Wow, y'all.
Another year has come and gone. But what do we have to show for it?
Sure, we had a lot of fun. We discovered a lot of new, hopeful artists and said goodbye to a few favorites. But we also saw the rise of some terrible pop bullshit and we were forced to listen to some of the worst manufactured dance beats ever.
Now, because we here at Crossfade like to stay super-positive, we're going to take this moment to remember the bad times. And then hopefully forget about them for all eternity.
See also:
-YMCMB: Seven Signs of the Young Money Empire's Decline
-LMFAO Teach Kids About Sex at American Airlines Arena in Miami
-Lil Wayne Announces Retirement: " Tha Carter V Is My Last Album"
Carly Rae Jepsen's "Call Me Maybe"
All year, everyone was like, "I hate that song." But somebody must be lying, because it has more than 356 million views on YouTube since March 1. This song is catchy to a fault. It literally buries itself into your brain and lays little echoing eggs. We'll be singing it for the rest of our lives.
Chris Brown's "Don't Wake Me Up"
Everything about Chris Brown this year was annoying. If we have to read one more story about he and Rihanna's absurd media-circus relationship, we might do something that can never be taken back. This song makes us feel the same way. That Auto-Tune? Those lyrics? The cheesy rhythm? It's all just too much.
Flo Rida's "I Cry"
Of course, what's worse than making your own shitty dance-pop song? Taking an old-ass dance song and turning it into a shitty dance-pop song. So Flo Rida, thanks for repping Miami and stuff. But why do you keep resurrecting tired beats?
Jennifer Lopez's "Goin In"
J.Lo had a huge year with 2012, and congrats on maintaining relevancy. But this song is a load of recycled garbage. Everything about it is trying too hard. And the lyrics are awful, even for a mindless dance song. "We on our crazy"? Clearly.
Trinidad James's "All Gold Everything"
Let's be real ... This song is a sludgy mess. We couldn't have written something so basic if we tried. It doesn't even pump the party up. It makes us want to go to sleep more than bust off in a ho's face.
LMFAO's "Sorry for Party Rocking"
This might be one of the worst groups in modern music. And thank goodness LMFAO's on an indefinite hiatus. The last single was the worst of them all. It's not quite as catchy as "Party Rock Anthem" or as silly as "Sexy and I Know It." It's this awkward in-between and it sounds kind of like a shitty hair metal song. No thanks.
Cedric Gervais's "Molly"
This song sums up everything that's wrong with the EDM scene. Mainly, a crippling dependency on partiers to be on drugs rather than just enjoy the music. This song shoves all of that nonsense in your face and makes everyone in the club feel uncomfortable. Well, unless you're rolling balls.
Lil Wayne's "Mercy" Featuring Nicki Minaj
Weezy's Dedication 4 mixtape was one of the worst releases of the year, and this was one of the worst tracks on it. How could Wayne touch one of the hottest songs of the year and turn it into a turd? That's a feat in itself. And Minaj is dumb as ever while her boss sounds like he's in some kind of coma. Not cool.
Al Walser's "I Can't Live Without You"
Oh, you never heard this song? That's weird, because it was nominated for Best Dance Music Recording at this year's Grammy Awards. Turns out, it's one of the worst dance-by-numbers ripoffs that we've ever heard. Oh, and the music video is hysterically tragic.
Nicki Minaj's "Starships"
By far, though, the worst song of 2012 was "Starships." It might be the most offensive thing Nicki's done to date, and she's a whole mess of undesirable. From the opening chords, you can tell this song was created specifically to ruin your summer. Then it just gets worse, leading to the lamest rehashed electro drop of all time. Nikki, you really are the worst. See you next year.
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