Barry Bonds

A Miami Clinic Supplies Drugs to Sports' Biggest Names

See also: "The A Rod Files: Every Mention of the Yankees Slugger in Tony Bosch's Records"

Jose Reyes to the Marlins: The Conflicting Emotions of A Miami-Residing Mets Fan

​I was in the stands at Shea Stadium in 2006 when Endy Chavez, God bless his tiny heart, made this heroic catch in the NLCS' Game 7 to seemingly seal the Mets' glorious destiny. That was the last time I've ever experienced joy. Three innings later, Carlos Beltran was frozen by an Adam Wainwright ... More >>

Bagel Emporium vs. Roasters' n Toasters: The Great Caper Rip-off

John ZurBagel Emporium's bagel and lox to-go.​A great bagel with lox/nova in Miami is about as rare as a sold-out Marlins game. In South Miami, two local bagel places were tested head-to-head. Both Bagel Emporium and Roasters' n Toasters are located on South Dixie Highway, just three miles -- or f ... More >>

Pro Athletes Consider Miami a "Girlfriend City" Not a "Wife City"

​It's really no secret that many marriages amongst professional athletes aren't the most sacred unions. When the man is on the road a significant number of dates a year it's not uncommon for him to at least be tempted to get some on the side. Well, former MLB star Barry Bonds is on trial for purju ... More >>

28 Random Lil Wayne Lyrics for His 28th Birthday

Jonathan Mannion / Cash Money Records​Lil Wayne celebrated his 28th birthday yesterday at New York City's Rikers Island. And even though he's currently locked up (due back in a month or so), he and his Cash Money Records crew also used his birthday to release the digital version of Weezy's new alb ... More >>

Naturally, Gatorade Joins Natural Drink Craze

​Gatorade was created back in 1965 by several "scientists" at the university of Florida, according to the company's website. After speaking with football coaches about the problem of dehydration, "researchers then took their findings into the lab, and scientifically formulated a new, precisely ... More >>

Riptide Presents the All-Asshole Major League Baseball Team

Historically speaking, he's still in the Asshole Minor Leagues.​So Marlins shortstop Hanley Ramirez has apologized-- after much coercion--for not running after a kicked ball and then lashing out at his teammates and manager Fredi Gonzalez. He's been reinstated into his God-given spot in the ... More >>

Balls Out: Miami FC Joins Renegade Soccer League

C. StilesCan't stop. Won't stop.​Depending on how much of a die-hard soccer fan you are, watching South Florida's pro soccer team Miami FC's front-office machinations can be more interesting than any of its on-field action. In its effort to survive, the club has tried everything. It's signed the B ... More >>

Coconut Grove man has arm hair fit for Guinness World Records

You Haven't Lived Until You've Heard the Miami FC "We'll Shave Our Heads" Desperation Remix

Miami FC, the local minor-league soccer team that plays at Lockhart Stadium in Fort Lauderdale, makes no secret of being starved for attention. Since 2006, the squad's front-office denizens have labored like mad scientists to get butts in the bleachers. In its first season, Miami FC signed aging Br ... More >>

Rush Limbaugh is Apparently the New Lead Singer of KC and the Sunshine Band

Rush- er, KC- valiantly burps down a heart attack during his July 4 concert at Landshark Stadium Since 2007, the Marlins have held their "Super Saturday" free concerts after Saturday night home games in a ploy to get people to attend games even if not for the baseball. The concerts sometimes s ... More >>

The man handing you an Arby-Q might be a marginal pro football player

We always assumed that when pro athletes are waiting around for a team to sign them, they pass the time by practicing "making it rain" techniques on their cats, or perhaps finally getting around to painting a watercolor portrait of themselves, shirtless, lying on the hood of a red Hummer. Such ac ... More >>

Aventura Lawyer Goes After Pedophile Priests

The Catholic Church must hate this guy.

"Every Day is Fan Appreciation Day"

Last Night: Chris Rock at the Hard Rock

True Grits

The Hawk should be in the Hall. So should his banana pudding

Marlins, Meet the Mets

And then the Giants

BEST CHICKEN WINGS

Jumbo's Restaurant

Entertain Your Brain

This new docudrama is a real mind-bender

Letters from the Issue of January 1, 2004

Play Ball!

The home team steps up to the plate

Art Attack

From Basel to Brazil, the world's high priests of high culture invade Miami this week, and the locals are ready

Star Search

Things are looking up for Natural Causes

The History of Rock and Roll, Part 34

If Chet Atkins never met Herbie, there'd be no Dire Straits