OK, it's been established the Heat are crappy on the West Coast during the regular season. We get it.
The Miami Heat fell 107-100 to the Los Angeles Clippers last night on a night where Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh were nowhere to be found and very little fucks were to be given after the first half.
Oh, at times the Heat rummaged through their suitcases for fucks but -- time and time again throughout the second half -- Heat players would pop up from behind the bed, or out of the closet, or from behind the shower curtain and declare that all fucks were gone. "Maybe we'll find a bunch of fucks once we get back home", Norris Cole said. Everyone ignored him. And if you think last night was bad, wait until tonight in Denver where the Heat have lost 10 straight. Is there such a thing as negative fucks?
Was it really the fucks? Or after 9 games in 15 days through a Murderer's Row of teams -- including the longest road trip all season until January -- to start the season, are the Heat just too lazy and tired? We know the Knicks are goddamn geriatrical but those fuckers have only played 5 games to our 9 so far. Are they okay to play another game today or should we wait until they're good and ready? Hmmmmmmmm ... Albert?
Let's hit the hightlights:
- As we said, WHAT THE FUCK EVER about this game. We lost, we suck on the West Coast during the regular season and, after we lose tonight in Denver by 30 points, the national media's collective penii will explode in a supernovae of Heat hateration. That's fine. This team is built for May and June. As long as we get there with the one or two seed, really who gives a shit? Have fun with your undefeated records in November!
- Be that as it may, Wade and Bosh were mostly non-existent in this game finishing with 6 and 11 points, respectively. Wade was troubled with a foot injury pre-game and was questionable to play before shootaround. However, Wade gave it a go and scored four quick points. These points would be his only two field goals on the night. Bosh was only slightly less craptastic as he was 3-of-13 on the night for 11 points and 9 rebounds. Just a rough night for 2/3rds of the Heat's Big Three.
- LeBron James was LeBron James. Sir Cobra Dick The Great was 12-of-23 on the night for 30 points and threw in 5 boards and 7 dishes to boot. However, he couldn't (nor shouldn't at this point in the season) be the one-man-wrecking-crew we beg of him during the playoffs. LeBron even petitioned Coach Spo to leave him in the game with about four minutes left and the Heat down by 13 or so to make one last run at a win. Spo obliged, the Heat still came up short but YEA WHAT A GUTLESS ASSHOLE THAT LEBRON JAMES IS.
- Notorious Heat troll Jamal Crawford OF COURSE led all Clippers scores with 22 points, followed by Blake 'The Big Ugly' Griffin's 20 points and 14 rebounds. Heat fans will remember Crawford from his days with the Knicks when he dropped about, oh, 800 points on the Heat one night years ago. He was his usual frantic, holy-shit-he-actually-made-that self against the Heat. Hate that guy.
This is the sixth game this season the Heat have allowed their opponents to reach the century mark on the scoreboard -- a troubling trend, to be sure. In addition, it's clear there's a weakness there in the perimeter defense. Much like the Dolphins and tight ends, the Heat just CANNOT SEEM TO PROPERLY ROTATE AND CLOSE OUT on 3-point shooters. They almost never have. This is something we seemingly just have to live with and hope for the best as it's been a constant for about a decade now.
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Couple that with the Heat's lack of size down low -- Joel Anthony maybe sometimes anyone??? -- and you worry about the Heat getting too comfortable with some kind of 'Seven Seconds or Less' 2005 Phoenix Suns play. All offense, no defense. This is all fun to watch but there's a slight, nagging sensation about it. Run 'n' Fun is a great offensive concept but the Heat must (and, no doubt, will) improve on defense as the season continues.
For now, though, everything's coooooool, baby!
Your Miami Heat take on the Denver Nuggets in the Mile High City tonight. They may be blown out by 30 and Sportscenter will love it. Tipoff is at 10:30 p.m.