"What the fuck does unicorn taste like?"
Stardust. Rainbows. Maybe black-market horse meat from Miami's C-9 basin.
There's really no way to know, though. Because this fabulous one-horned equine creature doesn't actually exist. Except when you're raving, raging, and tripping out at Ultra Music Festival.
Here are 50 WTF quotes from Ultra 2013.
See also:
-Ultra 2013: Top Ten (Almost) Naked Raver Bros
-Top 13 Hardcore Ravers at Ultra 2013 in Animated GIF!
-Naked Dancing Dude Gets Arrested at Ultra 2013 (NSFW VIDEO)
-The Six Bad Bitches You Meet at Ultra Music Festival
-Top Ten Twerking, Harlem Shake-ing Ravers at Ultra 2013 in Animated GIF
-Ultra 2013: Top Ten (Almost) Naked Raver Girls
50. "Epic! Epic! Epic! Epic! Epic! Epic! Epic! Epic! Epic! Epic! Epic! Epic! Epic!" - A gang of raver friends, describing that "Epic!" moment when one enters Ultra Music Festival
49. "My mom said she doesn't want me to 'lose my innoncence' here. And I think she means 'raped.'" - Giggling teenaged girl
48. "Don't worry, you'll be safe." - Rape-y 20-something bro to giggling teenaged girl
47. "The thing is, I took acid and bought Molly" - Raver chick in a drug dilemma
46. "Nigga, I got any kind of shit anybody want. Like X or coke or prescriptions. And if you want rat poison, I'll go get it." - Eighth Street drug dealer, explaining how supply-and-demand affects his inventory
45. "Rat! Uhhhh! Gross!" - Chonga party chick, screaming about a rodent in a trash can outside Ultra's gates
44. "I tried to put a hot dog in my mouth. But it fell out the bun." - Sad, starving drunk guy
43. "Put your fucking pants back on." - Sober GF to rolling BF
42. "I can't find my pants." - Rolling BF
41. "Rage classy, Miami. Rage classy." - Miami raver bro on the Metrorail
40. "Are you taking any drugs this weekend?" - Crossfade reporter
39. "No, just some ecstasy and a little smoke." - 70-year-old raver
38. "So... are MDMA and marijuana real drugs?" - Crossfade reporter to Miami cop at Ultra
37. "Yes. And don't take a photo of me!" - Miami cop at Ultra
36. "Can you take our picture?" - Uttered by 76 percent of ravers at Ultra Music Festival
35. "I'll show you mine, if you show me yours." - One horny raver bro in a "Show Me Your Tits" T-shirt to another horny raver bro in a "Show Me Your Tits" T-shirt
34. "I love people!" - Excited Asian girl leaving a port-a-potty
33. "We did it! We figured out life!" - First-time roller, walking to his car
32. "I'm getting really tired of his shit." - First-time roller's friend, walking three steps behind
31. "Have you ever heard of Jesus Christ?" - Evangelicals peddling God on Biscayne Boulevard
30. "Got Mollies?" - Drug dealer at Metromover station
29. "I'm high on life!" - The one sober kid at the Trapped stage
28. "This real trap shit." - Every DJ at the Trapped stage
27. "Let me see your fucking hands up!" - David Guetta, not armed-robbing ravers
26. "Ugh, that fucking whistle's so annoying." - Raver chick at the Carl Cox tent
25. "Where's Bayside?" - Bro at Bayside
24. "I'm from Italy. Can I have your press pass?" - Tourist outside of Ultra Music Festival
23. "Scream so motherfucking China can hear us" - Skrillex during Dog Blood's set
22. "I am not a narc." - Crossfade reporter to paranoid raver
21. "Then where's your neon, bro?" - Paranoid raver to Crossfade reporter
20. "Dude, I just saw a chicken. And it wasn't fried." - Hungry stoner
19. "Yeah. They're all over Miami, man. For Santería and shit." - Hungry stoner's buddy
18. "Nah, dude. This chicken was human." - Hungry stoner
17. "Fuck this." - Bro waiting for ketchup at the French fry stand
16. "Fucking patriotic as hell!" - All-American raver guy during Slash's surprise appearance (Note: Slash was born in London and moved to the U.S. when he was 5.)
15. "It's just Slash." - Unimpressed Brazilian bro
14. "Rock 'n' roll is gay." - EDM purist
13. "I'm not homophobic!" - Obviously homophobic raver bro
12. "Don't worry about who you are. Gay, straight, whatever. It's about just being. Like the Tiësto song, 'Just Be.'" - Molly Casa
11. "I fucking love this girl! She's famous!" - Superhappy PLUR bro upon meeting Molly Casa
10. "I've never heard of Miami New Times." - USA Today reporter
9. "That girl looks so slutty, I just want to put my dick in her mouth." - Chicago bro, ogling main-stage hotties
8. "No, we're not going to kiss this tree. But we'll kiss each other." - Two girls, one tree
7. "I feel so positive! Yes! Yes! Yessssss!" - Touchy-feely bro without a shirt
5. "My friend just died. And I'm probably gonna kill myself." - Nerdy raver with tears in his eyes
4. "Just joking. He's over there." - Nerdy raver with tears in his eyes, pointing at his not-dead friend
3. "Peace! Love! Unity! Respect! That's what it means! Everybody love everybody!" - Kandi chick, preaching the power of PLUR
3. "Fuck you, I hope you die." - Frat boy to frat boy
2. "What do you people do when this ends and you're all so fucked up?" - Yeasayer lead singer to the PLUR-y masses
1. "Please tip. Need money for mollies." - Tip jar at Heineken bar by the live stage
-- Quotes collected by Victor Gonzalez, Kat Bein, and S. Pajot
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