AFC East

Miami Dolphins Five Keys To Victory Versus Patriots

Let's not kid ourselves.There's a very good chance Tom Brady and Co. are going to come in to Sun Life on Sunday and absolutely destroy the living crap out of our football team. However, the one thing we have going for us is that (hopefully) no one on our team will ever look like as much of a dork as ... More >>

The Beautiful People

Stinky Phins

Miami Dolphins' Five Keys to Victory Versus Bills

After a 37-3 drubbing at the hands of a lackluster Tennessee Titans team, your Miami Dolphins try to turn things around quickly during a shortened week and salvage what once seemed like a promising, surprising season that had Dolphins fans everywhere singing hymns, hugging one another and seeing TRI ... More >>

Norman Braman's Contributions Dried Up For the Nov. 6 County Commission Run-Offs

After raising nearly a million bucks to unseat four Miami-Dade County Commissioners in the August 14 primary, it seems billionaire auto magnate Norman Braman threw in the towel. According to the last three financial reports for his political action committee Change Miami Dade Now, Braman only chippe ... More >>

Titans Obliterate Dolphins 37-3 for Worst Home Loss Since 1968

So how good do you feel about Jeff Ireland and the Dolphins' talent level today?Two weeks after a convincing victory over a floundering Jets team, the Dolphins are 4-5 and facing "must win" scenarios for most of their remaining seven games in order to salvage the season after getting completely blow ... More >>

Miami Dolphins' Five Keys to Victory Versus Titans

After two weeks on the road, the Dolphins are back home to face a 3-6 Titans team that ranks near the bottom of the NFL standings on both offense and defense and is a team mired in uncertainty about its future. Will our passing defense display the tenacity of a canned wet fart once again or can we g ... More >>

South Florida Web Awards: Meet Your News and Miami Blogging Nominees

To say the web ties worlds together seamlessly with invisible streams of data would be a gross understatement. So New Times is celebrating Miami's greatest with our first annual South Florida Web Awards. We've scoured online media from news, to arts and culture, to food and music, and Twitter and I ... More >>

Think Positive

Colts' Luck Sets Rookie Passing Record To Beat Dolphins 23-20

On Friday, we stressed that the Dolphins pass defense needed to show up on Sunday if the team had any hope of taking down the Colts. Clearly, Defensive Coordinator Kevin Coyle needs to start reading our posts along with his morning coffee because the Dolphins pass defense was absolute refried pig-pl ... More >>

Miami Dolphins' Five Keys to Victory Versus Colts

This Sunday the Dolphins travel to Indianapolis to play the Colts and Andrew Luck -- the girl many Dolphins fans wanted to take to the prom, but she was too unattainable so she laughed in our faces in front of the whole cafeteria as chocolate milk sprayed out of our nostrils in embarrassment.Let's l ... More >>

The Ten Types of Ghosts That Haunt Miami

Miami is not a normal place, and we really wouldn't expect the ghosts that haunt this town to be your average ghouls either. Let's be honest, this place is certainly crazy enough that we're pretty sure there has to be some paranormal activity going on. So the Riptide Institute for Afterlife Act ... More >>

Special Teams, Defense Fuel Dolphins 30-9 Romp Over Jets

With the SUPER COLOSSAL ZOMG! CYCLO-SNOW-FRANKEN-PERFECT-MEGA-SUPER-BLABLAZO STORM OF THE MILLENIUM bearing down on the Northeast, the Dolphins crushed the hated Jets 30-9 and rode out of town just before the storm stranded them. Bad. Assssss.

Miami Dolphins' Five Keys To Victory Versus Jets

Your Miami Dolphins, fresh off their bye week, travel to New Jersey to take on the dirty, stinkin' Jets in that cesspool of filth they call a stadium in the Meadowlands. Let's look at five keys for this Sunday's matchup:

Dolphins Beat Rams 17-14 Despite Rushing for Only 20 Yards

The Miami Dolphins are 3-3 today in spite of absolutely listless performances by both teams in a boring game, a second straight game of questionable (read: crappy) officiating and the Dolphins only rushing for a total of 20 yards all game. However, the continued influence of Ryan Tannehill's burgeon ... More >>

Duffy's, LIV, Joe's: Fans Enjoy Another Dolphins Win and Great Chowremium Food Selections

The Miami Dolphins are in the midst of a resurgence. Their third win Sunday moved them into a first-place tie above the AFC East. While the Dolphins were taking down the St. Louis Rams, fans across the stadium were downing a variety of food selections. From the first ball tossed, someone was tossing ... More >>

Cram the Rams

Fire Jeff Ireland Watch: Living on Borrowed Time

Every week, Riptide's crack team of employment termination scientists gauge just how fireable loathed Dolphins General Manager Jeff Ireland has become following his latest series of horrific blunders. So how close is the Ginger Menace to getting canned this week?Yes, the Dolphins managed to outlast ... More >>

Miami Dolphins Fans: Here's The Jeff Ireland-Hating Parody of Eminem's "My Name Is" You Never Knew You Wanted

It's 2012, not 1999, so we're not really usually in the market for YouTube-hosted parody songs of Eminem's breakout hit "My Name Is."But then again, those parodies usually don't expertly roast Miami Dolphins general manager Jeff Ireland.

Dolphins Pull Out Win Against Bengals Despite Abysmal Officiating

In a game that featured absolutely putrid calls on the field by the recently-returned "professional" refs, the Dolphins managed to hold off the Cincinnati Bengals for a 17-13 win. An overall sloppy game for both teams was sealed when safety Reshad Jones intercepted Andy Dalton with 1:22 left in the ... More >>

Who's Applying To Be University of Miami AD? An Exclusive Look at the Candidates

For the third time since 2008 the Miami Hurricanes are on the hunt for a new athletics director. Don't worry though, University of Miami President Donna Shalala says she has heard from literally hundreds of people who wants the job. "I'm getting hundreds of emails from people wanting the job," she t ... More >>

Fire Jeff Ireland Watch: Dolphins Have Their Naanee Removed

Every week, Riptide's crack team of employment termination scientists gauge just how fireable loathed Dolphins General Manager Jeff Ireland has become following his latest series of horrific blunders. So how close is the Ginger Menace to getting canned this week?Late yesterday, word spread that the ... More >>

Dolphins Fall to Cardinals 24-21 in Second OT Loss In A Row

For the second week in a row, the Dolphins failed to capitalize on opportunities to close out a game and lost an overtime game they should have won. Given the "Cardiac Cards" moniker Arizona has earned as of late, you had to figure this game would get wild towards the end despite three quarters of r ... More >>

Fire Jeff Ireland Watch: A Jets-Sized Nail In the Coffin

Last week, we introduced "Fire Jeff Ireland Watch," Riptide's newest feature, where our crack team of employment termination scientists gauge just how fireable the Dolphins loathed general manager is at the moment following his latest series of horrific blunders. This week, the Ginger Devil's a ... More >>

Dolphins Lose to Jets 23-20 After Missed Field Goals, Reggie Bush Injury

There was a time when kicker Dan Carpenter was responsible for the majority of the points the Dolphins scores, and could be relied upon to line up and bang out a field goal -- from seemingly any distance -- with a twirl of his flowing locks. That time is gone now.The Miami Dolphins lost to the New Y ... More >>

Tailgaters Go All Out After Dolphins Win (Photos)

So the Dolphins won their home opener yesterday for the first time since 2005: a 35-13 shellacking of the Oakland Raiders.Short Order wasn't disappointed at the Miami Dolphins first home game Sunday against the Oakland Raiders. Why haul a grill off the back of a truck when you can make the grill the ... More >>

Miami Dolphins Obliterate the Oakland Raiders 35 - 13

Facing a below-average Oakland Raiders yesterday, it was generally believed the Dolphins had a very good chance of beating their former AFC rival and notching the first victory for both Head Coach Joe Philbin and QB Ryan Tannehill. Then Reggie Bush came out of nowhere and decided to show everyone hi ... More >>

Dolphins Apparently Didn't Realize Fans Can't Kick 60-Yard Field Goals

Usually halftime contests involving fans at sporting games are silly affairs, but the contest slated to go down at the Miami Dolphins' home opener this weekend seems ridiculously tough. The team will give three fans a chance to win $10,000 if they can kick a 60-yard field goal. Think about that. A 6 ... More >>

Dolphins Home Opener Sunday: Tailgate The Right Way

Let's be honest, this season is not exactly hopeful for your Miami Dolphins. With a rookie quarterback and coming off a 6-10 campaign in 2011, the oddsmakers aren't exactly worried you'll hit the 200-1 sweepstakes that the Dolphins win Super Bowl XLVII. That won't stop belligerent Dolphins fans from ... More >>

Are You Ready for Some Football?

Dolphins Fall to Texans 30-10 In Season-Opening Flop

With seven minutes left in the second quarter on Sunday, the Dolphins looked like a team that seemed to have turned the corner. The defense was playing more like the aggressive squad that had played well last year, the Dolphins receivers were catching the ball on offense, rookie quarterback Ryan Tan ... More >>

Letter to Micky Arison: Send Stephen Ross Pa'l Carajo

Hard Knocks, Episode Five: The Bachelorette Look Like American Gladiators By Comparison

Cheer up, third-round pick/emo perpetually sad-faced tight end/ likely-illustrator-of-fantastical-scenes-involving-dragons-and-Asian-counterculture-anti-heros-during-team-film-sessions / wouldn't-make-any-other-team's-53-man-roster-except-the-piece-of-shit-Jets Michael Egnew - HBO's Hard Knocks feat ... More >>

Reader Mail: Chad Johnson Is a Wife-Beater With No Place in the NFL

Flo Rida and NFL Vets Give Back to Miami Instead of Blowing Cash at Clubs

Dolphins Fall to Cowboys 30-13 To End Preseason Winless, Then Crash The Team Plane

In what is typically the most uninteresting and uneventful of all preseason games, the Dolphins conducted business-as-usual by falling to the Dallas Cowboys 30-13 last night, completing the 2012 preseason with only their third winless effort in franchise history.The Fins followed up in the most appr ... More >>

Hard Knocks, Episode Four: The Dolphins' Personality Problem

A funny thing is happening with this year's installment of Hard Knocks. Previous seasons focused on obvious, larger-than-life coaching personalities in Rex Ryan, Herm Edwards and Brian Billick, but the idea behind this year's inside look at the Dolphins was to cut out all that cute shit and pull bac ... More >>

Flo Rida and NFL Stars Step Up To Help Kids In Overtown and Liberty City

Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke gives props to a local rapper and four football players giving back to the neighborhood.It's a shame more pro athletes and hip-ho ... More >>

Miami Dolphins Trade CB Vontae Davis, Continue Ignoring Need for Talent

The Miami Dolphins have traded former first-round pick Vontae Davis to the Indianapolis Colts for a 2013 second-rounder as well as a conditional late-round pick. Obviously, this is a move that makes sense on several fronts given the Midas-like wealth of talent the Dolphins possess at virtually every ... More >>

Howard Schnellenberger Thinks the 2012 Canes Are the Best Damn Team He's Ever Seen

While there are plenty of talking heads doubtful that Al Golden's young Miami Hurricanes will even be able to win six games this season, old Howard Schnellenberger put down his pipe for a second, traveled down to Coral Gables, took one look at the team, and decided they were just about the best damn ... More >>

Chad Johnson's Dismissal Shows the Miami Dolphins Are Hypocrites

Dressing Up The Fins

Here's a Man With a Giant Dolphins Tattoo on His Head

You may think you are a hardcore Miami Dolphins fan, but do you have the team's logo tattooed across the back of your head? No. No you probably do not. Unless you are Emmett Dove, who shared his mark of the aquatic beast on Twitter today.

Chad Johnson's Dismissal Shows The Dolphins Are Football's Most Hypocritical Team

Uncle Luke,the man whose booty-shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke criticizes Joe Philbin for letting go of Chad Johnson.The Miami Dolphins are the most hypocritical football organization to ever b ... More >>

Hard Knocks, Episode 2: Chad Johnson's Epic Groin-Kick to Dolphins Fans

Over the past decade, your Miami Dolphins have resembled a resident of Hiroshima that moved to Nagasaki during World War II to escape the likelihood of bombing. "It's probably much nicer and safer over there," your Dolphins say. Inevitably, they're pretty much screwed either way; it's always an emot ... More >>

Hard Knocks Episode One: Thank God For Chad Johnson

Thank God for Chad Johnson. Last night, the "Look At Me" wide receiver was the star of the first episode of Hard Knocks: Training Camp With The Miami Dolphins on HBO. You get the feeling the Dolphins brain trust of General Manager Jeff Ireland and Head Coach Joe Philbin picked up the boisterous play ... More >>

Ten Forgotten Miami Professional Sports Teams

Today, for better or worse, the Miami market has teams in each of the big four major leagues. It wasn't always that way, though, and besides the Dolphins, Heat, Marlins, and Panthers, several other professional sports teams have called Miami home. In fact, the Magic City's colorful pro spo ... More >>

Miami Marlins and Dolphins Give Big to Political Action Committees

Elect Joe Martinez for Mayor and Keon Hardemon for Commission

Joe Martinez For Miami-Dade Mayor!

Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke makes his picks for Miami-Dade mayor and the county's black county commission seats.With the August 14 primary election approachi ... More >>