Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken the previous week (or thereabouts) in Miami-Dade County. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain look more badass than we ever will. This is the italicized intro to that series.
Arrested: 3/23
Charged with: Trespass property after warning, resisting officer without violence
Yep, so this week we're only featuring perps who we are pretty sure were partaking in the Ultra Music Fest. We looked for arrests over last weekend and crazy eyes.
Arrested: 3/26
Charged with: Drinking alcoholic beverage in public
Take this guy, for instance. You can tell he shaved that mohawk for Ultra because of the tan line. Take away the bloodshot peepers, and the general abuse his face has taken from the weekend, and put a nice ugly button-down shirt and some chinos on him, and we're guessing he's a mid-level account executive the other 363 days of the year. Name's probably Todd.
Arrested: 3/25
Possession of controlled substance (ecstasy) with intent to sell, resisting officer without violence
This girl's whole slinking demeanor says, "Oops, did I do that?" Her demeanor has the opposite effect of a good lawyer. She'd have to hire Johnny Cochran's dead body just to cancel out this mugshot.
Arrested: 3/23
Charged with: Trespassing after warning, resisting officer without violence
What horrors have those eyes seen, girl? Have you seen an alternate reality where women make love to trees and men walk through the streets casually naked?
Arrested: 3/25
Charged with: Possession of a controlled substance
Gah! Is this an enforcer drone for the Swedish House Mafia?
Arrested: 3/25
Charged with: Possession of a stolen or fictitious driver's license
We were debating whether it would be in bad taste to make jokes about how old is too old to go to Ultra when we saw this lady... is 19. We don't think this is an aged-by-hard-living situation, though. We think finding parking at Bayside and $10 shots in plastic cups and the constant droning and hammering of electronic music-- why won't you make it stop DJ Tiësto?-- reverberated in this lady's face, and by now she's back to taut skin and complaining about professors over dinner with her parents.
Arrested: 3/23
Charged with: Armed robbery with a weapon
Excuse me miss, you have the fluffiest squirrel in the world headed down the back of your scalp.
Arrested: 3/23
Charged with: Sexual battery, burglary
Is there any better Ultra accessory than the Miami-Dade County jail jacket?
Arrested: 3/24
Charged with: Disorderly conduct, breach of the peace
At first glance, you might say: "What's this guy doing in the Ultra pile?" But look the facial expression reveals that this dude is raging, to use a term from our Ultra glossary, harder than you ever will.
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