AFC North

  • Blogs

    April 4, 2014

    Brendon Ayanbadejo Claims Dolphins May Have Traded Him For Taking Paternity Leave

    During the 2005 offseason the Dolphins traded Brendon Ayanbadejo to the Bears. he went on to have three consecutive Pro Bowl seasons and would eventually win a Super Bowl with the Baltimore Ravens. The Dolphins meanwhile would endure a season of mediocrity under Nick Saban. Well, Ayanbadejo seems ... More >>

  • Blogs

    April 2, 2014

    TerRio's Dance Blew Up the Internet, But What's It Doing to the Kid?

    TerRio is exhausted. The 6-year-old internet star is slumped over on the hood of a limousine outside downtown Miami's Grand Central nightclub. It's only 9:47 p.m. on a Saturday, but filming on TerRio's first professional music video is scheduled to continue through 7 a.m. the next day. Suddenly, the ... More >>

  • Blogs

    March 10, 2014

    Ravens Lineman, Ex-UCF Star Jah Reid Arrested In Key West Strip Club Brawl

    At the University of Central Florida, Jah Reid terrorized defensive lineman with his 6'7" frame and 335 pounds of muscle. Police say Reid put that size advantage to another use this weekend at a Key West strip club, where he head-butted a man who innocently bumped into him and sparked a brawl that ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 31, 2014

    Who Should Miamians Root For In the Super Bowl: Broncos or Seahawks?

    Every year there is a Super Bowl. Every year, for the past 31 years, the Miami Dolphins have not been in that Super Bowl. So every year we're left deciding what team we're going to nominally root for that night. In fact, over the past few years Riptide has used a highly secret, semi-patented mathe ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 10, 2014

    Stephen Ross Says GM Will Report to Him; Rumored Finalists Emerge

    Dolphins fans finally got their wish with the recent departure of General Manager Jeff Ireland, and then half of them went into a dramatic frenzy over how the process to replace him was playing out (maybe, at least in some corners, because someone with a vagina was involved). Go figure. Anyway, ow ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 9, 2014

    Meet Dawn Aponte: The Dolphin's Most Powerful Woman and Possible GM Candidate

    Maybe we've been watching too much House of Cards, but with all we've heard in the last few days about Dawn Aponte, the Miami Dolphins' executive vice president of football administration, it's hard not to imagine her as some sort of female Frank Underwood, ruthlessly navigating the halls of power i ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 9, 2013

    Dolphins Nail Steelers: "Ugh, so close." Playoff Hopes Still Alive.

    That picture shows how close the Miami Dolphins came to one of the most epic losses in the franchise's history. One-third of an Antonio Brown foot from being Auburn'd right in the butt. Instead, the Dolphins shook off about six demons with a gutsy win over the Pittsburgh Steelers in a snowy, back-a ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 2, 2013

    Dolphins Pummel Hated Jets 23-3: "Let's See If We Can Get a Good Punt"

    The Dolphins went into Dirty Jersey yesterday and beat the living bananas out of a very bad but extremely pleasant to watch Jets team. The Dolphins cruised to a 23-3 victory and kept alive their slim hopes of sneaking into the sixth playoff spot. Losses by Pittsburgh, San Diego, and the Jets began t ... More >>

  • Blogs

    November 11, 2013

    Dolphins-Bucs Tonight: Implosion, Destruction, or Mike Wallace as Savior

    It seems like ages ago but before the Incognito-Martin story went all Chernobyl, the Dolphins beat a good Bengals team on a Thursday night game that featured only the 3rd overtime walk-off safety in NFL history. The win came in dramatic fashion, considering the Dolphins were up by 17 points for the ... More >>

  • Calendar

    October 31, 2013
  • Blogs

    October 18, 2013

    Dolphins vs. Bills: Four Keys to a Fins Win on Sunday

    The Dolphins are fresh off their bye week, players are relatively healthy, and they're playing a Buffalo team at home that has a homeless guy named "Jeff" that draws pictures for you outside of Churchill's starting at QB. What could go wrong?

  • Calendar

    October 17, 2013
  • Blogs

    October 1, 2013

    Saints Crush Dolphins 38-17

    Well, that fucking sucked. The fiery blaze you witnessed last night -- descending unto the Earth with inestimable velocity and indiscriminate violence -- was not the meteor that yielded the Chicxulub crater, but that previously sweet Dolphins high you were nursing. The Dolphins came into New Orlean ... More >>

  • Blogs

    September 20, 2013

    Dolphins Home Opener: Four Keys to a Victory Against the Falcons

    The Dolphins are now 2-0 for only the second time in a decade, and optimism about the team is all over the place. RYAN TANNEHILL WAS BORN FROM THE BLOOD OF JESUS CHRIST! JOE PHILBIN FINALLY NABBED THOSE RASCALLY KIDS -- WATCH OUT, WORLD! COCKCAKES = SUPER BOWL! BRIAN HARTLINE IS A FELINE FRANCISCAN ... More >>

  • News

    March 21, 2013
  • Blogs

    March 19, 2013

    Anti-Christian Bigotry Is on the Rise

    Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke assesses the lack of faith in the world.On February 20, the holy spirit lifted 82-year-old Brownsville resident Emma Anderson. Th ... More >>

  • Blogs

    February 4, 2013

    Super Bowl: Six Shittiest Musical Commercials

    So the Super Bowl turned 47. And as we all know, the Baltimore Ravens beat the San Francisco 49ers in a surprisingly hectic second-half, Beyonce reunited with her Destiny's Child homies, and the game stopped for a full 34 minutes when half of the stadium's the power mysteriously went out. But that' ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 31, 2013

    Super Bowl Watch Parties in Miami

    The big game is this Sunday in New Orleans and the Big Easy is filled with fans lining the streets to celebrate Super Bowl XLVII Mardi Gras style.Sure, fans lucky enough to have scored a ticket to the game get to see the Baltimore Ravens and the San Francisco 49ers go head-to-head in person, but the ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 27, 2012

    Miami Hurricanes Once Again Have Most Alumni Selected to Pro Bowl

    Another Pro Bowl, another year in which the Miami Hurricanes have more former players selected than the Miami Dolphins had current players selected.The 'Canes had six alumni selected to the star-studded game, which ties with Tennessee for the most from any college program.

  • Blogs

    December 26, 2012

    Bad Week For Ex-Dolphins: Chad Johnson's Sex Tape Leaks, Joey Porter Goes To Jail

    The Miami Dolphins didn't have the best Christmas week: Despite smothering the Bills on Sunday, they were knocked out of the playoffs yet again when the Bengals later won. But the team can at least take comfort that their holidays weren't nearly as awful as two former Fins stars.Loudmouth linebacker ... More >>

  • Blogs

    October 30, 2012

    Ravens' Bryant McKinnie Denies He Owes Miami Strip Clubs $375,000

    Former Miami Hurricanes All-American and NFL player Bryant McKinnie denies he owes money to two Miami strip clubs despite a lawsuit filed by Charles "Pop" Young, the father of rapper Trick Daddy. Young's suit alleges that McKinnie failed to pay on a $375,000 strip club tab.

  • Blogs

    October 3, 2012

    Fire Jeff Ireland Watch: Dolphins Have Their Naanee Removed

    Every week, Riptide's crack team of employment termination scientists gauge just how fireable loathed Dolphins General Manager Jeff Ireland has become following his latest series of horrific blunders. So how close is the Ginger Menace to getting canned this week?Late yesterday, word spread that the ... More >>

  • News

    August 30, 2012
  • Blogs

    August 28, 2012

    Flo Rida and NFL Stars Step Up To Help Kids In Overtown and Liberty City

    Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke gives props to a local rapper and four football players giving back to the neighborhood.It's a shame more pro athletes and hip-ho ... More >>

  • Blogs

    July 23, 2012

    Chad Ochocinco Is Now Chad Johnson Once Again

    Sadly, the name Chad Ochocinco will never appear on a Dolphins jersey. That's because the wide receiver has changed his moniker back to his birth name, Chad Johnson. It's fitting, we guess, as he'll be playing his first professional season in his hometown of Miami. Yet, somehow we're disappointed as ... More >>

  • Blogs

    July 2, 2012

    NFL Revises Blackout Policy, But Dolphins Could Still Face Problems

    Last year, the percentage of seats filled at Sun Life Stadium for Dolphins games was the second lowest in the NFL. The team still managed to get around the league's blackout rule, which requires 100 percent of tickets to be sold before the game could be broadcast on local television, by partnering w ... More >>

  • Blogs

    June 25, 2012

    Miami Dolphins Replace Playbooks with iPads, Will Fine Players $10,000 for Improper Use

    In a move that will save thousands of pieces of paper a year, the Miami Dolphins have stepped into the digital age and will replace their phonebook-sized paper playbooks this year with iPads. Each player was issued the Apple tablet. Though, that of course means players might be tempted to load up An ... More >>

  • Blogs

    November 15, 2011

    T-Payne, Chad Ochocinco: Chef Stuart Shaw Stakes His Reputation Against Mom's Humble Pie

    ​You can't say that you can cook better than mom, but that's the premise of a new cooking show, Just Like Mama, which is set to begin filming in January. In it, Miami personal chef Stuart Shaw re-creates healthier versions of home-cooked meals that celebrities knew best.Shaw has been cooking ... More >>

  • Blogs

    November 14, 2011

    Holy Crap, the Dolphins Won Again!

    ​Well that about wraps it up for the first overall pick. The Miami Dolphins were able to both grab an early lead and then not vomit all over it by taking down the vaunted indomitable unconquerable mostly shitty Washington Redskins 20-9 yesterday at Sun Life Stadium.The win snaps a seven-game home ... More >>

  • Blogs

    October 2, 2011

    Dolphins Need John Gruden to Be Their Coach

    Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness once made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke explains why the Miami Dolphins should hire John Gruden as head coach.  The only way Miami Dolphins owner Stephen ... More >>

  • Blogs

    September 19, 2011

    To The Amazement of Absolutely Nobody, Dolphins Fall to 0-2

    ​The Amazing Shitshow! that is your Miami Dolphins fell to the Houston Texans for the sixth straight time in a 23-13 ass-whoopin' yesterday afternoon. The Dolphins are now 0-2 to start the season, have lost eleven of it's last twelve games at home, can't convert a third down for dick, and are the ... More >>

  • Blogs

    August 8, 2011

    Is It Too Late to Smoke Ricky Williams Out Before He Leaves for the Baltimore Ravens?

    ​This past June, Ricky Williams said he wanted to finish his career by winning a Super Bowl with the Dolphins. Yet the team's moves this off-season showed it had little interest in keeping Williams (or winning a Super Bowl, judging by the handling of the QB situation), and the onetime Pro Bowl MVP ... More >>

  • Blogs

    July 29, 2011

    As Kyle Orton Talks Stall, Stephen Ross Promises Dolphins Will Add Another Quarterback

    Another year without a true successor to Marino?​Rest assured, Dolfans, your team's hunt for another quarterback isn't over. Owner Stephen Ross told the media today he expects the team to sign somebody. Possibly even anybody. Just don't hold your breath hoping that anybody is necessarily going to ... More >>

  • News

    July 14, 2011
  • Blogs

    July 12, 2011

    Wiz Khalifa Broke Hip-Hop Code

    Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness once made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke explains why Wiz Khalifa shouldn't settle for Kanye West's sloppy seconds.Wiz Khalifa needs to have his head examined. The b ... More >>

  • Blogs

    May 4, 2011

    LeBron James Gets into the Energy Business with Dissolvable Caffeine Strips

    ​LeBron James wants to be respected just as much in the boardroom as he is on the ball court, but his latest business venture doesn't seem like a sure slam dunk. A business co-founded by James introduced a line of disolvable strips that pack as much caffeine as a cup of coffee today. Sounds like a ... More >>

  • Blogs

    April 26, 2011

    RIP Jim Mandich, A Miami Dolphin Till The End

    The Mad Dog of South Florida Radio​The Mad Dog bled aqua and orange until his last breath. Former Miami Dolphins tight end and local sports radio personality Jim Mandich passed away Tuesday evening after months of battling cancer. For anyone who's rooted for the hometown NFL Franchise, Mandic ... More >>

  • Blogs

    April 21, 2011

    Gators Coach Will Muschamp Disses Hurricanes

    ​Barring some sort of bowl matchup, the Florida Gators and the Miami Hurricanes won't meet again on the football field until 2013, but the two programs are always locked in an intense recruiting war for players and, occasionally, personnel. Wide receivers coach Aubrey Hill was one of the few staff ... More >>

  • Blogs

    March 16, 2011

    Chad Ochocinco to Try Out for Pro Soccer Team

    Ochocinco and soccer star Christiano Ronaldo​Giving that Chad Ochocinco grew up in soccer-loving Miami, it's no surprise that he used to play the sport in his youth, but the colorful Cincinnati Bengals wide receiver is know more for his skills with his hands than his feet. Now, in the face of an N ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 3, 2011

    So What Now For the Miami Dolphins?

    Last week, Dolphins owner Stephen Ross gave his vote of confidence to head coach Tony Sparano. The consensus has been that Sparano would keep his job, despite the team's second consecutive losing season. Mainly because the players love and respect him. And even though Sunday's game against the New E ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 22, 2010

    Rachel Goodrich Performs at Churchill's Open Mic

    ​So, Monday night was amazingly cold. There was a lunar eclipse. I needed to get out of my cave. And I got a ride to Churchill's from my Nigerian female friend because I had heard that Rachel Goodrich was going to be performing at the open mic. Soon, I was walking into the Pub and somebody grab ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 20, 2010

    Miami Dolphins Lose Record for Most All Time Regular Season Wins During Modern NFL Era

    ​Perhaps less heralded than the 1972 perfect season, but more illustrative of the Miami Dolphins proud position as a historically non-sucking team is another record: most regular season wins since 1970 (that's the year the AFL and NFL merged and is generally considered the start of the modern ... More >>

  • Blogs

    November 8, 2010

    Did Channing Crowder Just Call Anne Frank a Ho?

    University of Florida"I don't know who the fuck Anne Frank is."Well, no, he didn't... we think. But the Miami Dolphins linebacker did somehow confuse the diary-writing Holocaust victim with deaf and blind author Helen Keller, which is a front-runner for this month's Most Ignorant Comment By an Athle ... More >>

  • Blogs

    October 26, 2010

    Is Chad Ochocinco's Pigeon-Birthing Saga a Fraud?

    Liberty City native and Cincinnati Bengals star Chad Ochocinco has been tweeting up a storm about the bizarre saga of his pregnant pigeon. He even expressed frustration upon learning that pigeons lay eggs and do not give live birth. Today he tweeted pictures of the newly hatched pigeon babies. Probl ... More >>

  • Blogs

    October 13, 2010

    Halie305: Miami Video Vixen and Chad Ochocinco's Ultimate Catch

    2 Starz Studio​If you've paid attention to recent hip-hop videos or maybe even watched VH1, then you've probably seen Halie, AKA Halie305, AKA Heather from The Ultimate Catch. A curvaceous 36-25-41 beauty from Miami, Halie's appearance (as Heather) on VH1's summer reality dating series s ... More >>

  • Blogs

    September 30, 2010

    Chad Ochocinco's Cereal Tells Kids to Call Phone Sex Line

    ​In and of itself, the fact that Liberty City native and Cincinnati Bengal's star Chad Ochocinco has a breakfast cereal called OchocincO's is ridiculous enough. Of course, this being Ochocinco, the ridiculousness doesn't end there. The box implores consumers to call a phone number where they can h ... More >>

  • Blogs

    August 25, 2010

    Chad Ochocinco To Appear on Basketball Wives, Dating Evelyn Lozada

    ​Liberty City-native Chad Ochocinco failed to find love with his own VH1 reality show, but as luck would have it he's apparently found love another star from the channel's reality TV line-up: Basketball Wives' Evelyn Lozada, the ex-fiancé of former Heat player Antoine Walker and owner of a s ... More >>

  • Blogs

    August 25, 2010

    Dolphins Trade 'Folk Hero' Greg Camarillo to the Vikings

    ​According to multiple reports, the Miami Dolphins have traded popular wide receiver Greg Camarillo to the Minnesota Vikings. While the move helps open roster spots for younger, faster (and healthier) receivers like Marlon Moore and Patrick Turner to make the final 53-man roster, the news still tu ... More >>

  • Blogs

    May 19, 2010

    The Top Five Divas in South Florida Sports

    The sports world is in full freak-out mode over Marlins shortstop Hanley Ramirez displaying legendary laziness in botching a play and then lashing out at manager Fredi Gonzalez for benching him. Never before have scribes busted out this many synonyms for half-ass performance-- loafing, lollygagg ... More >>

  • Blogs

    April 21, 2010

    Zach Thomas Calls Out Dolphins for Disrespecting Jason Taylor

    ​Jason Taylor deserved better. Certainly better than having to join the Jets. Now his former teammate Zach Thomas, who spent 11 seasons with the Dolphins himself and is Taylor's brother-in-law, is calling out the front office for their shady and disrespectful handling of the situation."I'm not try ... More >>

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