pink slip to both Dolphins head coach Tony Sparano and general manager Jeff Ireland. Interestingly however, Ross apparently has a bit of "Suck for Luck" fever, and is hoping to bring ... More >>

  • Blogs

    October 2, 2011

    Dolphins Need John Gruden to Be Their Coach

    Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness once made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke explains why the Miami Dolphins should hire John Gruden as head coach.  The only way Miami Dolphins owner Stephen ... More >>

  • Blogs

    September 19, 2011

    To The Amazement of Absolutely Nobody, Dolphins Fall to 0-2

    ​The Amazing Shitshow! that is your Miami Dolphins fell to the Houston Texans for the sixth straight time in a 23-13 ass-whoopin' yesterday afternoon. The Dolphins are now 0-2 to start the season, have lost eleven of it's last twelve games at home, can't convert a third down for dick, and are the ... More >>

  • Blogs

    August 13, 2011

    Dolphins Beat Falcons, Still Look Like Crap

    The good news is football season started again last night. The bad news is the Miami Dolphins still pretty much blow.The Dolphins visited the Atlanta Falcons for the first game of the 2011 pre-season and, while the Fins ultimately delivered the 28-23 victory, it was mostly thanks to the second teame ... More >>

  • Blogs

    August 9, 2011

    Miami Dolphins Will Suck Again This Year

    ​Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness once made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke assesses the sad state of Miami's NFL franchise.While AFC division rivals the New England Patriots and the New York Jets ... More >>

  • Blogs

    August 1, 2011

    Jason Taylor Returns to Miami Dolphins, Again

    ​Football's greatest on-again, off-again team-player love affair is officially back on. Jason Taylor is coming back to the Miami Dolphins for his third stint. The 36-year-old is expected to fill the team's need for a depth pass rusher. So does this mean he's officially the most popular guy on ... More >>

  • News

    April 28, 2011
  • Blogs

    March 22, 2011

    Chad Henne Danced In Fake Boobs On His Vacation

    The Robot assimilating with humans. You're doing it wrong, Robot!​TMZ has pictures of Dolphins quarterback Chad Henne dancing around with fake boobs on his vacation in the Bahamas.And because the Dolphins are a shrill, smug, stuffy organization (because they like to think they're the New England P ... More >>

  • Blogs

    March 9, 2011

    Give Chris Bosh The Damn Rock!

    Alex Izaguirre​​Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness once made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. In this special online edition, Luke says the Miami Heat will start winning again when Chris Bosh starts getting the bal ... More >>

  • Blogs

    March 2, 2011

    Cut from Jets, Jason Taylor Won't be Rejoining Dolphins

    The strange and winding relationship between the Dolphins and Jason Taylor is, like any good romantic thriller, full of betrayal, back stabbing and reunions. Though, now that Taylor has been cut from the New York Jets (should have known better JT), it doesn't appear that there's chance at one final ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 3, 2011

    Report: Bill Cowher Probably Won't Coach Dolphins Unless Ireland is Fired

    Despite public votes of confidence, Dolphins head coach Tony Sparano's job is likely in danger. Though, if the Dolphins do fire Sparano they better make sure they bring in someone better to replace him. Looks like one of the leading buzzed about candidates isn't likely to want the job. A report from ... More >>

  • News

    December 30, 2010
  • Blogs

    December 26, 2010

    Capri Anderson: Dirty Dozen 2010

    ​Each year, New Times puts together a list of the sketchiest politicians, unholiest celebrities, and weirdest human beings to call the Magic City home. So who made the filthy cut this year? We're releasing the names one by one ahead of next week's issue, which comes with a full-page illustration o ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 26, 2010

    Kat Stacks: Dirty Dozen 2010

    ​Each year, New Times puts together a list of the sketchiest politicians, unholiest celebrities, and weirdest human beings to call the Magic City home. So who made the filthy cut this year? We're releasing the names one by one ahead of next week's issue, which comes with a full-page illustration ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 24, 2010

    George Alan Rekers: Dirty Dozen 2010

    ​Each year, New Times puts together a list of the sketchiest politicians and unholiest celebrities and weirdest human beings to call the Magic City home. So who made the filthy cut this year? We're releasing the names one by one ahead of next week's issue, which comes with a full-page illustra ... More >>

  • Blogs

    October 26, 2010

    Ricky Williams Dresses as Jason Taylor for Halloween

    via NBCMiami​Oh, girl, who knew Dolphins players could get so catty? And not just wild catty. Ricky Williams showed up at the team's Halloween bash last night dressed as former teammate Jason Taylor. Poking fun at Taylor's run on Dancing With the Stars, Williams wore a getup that included a giant ... More >>

  • Blogs

    October 4, 2010

    Dolphins Host the Patriots Tonight: Keys To Victory

    Last week, it was against the Jets on Sunday Night Football. Tonight, it's the Patriots on Monday Night Football. That's two straight weeks the Dolphins face an AFC East rival in the national spotlight. Also, it's two straight weeks they face a team with an insufferable fanbase. So tonight is a must ... More >>

  • Blogs

    September 10, 2010

    Your Miami Dolphins 2010 Football Season Preview

    TARGET ACQUIRED!​Are you ready for our completely meaningless and arbitrary predictions for the upcoming Dolphins season? Well this is it. The Riptide 2.0 Miami Dolphins 2010 Football Season Preview. Are you ready to get your ass blown off with some seriously capricious and utterly subjective prog ... More >>

  • Blogs

    July 23, 2010

    Dolphins Defensive Lineman Phillip Merling Is Out for the Season

    ​Miami Dolphins defensive end Phillip Merling's off-season of misfortunes has gone from bad to worse. Merling was arrested in May for punching his pregnant girlfriend, and just this week he was formally charged with felony battery for the incident. Now comes news that Merling suffered an ... More >>

  • Blogs

    June 22, 2010

    Nick Saban: Dolphins & Crimson Tide Continue World's Best Pro Team vs. College Team Feud

    ​It's not exactly news that fans of different sports teams hate each other's guts, but usually those teams play in the same league. The continuing war of words between Miami DolFans and Alabama's Crimson Tide nation is a bit absurd considering one team is professional and the other is college and ... More >>

  • Blogs

    June 16, 2010

    Channing Crowder "Couldn't Give A Damn" About Pleasing Dolphins Fans

    via Deuce of DavenportGo choke on a poison apple, Crowder.With Joey Porter long gone Channing Crowder took the spot of the Dolphin's top trash talker. Now with Tedd Ginn Jr. out of the way (thankfully), The Sun-Sentinel's Omar Kelly seems worried that Crowder could also take the place of the fanbase ... More >>

  • Blogs

    June 2, 2010

    Columnist Says Dolphins Full of "Thugs and Hoodlums"

    ​The Miami Dolphins seem hypocritically concerned with whether prospective player's mothers were ever prostitutes, but seem to not be too concerned that one of their current players stands accused of brutally hitting his pregnant girlfriend. This has lead one Fox Sports columnist to label the Fins ... More >>

  • Blogs

    April 27, 2010

    Dolphins GM Jeff Ireland Asked Dez Bryant If His Mom Was a Prostitute

    Dolphins General Manager Jeff Ireland apparently has the biggest balls ever, or the littlest amount of tact and class possible. Because normal people would not ask prospective players if their moms were whores straight to their face.Ireland and the Fins brought in former Oklahoma State wide receive ... More >>

  • Blogs

    April 24, 2010

    Miami Dolphins Draft Wrap-up

    ​The Miami Dolphins entered the NFL draft with a plethora of needs, most notably at outside linebacker, safety, nose tackle and tight end. They spent their first pick on a defensive end, while pulling the ole switch-a-roo on us and moving Randy Starks to the defensive tackle position. PING! Defens ... More >>

  • Blogs

    February 12, 2010

    Joey Porter and His Mouth Fired by the Dolphins

    Derf​Joey Porter's contract has been terminated by the Miami Dolphins. This comes after Porter's very public two-week campaign demanding that the Fins either play him as a full-time starter or let him go.Late last month, Porter went on a media rampage, making stops on ESPN and WQAM, complaining of ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 14, 2010

    Football Musical Chairs: Groh Top Candidate for Fins; USF Hires Holtz

    ​The past months have seen a lively game of musical chairs in the NCAA and NFL. Though the hottest action hasn't concerned Miami teams much, the effects are being felt here. The Dolphins fired defensive coordinator Paul Pasqualoni last week, and it seems like they're hoping to ... More >>

  • News

    December 17, 2009
  • Blogs

    October 24, 2009

    Miami Dolphins Preview: What Might Have Been

    ​For all the varied assortment of gargantuan shit stains Nick Saban left on the Dolphins' proverbial bed, no shit stain was as big a shit stain as the shit stain he left in the form of not signing Drew Brees when the Chargers made him available. Instead, Saban went with Daunte Culpepper. The rest ... More >>

  • Blogs

    July 29, 2009

    Dolphins Pass on Michael Vick, and Boy Is Greg Cote Upset

    ​The Miami Dolphins yesterday officially squashed any lingering rumors they had an interest in signing convicted felon Michael Vick, and boy, Miami Herald sports columnist Greg Cote sure is upset about it. In a column today, he calls the Dolphins "cowards," whose passing on Vick car ... More >>

  • News

    November 27, 2008

    A Thanksgiving Ode to Chad Pennington, Our Meh-rino

    A mediocre quarterback leads the Dolphins back to mediocrity.

  • Blogs

    November 24, 2008

    Don't Be Afraid to Make Them Punt or Anything

    The Patriots punted once in the entire game during yesterday's 48-28 win over the Dolphins. Once. New England's offense totaled 530 yards -- the most the Dolphins defense has allowed since 1995. You could still catch brand new episodes of Seinfeld the last time the Dolphins allowed that many yards. ... More >>

  • Calendar

    October 23, 2008

    Party Like It’s 1993

    The Buffalo Bills and Miami Dolphins renew their rivalry in a must-win game.

  • Blogs

    August 11, 2008

    Dolphins’ New Beginning Starts Off With Old Familiar Ways

    Okay, so the Dolphins lost their pre-season opener 17-6. But winning or losing is not necessarily the objective of pre-season. It’s all about evaluation. And it’s about football season finally being here, dammit! Dolphins fans had been waiting since December to get the rather objectionable taste ... More >>

  • Blogs

    April 29, 2008

    Your Obligatory Dolphins Draft Grade

    It seems that the Dolphins scored a pretty nice draft grade across the board from various experts yesterday. For example, the Star-Telegram called the Chiefs and the Dolphins the biggest winners of the draft and awarded them each the highest grades of all the NFL teams. And CBS Sports gave the Fins ... More >>

  • Blogs

    March 17, 2008

    JT Says He Is Staying (And Other Crap)

    Here's what happened over the weekend while you wondered why your Emperor's Club "order" was a no-show: Jason Taylor appears on satellite radio, says he's staying in Miami, walks off doing jazz hands. Taylor told Sirius Satellite radio hosts Vic Carucci and Dan Leberfeld that Miami is where he want ... More >>

  • Blogs

    February 6, 2008

    Dan Henning is the New Dolphins OC

    The Dolphins have their new offensive coordinator. 65-year-old Dan Henning has been hired by Bill Parcells to turn the Dolphins' 28th ranked offense around. Oh, he is so fucked. Henning has been around for quite a while. He was even once hired by Don Shula in 1979. He was then fired by Don Shula in ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 14, 2008

    Anyone But This Guy

    Here’s a rumor that made the rounds over the weekend and simply refuses to die: "People close to former Vikings coach Mike Tice insist he will be named the Dolphins' head coach next week..." I’m all about trusting Bill Parcells with this team and letting him do his thing. But Mike Tice? Reall ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 7, 2008

    Source: Dolphins Intrigued by Matt Ryan

    Somewhere in this long ass article in the Boston Herald (once you get passed the part about Randy Moss being a complete asswipe and Tom Brady being a total shithead, you're golden) a league source says the Dolphins -- possessors of the number one overall pick -- are intrigued by BC quarterback Matt ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 4, 2008

    Weekly News Wrap - Iowa Caucus, Kenya, E. Coli and more

    1. Obama and Huckabee win Iowa Caucus – The results have pushed Obama to the front runner for the Democratic Party and demonstrated Huckabee’s appeal to conservative Christians, who launched him to the foreground in the race. 2. Miners come to the Everglades – Several mining companies have ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 31, 2007
  • Blogs

    December 28, 2007