Bill Parcells

  • Blogs

    January 25, 2013

    Ex-Dolphins QB Pat White Signs With The Marlins

    Sometimes it seems the Marlins and Dolphins are trying to pull one big joke on South Florida, and now it appears the Marlins are set to recycle one of the Dolphins biggest punchlines.Pat White, a name synonymous with Bill Parcells' crappy draft picks, has been offered a minor league contract with th ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 9, 2013

    Jets Might Hire Dolphins Assistant GM Brian Gaine as Their New GM, Which Should Work Out Well For Them

    If there was one silver lining to the NFL season for Dolphins fans this year, it was the fact that while our team might have been mediocre at best, at least we weren't the laughing stock the New York Jets became this year.They've fired their General Manager Mike Tannenbaum, and sort of surprisingly ... More >>

  • Calendar

    November 3, 2011
  • Blogs

    October 3, 2011

    Dolphins Fall To 0-4: It's Suck For Luck Time!

    ​The Miami Dolphins did that thing again where they play like their scrotums are stapled to their thighs, this time losing 26-16 to the San Diego Chargers. In the process, they lost Chad Henne to a shoulder injury, forcing backup Matt Moore to step in and do exactly what Henne's been doing: namely ... More >>

  • Blogs

    September 26, 2011

    Dolphins Wait Until Last Possible Moment To Crap Themselves

    ​The Miami Dolphins dominated pretty much every facet of the game against the Cleveland Browns yesterday, including rushing and passing yards. They even held a 16-10 lead with 43 seconds remaining.But because these are the Dolphins, they decided to go ahead and do that thing where they go all epic ... More >>

  • Blogs

    April 12, 2011

    Bill Parcells Thinks He Did an Awesome Job With the Dolphins, Except for That Pat White Pick

    ​Six months ago, Bill Parcells packed up his office -- the one with "Vice President of Football Operations" painted on the door -- at Miami Dolphins headquarters and hasn't really looked back. The jury on Parcells's legacy in Miami is still out. At best, he turned a horrible team into a ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 19, 2011

    Bill Parcells Almost Hired Rex Ryan as Dolphins' Head Coach

    ​Rex Ryan is high on the hate list of most Miami sports fans. In his tenure as head coach with the Jets, he's managed to find innovative, almost unbelievable ways to make the team even trashier. Yet former Dolphin's exec Bill Parcells admits that Ryan was his second choice to coach in Miami. Inste ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 3, 2011

    So What Now For the Miami Dolphins?

    Last week, Dolphins owner Stephen Ross gave his vote of confidence to head coach Tony Sparano. The consensus has been that Sparano would keep his job, despite the team's second consecutive losing season. Mainly because the players love and respect him. And even though Sunday's game against the New E ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 30, 2010

    Tony Sparano's Job is Safe... For Now

    ​It looks like Tony Sparano may hold onto his job as the Dolphins head coach after all, and, interestingly, that Bill Parcells still has some sway in the organization. Former Raiders executive Mike Lombardi reported on Inside the NFL last night that sources close to the team say Parcells has convi ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 24, 2010

    Jeffrey Loria: Dirty Dozen 2010

    ​Each year, New Times puts together a list of the sketchiest politicians and unholiest celebrities and weirdest human beings to call the Magic City home. So who made the filthy cut this year? We're releasing the names one by one ahead of next week's issue, which comes with a full-page illustra ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 23, 2010

    Bill Parcells: Dirty Dozen 2010

    ​Each year, New Times puts together a list of the sketchiest politicians and unholiest celebrities and weirdest human beings to call the Magic City home. So who made the filthy cut this year? We're releasing the names one by one ahead of next week's issue, which comes with a full-page illustra ... More >>

  • Calendar

    December 9, 2010
  • Blogs

    November 26, 2010

    Will the Dolphins Replace Tony Sparano With Jon Gruden?

    ​With the Miami Dolphins apparently in the midst of a total implosion, it was only a matter of time before someone began whispering about the future of head coach Tony Sparano. Well, today Greg Cote dropped the bomb that a source tells him Sparano's job might be in trouble, but only if Jon Gruden ... More >>

  • Calendar

    November 25, 2010
  • Blogs

    November 19, 2010

    Dolphins Pummeled, Shutout by Bears

    ​On a night where the NFL Network previewed an upcoming documentary on Bill Parcells and his football genius, the Dolphins team he built was busy rushing for 39 total-yards and throwing for 187 on their way to their first shutout loss in three seasons. The Dolphins were manhandled and dominated in ... More >>

  • Blogs

    October 19, 2010

    Bill Parcells Has Left The Building

    ​ESPN is reporting that Miami Dolphins football czar Bill Parcells has packed his bags and moved out of the Dolphins offices. The Dolphins, of course, knew that Parcells was on his way out. But it seems that no one anticipated it to be this soon. Because why would they? Reports out of Dolphins cam ... More >>

  • Blogs

    September 7, 2010

    Jeff Ireland Assumes Control of Dolphins from Bill Parcells

    ​It's not quite "retirement" number four for the Big Tuna, but Bill Parcells took one step out the door of the Miami Dolphins' front office today. The team announced that the now-former VP of football will step down to a consultant position, while general manager Jeff Ireland will take total contr ... More >>

  • Blogs

    September 1, 2010

    The Monday Night Football Guys Think Highly of the Miami Dolphins

    ​ESPN's Monday Night Football analysts Ron Jaworski and Jon Gruden held a conference call today to preview the upcoming season and both think the Miami Dolphins are going to beat the odds and play well into January. While pretty much the rest of the planet thinks Miami will finish third in the AFC ... More >>

  • Blogs

    May 21, 2010

    Jason Taylor Says Jets More "Calm," "Positive" Than Dolphins

    via Sports MonarchIs Big Tuna the boss from hell?​In 1997, when Bill Parcells was engineering a turnaround of the New York Jets, the New York Times said he was a man of two sides. One that was "loyal, brilliant, passionate, caring and uncomplicated," and another that was "bullying, manipulative, n ... More >>

  • Blogs

    April 22, 2010

    NFL Draft Live-Blog

    ​Here we go. Live-blogging the NFL Draft. Pretty much like watching the draft with someone as losery as yourself. Only on the Internet! This is the first time the NFL Draft is being held in primetime. Because you're not buying enough KFC Double Downs for your fatass kids dammit! Also, tonight is t ... More >>

  • Blogs

    April 20, 2010

    Jason Taylor Headed to the Jets: Who Betrayed Whom?

    ​The saga of Jason Taylor's off-season has finally come to an end. The linebacker -- who spent 12 seasons with the Dolphins (six of those as a Pro Bowler), was active in the South Florida community, and was one of the franchise's most popular players, even during low points -- is set to join the r ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 19, 2010

    Report: Mike Nolan Signs as Dolphins Defensive Coordinator

    After being turned down by their first two picks, the Miami Dolphins have signed Mike Nolan as their new defensive coordinator, according to Nolan resigned Monday from the same position with the Denver Broncos and was previously DC under Bill Parcells when he was general man ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 29, 2009

    Top Ten of the Decade: Miami Sports Moments

    Riptide 2.0's regular sports commentator and FinsNation blogger Chris Joseph looks back at the top ten Miami sports moments of the decade. Low points like the Miami Dolphins crappy performance and the after-thought known as the Florida Panthers didn't make the cut. Sorry. ​10. Canes BaseballCoach ... More >>

  • Calendar

    October 1, 2009
  • Calendar

    August 13, 2009
  • Blogs

    February 6, 2009

    Parcells Could Royally Screw Dolphins if He So Wishes

    Bill Parcells flies around the NFL like some sort of caped superhero saving distressed teams from the villainous forces of "sucking." After a successful year as the Dolphins VP of FB, in which he turned that team from the laughingstock of the league to something resembling an actual football team, s ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 7, 2009

    Big Tuna Big on New Jersey Veal

    You know what always makes me really, really hungry? A close-up of Bill Parcells' mouth making moaning noises indicating pleasure. Here is your Miami Dolphins Savior-in-Chief whoring for a New Jersey italian restaurant along side Mike Francesca (sans Mad Dog) from 1993 that just made its way to the ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 5, 2009

    News Roundup

    It was so exciting to get back in the playoffs, until we remembered that the Dolphins are not too lucky in the playoffs. They lost to the Ravens 27-9. [AP]But, hey, Bill Parcells isn't going anywhere. [AP]Thousands of shoes magically showed up on the Palmetto Expressway. My guess is that C ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 5, 2009

    Well, There's Always Next Season

    With news today that Bill Parcells will stay with the Dolphins, it seems a good bet that the heart of the resurgent Miami Dolphins will stay put for next season. Yeah, yesterday's game was a heartbreaking thing to behold, but after the greatest season-to-season turnaround in NFL history, Dolfans hav ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 29, 2008

    Big Tuna Ready to Flee the Fins? For Detroit?!

    So is Bill Parcells a masochist, or what? This is the guy who voluntarily went to work for borderline-psychotic Dallas owner Jerry Jones, who left a cushy retirement to take over the staggeringly awful 1-15 Dolphins. For all Riptide knows, he's got a side gig involving a rubber ball mouth-gag, a bas ... More >>

  • Calendar

    November 20, 2008

    Next Stop: Carnage

    The suddenly resurgent Dolphins take on the hated Patriots.

  • Calendar

    September 4, 2008

    A New Beginning

    The rebuilding Dolphins open the season against Brett and the Jets.

  • Calendar

    August 21, 2008
  • Calendar

    August 7, 2008

    Preseason Tuna Helper

    The Bill Parcells era kicks off!

  • Blogs

    July 21, 2008
  • Blogs

    April 9, 2008

    Bill Parcells Is Good At Drafting

    Some dude from the Union-Tribute wrote an 800 word piece on how he too does not know what Bill Parcells will do with the Dolphins' first overall pick. But he does make some neat observations, like how Parcells has done nothing but study tapes on college players and talk to coaches about the draft si ... More >>

  • Blogs

    April 1, 2008

    Picking First Sucks

    Bill Parcells confirmed with the New York Daily News last week that he is, in fact, willing to trade out of the first overall pick. We all would like him to do this for a number of reasons -- mainly to get more picks so he can have more flexibility to fix our numerous problems. Also, because there i ... More >>

  • Blogs

    March 21, 2008

    2008 Dolphins Mock Draft

    I’ve been writing about the Dolphins draft in one form or another since 2005. More often than not, I have been right, they have been wrong. A quick re-cap: 2005: I said the Fins should draft Braylon Edwards. They took Ronnie Brown instead. Now, Edwards is blowing shit up in Cleveland while Brown ... More >>

  • Blogs

    March 4, 2008

    Calvin Pace Will Break Windows With His Arm In New York

    Calvin Pace, who smashed a window with his arm while playing grab-ass with some friends a couple of years ago, was waiting for Joey Porter money. And the Jets gave it to him. After being offered a contract by the Fins on Friday, Pace flew up to New York over the weekend to hear their sales pitch. In ... More >>

  • Blogs

    February 22, 2008

    Combine Talk: A Trade With Atlanta?

    Armando Salguero has a conference call with Mel Kiper posted on his blog. But that's not important. What is important is that he wrote about a rumor making the rounds in Indy that the Falcons are reportedly so in love with BC quarterback Matt Ryan that they might consider trading up to get him. They ... More >>

  • Blogs

    February 11, 2008

    Howie's Kid a Dolphin?

    According to Pro Football Talk, NFL Network's Adam Schefter is saying the Dolphins could take Virginia Defensive End Chris Long with the number one overall pick. "The widespread thinking is that the Miami Dolphins will ultimately regard Chris Long as entailing the least risk in return for a contr ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 22, 2008

    Parcells Wants Trent Green

    Here's a feather in your cap: the new Dolphins front-office wants Trent Green back for 2008. I may not have any NFL front-office experience, but I’m guessing it might not be the best idea to bring back the guy with cat shit for brains that sucked before he got hurt. I think Bill Parcells is fuck ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 15, 2008
  • Blogs

    January 10, 2008
  • Blogs

    January 8, 2008

    Clever Headline: Parcells Looks to "Gaine" a Top Dallas Scout

    In his never ending quest to turn the Miami Dolphins into the Dallas Cowboys, Bill Parcells is looking to land Cowboys assistant director of pro scouting, Brian Gaine. According to NFL stipulations though, Parcells is going to have to find his way around the rules (again? curse you NFL rules!) sinc ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 4, 2008

    A Feeling of Nothingness

    Players, ex-players and recently fired coaches are all reacting to the purge Bill Parcells has wrought upon the Dolphins. Perfect Season running back Jim Kiick said it was a good day in Dolphins history, "The changes had to be made," he said. "I don't think Cam was what they were looking for. He w ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 3, 2008

    Breaking News - The Tuna Fires Cam Cameron

    The Cam Cameron era is over. He and his talking penis have been fired. Bobby Knight and his friendship with Bill Parcells clearly wasn't enough to save Cam's ass from the inevitable. It's 1-15 and done. It's kinda sad, really. Like when a goldfish dies. You knew it was coming. And you sort of could ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 2, 2008
  • Blogs

    December 20, 2007

    Tuna Anyone?

    When your franchise is drowning, don't throw them a life-preserver. Throw 'em some man-boobs! Greg Camarillo saves our souls from ruin and suddenly the flood-gates of dewy goodness have opened up for us in abundance. The interwebs have been going apeshit all day Wednesday. The reports were ongoing ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 11, 2007

    Fins Need a Win, The Rest is Meaningless

    Everybody wants Cam Cameron fired. But who do we replace him with? Bill Cowher? Bill Parcells? SI’s Peter King warns us of the Siren Song of the Big Name Coach, which we as a franchise have fallen for time and time again. I didn’t think Peter King was capable of anything other than verbally suck ... More >>

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