AFC South

The New Miami Dolphins Jerseys Have Leaked

The new Miami Dolphins uniforms weren't supposed to be unveiled until Thursday, but it looks like they've hit the web a little earlier than scheduled. The only part of the new unis we'd seen till now had been a bit of white face mask.

Miami Hurricanes Once Again Have Most Alumni Selected to Pro Bowl

Another Pro Bowl, another year in which the Miami Hurricanes have more former players selected than the Miami Dolphins had current players selected.The 'Canes had six alumni selected to the star-studded game, which ties with Tennessee for the most from any college program.

Dolphins Throttle Jaguars 24-3 As Tannehill, Bush Thrive

Oh hooray! The Dolphins beat a pathetic two-win team to prolong our chances for an evenly average season. Fantastic. Ryan Tannehill played flawlessly, Reggie Bush threw down his anaconda sexual organ and the Dolphins trampled a pathetic Jaguars team 24-3. Woooooooooooo!

Bragging Rights

Jacksonville Jaguars Fans Are Now Waving "Jag Rags"

Yes, it totally makes sense that if Jacksonville Jaguars fans wanted their own version of the Pittsburgh Steelers' famed "Terrible Towel" they would call it the "Jag Rag." We're just not sure if the creators realized that name would induce fits of laughter in anyone who is or ever was a teenage boy.

Titans Obliterate Dolphins 37-3 for Worst Home Loss Since 1968

So how good do you feel about Jeff Ireland and the Dolphins' talent level today?Two weeks after a convincing victory over a floundering Jets team, the Dolphins are 4-5 and facing "must win" scenarios for most of their remaining seven games in order to salvage the season after getting completely blow ... More >>

Miami Dolphins' Five Keys to Victory Versus Titans

After two weeks on the road, the Dolphins are back home to face a 3-6 Titans team that ranks near the bottom of the NFL standings on both offense and defense and is a team mired in uncertainty about its future. Will our passing defense display the tenacity of a canned wet fart once again or can we g ... More >>

Think Positive

Colts' Luck Sets Rookie Passing Record To Beat Dolphins 23-20

On Friday, we stressed that the Dolphins pass defense needed to show up on Sunday if the team had any hope of taking down the Colts. Clearly, Defensive Coordinator Kevin Coyle needs to start reading our posts along with his morning coffee because the Dolphins pass defense was absolute refried pig-pl ... More >>

Miami Dolphins' Five Keys to Victory Versus Colts

This Sunday the Dolphins travel to Indianapolis to play the Colts and Andrew Luck -- the girl many Dolphins fans wanted to take to the prom, but she was too unattainable so she laughed in our faces in front of the whole cafeteria as chocolate milk sprayed out of our nostrils in embarrassment.Let's l ... More >>

Dolphins Home Opener Sunday: Tailgate The Right Way

Let's be honest, this season is not exactly hopeful for your Miami Dolphins. With a rookie quarterback and coming off a 6-10 campaign in 2011, the oddsmakers aren't exactly worried you'll hit the 200-1 sweepstakes that the Dolphins win Super Bowl XLVII. That won't stop belligerent Dolphins fans from ... More >>

Are You Ready for Some Football?

Dolphins Fall to Texans 30-10 In Season-Opening Flop

With seven minutes left in the second quarter on Sunday, the Dolphins looked like a team that seemed to have turned the corner. The defense was playing more like the aggressive squad that had played well last year, the Dolphins receivers were catching the ball on offense, rookie quarterback Ryan Tan ... More >>

Miami Dolphins Trade CB Vontae Davis, Continue Ignoring Need for Talent

The Miami Dolphins have traded former first-round pick Vontae Davis to the Indianapolis Colts for a 2013 second-rounder as well as a conditional late-round pick. Obviously, this is a move that makes sense on several fronts given the Midas-like wealth of talent the Dolphins possess at virtually every ... More >>

The Federal's Smokey Texan Laundry List For Your Fourth of July

This Fourth of July, Short Order is all set to fire up the grill, call up some friends and kick it poolside with some good 'ole fashioned Texan barbecue, all thanks to a chat we had with the masterminds behind The Federal Food Drink & Provisions.Since you won't be able to go to the Federal this ... More >>

Four Summer Music Festivals Featuring Local Miami (and Local-ish) Acts

Constant intrascene belly-aching aside, a few local (and local-ish) acts are managing to squeeze out of South Florida geographical isolation this summer for big stages. A number of major national festivals are featuring homegrown talent on the bill. And rightfully so. Here's a quick rundown of ... More >>

Tim Tebow to the Dolphins? Please, Everyone, Shut Up

​So, Peyton Manning has chosen to play for the Denver Broncos, which officially ends the reign of Tebowmania in Colorado.What does that mean for the Dolphins? The sports media has already cued up the Tebow-to-Miami talks. We'd rather they hit the kill button. Nothing about that makes sense.

Peyton Manning Arrives In Miami, Plays DolFans Like a Crappy Secondary

​Peyton Manning is one fickle football bastard. Just hours after leaving the Indianapolis Colts in a teary press conference, the quarterback arrived in Miami on a private jet yesterday evening. But just as Dolfans and local media thought they had their hands on the NFL veteran, Manning called ... More >>

Sorry Dolfans, Peyton Manning Is Not Your Next Dan Marino

​Luther Campbell, the man whose booty-shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. In this special edition, Luke says Peyton Manning will not win a Super Bowl with the Miami Dolphins.Now that the Indianapolis Colts have ... More >>

Peyton Manning Likes the Idea of Retiring in Miami, Already Has a South Beach Condo

​It sure sounds like Peyton Manning is going to end up in Miami eventually one way or another. The only question is whether it will be in a Dolphins jersey or a pair of board shorts lounging at his condo at the Continuum in the South of Fifth area of Miami Beach.

The Super Bowl prostitution hoax

Indianapolis mobilizes for an epic battle with an urban legend.

Jeff Fisher Picks Rams Over Dolphins

​After a diva-like and dramatic decision period that a so-so coach really didn't deserve, Jeff Fisher has decided he'll be the coach of the Los Angeles St. Louis Rams instead of the Miami Dolphinsnext season . This, of course, means the Dolphins' search for a new coach is basically back to sq ... More >>

Jeff Fisher Might Be Ever So Close to Taking the Dolphins Head Coaching Job

​Despite reports that he was "95 percent certain" he was going to take a job with the St. Louis Rams, former Tennessee Titans head coach Jeff Fisher is the subject of reports saying that he's ready to commit to the Miami Dolphins now instead.It's not clear what changed Fisher's mind, or if he has ... More >>

Don Shula Says Packers Can Match '72 Dolphins' Perfect Season

​The members of the '72 Miami Dolphins haven't gotten a chance yet to pop champagne, as the Green Bay Packers have remained undefeated with little signs of slowing down. Could Perfectville soon have a population of two?These are dark days in Dolphinland, as they have been for much of the past deca ... More >>

Florida Senate Bill Aims to End NFL Blackouts

​Maybe its the fact that all three Florida teams suck this year. Maybe its the fact that financially strapped Floridians don't want to shell out for tickets. Whatever the case, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, Jacksonville Jaguars and Miami Dolphins have all had to deal with the threat or reality of blac ... More >>

The Dolphins Nearly Pulled It Off This Time. Honestly!

The Flying Bag of Penis that is the Miami Dolphins nearly went and fucked things up by almost winning a game yesterday. But Suck For Luck is alive and well after the New York Giants woke up from their zombie-like state and handed Miami their seventh loss of the season in a 20-17 final.Understandably ... More >>

Dolphins Blow 15-Point Lead, Win Suck For Luck Bowl

​With their defense flying around making plays and their offense opting for touchdowns instead of field goals, all signs pointed to the Miami Dolphins getting their first win of the season. FUCK YEA!But then Tim Tebow dialed up the Jesus, led the Denver Broncos in erasing a 15-point deficit, tied ... More >>

To The Amazement of Absolutely Nobody, Dolphins Fall to 0-2

​The Amazing Shitshow! that is your Miami Dolphins fell to the Houston Texans for the sixth straight time in a 23-13 ass-whoopin' yesterday afternoon. The Dolphins are now 0-2 to start the season, have lost eleven of it's last twelve games at home, can't convert a third down for dick, and are the ... More >>

Miami Dolphins Buy Own Tickets to Avoid Blackout

​Well, you can't Dolphins owner Stephen Ross has never done anything nice for fans: he's taken the costly and unusual step of ordering the team to buy out the remaining stock of unsold tickets to ensure that Sundays game against the Houston Texans isn't blacked out on local television.

Texas-Size Whoopin'

Sports Poll: Only 22 Percent of Floridians Like LeBron, Gators Are Favorite Team

Finally a political polling firm has decided to poll on something other than politics. Public Policy Polling surveyed Floridians on another contentious topic: sports. The poll shows LeBron James isn't exactly that popular in his new state, while Florida's favorite pro team is the Tampa Bay Bucc ... More >>

Javarris James Arrested for Marijuana Possession in Fort Myers

​Well, at least he managed to keep out of trouble while he was with the 'Canes.Indianapolis Colts running back Javarris James was arrested last night by police in Fort Myers, Fl and charged with misdemeanor charges of marijuana possession. James, the cousin of former 'Canes and Colts legend Edgerr ... More >>

Dolphins May Pursue Vince Young

​Assuming there even is an NFL season this year (even one that is only eight games long), the Miami Dolphins will find themselves once again in a tough quarterback situation. There's been murmurs about signing a free agent all off-season, and the latest rumors center around the Tennessee Titan's V ... More >>

Miami Dolphins Offense Finally Shows Up

I don't see a difference, do you Dolfans?​Here is a shocker. The Miami Dolphins finally scored more than 30 points this season. It was an offensive explosion for 471 yards that featured two big play touchdowns by running back Ricky Williams and undrafted rookie wide receiver Marlon Moore. Watching ... More >>

Dolphins Capture First Win at Home, Get Slammed by the Injury Bug

TILT! ... TILT! ... TIL* ... ​It took three quarterbacks to do it, but the Miami Dolphins were able to pull off the 29-17 victory over the Tennessee Titans on Sunday, earning the Fins their first home win of the season. That's the good news. The bad news? The entire starting roster is injured and ... More >>

Let's Try This Again

Former Miami Dolphin Anthony Cesario Dead at 34 After Heart Attack

​Anthony Cesario, a former player for the Miami Dolphins and Jacksonville Jaguars, has died at the young age of 34 after suffering what appears to be a heart attack. Cesario died Saturday in Saratoga Springs, Colorado, while the former offensive guard was hosting a hunting party.

Dolphins Host the Falcons Tonight: What To Watch For

The starting squad for your Miami Dolphins has not been able to catch a break with the all the rain during the first two pre-season games. Against the Buccaneers two weeks ago, a rainstorm created a quagmire in Sun Life Stadium. Last week, the foul weather followed them up to Jacksonville where a li ... More >>

Miami Dolphins Pre-Season: Fins Win Again, Despite Another Squall

Oil can! ... Oil can!​Saturday night was quite a night for both football and meteorology enthusiasts. After nearly a two-hour weather delay, the Miami Dolphins went out and defeated the Jacksonville Jaguars 27-26. It's the second-straight win for the Fins, and a second-straight week where they had ... More >>

Dolphins Trade Justin Smiley to Jaguars

Smiley had a lot of fans in the Bear community (no, not Chicago fans)​Local fans of Miami Dolphins guard Justin Smiley are about to be (pun warning) frown-y. He's headed up I95 to the Jacksonville Jaguars. As for what the Dolphins are getting in return, no one seems to know yet. Do the Jags have a ... More >>

NFL Draft Live-Blog

​Here we go. Live-blogging the NFL Draft. Pretty much like watching the draft with someone as losery as yourself. Only on the Internet! This is the first time the NFL Draft is being held in primetime. Because you're not buying enough KFC Double Downs for your fatass kids dammit! Also, tonight is t ... More >>

Super Sunday Strangeness

Hit ’Em in the Lone Star

Can You Hold on with Fins?

Snowflake Returns

Fins Swim Homeward

Let’s hope they can win on their own turf

Swimming for Shore

A 2007 Dolphins off-season retrospective

We Like to Win

Swimming with Dolphins

The Top Texan

Houston's is brash and fresh and delivering it up your way