Related Search
Subject: AFC East Division
Last Time Unemployment Was This High It Was A Pretty Good Year For Miami
Unemployment in America has reached 8.5%, the highest it's been since 1983! Egads! Remember those horrible times of 1983 -- I don't, because I was not born -- but it actually seems that 1983 was a banner year for Miami. Maybe history will repeat itself. The Miami Hurricanes won their first NCAA Division 1-A football championship, kicking off their run as "team of the 80's." The Miami Dolphins meanwhile drafted a quarterback known as Dan Marino, and finished first in the AFC East, four games ahea
April 3, 2009News Roundup
LocalYet another publication takes a crack at understanding the reaction to President Obama's changes in Cuba policy amongst Cuban Americans in Miami. This time it's the Washington Post, and they find, quite poetically, that the hard lines have softened. I think honestly though, the pieces on the matter that have come out of non-local sources have been mostly better than what the local media has produced. [WaPo]Former New Times writer Rebecca Wakefield has landed herself a job as an adviser to M
April 27, 2009News Roundup
LocalThe Miami Marine Stadium is listed as one of 11 most endangered historic sites in America. [Herald]Top officials from the State Department met with a Cuba representative yesterday, though the American official stressed that it doesn't actually mean anything, yet. [CBS4]Been spending most of our lives living in the renter's paradise. [WSJ]Bush's former commerce secretary Carlos M. Gutierrez was named a trustee of the University of Miami. [Herald]SportsThe Hawks won the latest in their playof
April 28, 2009Wasting Away In Corporitaville: The Fins Sell Their Soul To Buffett
Ever wonder what it looks like to sell your soul?courtesy Miami DolphinsThis is what Jimmy Buffett has wrought.At Dolphin Stadium, it looks something like this: A white guy in a pink sombrero and plastic lei jerks to the grating jingle of "Margaritaville." Three young men covered head to waist in blue paint awkwardly bob to the faux-Caribbean beat. A man adjusts the cheeseburger on his head.On a stage in the plush VIP lobby, Jimmy Buffett is tanned and dancing before a huge banner for LandShark
May 8, 2009A Movie Script Ending: Jason Taylor Returning to the Dolphins
Well, earlier today we wrote about Jason Taylor and the Dolphins flirty romance, and look what happened while we were out to lunch: they slowly embraced, looked deep into each other's eyes, and realized they belonged together! Cue fireworks, soft focus, and the Postal Service's "Such Great Heights!" (The freckles in their eyes perfectly align, I guess.). It's a fitting end to this little romantic comedy. "My heart has always been in Miami and so I'm truly excited to call myself a
May 13, 2009News Roundup
LocalCat killer took two more kitty lives this weekend. [JustNews]Meanwhile, up in Broward, BSO deputies apparently think their copycat killer is just a bunch of wild dogs. [CBS4]South Beach residents: The city denies you were knee-deep in sewer water. [NBCMiami]Watergate "plumber" Bernard Barker died this weekend at his home in Westchester. Exiles apparently thought of him as a hero for his pre-Watergate activities. However, he also tried to undermine democracy and other basic principles Am
June 8, 2009The Week That Was: Alberto Cutié Married the Cat Killer
via FFFFOUNRiptide had an insane week, and in case you missed anything, here are all the highlights. Perhaps you can use them to make small talk with your dad on Father's day. 18 year-old Tyler Weinman was arrested and charged with being the notorious cat killer. He may have been brought down by his own Facebook and MySpace pages -- places his friends often came to discuss his poop-blowing up habit. But police may need to get all CSI on the case to get a conviction.&
June 19, 2009Update: Gloria and Emilio Estefan Get Minority Ownership in the Dolphins
Last month, Riptide received a vague but alarming email invitation with this headline: "JIMMY BUFFETT, MIAMI DOLPHINS AND DOLPHIN STADIUM TO HOST MAJOR CORPORATE ANNOUNCEMENT."Riptide quickly RSVPed and was treated to one of the most disturbing displays in sports history: Jimmy Buffett playing to a crowd of Parrotheads and getting the stadium named after his Corona-lite LandShark Lager in return. via Wikimedia Commons So what to make of the invite we just received a few minutes ago? Here
June 23, 2009The Week That Was: Showin' How Funky Strong Is Your Fight
photo via JustJaredPhotographer (and Miami resident) Bruce Weber shot Michael Jackson back in 2007 for the cover of L'Uomo Vogue. It was one of the pop icon's last major photo shoots.RIP Michael Jackson. RIP urban legend that Thriller was shot in Coconut Grove.Some tabloid claimed Alberto Cutié is gay, but he, obviously, denied this. In fact, he's getting married to a real life lady tonight, in a church. Gloria Estefan bought a small piece of the Miami Dolphins, because she loves the sport
June 26, 2009Gloria Estefan Is In Fact Ready For Some Football
Gloria Estefan recently recorded a colabo with Hank Williams Jr. for the football classic, "Are You Ready For Some Football", which will open all three nationally televised games this year (two on ESPN and a Monday Nighter against the Jets on October 12). It should be fun to hear her legendary vocals, bearing that undeniable Miami Cuban lilt, alongside the venerable and iconic hillbilly's southern twang.The announcement comes hot on the heels of Gloria and her hubby Emilio's recently announc
June 29, 2009Miami Doesn't Care About Sports, Maybe Because Our Teams Suck
Men's Health has stuck us with another label: the least sports obsessed city. The mag took into account number of ticket sales and attendance on the pro, college and high school level for baseball, basketball football, and NASCAR as well as memorabilia sales. Miami came in dead last. That's kind of sad considering the Heat, Marlins, and Dolphins have all won championships before -- then again, those teams do have a habit of sinking to embarrassing lows. Ar
July 2, 2009Forget Marc Anthony, J.Lo, La Gloria, and Jimmy. We Need an Albanian!
So now comes the news that Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony are gonna be celeb minority owners of the Dolphins, like Jimmy Buffett and the Estefans before them. (Follow the jump for the news release.) I get what Dolphins owner Steve Ross is doing. Pandering. That's what he's supposed to do. With Barack Obama in the White House and rich guys everywhere quaking in their boots over higher taxes and health care, pandering is like a new hobby for a lot of the gazillion-dollar-a-year set. But what
July 22, 2009Marc Anthony Joins the Miami Dolphins
I kid you not. The multi-million-record-selling, Grammy-toting Nuyorican salsa singer announced in a press conference yesterday that he has bought a stake in Miami's beloved Fins. The deal places Anthony alongside fellow Latin music royalty, Gloria and Emilio Estefan, who gave new meaning to the title 'minority owners' when they bought a piece of the franchise last month.There's been no confirmation from within the Dolphins yet, but rumors have begun circulating that Jose Feliciano is being
July 22, 200910 Music Stars Who Should Own a Piece of the Dolphins (Part 1)
​The Miami Dolphins are for sale to the highest musical bidders. Gloria Estefan and Marc Anthony have both recently bought minority shares of the franchise, leaving us all wondering: Who's next? We've compiled a list of 10 most wanted musicians with a tie to Miami who would be great partial owners for the Dolphins. Consider this an open letter to the following musicians:Luther R. CampbellLuke Skyywalker of 2 Live Crew fame would be perfect as a partial owner for the Dolphins. First off, "As Na
July 28, 200910 Music Stars Who Should Own a Piece of the Dolphins (Part 2)
​Read part one of this series here.The Miami Dolphins are for sale to the highest musical bidders. Gloria Estefan and Marc Anthony have both recently bought minority shares of the franchise, leaving us all wondering: Who's next? We've compiled a list of 10 most wanted musicians with a tie to Miami who would be great partial owners for the Dolphins. Consider this an open letter to the following musicians:PitbullThe easiest way to stop all these Michael Vick to Miami rumors? Sell a share of the
July 29, 2009News Roundup
A flight heading to Brazil made an emergency landing in Miami this morning; 26 of the passengers were injured. [Herald]Myriam Marquez has decided, for the good of all Miami, that Mr. Clucky should be brutally slaughtered and feasted upon by a group of homeless sex offenders. Cherry. [Herald] Could you be eating horse meat and not even know it? [NBCMiami]A Miami-Dade firehouse has been declared the busiest in the entire nation. [Herald]SportsDolphins training began Sunday, including year two
August 3, 2009News Roundup
The reward for information leading to the arrest of those responsible for recent horse slaughterings has been raised to $5,000 [NBCMiami]The Heat is fine with the current rooster. Nope, not at all bitter it lost out on Odom. [Herald]Former UM player and current New York Jets defensive end Kareem Brown watched a friend die in a bizarre car accident in Miami. [NYDN]Dolphins: Could Jason Taylor be a starter again? [Fan House]
August 5, 2009Miami Dolphins Continue Their Celebrity Love-Fest with Britto, T-Pain, Versace, and Ocean Drive Mag
Remember those good ol' days when the Miami Dolphins just played football? When Shula, Marino, and Csonka were the names that first came to mind when you imagined the teal and orange -- not Buffett, Estefan, and Anthony?via Wikimedia CommonsThis cat is much more interesting than a Joey Porter sack anyway.​Yeah, neither do we. And neither do the Fins, who are plunging ahead full-speed with their new goal of becoming an unstoppable multi-platform, celebrity tie-in, Miami powerhouse eco
August 6, 2009News Roundup
Kendrick Meek attacked Charlie Crist (his possible foe in the 2010 Senate race) for not handling stimulus funds in a way best for Florida. [PBPost]Some d-bag was arrested for using his camera phone to take up-skirt videos at Aventura Mall. [NBCMiami]"Don Diego" Montoya, a Colombian drug kingpin, is expected to plead guilty in a Miami courtroom today. [AP]Miguel Diaz has been officially named U.S. ambassador to the Holy See. [Herald]Fancy Miami Beach hotels are having a h
August 11, 2009Ra Sushi Introduces "Fins Roll" for Dolfans, But Is It Worth $12?
image via Ra SushiGet your roll on​What's teal and orange and goes down easy? No, unfortunately we're not talking about the Dolphins cheerleaders, we're talking about the new "Fins Roll" at Ra Sushi.It's an eight-piece spicy lobster roll topped with fresh salmon and avocado, drizzled in spicy mayo sauce and it costs $12. Umm, that's $1.50 a bite, does Ra think we hadn't heard how cheap lobster is now? Seems like kind of a ripoff. The roll sports an orange and teal color scheme too, maybe that'
August 11, 2009Cat Fight
August 20, 2009News Roundup
Some county commissioners want to cut Mayor Alvarez's budget next year after revelations that some staff members make more than President Obama's people. [Herald]In other embattled mayor news, Manny Diaz has scheduled a second vote on Miami 21 for September 4. [SFBJ]A 13-year-old boy in North Dade was driving a go-kart when he crashed into a Dodge Durango and died. [CBS4]Miami-Dade budget cuts might lead to the end of DARE, the student drug abuse prevention program that also makes high
August 25, 2009Will.I.Am Wants to Try Out for Dolphins
If you ask us, way too many of Will.i.am's dreams have come true. The Black Eyed Peas' resident shoddy producer has an ever growing ego, and now he has another modest dream: trying out for the Miami Dolphins. We say let him. Will.i.am took to some website called Dipdive... To brag about how fast he his... And how much he likes smoking dudes... For some reason he type like this for the entire thing... So, now he wants to be the Dolphins punt returner, and made a video about i
September 3, 2009Dolphins vs Falcons: Let's All Remain Calm and Optimistic
​Miami Dolphins @ Atlanta Falcons, Sunday at 1pm on CBS4. Not to say the Dolphins don't have some well deserved swagger, but let's be real, out of all the defending divisional champs the Fins fan's optimism might be the most muted. We all knew last year's historic turn around season was thanks in no small part to two things: Brady's busted knee and the surprising wildcat. Well, Brady's back after a year off spent impregnating Gisele, and the wildcat may be turning old hat. Add to tha
September 11, 2009News Roundup
The Miami Dolphins lost to the Atlanta Falcons 19-7, and it wasn't even that kind of loss where you could be like, "Well, at least their so-and-so looks good this year." It was just brutal. [Herald]Ferry service from Miami to Havana? It might just happen. [NYTimes]Oh, no! Someone pulled a smash-and-grab at the Gucci in Coral Gables. As many as three cars might have been involved, and police have already tracked down one. [CBS4]Cuba's VP died over the weekend. [CBS4]Charlie Crist might lose
September 14, 2009Can You Hold on with Fins?
September 17, 2009These Wagons Will Not Be Circled
October 1, 2009News Roundup
My least favorite things in the world: Britto art and parking meters. Somehow they are coming together to raise money for the homeless. [WSVN]Some corporate thing I have never heard of has given the Miami Heat lots of money to make sure we all hear about it. Yep, the Heat has a new presenting sponsor. [CP]The art market sucks right now. But some Miami artists and collectors aren't too bummed about it. [OceanDrive]President Obama says Chicago is "the most American of American cities." Of course,
October 2, 2009Gag Green
October 8, 2009Miami Dolphins Preview: Grudge Match
​Tonight is the Judgment Day, Hour of Reckoning, massively hysterical, Road to Armageddon, cats-and-dogs-living-together apocalyptic showdown between the Dolphins and Jets at Land Shark Stadium. Here are three key factors:1. Rex Ryan Knows How to Stop the Wildcat, Can Eat an Entire X-Mas Ham: Yes, Jets head coach Rex Ryan acts like that obnoxious fat kid you knew in high school who could recite The Phantom Menace word for word. And yes, he looks like the kind of guy who'd want yo
October 12, 2009Miami Dolphins Win: Foes Vanquished, Obnoxious Fanbase Silenced, Everything's Beautiful!
​The Miami Dolphins coaching staff must be avid readers of Riptide. Because they pretty much ran down the checklist of our three keys for a Dolphins victory post and came out on top with a thrilling, last second 31-27 victory over the Jets on Monday Night Football. You're welcome, everybody!It was almost as if they shouldn't even have bothered playing the game. Every analyst, talking head, and odds maker swore that Rex Ryan and the Jets' vaunted Oh-My-God-My-Face-Done-Got-Melted!!! defense was
October 13, 2009Wikipedia Entry: Buffalo Bills 16, New York Jets 13, by a Jets Fan
via Wikicommons​On Sunday, October 18, 2009, the Buffalo Bills defeated the New York Jets 16-13 when Rian Lindell kicked a 47-yard field goal with 2:44 remaining in overtime. However, whoever had the ball last would have been victorious.The game, played at the Meadowlands in East Rutherford, New Jersey, was marred by high winds coming from the northwest. (Buffalo, NY, is northwest of East Rutherford, NJ.) Superstar QB Mark Sanchez was fantastic again, but threw five interceptions because of th
October 19, 2009Because Your Skin Shouldn’t Look Like Pigskin
October 22, 2009Prunk TV: GWIP (Your Name Here) We Rock
What would the world be like if Ozzy had never put that "vocalist seeks band" flyer in the record store, which caused soon to be guitar-god Tony Iommi to call him up? Ozzy joined Earth, which later became Black Sabbath, and the rest is Heavy Metal history. Do you feel me? I am talking about fate and destiny here. Attention all hipster crack head Van Halen people, death metal minstrels, composers of brown sugar, Sugar Hill delightful rappers, naked dancers from Chile, Neil Diamond i
October 22, 2009From Selling Coca-Cola at the Orange Bowl to Revolutionizing Film Production, Jack Rapke Has Come a Long Way
Photo by Joe Lederer, courtesy of ImageMovers Digital, LLCJack Rapke (L) on the set with Director Robert Zemeckis​When he's not cheering on the Dolphins, Miami-native Jack Rapke is calling the shots at ImageMovers Digital, the film studio he founded in 1998 with Robert Zemeckis and Steve Starkey. The trio's first film was the wildly successful Cast Away (2000), and since then, they've been at the forefront of performance capture technology, first used in their 2004 film The Polar Express. Born
October 23, 2009Miami Dolphins Implode Against New Orleans Saints
​When a team leads 24-10 at the half while having forced three turnovers, combined for five sacks and rushed for 128 yards and four touchdowns, that team will, more often than not, end up the victor. But this is the Miami Dolphins. Normal rules need not apply. This is Suck Country. The Fins could not hold their 21-point lead and ended up on the wrong end of a 46-34 beatdown courtesy of the New Orleans Saints.Yet even with New Orleans' fierce comeback, the Fins had a shot to win it. Down by six
October 26, 2009Top Ten Ways Ted Ginn Can Repay the City of Miami
For a more thorough and humorous review of every Miami Dolphins player who shat himself during yesterday's 46-34 loss to the New Orleans Saints, see Chris Joseph's post from this morning. I care only about my boy, Ted Ginn, Jr., who managed to sneak past Darrelle Revis two weeks ago against the Jets and run underneath the most perfect pass in the history of passes for a 53-yard touchdown, thereby fooling us momentarily into believing in him.As we now know, Ginn's catch was merely a ploy to get u
October 26, 2009Ten ways Ted Ginn Jr. can repay Miami for the Dolphins' loss to the Saints
October 29, 2009Miami Dolphins Literally Slaughtered on South Park
​Last night, likenesses of your Miami Dolphins were literally slaughtered on South Park, which was a lot more enjoyable than watching them get figuratively slaughtered on the field most Sundays. We just pretended every player was Ted Ginn Jr., and it was rather cathartic.For some context: In last night's episode, poor Stan's birthday present of getting to swim with dolphins was ruined when a group of Japanese stereotypes came up and slaughtered all the dolphins, because as you may know, all Ja
October 29, 2009The Week That Was: Full of Horrible Losses
​Your Miami Dolphins started the week off with a horibly embarrassing loss to the New Orleans Saints, only to get slaughtered by a bunch of angry Japanese people on this week's South Park. Ted Ginn Jr. made us lose our last nerve.The Hurricanes also had their own horrible loss most of their wildest hopes and dreams for the season dashed by the Clemson Tigers.Yes, even your Miami Herald had a horrible loss this week, except it was by means of circulation.Miami Art Museum lost their director, Te
October 30, 2009Miami Dolphins at New York Jets: 10 Predictions
​Despite winning the last two meetings against the New York Jets, the Dolphins enter Sunday's rematch as 3-point underdogs. This is mainly because the Jets are coming off a big win against the Raiders (which is basically the equivalence of beating a team made up entirely of organ grinders and their street-performing monkeys), while the Dolphins are coming off a heartbreaking loss to the Saints. Also because Ted Ginn sucks. As with all Dolphins-Jets match-ups, we're expecting a tough, physical
October 31, 2009Miami Dolphins Win: Turns Out All That Trash Talking Will Get You a Nice Little Beatdown
​Coming into yesterday's rematch in the Meadowlands, Jets players called the Miami Dolphins a gimmicky team, called their Wildcat formation "nonsense," and called Chad Henne a clown. They said they couldn't wait to play Miami again, claimed they were the better team and threatened to take out Henne. DE Shaun Ellis sarcastically noted how the Fins acted as if they had won the Super Bowl when they scored the game-winning touchdown in that first meeting three weeks ago (and yet their quarterback
November 2, 2009Food News Roundup: Benihana, Fiji Water, Jamaican Jerk, Michael Jordan, Necker Island, and Cuban Food
Canadian companies attend America's largest food and beverage show, coming soon to Miami Beach. [GovMonitor]Miami-based Benihana restaurants to donate 100% of Fiji Water sales revenue to Best Buddies charity for month of November. [Reuters]8th annual Grace Jamaican Jerk Festival this weekend at Markham Park, a short jog north in Broward. [CaribbeanWorldNews]Tom Brady at Prime 112, Michael Jordan at Cafe Prima Pasta, Don Shula at Anthony's Coal Fired Pizza, Enrique Iglesias at Michael's Genuine,
November 3, 2009305 Photo of the Day: Crushing the Jets
​We still don't know what to make of the Dolphins this year, but it's nice to know we're unequivocally better than those New York Jets (is that even saying much?). Flickr user Ed Yourdon has a nice series of photographs from the game.
November 5, 2009Miami Dolphins Preview: One Insufferable Fanbase Down, One To Go
​When last we saw our Miami Dolphins, they were busy beating the bejesus out of the shitdipping trash-talking New York Jets, and silencing their shitdipping trash-talking fans in the process. It was one of the most satisfying wins in recent memory. Jason Taylor was able to talk some trash of his own about New York, and Ted Ginn Jr. - fresh off his redeeming record-setting 2 kickoff return touchdown performance - was compared to Jesus Christ by his offensive coordinator. Not too shabby.This wee
November 7, 2009Miami Dolphins Lose: Hauntingly Familiar
​When Vontae Davis started off the game with a leaping interception that can only be described as Fuck Yea!, the consensus feeling was the Dolphins were going to make this one interesting. Maybe even pull off the upset. Alas, it was not to be. The Patriots were able to show us, once again, that the Dolphins are good, but not good enough. And that there are more than a few weaknesses that need to be addressed before Miami can play with the big boys (i.e. - Colts, Saints, Patriots) and actually
November 9, 2009Miami Dolphins Preview: Avast Ye Ass Kickers!
​So, the Dolphins clearly cannot hang with the likes of the Colts, Saints, Falcons or Patriots. We get that. But this Sunday, the Fins host what is most likely the worst team in the NFL this side of Detroit - the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. And while Miami does have the better team on paper, this just feels like one of those games that end up closer than it should be, merely because the Dolphins love to fuck with its fanbase by playing beneath their level of talent. That's just how they roll.That's
November 14, 2009Miami Dolphins: The Robot Leads Miami To An Ugly Win
​Well we did say in our preview that this one felt like it was going to be closer than it should be. And Christ was it ever. Ugly win? This was lady-bitten-in-the-face-by-a-crazy-ass-chimp ugly as the Dolphins mangled, bungled and stumbled their way to a 25-23 victory against the lowly Buccaneers yesterday. While there were plenty of chances, the Dolphins failed miserably to hit that nail-in-the-coffin touchdown that would've finally put Tampa Bay away for the day. Instead, they let the Bucs m
November 16, 2009Miami Dolphins Preview: Win or Call It a Season
​And so we come to this. Sitting at 4-5, the Miami Dolphins face a must-win situation tonight as take on the equally desperate (and some would say equally craptastic) 4-5 Carolina Panthers. The winner will experience the sweet taste of being a .500 team for the first time this season while embarking on an epic journey of chasing the Wildcard spot in its respective conference (tastes like victory). The loser will experience the not-so-sweet taste of having its season pretty much done (tastes li
November 19, 2009Ricky Williams and His Amazing Feats of Ass-Kickery
​First things first: Ricky Williams is now officially the Ambassador of Fucking Your Shit Up and Knocking Fools' Dicks Into the Dirt after last night's brilliant 119-yard, three-touchdown performance. Many had their doubts about the Dolphins' ability to effectively run the ball without Ronnie Brown. But Ricky silenced all the doubters with a swift roundhouse kick to their collective nards as he put the team on his back and led it to a season-salvaging 24-17 win over the Carolina Panthers.But t
November 20, 2009
Now Click This
Free Classifieds Miami, FL
About Us |
Work for Miami New Times |
Esubscribe |
Free Classifieds |
National Advertising |
Privacy Policy |
Terms of Use |
Problem With the Site? |
RSS |
Site Map
© 2009 Village Voice Media All rights reserved.
© 2009 Village Voice Media All rights reserved.