Riptide has a now established tradition of mathematically (in the loosest sense of the word) deciding which team Miamians should root for the in the Super Bowl. This year the answer seems obvious: F*ck the Pats! But should we really f*ck the Pats? Lets run both the New England Patriots and the New York Giant through our nonsensical test to find out!
Former Hurricanes Players (5 points each)
With the Dolphins in the football equivalent of a K-hole for the past decade, at least one of our local football teams usually has a little bit of pride when Super Sunday roles around. In fact, 2005 was the last year that a former Miami Hurricanes wasn't on the roster of at least one of the teams. This years there's three: Kenny Phillips and Antrel Rolle on the Giants and Vince Wilfork on the Patriots. Giants +10, Patriots +5.
Miami Natives (3 points each) or Other South Florida Natives (1 point each)
Cultural Affinity (10 points)
Boston is an academic capital where the bars close at 2 a.m. Miami is New York's sixth borough, or as we prefer to think of it, New York is home to our first five boroughs. Duh. Giants +5
Which Team's Win Will Make the Dolphins Look Better (10 points)
The Dolphins lost to both teams this season (by three points to the Giants, and by three point to the Pats in our second meeting but 14 in our first). The Dolphins did beat the Bills twice though, who in turn beat the Pats once. The Dolphins did also beat the Redskins, who beat the Giants. Our head hurts from this circular logic, so no one gets any points.
Who's Gonna Win (5 Points)
Miamians hate rooting for a loser, and, gulp, the current slight favorites are the Patriots. Patriots +5
The Winner: The Giants come out on top with 22 points over the Patriots 14 points.
So there you have it, according to math, f*ck the Pats! We've used the same formula in the past two years to determine that Miamians should root for the Saints and the Packers respectively, and both ended up winning.
Follow Miami New Times on Facebook and Twitter @MiamiNewTimes.
