May Fourth is upon us like Luke Skywalker on his sister. For die-hard fans of science fiction's most famous saga, Star Wars Day is the prime time to let the force be with you - and indulge in some serious fanboy (or fangirl) action.
Official celebrations of this astronomically important holiday are, tragically, sparse in South Florida. But fear not, young Jedi. There are still plenty of ways to give tribute to the ins and outs of the Star Wars universe.
1. Engage in a Miami Beach lightsaber battle royale
Let's face it, you'll never be able to create a Star Wars tribute as fantastic as this kid's. Still, Obi-Wan would want you to give it a go, and there's no better place for an epic showdown than our vast beachfront. So grab your arch enemy, charge your lightsaber, and go toe to toe, Jedi vs. Sith -- to the death (or to the really nasty bruise, at least).
2. Star Wars cartoon tribute marathon
While some would-be Lukes and Leias might spend today watching all six Star Wars episodes in succession, we suggest shaking it up a bit. (Besides, you know you've seen each precisely 3,547 times.) For any true blue fan of the Expanded Universe, the saga continues with the animated awesomeness of Blue Harvest; Something, Something, Something Darkside; and Robot Chicken: Star Wars. They're gut-busting tributes from geeked-out mega fans. And watching them will probably be healthier for you than sitting through a Jar Jar Binks monologue for the thousandth time.
3. Nerd alert bar party
If you're willing to hitch a star cruiser up Lauderdale way, you can join fellow fans at Green Room for a "May the Fourth Be With You" party extraordinaire. For $5, you'll catch an eyeful of Star Wars-inspired art, a costume contest (Princess Leia's slave getup anyone?) and a light saber battle by the Skin Mechanics suspension team. Plus, there'll be booze, allowing you to faithfully reenact the cantina scene from A New Hope.
4. Chalmun's Cantina-style pub crawl
And speaking of that cantina scene, admit it -- you've always wanted to order a crazy concoction at Tatooine's favorite gin mill (and maybe even get a little violent with an ugly Aqualish or two). We don't judge. Luckily, there are plenty of comparable holes in our fair city, so get suited up as your favorite citizen of the empire and hit the town for some cheap booze and questionable company. (Note: We at Cultist are not responsible for any potential injury that might ensue when you hit the Deuce in a full-length Darth Sidious getup.)
5. Indulge in a little Leia & Han bedroom role play
If you and your partner are equally enamored with the saga, there's all kinds of x-rated fun to be had. Google "Leia and Han porn" and you'll find every fantasy that may have crossed your spice-addled mind. (And if you're feeling really adventurous, you can always get Luke involved, too.) Given his own freaky past, we think it's what Vader would have wanted.
So don your Leia braids, wield your lightsaber and practice your best C-3PO drawl. It's about to get all kinds of Wookielicious up in here. And regardless of how you decide to get your geek on this Friday, may the Fourth be with you.
Follow Cultist on Facebook and Twitter @CultistMiami.
