Miami Heat Starts Campaign to Tell "Fans" How to Be Fans

The PR beauty of the local buzz created by the Heat is that Miami is an event town. We're star-fuckers to boot. So when D-Wade brought LeBron and Bosh to town, the star-fuckers came out in force. Hell, let's be honest, most of the people who showed up to the...

By Kyle Munzenrieder

November 15, 2010

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The PR beauty of the local buzz created by the Heat is that Miami is an event town. We're star-fuckers to boot. So when D-Wade brought LeBron and Bosh to town, the star-fuckers came out in force. Hell, let's be honest, most of the people who showed up to the first few Heat games weren't there because of the sport, but merely to be there, to be seen, and to brag about it. It's just how most events in Miami work. The Heat, however, doesn't like that. The team wants real fans even if it has to condescendingly tell us how to behave.

So the Heat has launched a new campaign called "Fan Up," which basically amounts to begging "fans" to act like fans. Here's the manifesto:

Fan Up means being in your seat for tipoff... and staying there until the final buzzer.

Fan Up means standing up and making some noise for your Miami Heat.

Fan Up means there is nothing fashionable about showing up late.

Fan Up means the early bird gets the goodies (note: we'll provide the goodies).

Fan Up means "Why would you want to miss one second of what's gonna go down this season?"

Fan Up means... Everywhere you go, everyone will know you're a Miami Heat fan!

It's time to show that Heat fans do deserve this team and this opportunity. It's time to show what real Miami fans are made of.

It's time to fan up.

But wait, there's a video too.

OK, here's the thing, Miami Heat, you have real fans. You know you do. But right now you're an "event." You're going to attract douchebags -- the kind of people who never show up on time and are probably there only to brag about it. Not everyone in the arena falls into the category, but a fair amount. Eventually, these people will tire of going because they're the kind of people who think a club is "so over" three weeks after it opens. They'll be back during the playoffs, no doubt, but you will begin seeing a higher concentration of real fans (if you keep losing, that might be all you have). That is, if you haven't insulted them by telling them how to be so-called real fans.

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