Until recently, if you were a woman who wanted to watch studly dudes tear away their pants and stick their junk in your face, you had to either talk your way into Swingin' Richards (R.I.P.) or watch Magic Mike for, like, the 81st time.
But get ready, ladies of Miami, because 2014 just became the year of the cock.
Chippendales, the "male revue" that became famous for its shows in Las Vegas and Europe, has partnered with Mansion to bring a series of gyrating, oiled up humpfests to South Beach this January.
See also: The Nine Best Strip Clubs in Miami (NSFW)
On Thursday, Friday, and Saturday nights from January 9 to January 25, Mansion will transform into a straight chick mecca, complete with choreographed dance numbers, comfy (but probably not so clean) couches, and of course, men sporting bulging biceps, bowties, and not much else.
"Miami is an ideal location for us," said Chippendales managing partner Kevin Denberg in a statement, noting that the Magic City is "like Las Vegas, where the energy is authentic and electric."
We assume that by authentic, Denberg means "horny," and that by electric, he means "no, seriously, Miami chicks are horny as fuck."
And hey, why wouldn't they be? While strip clubs featuring female dancers abound throughout Miami, giving straight guys plenty of eye candy, straight chicks in this town have long suffered, with very few options for watching attractive, objectified sex objects in a nightlife setting.
But no longer, says Opium Group spokesperson Vanessa Menkes: "[Chippendales] fills a gap in the market and will give birthday girls, bachelorettes and the women of South Beach a place to let loose and call their own."
Tickets to Chippendales shows go on sale this Friday, Nov. 22, and include admission, the show, and a meet-and-greet with the performers. Prices for the Jan. 9-25 run range from $49.95-$99.95. Bachelorettes and birthday girls get in free when they bring a group of six or more. Visit chippendales.wantickets.com.
Remember, ladies: You can look, but the law says you cannot touch.
But we think we'll see a lot of lawbreakers in this town.
Follow Ciara LaVelle on Twitter @ciaralavelle.
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