FFF: Fast Food, Tuna, and Turkey Bologna

I was just walking down the street, and I saw this restaurant called McDonald's Express. Let's see if we can try to wrap our brains around this concept -- this is a McDonald's, only faster. So, obviously, the McDonald's corporation thinks there are people out there saying to themselves, 'God,...

By Lee Klein

October 30, 2009

[
        {
          "name": "Air - MediumRectangle - Inline Content - Mobile Display Size",
          "component": "19274298",
          "insertPoint": "2",
          "requiredCountToDisplay": "2"
        },{
          "name": "Editor Picks",
          "component": "17482312",
          "insertPoint": "4",
          "requiredCountToDisplay": "1"
        },{
          "name": "Inline Links",
          "component": "18711090",
          "insertPoint": "8th",
          "startingPoint": 8,
          "requiredCountToDisplay": "7",
          "maxInsertions": 25
        },{
          "name": "Air - MediumRectangle - Combo - Inline Content",
          "component": "17482310",
          "insertPoint": "8th",
          "startingPoint": 8,
          "requiredCountToDisplay": "7",
          "maxInsertions": 25
        },{
          "name": "Inline Links",
          "component": "18711090",
          "insertPoint": "8th",
          "startingPoint": 12,
          "requiredCountToDisplay": "11",
          "maxInsertions": 25
        },{
          "name": "Air - Leaderboard Tower - Combo - Inline Content",
          "component": "17482313",
          "insertPoint": "8th",
          "startingPoint": 12,
          "requiredCountToDisplay": "11",
          "maxInsertions": 25
        }
      ]

I was just walking down the street, and I saw this restaurant called McDonald's Express. Let's see if we can try to wrap our brains around this concept -- this is a McDonald's, only faster. So, obviously, the McDonald's corporation thinks there are people out there saying to themselves, 'God, I'd love to go to McDonald's, but who has the time?' ~Andy Borowitz

If a dolphin was ugly and tasted good, we'd be eating it by the truckload. No one would care. The only negative thing that ever happened to a tuna was it was born butt ugly and it mixes well with mayo. ~David Cross

If you go to the grocery store and stand in front of the lunch meat section for too long, you start to get pissed off at turkeys. You see turkey ham, turkey pastrami, turkey bologna -- somebody needs to tell the turkeys, 'Man, just be yourself.' ~Mitch Hedberg

Fifty cents to use the pay toilets at Taco Bell. What's Taco Bell telling us when taking a dump is 50 cents, but a Fiesta Taco is 39 cents? What is that -- eat now, pay later? ~Kevin Kataoka

Become A Member

BEFORE YOU GO...
Can you help us continue to share our stories? Since the beginning, Miami New Times has been defined as the free, independent voice of Miami — and we'd like to keep it that way. Our members allow us to continue offering readers access to our incisive coverage of local news, food, and culture with no paywalls.