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AFC North

  • Blogs

    September 16, 2014

    Ray Rice Scandal Exposes NFL's Screwed Up Morals

    Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke explains why the NFL is out of control. It should surprise no one that the domestic-violence case of Baltimore Ravens' star runn ... More >>

  • Blogs

    April 4, 2014

    Brendon Ayanbadejo Claims Dolphins May Have Traded Him For Taking Paternity Leave

    During the 2005 offseason the Dolphins traded Brendon Ayanbadejo to the Bears. he went on to have three consecutive Pro Bowl seasons and would eventually win a Super Bowl with the Baltimore Ravens. The Dolphins meanwhile would endure a season of mediocrity under Nick Saban. Well, Ayanbadejo seems ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 31, 2014

    Who Should Miamians Root For In the Super Bowl: Broncos or Seahawks?

    Every year there is a Super Bowl. Every year, for the past 31 years, the Miami Dolphins have not been in that Super Bowl. So every year we're left deciding what team we're going to nominally root for that night. In fact, over the past few years Riptide has used a highly secret, semi-patented mathe ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 10, 2014

    Stephen Ross Says GM Will Report to Him; Rumored Finalists Emerge

    Dolphins fans finally got their wish with the recent departure of General Manager Jeff Ireland, and then half of them went into a dramatic frenzy over how the process to replace him was playing out (maybe, at least in some corners, because someone with a vagina was involved). Go figure. Anyway, ow ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 9, 2013

    Dolphins Nail Steelers: "Ugh, so close." Playoff Hopes Still Alive.

    That picture shows how close the Miami Dolphins came to one of the most epic losses in the franchise's history. One-third of an Antonio Brown foot from being Auburn'd right in the butt. Instead, the Dolphins shook off about six demons with a gutsy win over the Pittsburgh Steelers in a snowy, back-a ... More >>

  • Blogs

    November 11, 2013

    Dolphins-Bucs Tonight: Implosion, Destruction, or Mike Wallace as Savior

    It seems like ages ago but before the Incognito-Martin story went all Chernobyl, the Dolphins beat a good Bengals team on a Thursday night game that featured only the 3rd overtime walk-off safety in NFL history. The win came in dramatic fashion, considering the Dolphins were up by 17 points for the ... More >>

  • Calendar

    October 31, 2013
  • Calendar

    October 17, 2013
  • Blogs

    September 20, 2013

    Dolphins Home Opener: Four Keys to a Victory Against the Falcons

    The Dolphins are now 2-0 for only the second time in a decade, and optimism about the team is all over the place. RYAN TANNEHILL WAS BORN FROM THE BLOOD OF JESUS CHRIST! JOE PHILBIN FINALLY NABBED THOSE RASCALLY KIDS -- WATCH OUT, WORLD! COCKCAKES = SUPER BOWL! BRIAN HARTLINE IS A FELINE FRANCISCAN ... More >>

  • Blogs

    March 19, 2013

    Anti-Christian Bigotry Is on the Rise

    Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke assesses the lack of faith in the world.On February 20, the holy spirit lifted 82-year-old Brownsville resident Emma Anderson. Th ... More >>

  • Blogs

    February 4, 2013

    Super Bowl: Six Shittiest Musical Commercials

    So the Super Bowl turned 47. And as we all know, the Baltimore Ravens beat the San Francisco 49ers in a surprisingly hectic second-half, Beyonce reunited with her Destiny's Child homies, and the game stopped for a full 34 minutes when half of the stadium's the power mysteriously went out. But that' ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 31, 2013

    Super Bowl Watch Parties in Miami

    The big game is this Sunday in New Orleans and the Big Easy is filled with fans lining the streets to celebrate Super Bowl XLVII Mardi Gras style.Sure, fans lucky enough to have scored a ticket to the game get to see the Baltimore Ravens and the San Francisco 49ers go head-to-head in person, but the ... More >>

  • News

    January 17, 2013
  • Blogs

    December 27, 2012

    Miami Hurricanes Once Again Have Most Alumni Selected to Pro Bowl

    Another Pro Bowl, another year in which the Miami Hurricanes have more former players selected than the Miami Dolphins had current players selected.The 'Canes had six alumni selected to the star-studded game, which ties with Tennessee for the most from any college program.

  • Blogs

    December 26, 2012

    Bad Week For Ex-Dolphins: Chad Johnson's Sex Tape Leaks, Joey Porter Goes To Jail

    The Miami Dolphins didn't have the best Christmas week: Despite smothering the Bills on Sunday, they were knocked out of the playoffs yet again when the Bengals later won. But the team can at least take comfort that their holidays weren't nearly as awful as two former Fins stars.Loudmouth linebacker ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 24, 2012

    Dolphins Rout Bills 24-10, Are Knocked Out of the Playoffs Anyway

    The Miami Dolphins trounced the Bills yesterday behind a 3 TD day from Reggie "LaMontelle Pussyhammer" Bush, a balls-up performance from Reshad Jones and an efficient day from Ryan Tannehill that saw the rookie join the 3,000-yard club for the season. However, a few hours later the Fins found out th ... More >>

  • News

    July 26, 2012
  • Culture

    July 12, 2012
  • Blogs

    July 2, 2012

    NFL Revises Blackout Policy, But Dolphins Could Still Face Problems

    Last year, the percentage of seats filled at Sun Life Stadium for Dolphins games was the second lowest in the NFL. The team still managed to get around the league's blackout rule, which requires 100 percent of tickets to be sold before the game could be broadcast on local television, by partnering w ... More >>

  • Blogs

    June 25, 2012

    Miami Dolphins Replace Playbooks with iPads, Will Fine Players $10,000 for Improper Use

    In a move that will save thousands of pieces of paper a year, the Miami Dolphins have stepped into the digital age and will replace their phonebook-sized paper playbooks this year with iPads. Each player was issued the Apple tablet. Though, that of course means players might be tempted to load up An ... More >>

  • Blogs

    November 15, 2011

    T-Payne, Chad Ochocinco: Chef Stuart Shaw Stakes His Reputation Against Mom's Humble Pie

    ​You can't say that you can cook better than mom, but that's the premise of a new cooking show, Just Like Mama, which is set to begin filming in January. In it, Miami personal chef Stuart Shaw re-creates healthier versions of home-cooked meals that celebrities knew best.Shaw has been cooking ... More >>

  • Blogs

    November 14, 2011

    Holy Crap, the Dolphins Won Again!

    ​Well that about wraps it up for the first overall pick. The Miami Dolphins were able to both grab an early lead and then not vomit all over it by taking down the vaunted indomitable unconquerable mostly shitty Washington Redskins 20-9 yesterday at Sun Life Stadium.The win snaps a seven-game home ... More >>

  • Blogs

    October 11, 2011

    LeBron James Has an NFL Career on His Mind

    ​Is LeBron James thinking of pulling a Michael Jordan? Well, we all know he wants to win six rings, but we're talking about another career move echoing Jordan. As in temporarily quitting basketball to pursuit a career in another sport. With the cancellation of the first two weeks of the NBA offici ... More >>

  • Blogs

    October 2, 2011

    Dolphins Need John Gruden to Be Their Coach

    Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness once made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke explains why the Miami Dolphins should hire John Gruden as head coach.  The only way Miami Dolphins owner Stephen ... More >>

  • Blogs

    September 23, 2011

    Karlos Dansby Throws Wet Sponges on Rumors of Firing Tony Sparano

    ​Over the past ten years, if Dolphins fans haven't been  talking about publicly drawing and quartering whatever unlucky sap is filling the quarterback role at Sun Life Stadium, they've likely yapping about burning the coach on a cross. Or, at least his contract.With a 0-2 record and the longe ... More >>

  • Blogs

    September 19, 2011

    To The Amazement of Absolutely Nobody, Dolphins Fall to 0-2

    ​The Amazing Shitshow! that is your Miami Dolphins fell to the Houston Texans for the sixth straight time in a 23-13 ass-whoopin' yesterday afternoon. The Dolphins are now 0-2 to start the season, have lost eleven of it's last twelve games at home, can't convert a third down for dick, and are the ... More >>

  • Blogs

    August 8, 2011

    Is It Too Late to Smoke Ricky Williams Out Before He Leaves for the Baltimore Ravens?

    ​This past June, Ricky Williams said he wanted to finish his career by winning a Super Bowl with the Dolphins. Yet the team's moves this off-season showed it had little interest in keeping Williams (or winning a Super Bowl, judging by the handling of the QB situation), and the onetime Pro Bowl MVP ... More >>

  • Blogs

    July 29, 2011

    As Kyle Orton Talks Stall, Stephen Ross Promises Dolphins Will Add Another Quarterback

    Another year without a true successor to Marino?​Rest assured, Dolfans, your team's hunt for another quarterback isn't over. Owner Stephen Ross told the media today he expects the team to sign somebody. Possibly even anybody. Just don't hold your breath hoping that anybody is necessarily going to ... More >>

  • Blogs

    July 12, 2011

    Wiz Khalifa Broke Hip-Hop Code

    Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness once made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke explains why Wiz Khalifa shouldn't settle for Kanye West's sloppy seconds.Wiz Khalifa needs to have his head examined. The b ... More >>

  • Blogs

    April 26, 2011

    RIP Jim Mandich, A Miami Dolphin Till The End

    The Mad Dog of South Florida Radio​The Mad Dog bled aqua and orange until his last breath. Former Miami Dolphins tight end and local sports radio personality Jim Mandich passed away Tuesday evening after months of battling cancer. For anyone who's rooted for the hometown NFL Franchise, Mandic ... More >>

  • Blogs

    April 21, 2011

    Gators Coach Will Muschamp Disses Hurricanes

    ​Barring some sort of bowl matchup, the Florida Gators and the Miami Hurricanes won't meet again on the football field until 2013, but the two programs are always locked in an intense recruiting war for players and, occasionally, personnel. Wide receivers coach Aubrey Hill was one of the few staff ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 3, 2011

    So What Now For the Miami Dolphins?

    Last week, Dolphins owner Stephen Ross gave his vote of confidence to head coach Tony Sparano. The consensus has been that Sparano would keep his job, despite the team's second consecutive losing season. Mainly because the players love and respect him. And even though Sunday's game against the New E ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 22, 2010

    Rachel Goodrich Performs at Churchill's Open Mic

    ​So, Monday night was amazingly cold. There was a lunar eclipse. I needed to get out of my cave. And I got a ride to Churchill's from my Nigerian female friend because I had heard that Rachel Goodrich was going to be performing at the open mic. Soon, I was walking into the Pub and somebody grab ... More >>

  • Calendar

    November 25, 2010
  • Blogs

    November 8, 2010

    Did Channing Crowder Just Call Anne Frank a Ho?

    University of Florida"I don't know who the fuck Anne Frank is."Well, no, he didn't... we think. But the Miami Dolphins linebacker did somehow confuse the diary-writing Holocaust victim with deaf and blind author Helen Keller, which is a front-runner for this month's Most Ignorant Comment By an Athle ... More >>

  • Blogs

    October 26, 2010

    Is Chad Ochocinco's Pigeon-Birthing Saga a Fraud?

    Liberty City native and Cincinnati Bengals star Chad Ochocinco has been tweeting up a storm about the bizarre saga of his pregnant pigeon. He even expressed frustration upon learning that pigeons lay eggs and do not give live birth. Today he tweeted pictures of the newly hatched pigeon babies. Probl ... More >>

  • Blogs

    October 13, 2010

    Halie305: Miami Video Vixen and Chad Ochocinco's Ultimate Catch

    2 Starz Studio​If you've paid attention to recent hip-hop videos or maybe even watched VH1, then you've probably seen Halie, AKA Halie305, AKA Heather from The Ultimate Catch. A curvaceous 36-25-41 beauty from Miami, Halie's appearance (as Heather) on VH1's summer reality dating series s ... More >>

  • Blogs

    September 30, 2010

    Chad Ochocinco's Cereal Tells Kids to Call Phone Sex Line

    ​In and of itself, the fact that Liberty City native and Cincinnati Bengal's star Chad Ochocinco has a breakfast cereal called OchocincO's is ridiculous enough. Of course, this being Ochocinco, the ridiculousness doesn't end there. The box implores consumers to call a phone number where they can h ... More >>

  • Blogs

    August 25, 2010

    Chad Ochocinco To Appear on Basketball Wives, Dating Evelyn Lozada

    ​Liberty City-native Chad Ochocinco failed to find love with his own VH1 reality show, but as luck would have it he's apparently found love another star from the channel's reality TV line-up: Basketball Wives' Evelyn Lozada, the ex-fiancé of former Heat player Antoine Walker and owner of a s ... More >>

  • Blogs

    May 19, 2010

    The Top Five Divas in South Florida Sports

    The sports world is in full freak-out mode over Marlins shortstop Hanley Ramirez displaying legendary laziness in botching a play and then lashing out at manager Fredi Gonzalez for benching him. Never before have scribes busted out this many synonyms for half-ass performance-- loafing, lollygagg ... More >>

  • Blogs

    April 23, 2010

    NFL Draft Live-Blog, rounds 2 & 3

    ​Welcome back to our second night of NFL Draft Live-Blogging! Brought to you in 3D!* (*-not really, but everything else is in 3D, so why not). Tonight we'll roll through the second and third rounds, where the Dolphins hold the 40th and 73rd overall picks. Tonight's blog will be more Dolphins-cente ... More >>

  • Blogs

    April 21, 2010

    Zach Thomas Calls Out Dolphins for Disrespecting Jason Taylor

    ​Jason Taylor deserved better. Certainly better than having to join the Jets. Now his former teammate Zach Thomas, who spent 11 seasons with the Dolphins himself and is Taylor's brother-in-law, is calling out the front office for their shady and disrespectful handling of the situation."I'm not try ... More >>

  • Blogs

    April 1, 2009

    Stallworth Charged With DUI Manslaughter

    On March 14th, Donte Stallworth, a wide receiver with the NFL's Cleveland Browns, got drunk, hopped into the front seat of his Bentley, drove across 195, and hit and killed a pedestrian.  According to secret AP sources he'll be charged with DUI Manslaughter. If convicted, Stallworth could sit i ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 22, 2008
  • Blogs

    June 3, 2008

    Dwight Freeney Disagrees With Bloggers and Fan Forums

    Unlike some Dolphins bloggers and fan forum members, current and former NFL players are siding with JT on this whole fiasco. Colts Pro Bowl defensive end Dwight Freeney says that Taylor should get a little more respect than he's getting: "He is the face of the franchise. Before him it was Dan Marin ... More >>

  • Blogs

    March 21, 2008

    2008 Dolphins Mock Draft

    I’ve been writing about the Dolphins draft in one form or another since 2005. More often than not, I have been right, they have been wrong. A quick re-cap: 2005: I said the Fins should draft Braylon Edwards. They took Ronnie Brown instead. Now, Edwards is blowing shit up in Cleveland while Brown ... More >>

  • Blogs

    March 5, 2008

    Arrows Going Up

    Analysts, former NFL general managers and other people who generally know what the fuck they're talking about, have been giving the Fins the thumbs up on their recent FA moves.

  • Blogs

    February 14, 2008

    Let's Talk Free Agents: Defense

    Sports Illustrated's Peter King says the Dolphins are poised to have a big off-season after releasing Trent Green, Marty Booker and L.J. Shelton. With those guys off the books, the Fins' cap number has gone from $29 million to $40 million (sadly, my cap space is holding steady at $58.12), which mean ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 7, 2008

    Sparano Offered Coaching Job?

    According to the New Haven Register, the Dolphins have offered Tony Sparano the head coaching job. The report also says that Sparano will accept it as soon as the Cowboys' season is finished. The Cowboys are currently in the playoffs. Remember those? The report is considered significant because New ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 21, 2007

    Weekly News Wrap - Crist, Fidel, Entertainment Scabs and more

    1. New Orleans City Council Votes to Demolish Housing, Protesters Riot – The City Council voted unanimously to raze the city’s largest public housing project. Protesters fought with police. Those outside the city council chambers fought to get in, the one’s inside argued for their homes. 2. ... More >>

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