Titans Obliterate Dolphins 37-3 for Worst Home Loss Since 1968

So how good do you feel about Jeff Ireland and the Dolphins' talent level today?

Two weeks after a convincing victory over a floundering Jets team, the Dolphins are 4-5 and facing "must win" scenarios for most of their remaining seven games in order to salvage the season after getting completely blown out by a mediocre Titans team at home by a score of 37-3.

As we told you Friday, this was a classic "trap game" that would have had Dave Wannstedt hanging lobster traps from the locker room ceiling. Furthermore, the pass defense was epically shitty once again and Chris Johnson was all that and a bag of chips against our (previously) No. 3-ranked run defense. But that was not the worst thing we faced yesterday: it was the sad cockpunch of facing the facts about these Dolphins when they cannot get out of their own way.

The Dolphins have been narrowly escaping the reality of their situation in 2012: they are a young team with promising talent in a few areas but the overwhelming lack of talent and depth throughout the roster will not be enough against a good chunk of teams -- especially if the Dolphins fall behind early and are forced to get out of their comfort zone. You'd like to chalk up this game to simply being "a bad day" but as was clearly evident to anyone not a zombie, the Dolphins are -- yet again -- hurtling toward the oblivion of yet ANOTHER 6-10, 7-9 season. The purgatory of being a Dolphins fan has always been this: not good enough to be a playoff contender and not fantastically shitty enough to get anyone that could make a real impact in the draft.

Some highlights:

- This was an absolutely DREADFUL game for young Ryan Tannehill. Tannyboy was 23-of-39 for 217 yards, which doesn't sound bad until you include the turtle farts of three interceptions including a pick-six returned FORTY-NINE yards for a touchdown by Titans linebacker, Colin McCarthy. Before yesterday, Tannehill had thrown 107 passes without an interception -- a streak of six weeks straight -- but he was straight up rhino vagina yesterday. Here's hoping he bounces back during this short week just as he did after his forgettable Texans debut.


- The Dolphins inexplicably "punished" Reggie Bush (aka LaMontelle Pussyhammer) after LaMontelle fumbled on a 3rd-and-12 run for a first down, ending Miami's second possession and giving the Titans fantastic field position (which resulted in a TD). LaMontelle did not see the field for the rest of the game, which is weird because, you know ... EVERYONE ELSE ON OUR TEAM IS FAIRLY SHITTY. In addition, Guard Richie Incognito was also benched for a few plays after a dumb 15-yard penalty proving that Joe Philbin is absolutely NOT AFRAID TO PUT BABY IN A CORNER if she acts up. Oddly, he did not bench Tannehill despite him sucking very badly and Incognito did come in after those few plays on the bench yet Bush did not. Hmmm ... DAS RAYCESS!

Titans Obliterate Dolphins 37-3 for Worst Home Loss Since 1968

- Shockingly, that wide receiving juggernaut duo, Hartline/Bess, are not so impressive when the team is playing from behind. Without some true talent at the wide receiver position -- one the Dolphins consistently passed up on round after round during this year's draft because, you know, MOAR LINEMANZ PLZ -- we'll never be able to catch up from behind. This was especially evident on an afternoon where receivers routinely could not establish much separation and dropped balls.

- Conversely, guys like Kenny Britt, Damian Williams, and Jared Cook made plays for their VERY crappy quarterback and put the clownsuit on 'shutdown corner' Sean Smith over and over again. Sean Smith also started the game with a dropped interception and ended the game in the exact same way because SEAN SMITH GONNA SEAN SMITH, Y'ALL.

- Chris Johnson became the first running back to amass 100-plus yards against the Dolphins defense in 23 games, an impressive streak considering how putrid we've been the past couple of seasons. The Jittery One finished with 23 rushes for 126 yards and one touchdown on a NASTY 17 yard run through our defense that made him look like he was drawing up some crazy shit on Picture Pages.

- Even though the Dolphins only had 7 penalties for 67 yards it might as well have been 30 penalties for 1,500 yards because they seemed to always come after a positive play for the Dolphins. This was beyond frustrating all game long as we could not seem to get anything started on offense.

- As stated earlier, this is the Dolphins worst home loss since 1968 and was the most lopsided victory against the team since the infamous 62-7 loss against the Jaguars back in 2000. But, you know, everything's fine!!! FOUR WINS WOOHOOO!

The Miami Dolphins take on the Buffalo Bills on Thursday night during a shortened week. Kickoff is at 8:20 p.m.

Follow Miami New Times on Facebook and Twitter @MiamiNewTimes.

Sponsor Content


All-access pass to top stories, events and offers around town.

Sign Up >

No Thanks!

Remind Me Later >