Marlins Park will have barely calmed down from the excitement of hosting the World Series when it comes time for the second annual TigerDirect Tech Summit & Holiday Bash, presented by tech retailer TigerDirect.com and Intel.
Just kidding! The Marlins are terrible. But hey, at least we're getting some use out of that expensive, taxpayer-funded ballpark, right?
On Thursday from 8 p.m. to midnight, more than 120 exhibitors will show off their latest technologies, including quite a few pre-release products. You'll get hands-on time with gaming rigs, new home theater devices, networking solutions and maybe -- just maybe -- a malfunctioning coal-powered robot that will squeeze your children to death in a miscalculated hug. There will also be free food and drink, which should help you get past that whole mishap with the robot thing.
So what kinds of stuff will you get to put your cheez-doodle-y hands on? You'll be able to try out the Oculus Rift virtual reality headset, mess around with the Air Pro 3 POV camera, and get the first look at a new Sony laptop making its debut at the event. There will be 3D printing demonstrations and an FIU presentation about robots that will not murder your family (unless you program them to do so). The Miami Science Museum is bringing exhibits, skaters and BMX pros will be doing tricks for your delight, and The LAB in Wynwood is dropping by with circus performers to clown around and topple off their stilts onto your brand new gadgets.
Organizers are expecting about 10,000 attendees, which is only 3,000 fewer than the Marlins welcomed for games against the Brewers, Phillies, Diamondbacks and Braves this past season. This means it would be possible for the Marlins to sell off the remains of the roster without making an appreciable difference in attendance numbers. Now, this is the sort of thing we'd want to keep secret from glutinous invertebrate and team owner Jeffrey Loria, except he and his cronies admitted long ago that game attendance just isn't a concern of theirs. If David Samson is on site, however, he might wind up scouting a toaster oven as a 2014 utility infielder.
The event will make full use of the stadium's facilities, finally having the score boards and LED screens do something other than tally up visiting team runs. Center field, which contrary to rumors was not turned into a $10 parking lot after the All Star break, will be home to a performance stage and the rest of the field will be turned into a party space. For reference, the closest the field normally gets to a party atmosphere at night is when Loria twirls nude atop the mound, his spinning urine stream breaking apart into a string of yellow diamonds under the lights.
New Times readers can register for free at tigertechsummit-newtimesemail.eventbrite.com ahead of time. It's 18+, and no peeing from the mound, you guys.
Visit miamitechbash.com.
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