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Types of Milk Jeb Bush Forgot to Mention In His RNC Speech

Last night, former Florida Governor Jeb Bush addressed the Republican National Convention on the topic of eduction. Well, education and milk. He talked a lot about milk, and how many different types of milk there are. Even during a night in which an old man talked to an empty chair on national television, Jeb's milk obsession stood out.


Here is the critical milk portion of Jeb's speech:

Go down any supermarket aisle -- you'll find an incredible selection of milk.

You can get whole milk, 2 percent milk, low-fat milk or skim milk. Organic milk, and milk with extra Vitamin D.

There's flavored milk -- chocolate, strawberry or vanilla -- and it doesn't even taste like milk.

They even make milk for people who can't drink milk.

Now, before we move on, we would just like to FACT CHECK one portion of this excerpt. You can in fact NOT find milk in any supermarket aisle. You can usually only find it in the dairy aisle. Just trying to keep them honest. That's what we in the media are here for folks.

That being said, if you will allow us to editorialize here for a moment, we are generally concerned that Jeb only mentioned those well known milks. The mainstream milks if you will. But what of those minority milks you never here about? Is this not America? Should not every milk be counted? Even those on the bottom shelf?

Because Jeb decided to apply his dairy elitism, Riptide would like to shine a light on those forgotten milks who apparently were left out of the "big tent" of the modern Republican party.

  • Powdered milk
  • Goat's milk
  • Soy milk
  • 1% milk
  • Cookies and Cream flavored milk
  • Almond milk
  • Condensed milk
  • Breast milk
  • rBST free milk
  • Rice milk
  • Hemp milk
  • The 2008 Academy Award winning film, Milk
  • Banana flavored milk
  • Milk of magnesia
  • Milk shakes
  • Evaporated milk
  • Banana flavored milk
  • UHT milk
  • M.I.L.K., a Korean pop girl group
  • Raw milk
  • Camel's milk
  • Boiled milk
  • Muscle Milk (yeah, bro)
  • The 1989 Red Hot Chili Pepper's album, Mother's Milk


Now, with those milks accounted for, we invite you to watch Jebber's speech in full, which, mostly focused on eduction. It's basically the same stuff Bush has been saying about education ever since he left office. Though, of particular note is the fact he did not make much reference to the FCAT or standardized testing in general, one of the key legacies of Bush's eduction reforms in Florida.

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