Florida Woman Slaps Husband With Burrito, He Retaliates With Fork, Both Arrested

A lot of weird things happen in Florida every week. On WTF Florida, we're here to bring you the weirdest. 

This week: the a downside of a Pizza Hut/Taco Bell combo, a 12-year-old facing charges for a butt pinching, and a man who really wanted to let police know he was leading them on a drugged-out car chase. 
Panhandle Couple Illustrates the Dangers of Taco Bell/Pizza Hut Combos
Here's a tip to make sure your criminal Florida shenanigans make the weird-news circuit: Involve a popular and beloved food item. If the words "pizza," "doughnut," "bacon," or "taco" appear in the police report, be prepared to go viral. As for "burrito"? Well,  it's destined to wind up on hundreds of Facebook newsfeeds. 

So all apologies to Suzanne Hurlvert, 51, and Carl Owen Smith, 66, for reporting this, but we just gotta. 

The incident happened in Okaloosa County this past Tuesday. After receiving reports of a disturbance at a home, police showed up to find Hurlvert sitting in a "calm" mood despite the fork lodged so deeply into her hand it had to be removed at a hospital, according to the Pensacola News Journal. 

Before taking that trip to the doc, Hurlvert explained she had gotten into a fight with Smith, her husband, because he wanted to go out drinking at a bar. During the argument, Hurlvert smacked Smith in the back of the head with her half-eaten Taco Bell Burrito Supreme. 

Smith was eating what the police call a pizza from Taco Bell, but which common sense leads us to believe was actually a Pizza Hut personal pan pizza from a Taco Bell/Pizza Hut combo. He took the fork he was using to eat the pizza and stabbed Hurlvert. 

Both were arrested, Smith on a felony charge of aggravated battery – domestic violence–related. Hurlvert was booked on a felony charge of domestic violence–related battery, second or subsequent offense.
Overprotective Mom Has 12-Year-Old Girl Arrested for Pinching Her Son's Butt
At Milwee Middle School in Longwood, a fun game to play is pinching other students' butts and laughing at their reaction. In relative terms, it seems like harmless, dumb kid stuff. Assuming, of course, that everyone involved has had their cooties shot. 

Well, two weeks ago, 12-year-old Breana Evans pinched a boy's butt in the hallway. She didn't know the boy, and he didn't take it well. He reported her to the school resources officer, and Evans was suspended. That should have been it. 

However, the boy's mother found out and demanded that Evans be arrested. So she was. 

"I'm sorry my kid touched your kid's butt. I'm sorry — because you need some help I think, too overprotective," Evans' father, Ray, told Click Orlando. 

Evans' charges will be dropped if she completes a diversion program and passes a drug test. 

Let's hope that once this is all settled, 12-year-olds in Longwood can return to doing normal Longwood 12-year-old things, which, we assume, includes laughing at the fact that they live in a town named Longwood. 
Florida Man's Defense for Ramming Into Police Car: "I’m Out of My Mind on Drugs" 
Christopher George Conti led police on what may be the most "Florida" police chase of at least this month. A trooper spotted Conti, 46, driving a pickup truck with a severely cracked windshield on State Road 54 in Land O'Lakes. The officer tried to pull over Conti several times, and Conti appeared, at times, like he was preparing to do so. Eventually, however, he blew through a red light, made a U-turn, and tried to get away. 

The trooper said he then saw Conti pull into a turning lane, take out a crack pipe, and smoke from it. While the officer called for backup, Conti took off again. He hit two police cars during the chase, causing one to spin off onto the shoulder of the road. 

When Conti's car finally came to a stop, he yelled, "I’m out of my mind on drugs!” 

Police found the crack pipe. It later tested positive for cocaine. 

Conti refused to give a blood sample but did say to an officer, “Can you note in your report I was cranked out of my fucking mind when you tried to stop me?”

Conti racked up 11 charges, ranging from aggravated assault and cocaine possession to driving with a suspended license. 

All of that with a suspended license? Well, that's just the last straw.