Forget checking Yelp to find the latest fancy, overpriced yogurt shop. Sure, that spot has a cutesy name, Ikea décor, UM girls who think your facial scruff is way cool, and other temptations such as 1,000 self-serve toppings charged by weight. Keep it simple and opt for ice cream. Todo Frio does it old-school with good, traditional, calorie-laden, scooped-up, no-soy-substitutes frosty stuff. The sweetest part: old-timey prices. An ice-cream cone will set you back $1.50. Flavors include tropical mango, coconut, pineapple, conventional vanilla and chocolate, and even hyperactive-kindergartener-tamer Spider-Man, AKA vanilla with food coloring. Mostly, though, it's a nice throwback to yesteryear — neither too shiny nor too perfect. You can stop here when you're not in the mood for the barely legal set swooning about the latest RPattz movie and his Us Weekly cover.

America might run on Dunkin' Donuts, but Miami sprints on café con leche. Basically, as soon as you're weaned off the bottle, you're given this stuff — one part superstrong coffee, 20 parts warm, sweet, comforting milk — thus conditioning an addiction that eventually becomes a dietary staple for most of the 305. Serving it dulce y clarito is Coffee Zone in Brickell. The secret to its café con leche's beautiful flavor and wonderfully creamy, frothy texture might be the fact that the restaurant is hidden inside the same building that houses the Venezuelan and Colombian embassies. You have your choice of three sizes, with prices that range from $1.87 to $3.27.

Nube, a quaint shop near Coral Gables City Hall, serves coffee hailing from small farms in places such as Brazil and Ethiopia, and roasted by Panther Coffee, a local independent. There are no venti white chocolate lattes or any drinks of that sort here. Nube's menu offers straightforward drinks — espresso, American, cappuccino, latte, frappe, and mocha — in eight-ounce and 12-ounce servings. All go for under $5. Nube also offers breakfast and lunch, supports local artists by featuring their work and hosting gallery night events, and has free Wi-Fi.

We love Miami, we really do. This world of pastel concrete and banal vanity rooted in artistic expression warms our hearts like year-round sunshine. But some days, when we're sunburned and hung over and can't locate a baby-pink house with baby-blue shutters because all the houses are baby pink with baby-blue shutters, we crave a respite. Maybe a little café with the worn, grandfatherly feel of an older city like New York or Seattle... a place full of dark wood shelves displaying obscure books and children's board games... a joint owned by a young couple that wears earth-friendly T-shirts and brings a big, sloppy dog to work... a teahouse where college kids pen bad novels on their laptops while taking advantage of free Wi-Fi and sipping organic, fair-trade loose-leaf teas with pretentious names like shade-grown African honeybush tisane. Those days, we don't head to busy downtown corridors, historic Gables alleyways, or funky Design District paths. We look to the belly of the pastel, suburban beast — West Dade — a couple of blocks from Florida International University. We tuck into a storefront humbly announcing "Miami's only tea lounge" and order a panini and small pot of one of the more than 60 teas offered. We sit back on a comfy couch, catch a poetry performance or two, and ponder all that Miami might become in time.

Many Americans have smoked hookahs yet have never used tobacco in one. But Sawa Restaurant & Lounge is the spot to go if you wish to inhale any number of flavored tobaccos. Patrons puff while seated on soft leather sofas amid white curtains billowing under royal palms in the outdoor center of the Village of Merrick Park. The al fakher hookah selections ($20) include about a dozen fruit-based smokes, from strawberry to watermelon to double apple. But Sawa is also "home to the hookah on steroids!" ($33), which means the base of the water pipe is filled with choice of cocktail: cosmopolitan, mojito, strawberry margarita, and so forth. No, you definitely do not drink said cocktail after smoking, but it adds flavor and a slightly intoxicating inhalation. Before flaunting contemporary society's anti-smoking conventions, you might strongly consider partaking of chef Jovens Jean's modern Mediterranean small plates or creative sushi rolls in the same oasis-like outdoor setting.

Considering the name, it's surprising we haven't given this shoebox-size grilled-sub shack a Best of Miami award before. This seems especially true when you find out it's been operating in the same location — on a quiet, hidden avenue that snakes along East Kendall's Greenery Mall and curves to the rear of Pinecrest's Tattoos by Lou — for 32 years, especially when you notice the one wall that faces the place's sole grill and sub-slinging counter is completely plastered in pictures of loyal customers, and especially-especially when you notice a sign that reads, "Prices Subject to Change According to _____'s Mood." (The blank is filled in with a piece of masking tape scribbled with the name of whoever mans the grill that day.) Sink your teeth into foot-longs like the hot pastrami and corned beef sub ($8.49), a gluttonous and Swiss-cheesy nod to an already ample deli standard. Or try the tasty honey mustard chicken, a Miami sub shop staple done right for $7.49; and the juicy bacon cheeseburger sub, which is equivalent in size to at least three Whoppers, two Quarter Pounders, and half a cow. Maybe that's hyperbole, but it's a lot of meat for just $7.49. Best Sub & Sandwich Shop, it might be three decades overdue, but welcome to the Best of Miami Club.

Ghirardelli chocolate squares are tasty suckers. Individually wrapped in gold foil, they are culled from either white, milk, or dark cocoa and come filled with gooey additions such as caramel, raspberry, peanut butter, and mint. Best part: You get a free sample upon entering Ghirardelli Chocolate Company on Lincoln Road (bonus: the heavily air-conditioned ice cream/chocolate shop provides a restorative blast of chill for overheated Lincoln Road stragglers). Just seek out the worker with a tray of the sweet treats, and she or he will surely ask if you'd like one. They're so good you might consider sneaking back a short while later in a makeshift disguise, or perhaps you'll want to purchase some (that's sort of the idea). A 15-pack costs $7.95, so math whizzes can figure out the monetary value of this freebie.

The po' boys and girls of Miami-Dade don't have access to many real po'boy sandwiches. You can't blame Larry and Elena Robinson for this, because the husband/wife owners of the Rumcake Factory get their authentic version out to as many people who stop by their cozy café/take-out shop in North Miami Beach. The soft French bread that frames the po'boy is the official loaf that gets shipped fresh from New Orleans. Between the halves is your choice of cleanly fried shrimp ($8.50) or catfish ($7.75), with lettuce, tomatoes, pickle slices, and homemade rémoulade dressing. Sweet potato chips come along for the ride. Other po'boys here pooh-pooh the notion that fried fish has to be the filler: Fried turkey and pulled pork po'boys redefine the genre. Dessert is the namesake rum cake — a best in its own right.

Food inspires passion. Just look at what happened to that Marie Antoinette lady when she got all creative with her cake. But few forms of grub inspire as much as the hamburger. She is, after all, a fickle mistress. Handled carelessly, the burger can be disastrous. But crafted by careful and practiced hands, it can be a downright transcendental experience.Junior knows this. And it's with equal respect for the art form and childlike curiosity that he toils away in the kitchen — aptly labeled "the lab" — of this Miami Springs upstart. He conjures Angus perfection one-third pound ($6.99), a half-pound ($7.99), or one pound ($10.99) at a time, and all on your choice of toasted whole-wheat or cornmeal-dusted white bun. Peruse the menu and try culinary concoctions such as "the outside is in," a juicy patty stuffed with bacon and cheddar. Or check out the mouthwatering Acosta, topped with black pepper aioli, Swiss cheese, and French onions, and accurately deemed a "foodgasm." Or there's the one-pound Fat Albert, topped with Swiss and cheddar, French onions, bacon, and barbecue sauce. We won't go into detail about exotic burgers such as the "hail Caesar," Tex-Mex, beef Stroganoff, and "Mexi-can" burgers — you'll have to find out for yourself. And you'll need to check back frequently, because Junior is always in the lab, working on his next delectable creation.

Few foods are as ubiquitous as pizza. And most people will agree that even a bad piece of pie is better than most foods done right. Yet the search for truly great 'za is a lifelong journey, and anyone with taste buds has an opinion on the best. Our pick for that hallowed title: Steve's Pizza. The cozy North Miami counter serves delectable tomato sauce and gooey-cheesy goodness on long slices of fresh-baked dough in the tradition of New York-style pizza. And at the risk of invoking cliché, the secret is in that sauce. At once scrumptiously sweet and savory, it elevates Steve's pie, which comes by the slice and in sizes ranging from small to Steve's Famous XL. You can add toppings or go with specialty pies that'll run you anywhere from $11.75 to $21.22. Try the "special," loaded with pepperoni, sausage, meatballs, green peppers, onions, mushrooms, and anchovies (if you want them). Steve's also has hoagies, pasta, and calzones. But frankly, it's damn near impossible to skip the pie, and even the plain cheese pizza is so good it's earned a following all its own.