WTF Florida: Orlando's Split Pants and Glitter Shine on American Idol, Real Life Batman Arrested
There's more than enough weird things that happen here in Miami-Dade, but sometimes it seems we're downright sane compared to the rest of Florida. WTF Florida is our new weekly survey of all the weirdness our Peninsula has to offer.
American Idol Comes to Mickey Mouse Land
American Idol skipped over Miami, its favorite Sunshine State pitstop, this year in favor of Orlando. There they found a Mr. Theo Glinton, who showed up looking like he attached super glue to the top of his face and rolled around in the Haus of Gaga for an hour. Which is great, because we love a contestant who's not afraid to be himself, y'know. But because apparently artists like Elton John, David Bowie, Freddie Mercury, the entire new wave genre, and a certain Adam Lambert were all well known commercial flops, Simon knows effeminate, flashy male singers have no chance to make it and Glittery Glinton's verdict was sealed even before he opened his mouth. Unfortunately when he did it didn't help. It wasn't bad, but yeah, it wasn't good. Who did make it through to Hollywood? Cornelius Edwards who learned dance moves from his stripper friends and ended up splitting his pants. That clip after the jump.
Danny Tatum of Panama City Beach came up with an interesting defense when he was caught breaking into a house: he wasn't a thief ...he was Batman. Police say that he claimed "he was like Batman and that he was a vigilante on our side." His Batmobile? An old truck with bolt cutters, black gloves, knives, binoculars and a steel pry bard. His Batcave? A place called Andy's Motel. Turns out this Batman has a rap sheet longer than half of Arkham Asylum, including a charge of possession of meth. Yep, sounds about right.
An Ocala couple recently bought a chicken but noticed that it had a little extra junk in the trunk. Yeah, little in the middle, but she's got much back. So the couple decided to name the hen J-Lo. Turns out the chicken had two "pubic regions," which leaves us wondering why they didn't name the other "region" for Kim Kardashian. Anyway, the Chicken will undergo some testing, and then it will eventually be served at Sir Mix-A-Lot's house for Thanksgiving next year.
We come here today to remember Jaws, a 60lb, 29-year-old piranha-like fish who lived a good life as a family pet in Merrit Island in a family's 240 square-foot pond. Unfortunately Jaws couldn't survive the recent cold snap and while his body floated up to the surface of the pond, his soul floated up to Heaven. Jaws main hobbies included eating hotdogs, pretzels, cheeseburgers, and smiling with his eyes.
Hannah's House, a Panama City charity that houses young, single mothers is about to get an unwelcome neighbor -- a topless bar. You know those shirts that say "I Support Single Mothers" with a picture of a stripper on it? They're tacky right? But Dear God let's hope the sentiment doesn't become an earnest one for patrons.
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you'll never miss Miami New Times' biggest stories.