Now that it's hurricane season again, homeowners should keep in mind that 150-mile-per-hour gusts could flatten Miami like a palmetto bug. Also remember that windstorms generate a windfall for needy local businesses, especially television stations. Only WPLG-TV (Channel 10) failed to publish an ad-filled hurricane guide this year, leaving head weatherdude Don Noe in a tropical depression. For you well-prepared types, New Times rates the offerings. Be sure to stock up on supplies!
Hurricane Bill Kamal
Station: WSVN-TV (Channel 7)
Title: 1999 Hurricane Map & Guide
Distinguishing Feature: largest tracking map
Brought to You By: Publix
Strength: Category 1
Hurricane John Morales
Station: Univision 23
Title: Hurricane Warning Alert
Distinguishing Feature: en espanol
Brought to You By: AT&T,
Leon Medical Centers, Gancedo Lumber, Florida Power & Light, Rollingshield Shutters, El Dorado Furniture, and El Nuevo Herald
Strength: Category 3
Hurricane Roland Steadham
Station: WTVJ-TV (Channel 6)
Title: Storm Watch '99,
Weathering the Storm
Distinguishing Feature: tracking map comes with a "red zone" that indicates danger
Brought to You By: University of Miami
Jackson Memorial Medical Center, Miami Seaquarium, Denny's, South Florida Toyota dealers, Sylvester Comprehensive Cancer Center, Sawgrass Ford, and Winn-Dixie, sponsor of the Winn-Dixie Hurricane shopping list
Strength: Category 3
Hurricane Bryan Norcross
Station: WFOR-TV (Channel 4)
Title: Hurricane Survival Guide
Distinguishing Feature: gives hurricane names for every year through 2002
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Brought to You By: Sixteen hurricane-shutter companies, including Rollingshield Shutters, Roll-a-way Storm and Security Shutters, Rolladen Shutters, and the hurricane protection division of Do-Right general contractors. Also sponsored by Circuit City, Office Depot, Radio Shack, HurryCare, Pollo Tropical, Tire Kingdom, and the Sun-Sentinel.