South Florida's Five Most Controversial Country Clubs

"I have a dream that there shall one day be a place I can go that will include a really nice golf course where no Jews shall tee off behind me, and a stuffy restaurant where the only blacks are there to serve me overcooked shrimp. And potential members of this dream place will be judged not by the content of their character, or even the zeros in their bank account, but by the color of their skin. And whether they're not Jewish. And that dream is true. Freakin' sweet." - Some Old Rich Christian White Guy.

You don't need a time machine to re-live the '50s. Just enter any of South Florida's notoriously discriminatory country clubs, where even today Jim Crow wears a pink sweater over his shoulders and eats banana pudding. No, actually, don't. Because you can't.

Inspired by our recent coverage of the millionaire's mud brawl going down on Indian Creek Island, where the villagers are fighting back against a country club with a history of racism, we bring you South Florida's most backwards-ass havens of old-money bigotry. 'Cause who wants to play golf in the 21st century?

5. The Everglades Club, Palm Beach

Joseph Kennedy, JFK's dad, resigned from this club because of its restrictive policies. A member was once suspended for bringing Estee Lauder -- the person, not the shampoo, and she was Jewish -- to the club, and Sammy Davis, Jr. was once escorted from the place because he was black and Jewish, or what's known in country club culture as totally fucked.

The club would probably claim that it's put its racist past behind it... except for that Rush Limbaugh is a member.

4. Riviera Country Club, Coral Gables

In 1990, U.S. District Kenneth Ryskamp was denied a seat on the federal appeals bench because of his membership in this club that didn't have one Jew among its ranks five years before. He resigned from the club, but that's sort of like dumping a mistress after you get caught cheating. And your mistress is a fat racist white guy who farts in his Porsche seats.

3. Adios Golf Course, Coconut Creek

This club doesn't have any female members. They say it's because none have ever applied. We think its because the members want to give each other Indian burns and wrestle in their skivvies without any gross girls butting in.

2. The Sailfish Club, Palm Beach

In 1993, this yachts club was ordered to remove its docks from state property -- meaning the water -- after the state's attorney got a look at its all-white-Christian membership rolls. Given thirty days to remove its eighty yachts, the club hastily offered membership to a Jewish dude.

Or at least they thought he was Jewish -- of course they would never ask about such a thing. A club attorney told the Miami Herald: "When I say Jewish applicant, I mean a person believed to be Jewish.The club has not asked these applicants questions concerning their religion or ancestry."

1. Indian Creek Country Club, Miami Beach

Yep, they win the Stale Bread Roll of Outdated Bigotry. First the Orange Bowl Committee was pressured by the county into taking their annueal soiree elsewhere, considering the club's little policy of only allowing blacks and Jews on the grounds if they were invited to a party. The club regularly denies membership to Jewish Indian Creek Village residents, even though everybody on that island is richer than G-d

And the kicker: Even Jeb Bush boycotted the place. When a member of the Bush clan is accusing you of being xenophobic and cultish, you may have a PR problem.