Weird Florida News This Year: Floridians Have Broken All Seven Cardinal Sins
Miami may be some sort of strange Banana Republican in and of itself, but, man, the rest of Florida makes us look positively sane in comparison. When Vice magazine called it "a violent, dong-shaped netherworld" earlier this year they weren't over-exaggerating. In fact, in 2011 Riptide inauguration what's become probably our most popular category: WTF Florida. Looking back, we've realized Floridians have broken the seven cardinal sins several times over. To celebrate, here's a look back at some of our favorite WTF Florida stories of the year.
Gluttony: Drunk Florida Man Calls 911 Because Taco Bell Won't Serve Him Tacos
For Taco Bell, gluttony isn't so much a sin as it is a business model. Fortunately one sin Taco Bell doesn't condone is drunk driving, so don't be like Terry Lynn Kimbell and decide to call 911 because the restaurant won't serve your drunk ass tacos at the drive through window.
Envy: Two Domino's Managers Burn Down a Papa John's Because This Is Florida
What's the old saying: Don't get jealous, get charged with arson? Oh, wait, that's not it at all. Someone should have told that two Domino's managers in a small town who burnt down a newly open Papa John's that started stealing away their business.
Wrath: Strap-On Dildo Beatdown Leads to Florida Woman's Arrest
Florida's Government may not recognize same sex relationship, but our laws do recognize that hurling a dildo at your lesbian lovers head is against the law.
Sloth: Florida Teen Arrested for Whacking Off in Church, Twice
Kids today: too damn lazy to walk to the bathroom to whack off during church.
Greed: Drag-Queen Bandits Loot Florida Stores of Sequins, Boas, and Fancy Silk
This sticky-fingered trio ended up serving up some inmate realness at the local jail.
Lust: Broward Man Gets Jail for Finger-Banging Chihuahua
And they called it puppy love. Related: Florida Man Arrested After His Grandson Walks In On Him Having Sex with a Dog
Pride: Gainesville Woman Tossed Used Condoms at Store Clerk Before Exposing Herself
Listen lady, its nice and all that you think you have a banging body and apparently have tons of protected sex, but you don't need to rub it in the convenience store lady's face.
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