Just when you thought reality TV couldn't sink any lower...wait a second. We've already used that line, several times. The truth is there are no depths to which reality shows will not sink. Have you heard bout the new Casey Anthony show? We haven't either, but trust us, a pitch is forthcoming. That's part of what attracts us to them; their lowness. We can't help loving it. We know this well at Cultist (ahem, Basketball Wives, Bad Girls Club Miami, Housewives of any major metropolitan market).
Having said all that, we feel fairly certain that the premise for the new South Beach Tow --premiering July 20 on truTv -- is so utterly imbecilic, so devoid of any grain of relevance to living a decent life, and such a time suck of gargantuan proportions that there is little doubt it will be the hit of the season.
Granted, we've all had our cars towed on South Beach, it's like a
clubbers right of passage. And we've all imagined that behind that
cracked bullet proof glass where we have to deposit cash and a
significant amount of our dignity there are some pretty despicable
characters. We personally envisioned a herd of wildebeests laughing at
our pleas and mocking us as they roll on their wildebeest bellies in
piles of our ill-gotten money. Well that's the show. You get to be in on
the wildebeests' conversations. At least that's what we get from the
trailers.
Don't get us wrong, our take on the show is not meant to besmirch it,
any less than we do any other reality shows. Who doesn't like to laugh
at other people's misfortune from time to time? And misfortune and
having your car towed are familiar bedfellows on South Beach. Plus, it's not our
cars getting towed. And even if it was, it probably wouldn't be dissimilar to a starring role in the original reality TV show, Cops. You might be embarrassed initially, but that's easily made up for by the
hours of laughs you get retelling the story at family barbecues.
But back to South Beach Tow. It stars a bunch of tow company employees.
Just take that in for a sec. Let it settle in you that part of your
brain that's warns of you impending doom and wait for the apocalypse
sirens to start blaring. About the only thing that seems legit about the
show is that the company featured, Tremont Towing, is one of two actual actual towing companies on
South Beach (both are currently in a dogfight for towing rights).
So far as we can tell the show rings about as truthful as Casey
Anthony was to police. Whether it's a douchy preppy who gets
mad and violent when he's not allowed to get his bags out of a towed
cab, or the gun toting, Borat-looking greaseball who gets his boat repossessed, or the diminutive rapper who breaks into verse when
trying to get his car back, it's all about as real as most female chests on
South Beach.
But don't take our word for it, check it out yourself:
Oh, and did we mention that J-Lo is exec producing the truTV reality
show. For her sake, we hope she was as involved with plot lines and show
concepts as she is in making management decisions for the Miami
Dolphins, another of her investments.
South Beach Towing premieres July 20 at 10 p.m. on truTV.
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