AFC North

Grace Potter and the Nocturnals at the Fillmore February 16

Grace Potter on Women in Music: "We're in This Weird Separate Category, Doesn't Make Sense"

It's 5 a.m., and an impromptu, collective chant to the tune of the White Stripes' "Seven Nation Army" fills the streets of Baltimore. The city's beloved Ravens were crowned Super Bowl XLVII champions roughly eight hours ago, but the team's diehard fans are still celebrating the victory with the squ ... More >>

Super Bowl: Six Shittiest Musical Commercials

So the Super Bowl turned 47. And as we all know, the Baltimore Ravens beat the San Francisco 49ers in a surprisingly hectic second-half, Beyonce reunited with her Destiny's Child homies, and the game stopped for a full 34 minutes when half of the stadium's the power mysteriously went out. But that' ... More >>

The Miami Fan Hater's Guide to the Super Bowl

The Super Bowl is here again and - will you look at that - the Dolphins weren't even close to it again! This is the 29th year in a row since the Dolphins were in the championship round and here we are: Watching two teams better than our own team that is endlessly run by people too incompetent to be ... More >>

Super Bowl 2013: Ten Best Free Parties in Miami

There will be bloodshed in New Orleans this Sunday as brother (San Francisco 49ers coach Jim Harbaugh) battles brother (Baltimore Ravens skipper John Harbaugh) for football supremacy in Super Bowl XLVII. Two white guys move their soldiers on the field of war, and we eat, drink, argue, do the Heisma ... More >>

Sweetness Bakeshop Selling Beer-Infused, Team-Themed Super Bowl Cupcakes

On Super Bowl Sunday, when the keg is kicked, the wing bones picked dry, the seven-layer dip down to its last tier - you and your guests will be jonesin' for something sweet. And to satisfy those post-game cravings, Sweetness Bakeshop & Cafe is baking up some team-themed, craft beer-infused treats. ... More >>

Miami Hurricanes Will Have Most Alumni Playing In NFL Conference Championship Games This Weekend

In yet another bittersweet reminder that despite not having much success lately on the college level, the Miami Hurricanes are still a major NFL pipeline, it turns out that more former 'Canes will playing in the AFC and NFC championship games this weekend than any other school. Which shouldn't be to ... More >>

Miami's Best Youth Football Team Beats Violence, Gambling, Turmoil, and Opponents

Bad Week For Ex-Dolphins: Chad Johnson's Sex Tape Leaks, Joey Porter Goes To Jail

The Miami Dolphins didn't have the best Christmas week: Despite smothering the Bills on Sunday, they were knocked out of the playoffs yet again when the Bengals later won. But the team can at least take comfort that their holidays weren't nearly as awful as two former Fins stars.Loudmouth linebacker ... More >>

Dolphins Rout Bills 24-10, Are Knocked Out of the Playoffs Anyway

The Miami Dolphins trounced the Bills yesterday behind a 3 TD day from Reggie "LaMontelle Pussyhammer" Bush, a balls-up performance from Reshad Jones and an efficient day from Ryan Tannehill that saw the rookie join the 3,000-yard club for the season. However, a few hours later the Fins found out th ... More >>

The Miami Dolphins Have a 0.6% Chance of Making the Playoffs: Here's How

Here's the good news: the Miami Dolphins are not yet mathematically eliminated from playoff contention. Here's the bad news: according to Sports Club Stats they have about a 0.6 percent chance of actually getting to the playoffs. In fact, of all teams that are still left in playoff contention, the F ... More >>

Fire Jeff Ireland Watch: Living on Borrowed Time

Every week, Riptide's crack team of employment termination scientists gauge just how fireable loathed Dolphins General Manager Jeff Ireland has become following his latest series of horrific blunders. So how close is the Ginger Menace to getting canned this week?Yes, the Dolphins managed to outlast ... More >>

Dolphins Pull Out Win Against Bengals Despite Abysmal Officiating

In a game that featured absolutely putrid calls on the field by the recently-returned "professional" refs, the Dolphins managed to hold off the Cincinnati Bengals for a 17-13 win. An overall sloppy game for both teams was sealed when safety Reshad Jones intercepted Andy Dalton with 1:22 left in the ... More >>

Ricky Williams: NFL Football Healer

W South Beach Condo Developer Sued by Four NFL Players

The W South Beach has to deal with four angry NFL players. The player have filed four separate lawsuits against the developers of the Residences at W South Beach. All four put down deposits on condos back in 2006 and 2007 but want that money back.

Quarterbacking Wynwood's Second Saturday

Dolphins Might Sign Chad Ochocinco

Chad Ochocinco was born in Miami and played for Miami Beach Senior High. His career may be about to come full circle, as the Dolphins are seriously exploring the possibility of signing the most interesting man in the NFL. Based solely on potential blog post fodder, Riptide approves of this move.

Miami Heat's All-Time Record at .500 for First Time in Team History

​Remember when the Miami Heat sucked? Good golly, did they suck. This was a team so horrible they didn't get a single win until the 18th game of their inaugural 1988-89 season. In fact, the team's all-time record had never been above .500. Yep, when taking into consideration every single regular-s ... More >>

Holy Crap, the Dolphins Won Again!

​Well that about wraps it up for the first overall pick. The Miami Dolphins were able to both grab an early lead and then not vomit all over it by taking down the vaunted indomitable unconquerable mostly shitty Washington Redskins 20-9 yesterday at Sun Life Stadium.The win snaps a seven-game home ... More >>

LeBron James Has an NFL Career on His Mind

​Is LeBron James thinking of pulling a Michael Jordan? Well, we all know he wants to win six rings, but we're talking about another career move echoing Jordan. As in temporarily quitting basketball to pursuit a career in another sport. With the cancellation of the first two weeks of the NBA offici ... More >>

Dolphins Need John Gruden to Be Their Coach

Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness once made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke explains why the Miami Dolphins should hire John Gruden as head coach.  The only way Miami Dolphins owner Stephen ... More >>

Dolphins Wait Until Last Possible Moment To Crap Themselves

​The Miami Dolphins dominated pretty much every facet of the game against the Cleveland Browns yesterday, including rushing and passing yards. They even held a 16-10 lead with 43 seconds remaining.But because these are the Dolphins, they decided to go ahead and do that thing where they go all epic ... More >>

Karlos Dansby Throws Wet Sponges on Rumors of Firing Tony Sparano

​Over the past ten years, if Dolphins fans haven't been  talking about publicly drawing and quartering whatever unlucky sap is filling the quarterback role at Sun Life Stadium, they've likely yapping about burning the coach on a cross. Or, at least his contract.With a 0-2 record and the longe ... More >>

Is It Too Late to Smoke Ricky Williams Out Before He Leaves for the Baltimore Ravens?

​This past June, Ricky Williams said he wanted to finish his career by winning a Super Bowl with the Dolphins. Yet the team's moves this off-season showed it had little interest in keeping Williams (or winning a Super Bowl, judging by the handling of the QB situation), and the onetime Pro Bowl MVP ... More >>

Kyle Orton, Carson Palmer, and the Latest Dolphins QB Rumors

​So the Dolphins have picked up undrafted rookie Pat Devlin, and Tyler Thigpen has officially packed his bags for Buffalo, leaving Chad Henne as the top man in Miami, for now. The QB hunt is still on, though, and rumors about a trade for Kyle Orton are flying, but the team still has its eye on Car ... More >>

Wiz Khalifa Broke Hip-Hop Code

Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness once made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke explains why Wiz Khalifa shouldn't settle for Kanye West's sloppy seconds.Wiz Khalifa needs to have his head examined. The b ... More >>

RIP Jim Mandich, A Miami Dolphin Till The End

The Mad Dog of South Florida Radio​The Mad Dog bled aqua and orange until his last breath. Former Miami Dolphins tight end and local sports radio personality Jim Mandich passed away Tuesday evening after months of battling cancer. For anyone who's rooted for the hometown NFL Franchise, Mandic ... More >>

Gators Coach Will Muschamp Disses Hurricanes

​Barring some sort of bowl matchup, the Florida Gators and the Miami Hurricanes won't meet again on the football field until 2013, but the two programs are always locked in an intense recruiting war for players and, occasionally, personnel. Wide receivers coach Aubrey Hill was one of the few staff ... More >>

Dolphins Possibly Interested in Carson Palmer

​While the Dolphins brass continues to damn Chad Henne with the faintest of praise, the team appears to be looking for a real quarterback solution during the off-season. With the Dolphins having only the 15th pick in the draft, a rookie QB might not be the answer, so rumor has it they might turn t ... More >>

ESPN: Brian Daboll to Be Dolphins Next Offensive Coordinator

​Will Brian Daboll be the man to turn around the Miami Dolphins' faulty offense? According to ESPN, he's just been hired as the new offensive coordinator. He's spent two years in the same position with the Cleveland Browns, but before that spent time on the staffs of the Dolphin's two biggest riva ... More >>

Dolphins to Interview Former Canes Offensive Coordinator Rob Chudzinski

​With Dan Henning out, the Dolphins' next order of off-season business is securing a new offensive coordinator. One of the names apparently on the shortlist is Rob Chudzinski, who should be no stranger to local sporting fans. He served as the offensive coordinator for two seasons with the Miami Hu ... More >>

So What Now For the Miami Dolphins?

Last week, Dolphins owner Stephen Ross gave his vote of confidence to head coach Tony Sparano. The consensus has been that Sparano would keep his job, despite the team's second consecutive losing season. Mainly because the players love and respect him. And even though Sunday's game against the New E ... More >>

LeBron James Hassled By Pack of 30 Browns Fans at Fancy SoBe Restaurant

​LeBron James probably thought he had gotten the worst of it from still-seething Cleveland fans when he returned to town for the Heat's 118-90 demolition of the Cavaliers. He thought wrong. As fate or, well, the NFL schedule would have it, Sunday's game at Sun Life Stadium between the Browns and D ... More >>

Dolphins Lose to Browns, Fall to 1-5 at Home

Oh what could have been...​The Miami Dolphins fell to the Cleveland Browns 13-10 on Sunday in a game that was probably the worst-case scenario for making an argument that American football is exciting.While both teams' offenses did their darndest to lull you into unconsciousness, there was a palpa ... More >>

Tuna Melt

Dolphins Say They'll Submit Video Showing McClain Spitting on Crowder to the League

​Despite giving up over 400 yards in Sunday's loss to the Ravens, along with throwing three interceptions, scoring only one touchdown, and not forcing Baltimore to punt all game long, the most important news item for the Dolphins remains that Channing Crowder got spit on in the face by Ravens full ... More >>

LeBron James Would Rather Watch Kenny Powers Than His Dallas Cowboys

​For reasons that probably make more sense than they should LeBron James' favorite football team is the Dallas Cowboys. He's a diehard, apparently. Thing is the Cowboys suck something fierce this season, to the point that they just fired their coach. In fact, James can't even watch them anymore. H ... More >>

Did Channing Crowder Just Call Anne Frank a Ho?

University of Florida"I don't know who the fuck Anne Frank is."Well, no, he didn't... we think. But the Miami Dolphins linebacker did somehow confuse the diary-writing Holocaust victim with deaf and blind author Helen Keller, which is a front-runner for this month's Most Ignorant Comment By an Athle ... More >>

Dolphins Suffer First Road Loss

​The Miami Dolphins lost their first road game of the season Sunday, falling 26-10 to the Baltimore Ravens, a team that is exactly like the Dolphins in every way except without all the interceptions and missed tackles and special teams blunders and dropped passes. The Dolphins are now 4-4 on the s ... More >>

Dolphins Beat Bengals to Remain Perfect On The Road

​The Miami Dolphins remain perfect on the road after traveling into Cincinnati and taking down the Bengals 22-14 on Sunday. They're now 4-0 on the road, and 4-3 on the season. That's the good news. The bad news? The Dolphins offense flat out refuses to score touchdowns. Dan Carpenter just kicked a ... More >>

Is Chad Ochocinco's Pigeon-Birthing Saga a Fraud?

Liberty City native and Cincinnati Bengals star Chad Ochocinco has been tweeting up a storm about the bizarre saga of his pregnant pigeon. He even expressed frustration upon learning that pigeons lay eggs and do not give live birth. Today he tweeted pictures of the newly hatched pigeon babies. Probl ... More >>

Miami Heat More "Evil" than Yankees, Says Drunk-on-Sorrow Cleveland Columnist

Associated Press​Cleveland has plenty of reasons to declare a municipal omerta on LeBron James. Using a live TV special to choose the Heat was the sporting version of that part in Carrie where the popular jock makes Sissy Spacek his prom date just to dump pig's blood all over her, only inste ... More >>

Miami Will Probably Lose Out on Hosting Super Bowl XLVIII Today

​Miami has hosted the Super Bowl ten times, more than any other city, and we do a pretty good job of it if we do say so ourselves. Today at the NFL owner conference the site of the 2014 Super Bowl will be determined, and along with New York and Tampa, Miami is in the running. We probably won't get ... More >>

The Top Five Divas in South Florida Sports

The sports world is in full freak-out mode over Marlins shortstop Hanley Ramirez displaying legendary laziness in botching a play and then lashing out at manager Fredi Gonzalez for benching him. Never before have scribes busted out this many synonyms for half-ass performance-- loafing, lollygagg ... More >>

NFL Draft Live-Blog, rounds 2 & 3

​Welcome back to our second night of NFL Draft Live-Blogging! Brought to you in 3D!* (*-not really, but everything else is in 3D, so why not). Tonight we'll roll through the second and third rounds, where the Dolphins hold the 40th and 73rd overall picks. Tonight's blog will be more Dolphins-cente ... More >>

NFL Draft Live-Blog

​Here we go. Live-blogging the NFL Draft. Pretty much like watching the draft with someone as losery as yourself. Only on the Internet! This is the first time the NFL Draft is being held in primetime. Because you're not buying enough KFC Double Downs for your fatass kids dammit! Also, tonight is t ... More >>

Where a Strike Is a Good Thing

Wildcat Dolphins

New-look Miami Dolphins take on the Ravens.

Fashion for the Ass-tro Turf

We’re jonesing for Jockstarzz tonight!

On the Dolphins’ Christmas List