AFC West

Bob Costas Cites Florida Teen's Murder Over Loud Music, Advocates Gun Control

Most sportscasters treat off-field tragedies the way Dolphins punter Brandon Fields treated the football on Sunday: like a live hand grenade. But rather than dance around the NFL's latest gruesome death -- Kansas City Chiefs LB Jovan Belcher murdering his girlfriend then killing himself this weekend ... More >>

Fire Jeff Ireland Watch: Let The Countdown Commence!

Miami Dolphins General Manager Jeff Ireland's mismanagement of the Fins -- comically whiffing on everything from prospective free agents to current players to young college kids whose mothers were probably not crack-smoking prostitutes -- has been well-documented. He's quite the controversial, talen ... More >>

Tailgaters Go All Out After Dolphins Win (Photos)

So the Dolphins won their home opener yesterday for the first time since 2005: a 35-13 shellacking of the Oakland Raiders.Short Order wasn't disappointed at the Miami Dolphins first home game Sunday against the Oakland Raiders. Why haul a grill off the back of a truck when you can make the grill the ... More >>

Miami Dolphins Obliterate the Oakland Raiders 35 - 13

Facing a below-average Oakland Raiders yesterday, it was generally believed the Dolphins had a very good chance of beating their former AFC rival and notching the first victory for both Head Coach Joe Philbin and QB Ryan Tannehill. Then Reggie Bush came out of nowhere and decided to show everyone hi ... More >>

Dolphins Home Opener Sunday: Tailgate The Right Way

Let's be honest, this season is not exactly hopeful for your Miami Dolphins. With a rookie quarterback and coming off a 6-10 campaign in 2011, the oddsmakers aren't exactly worried you'll hit the 200-1 sweepstakes that the Dolphins win Super Bowl XLVII. That won't stop belligerent Dolphins fans from ... More >>

Are You Ready for Some Football?

Miami Dolphins Will Star in HBO's Hard Knocks Reality Show

What does a celebrity do when they need a quick jolt of publicity to revive a fading career? Reality TV, of course. What does a sports team desperately in need of some public goodwill and attention do when they're being overshadowed in their own city? Apparently, the exact same thing.The Miami Dolph ... More >>

Junior Seau, Former Dolphin, Found Dead at 43

Junior Seau, the 12-time Pro Bowler, who played for the Miami Dolphins for three seasons, has reportedly been found dead at the age of 43 in his California home. According to sources who spoke to gossip website TMZ, Seau may have committed suicide.

Tim Tebow to the Dolphins? Please, Everyone, Shut Up

​So, Peyton Manning has chosen to play for the Denver Broncos, which officially ends the reign of Tebowmania in Colorado.What does that mean for the Dolphins? The sports media has already cued up the Tebow-to-Miami talks. We'd rather they hit the kill button. Nothing about that makes sense.

Brandon Marshall Just Got Traded to the Bears

​Bye, bye, Brandon Marshall? FoxSports.com's NFL Insider has Tweeted that the Dolphin's Brandon Marshall just got traded to the Chicago Bears in exchange for a pretty paltry two third round pics. Well, this is pretty huge. Especially considering Peyton Manning was said to be wary of working with M ... More >>

Tim Tebow should quit now

Tim Tebow Should Quit The NFL While He's Ahead

​Luther Campbell, the man whose booty-shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Campbell tells Tim Tebow that his calling is outside of football. For the first time in the history of the NFL, a player is a ... More >>

The Devil Inside Tim Tebow: What the Broncos QB Shares With the Spooky Thriller

​I'm usually the quiet guy at the computer frying his retinas when coworkers discuss the previous night's SportsCenter reruns. But I'm a news junkie, so I knew a bunch of Gen Xers kneeling at their cubicles last week didn't mean they were starting a prayer meetup.They were instead mimicking God-fe ... More >>

Gene Simmons' Top Five Sex Tips for Tim Tebow

​TMZ interviewing KISS frontman Gene Simmons about controversial Christian virgin and Denver Broncos quarterback Tim Tebow? Sounds like one of those "...walks into a bar" bits, only the punchline doesn't give you a case of uncontrollable giggles. It just makes you wanna puke. But whatever ... T ... More >>

If the Dolphins Hire Carl Peterson, Will He Really Help Land A "Superstar" Coach?

​Rumors are swirling that Miami Dolphins owner Stephen Ross is looking to bring former Kansas City Chiefs president Carl Peterson on in an executive role. Basically Peterson would serve as a new Bill Parcells of sorts, taking a top executive role but leaving the day-to-day running of the team ... More >>

Dolphins Take Down Raiders, Have Four Wins Now

​Amazingly and infuriatingly, the Miami Dolphins have come tromping out of the depths of a shitty season like a reanimated zombie and have suddenly started kicking opponents asses and eating their brains.The Dolphins defense stabbed the Raiders in the face with their ferociousness, while the offen ... More >>

Igor Olshansky Arrested on Pot Charges a Day After Being Released from Dolphins

​Former Miami Dolphins defensive end Igor Olshansky was having a bad week. A calf injury forced him to miss the Thanksgiving Day game against the Cowboys, and the team rewarded him by releasing him on Wednesday. All the dude wanted to do was get a little high after a tough work week, but the ... More >>

Desperate Dolphins

Holy Crap, the Dolphins Won Again!

​Well that about wraps it up for the first overall pick. The Miami Dolphins were able to both grab an early lead and then not vomit all over it by taking down the vaunted indomitable unconquerable mostly shitty Washington Redskins 20-9 yesterday at Sun Life Stadium.The win snaps a seven-game home ... More >>

The Miami Dolphins Even Suck at Sucking

​Finally, just when it mattered the least, when a win couldn't possibly do anything to change the fortunes of this season, this coaching staff, or this fan base's hopes, the Dolphins FINALLY pulled off a victory.Somehow, someway, led by one of the marionette puppets from Team America QB Matt Moore ... More >>

Tebowing Is Your Latest Internet Craze

​Not since "Paula Deen Riding Things" has a scene in Miami taken the Internet by meme storm. After defeating the Dolphins in his first NFL career start last weekend, Tim Tebow got down on one knee, clenched a fist, and proceeded to take a quick prayer break while the rest of the Broncos ran around ... More >>

Dolphins Blow 15-Point Lead, Win Suck For Luck Bowl

​With their defense flying around making plays and their offense opting for touchdowns instead of field goals, all signs pointed to the Miami Dolphins getting their first win of the season. FUCK YEA!But then Tim Tebow dialed up the Jesus, led the Denver Broncos in erasing a 15-point deficit, tied ... More >>

Miami Dolphins: The Suckiest Bunch of Sucks That Ever Sucked A Suck

​Watching the Miami Dolphins is like opening a gift and expecting something other than a box full of dicks. And that box full of dicks is now 0-5 after a 24-6 loss to their hated rival New York Jets on Monday Night Football.So the bad news is, the Dolphins remain winless and are in last place ... More >>

Suck for Luck

Tim Tebow Named Bronco's Starting QB Just In Time For Dolphins to Honor Him

​Tim Tebow has been named the new starting quarterback of the Denver Broncos according to several reports, and now he'll be looking forward to the opposing team hosting a celebration partially in his honor during his first starting game. As if the Dolphins' plan to honor the 2009 University of Flo ... More >>

Trent Edwards and Brodie Croyle Latest Leftover QBs Given a Look by the Dolphins

With Chad Henne probably out because of his injury, someone else will become the Dolphins' 16th starting quarterback in the 13 years since Dan Marino's retirement. The job will most likely go Matt Moore, barring a miraculous Henne recovery, but the Fins are still on the hunt for other backups.  ... More >>

Dolphins Fall To 0-4: It's Suck For Luck Time!

​The Miami Dolphins did that thing again where they play like their scrotums are stapled to their thighs, this time losing 26-16 to the San Diego Chargers. In the process, they lost Chad Henne to a shoulder injury, forcing backup Matt Moore to step in and do exactly what Henne's been doing: namely ... More >>

Kyle Orton Trade Definitely Not Happening, Claims ESPN Reporter

​It wasn't looking good, but some Dolphins faithful were still holding out hope that the team would make a trade for Denver Broncos QB Kyle Orton. It seems that any remaining flicker of hope was blown out today by ESPN's Adam Schefter. He says Orton will remain with the Broncos and will be their s ... More >>

Kyle Orton Expects to Stay in Denver

​Seems like the Dolphin's hunt for a new QB may have hit a snag. The Denver Broncos are keen to keep Kyle Orton and released quotes to the media today from Orton in which he claims he expects to be the team's starting quarterback next year.

NFL Investigating Club Play's Unauthorized Use of Players Images on Porn Party Ad

​Club Play is a relative newcomer on South Beach's party scene, but the Fifth Street hot spot has already hosted major events featuring sports and music stars. Unfortunately for them, they've just made a powerful enemy: the National Football League. The NFL is investigating a flyer for the club's ... More >>

Miami Dolphins Draft Florida Center Mike Pouncey

​The NFL Draft was last night. And in keeping with the tradition of playing it safe, the Miami Dolphins used their fifteenth overall draft pick to select center Mike Pouncey from the University of Florida.It isn't an especially noteworthy or exciting pick, unless you have a thing for spending your ... More >>

Bobby Kent sues ASCAP over "Charge!" stadium anthem

Da Da Da Da Da Da, Five Other Ditties We Take for Granted

​On Monday, we met Bobby Kent, former San Diego Chargers musical director, and the man who claims he's responsible for 'da da da da da da... CHARGE!' However on Wednesday, Tony Fox, director of the USC Trojan Marching Band, told us that former USC student Tommy Walker came up with the stadium ditt ... More >>

Bobby Kent Claims He Invented "Da Da Da Da Da Da Charge!" And Wants to Cash In

​In 1978, Bobby Kent was the musical director for the San Diego Chargers football team when he composed a song he called "Stadium Doo Dads" or "Kent's Composition". According to our new front-runner for best lawsuit of the year: "The operative and most commonly known part of Kent's Compositi ... More >>

Dolphins to Interview Former Canes Offensive Coordinator Rob Chudzinski

​With Dan Henning out, the Dolphins' next order of off-season business is securing a new offensive coordinator. One of the names apparently on the shortlist is Rob Chudzinski, who should be no stranger to local sporting fans. He served as the offensive coordinator for two seasons with the Miami Hu ... More >>

Miami Dolphins Offense Finally Shows Up

I don't see a difference, do you Dolfans?​Here is a shocker. The Miami Dolphins finally scored more than 30 points this season. It was an offensive explosion for 471 yards that featured two big play touchdowns by running back Ricky Williams and undrafted rookie wide receiver Marlon Moore. Watching ... More >>

Dolphins Pummeled, Shutout by Bears

​On a night where the NFL Network previewed an upcoming documentary on Bill Parcells and his football genius, the Dolphins team he built was busy rushing for 39 total-yards and throwing for 187 on their way to their first shutout loss in three seasons. The Dolphins were manhandled and dominated in ... More >>

The '72 Dolphins Got to Pop Champagne Extra Early This Year

​The '72 Miami Dolphins will get to hold on to their records as the last NFL team to have a perfect season for another year. It's only week 5, but already every team has suffered the agony of defeat. With the Kansas City Chiefs 19-9 to the Colts, Mercury Morris, Larry Csonka and the rest of the te ... More >>

Zach Thomas to Sign With the Dolphins Again Just to Immediately Retire

Good news, Dolphans! Zach Thomas, who spent 12 years with the Dolphins and racked up seven Pro Bowl appearances, is going to re-sign with the team! Then he will immediately retire.According to the AP, this afternoon Thomas will sign a ceremonial contract and then announce his retirement as a member ... More >>

NFL Draft Live-Blog, rounds 2 & 3

​Welcome back to our second night of NFL Draft Live-Blogging! Brought to you in 3D!* (*-not really, but everything else is in 3D, so why not). Tonight we'll roll through the second and third rounds, where the Dolphins hold the 40th and 73rd overall picks. Tonight's blog will be more Dolphins-cente ... More >>

NFL Draft Live-Blog

​Here we go. Live-blogging the NFL Draft. Pretty much like watching the draft with someone as losery as yourself. Only on the Internet! This is the first time the NFL Draft is being held in primetime. Because you're not buying enough KFC Double Downs for your fatass kids dammit! Also, tonight is t ... More >>

Zach Thomas Calls Out Dolphins for Disrespecting Jason Taylor

​Jason Taylor deserved better. Certainly better than having to join the Jets. Now his former teammate Zach Thomas, who spent 11 seasons with the Dolphins himself and is Taylor's brother-in-law, is calling out the front office for their shady and disrespectful handling of the situation."I'm not try ... More >>

Waiting for the Sky to Fall

It’s okay to admit it: These Miami Dolphins are pretty good!

Wildcat Dolphins

New-look Miami Dolphins take on the Ravens.

Holy Crap! They Won?

The Dolphins beat the Pats! Now it’s the Chargers’ turn.

Will the Fins Get Raided?

Not if you wear your lucky underwear and support the team

Are You Ready for Some Football?

Get into the groove nice ’n’ early

Paint Your Face

Sunday is for supporting your team

Defensive Block Party

Menus by the Book

What's in a menu? Usually the success of a restaurant.