Imagine being Miami Beach mayoral candidate Raphael Herman's volunteer campaign manager. You're already battling an incumbent on behalf of a candidate who's known only as a perennial loser, but you have a bit of momentum and are hoping to make a dent in the results when- oops, Herman shows up at an Obama speech trying to get the president to look at his wounds from being attacked by rabid firemen.
Here at New Times, we get wild-eyed people coming to our offices with similar stories all the time. They're not usually running for office.
Apologies to Matti Bower, but wouldn't it have been sweet if Herman had won? It's not so outlandish a prospect: Roughly 37 people voted in the Miami Beach election, so our hero with the Prince Valiant 'cut probably could have snuck into office if he had the wherewithall - and McDonald's vouchers -- to bribe the homeless population of Flamingo Park into voting for him. And then Mayor Herman could have tried to institute his new policy banning non-residents from driving on the causeway, sparking a revolt that would have certainly ended in somebody getting beheaded.
Alas, now the island is stuck with a severely sane mayor- which really doesn't represent the populace at all, if you think about it. (But there's salvation coming in a couple of years: a particular candidate is been rumored to have been seen scrawling "HERMAN 2011" on picket signs using chicken blood early this morning.)
Raphael, you may be the moron of the month- for lack of a better word for your unique brand of faildom- but Goddamnit, we'll miss you.
