On a weekend when the United States of America celebrated its 239th birthday, we also got to celebrate the female footballers who saved their fireworks for the fifth of July.
An absolutely frantic offensive pace to start the match by the United States netted them four goals before the Japanese team could even blink. Carli Lloyd netted a hat-trick in the first 16 minutes. And coach Jill Ellis, who lives in Palmetto Bay, clinched the U.S.'s first World Cup title in more than a decade. God bless America.
It had been a long four years since the Japanese shocked the Americans in a penalty shootout to win the 2011 World Cup in Germany. It's a tough thing when you have to wait that long for revenge, but Sunday finally came. And the first four goals happened so fast the internet couldn't even upload them fast enough. It was just a flurry of legs and feet striking balls that inevitably ended up behind the Japanese goalkeeper, who could only stand there looking like she'd just lost a child at the mall.
It happened so fast you may have even missed it live. Let's relive the glory:
Carly Lloyd is slick:
Carly Lloyd is an assassin:
OK, Lauren Holliday, you can get in on this too:
Carly Lloyd is just trolling Japan now:
Happy birthday, America! (It's worth rewatching that last goal as called by Miamian Andres Cantor — the gooooaaaaaallll! guy on Univision — who nearly passes out while calling that half-range shot.)
Game, set, and match. The Twitterverse exploded in a red-white-and-blue, patriotic outburst as the game wound on to a world title for the U.S. of A.
USA: "Goal." Japan: "Wait, what? USA: "Goal." Japan: "Huh." USA: "Goal." Japan: "WHAT THE HELL." USA: "Goal." Japan: *dead*— Ryan Rosenblatt (@RyanRosenblatt) July 5, 2015
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GIF: Let's get that USA Eagle flyby just to complete the hat trick pic.twitter.com/e7VICUGxw5— The Cauldron (@TheCauldron) July 6, 2015