AFC South

Tim Tebow to Miami Dolphins? Sports Trolls Are Running Wild With It

All it took was for super-agent Drew Rosenhaus to go on WQAM yesterday and say he "wouldn't be shocked" if the Dolphins signed Tim Tebow because Stephen Ross is a "fan" to start the latest Tebowmania rumor. This despite the fact the Dolphins don't particularly need another quarterback, let ... More >>

Florida Lawmakers Seeking Millions to Lure Back Major League Soccer

While the Miami Dolphins are asking for millions in state money to help upgrade Sun Life Stadium, some lawmakers are focusing on sports teams that don't even exist yet.A state Senate panel today approved a bill that would grant $2 million a year in order to build new soccer stadiums to lure Major Le ... More >>

Miami Dolphins 2012 Season Recap: The Highs, the Lows, the Ireland

Now that we're firmly entrenched in another playoff season without the Miami Dolphins and the pain of Stephen Ross's absurd season-ending press conference on Monday has faded, it's the perfect time for a cold, hard, slightly inebriated look back at the 2012 season.Ultimately, it was yet another disa ... More >>

Miami Dolphins Five Keys to Victory Versus Buffalo

Last week, the Dolphins managed to put their season on life support with a strong performance against a terrible Jags team. With a 6-8 record, the Dolphins have a roughly .0000000000081% chance of getting into the playoffs if certain scenarios play out. JOY!

Miami Dolphins Five Keys To Victory Versus Jaguars

Ah, the Battle for Florida.Former Dolphin Chad 'The Robot' Henne vs. Ryan 'Tanny Boyeee' Tannehill! Revenge for 62-7! Vindication for the loud, smelly fart that 2012 has proven to be! A chance to avoid a fourth losing season in five years! Tough-nosed, physical ... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Dolphins Fall to Niners 27-13

The Miami Dolphins have shown a knack all season for hanging with good teams only to vomit into their own pants when the game is on the line. It happened last week against the Patriots and it happened again yesterday against the 49ers as the Dolphins lost 27-13, despite being a field goal away from ... More >>

Stinky Phins

Miami Dolphins' Five Keys to Victory Versus Bills

After a 37-3 drubbing at the hands of a lackluster Tennessee Titans team, your Miami Dolphins try to turn things around quickly during a shortened week and salvage what once seemed like a promising, surprising season that had Dolphins fans everywhere singing hymns, hugging one another and seeing TRI ... More >>

Terry Bradshaw Says Reggie Bush Was Running Like He Was "Chasing That Bucket of Chicken"

Did you see Reggie Bush's amazing, zig-zaggy touch down run in the second quarter on Sunday against the Indianapolis Colts? Well, Fox analyst Terry Bradshaw did, and in a poor choice of words, described Bush as running like "he was chasing that bucket of chicken." Whoops.

Special Teams, Defense Fuel Dolphins 30-9 Romp Over Jets

With the SUPER COLOSSAL ZOMG! CYCLO-SNOW-FRANKEN-PERFECT-MEGA-SUPER-BLABLAZO STORM OF THE MILLENIUM bearing down on the Northeast, the Dolphins crushed the hated Jets 30-9 and rode out of town just before the storm stranded them. Bad. Assssss.

Dolphins Beat Rams 17-14 Despite Rushing for Only 20 Yards

The Miami Dolphins are 3-3 today in spite of absolutely listless performances by both teams in a boring game, a second straight game of questionable (read: crappy) officiating and the Dolphins only rushing for a total of 20 yards all game. However, the continued influence of Ryan Tannehill's burgeon ... More >>

Duffy's, LIV, Joe's: Fans Enjoy Another Dolphins Win and Great Chowremium Food Selections

The Miami Dolphins are in the midst of a resurgence. Their third win Sunday moved them into a first-place tie above the AFC East. While the Dolphins were taking down the St. Louis Rams, fans across the stadium were downing a variety of food selections. From the first ball tossed, someone was tossing ... More >>

Fiona Apple Busted for Hash and Weed Near the Mexican Border

Hashish will make a lady do some crazy shit. Like give her new album a 23-word title. Say, The Idler Wheel Is Wiser Than the Driver of the Screw and Whipping Cords Will Serve You More Than Ropes Will Ever Do. Or maybe even make a run for the Mexican border while carrying "Criminal" amounts of cann ... More >>

Texans Picked Up Dolphins' "Snap Count" From Hard Knocks

Did the Miami Dolphins give away valuable secrets by appearing on HBO's Hard Knocks? Well, linebacker J.J. Watt of the Houston Texans told NBC Radio's Pro Football Talk that he was able to pick up Ryan Tannehill's snap count from watching the game.The snap count! Dear God no, not the snap count! Wai ... More >>

Hard Knocks, Episode Five: The Bachelorette Look Like American Gladiators By Comparison

Cheer up, third-round pick/emo perpetually sad-faced tight end/ likely-illustrator-of-fantastical-scenes-involving-dragons-and-Asian-counterculture-anti-heros-during-team-film-sessions / wouldn't-make-any-other-team's-53-man-roster-except-the-piece-of-shit-Jets Michael Egnew - HBO's Hard Knocks feat ... More >>

Flo Rida and NFL Vets Give Back to Miami Instead of Blowing Cash at Clubs

Dolphins Fall to Cowboys 30-13 To End Preseason Winless, Then Crash The Team Plane

In what is typically the most uninteresting and uneventful of all preseason games, the Dolphins conducted business-as-usual by falling to the Dallas Cowboys 30-13 last night, completing the 2012 preseason with only their third winless effort in franchise history.The Fins followed up in the most appr ... More >>

Flo Rida and NFL Stars Step Up To Help Kids In Overtown and Liberty City

Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke gives props to a local rapper and four football players giving back to the neighborhood.It's a shame more pro athletes and hip-ho ... More >>

Miami Dolphins: The Worst Franchise in the NFL

​Luther Campbell, the man whose booty-shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be. In this special edition, Luke laments the epic fall of Miami's storied NFL team.It is a tragedy what is going on with the Miami Dolphins. One of the most suc ... More >>

Will Stephen Ross Prevail in Landing Peyton Manning for Miami?

​Since taking control of the Miami Dolphins, team owner Stephen Ross has set his eye on a lot of things.He wanted a superstar coach with head coaching experience. He got an unproven offensive coordinator. He wants a Super Bowl. All he's got is a first-round playoff exit. He wants public cash for a ... More >>

Glenn Sharpe, Former UM Star and NFL Cornerback, Arrested on Murder Charges

ajc.com​Former NFL cornerback Glenn Sharpe -- a Miami native who starred for the University of Miami -- has been arrested in Georgia on charges that he murdered a man during an argument.According to the DeKalb Sheriff's Office, Sharpe has been charged with the February 2 murder of Christopher Gall ... More >>

Peyton Manning "Not Throwing Like an NFL Quarterback," Which, Let's Be Honest, is Good Enough for the Dolphins

​So apparently Dolphins owner Stephen Ross, along with a growing number of Dolphins fans, are "infatuated" with the idea of bringing Peyton Manning to Miami next season. Which is ridiculous when you consider that Manning hasn't even cut ties with the Colts yet, and there's no guarantee he'll fully ... More >>

Miami Dolphins Eyeing Peyton Manning, Really?

​The Miami Dolphins have not had a consistent quarterback since Dan Marino, who retired at 38. Twelve years later, the Dolphins are still fumbling around trying to land a franchise quarterback even half as good as he was. Signing a 35-year-old injured player probably won't to help much, but don't ... More >>

Jeff Fisher Leaning Toward St. Louis Job; Sorry, Dolphins

​Dolphins owner Stephen Ross said shortly after firing Tony Sparano that he'd be looking for a "young Don Shula." So it sort of surprised us when he went all-in on the pursuit of Jeff Fisher. The man is certainly no young Don Shula. Jeff Fisher is, well, an old Jeff Fisher. So we're not exactly he ... More >>

Dolphins Ready to Throw Tons of Money at Jeff Fisher

​The Miami Dolphins are ready to go all in on hiring former Titans coach Jeff Fisher. However, he has attracted the interest of other teams searching for a coach, including the St. Louis Rams and Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Fins owner Stephen Ross is ready to outbid any team for Fisher's services. That ... More >>

Cam Newton Could Become the Black QB Role Model That Michael Vick Never Had

Luther Campbell, the man whose booty-shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Campbell addresses why African-American NFL quarterbacks don't have any heroes to look up to. In baseball, African-American play ... More >>

Dolphins to Interview Jeff Fisher, Possibly Let Go of GM Jeff Ireland

With John Gruden and Bill Cowher expected to stay off the NFL sidelines for at least another season, that leaves Jeff Fisher as just about the only experienced and somewhat proven former head coach up for grabs this offseason, and the Dolphins are expected to interview the former Tennessee Titans co ... More >>

Sam Johnson Helped Groom Miami's Best NFL Stars

Alex IzaguirreLuther Campbell, the man whose booty-shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Campbell remembers the man who helped him start the Liberty City Optimist Club for inner-city kids.In 1989, Sam Joh ... More >>

Dolphins Pummeled By Eagles, Still Need A Quarterback, Possibly a New Coach Too

​The Philadelphia Eagles helped head coach Andy Reid win the Mustachioed Overweight Coach Who Has Overstayed His Welcome Bowl when they blew away the Dolphins 26-10 yesterday. The Dolphins have ensured themselves their third straight losing season, falling to 4-9, and remain dead-last in the AFC E ... More >>

Black celebs need the Marv Albert treatment

Black Celebs Don't Get Off As Easy As Kinky Marv Albert

​Luther Campbell, the man whose booty-shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke explains why he deserves the Marv Albert treatment.Two weeks ago, I was with my wife watching the Tennessee Titans play t ... More >>

There's Now a "Suck for Luck" T-Shirt

​Sometimes we wonder how far this Suck for Luck business will go. Join us in our imagination: It's January 1, and the Jets are visiting Sun Life for the last game of the year. The Fins are 0-16. There's less than a minute left on the clock, and the Indianapolis Colts have just pulled off their fir ... More >>

B2K's Lil' Fizz Arrested For Pot Shop and the Five Wildest Rapper Weed Busts of All Time

Lil Fizz is wildly weedy. ​Aside from your standard Gucci Mane flareup, the world of hip-hop arrests has been pretty boring lately. Who cares about Ja Rule's back taxes? Thankfully, early 2000s R&B boy band vocalist Lil' Fizz (AKA Dreux Pierre Frederic) is bringing some flair back to notable ... More >>

Miami Dolphins: The Suckiest Bunch of Sucks That Ever Sucked A Suck

​Watching the Miami Dolphins is like opening a gift and expecting something other than a box full of dicks. And that box full of dicks is now 0-5 after a 24-6 loss to their hated rival New York Jets on Monday Night Football.So the bad news is, the Dolphins remain winless and are in last place ... More >>

Rick Perry: Awful politician, genius campaigner

Miami Dolphins Are the 13th Most Popular NFL Team, Highest Ranking in Years

Despite the weekly disaster show on the field, the Miami Dolphins are at their highest level of popularity in years. That's according to a Harris Interactive poll that ranks the 32 NFL teams from America's most favorite to least. The Dolphins are America's 13th favorite team. Unlucky number as ... More >>

With Chad Henne Injured, Dolphins Reach Out to David Garrard and Jake Delhomme

As if the Dolphins needed more problems, it appears Chad Henne's shoulder injury is pretty serious. Now multiple reports are claiming the Fins are downright desperate to bring in some new QB blood and have reached out to both David Garrard and Jake Delhomme.

Howard Schnellenberger, Godfather of Hurricanes Football, to Retire

​While Howard Schnellenberger may be the coach at Florida Atlantic University, news of his impeding retirement will surely resonate down in Coral Gables. Before Schnellenberger arrived at the University of Miami in 1979, the school was better known for its palm trees and good weather than its smal ... More >>

Miami Dolphins Will Suck Again This Year

​Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness once made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke assesses the sad state of Miami's NFL franchise.While AFC division rivals the New England Patriots and the New York Jets ... More >>

NFL Investigating Club Play's Unauthorized Use of Players Images on Porn Party Ad

​Club Play is a relative newcomer on South Beach's party scene, but the Fifth Street hot spot has already hosted major events featuring sports and music stars. Unfortunately for them, they've just made a powerful enemy: the National Football League. The NFL is investigating a flyer for the club's ... More >>

What would immigration reform look like if the Feds got off their duffs?

Miami Dolphins Lose Record for Most All Time Regular Season Wins During Modern NFL Era

​Perhaps less heralded than the 1972 perfect season, but more illustrative of the Miami Dolphins proud position as a historically non-sucking team is another record: most regular season wins since 1970 (that's the year the AFL and NFL merged and is generally considered the start of the modern ... More >>

Ponzi Schemer Allen Stanford Got Seriously Messed Up In Jailhouse Fight

via the Daily Mail​Allen Stanford, the would-be cricket baron who engineered an $8 billion Ponzi scheme from his Miami headquarters, bought Coral Gables castles for his mistresses, and all-but ruled Antigua as a personal fiefdom, has not had an easy go of it in prison since the fraud disintegrated ... More >>

Dolphins Won't Get Randy Moss, Didn't Even Put In Claim For Him

Straight Cash, Homie ​Remember those rumors and reports saying the Miami Dolphins were interested in acquiring Randy Moss after the Minnesota Vikings released him? There were even reports the Dolphins contacted Moss earlier this week. LIES! ALL LIES!!

The Miami Dolphins Hit All-Time Low in Popularity According to Poll

The Miami Dolphins are the 21st most popular NFL team this year, or if you want to be more negative about it they're the 12th least popular. That's the lowest point the Dolphins have ever found themselves in the ratings since Harris Interactive began keeping track of such things in 1998. The good ne ... More >>

Venus and Serena Williams suffer racism

Venus and Serena Williams Deserve The Best

​Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness once made the Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke says the Williams sisters don't get their due.Venus and Serena Williams represent black people and female athletes in a po ... More >>

Miami Dolphins Pre-season: A Sloppy Win

​There are several things we can glean from the Dolphins 10-7 pre-season win over the Tampa Bay Buccaneers this past Saturday: Pat White is probably done, the Marlins infield is where football goes to die and Dolphins fans remain pretty irrational after just one meaningless game. What's that? Bran ... More >>

Florida Sports Arenas Flunk Health Inspections

Grilled chicken sandwich at Sun Life...is it safe?​ESPN's Outside the Lines has collected health department inspection reports for food and beverage vendors at 107 MLB, NBA, NHL, and NFL sports arenas in the United States and Canada. Each arena's percentages of "critical violations" were tallied - ... More >>

Albert Haynseworth Allegedly Knocked Up Stripper He Met in Miami

​We warned you that strippers would be coming from all across the country buring last February's Super Bowl, and they did. What we didn't warn you in our "Super Bowl guide to sex, drugs, gambling, and living large in South Florida" was that it is probably not the best idea to knock up one of these ... More >>